


Left Behind

by kittenofdoomage



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal, Blood, Choking Kink, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fingering, First Time, Fucking, Gore, Kinks, NSFW, Older Man/Younger Woman, Oral, Other, Praise Kink, Reader Insert, Romance, Sex, Smut, Spanking, Toys, Virgin Reader, affair, danger to reader, older man kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:41:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 120,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6112558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenofdoomage/pseuds/kittenofdoomage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Winchester didn't think of you as anything but a little girl playing hunter.<br/>Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

John Winchester had no clue of the effect he had on you.

Ever since he’d stepped through the door of your motel room, a hunting buddy of your dad’s, all swagger and angst, you’d wanted him. Of course, you’d been a stupid fifteen-year-old girl, rapidly approaching her sixteenth without having even made it to first base with a guy. And he was an older man, a hunter, dangerous and edgy with his own dark past and two boys he dragged everywhere with him.

He and your dad were good friends, and they often shared hunts. It was on more than one occasion you spent the night with Sam and Dean, watching crappy cartoons and looking out for each other.

It was one of these nights when John came back, drenching from the storm raging outside, blood coating his clothes and jacket, and he was alone.

_Werewolf took him down.  Too far gone.  Wasn’t gonna make it back.  I’m sorry, sweetheart._

Your entire family was dead. In one night, the last remaining member had been savaged by a werewolf, his throat damn near torn out. John had no choice but to put him out of his misery.

It had taken a week for you to start talking again. The Winchesters stayed with you, helping you deal with your grief. But they couldn’t stay there forever.

John offered to take you to Bobby’s, where you’d be safe, but you’d begged and pleaded. Bobby was nice, but you didn’t know him like you knew the Winchesters. You could help, you could hunt. You were nearly eighteen. Dean was the same age. They’d hunted before.

He didn’t want to take on the responsibility of another kid. You knew that.

He did it anyway.

So you became part of the unit. And you got older, fighting with Dean and Sam like they were your real brothers, following John’s orders like he was your captain, becoming a honed little soldier just like the oldest Winchester. Eighteen came and went, and you lost those last bits of puppy fat you’d carried, working out almost daily to make yourself stronger, faster, leaner.

It had started a long time ago. When you’d started to notice boys, you’d notice the older ones. You’d see guys on the street, a good ten years older than you, and that warm throb would start. Dating wasn’t easy as a hunter, and John had rules. Rules you and Dean seemed to try and break at every opportunity. It became a competition between the two of you like everything was – who could do the worst thing and get away with it.

Dean often got busted. You were good at sneaking around. Boys were easy to snare when you were just rolling through town, but you never let any of them get too far – and it had helped you hone your skills in other departments.

You refused to let yourself think that you were saving yourself. Refusing to acknowledge that John’s barked orders had a deeper effect on you than just direction. He ignited something inside you that was so damn wrong but felt so damn good. But he was over twenty years your senior, and you knew he’d never see you as any more than a little girl playing the hunter.

Dean, on the other, tried to sleep with as many girls as possible, bragging to you about his conquests. He was proficient in seducing any lady, and you laid him as many challenges as possible. It wasn’t a bad thing – he always left them smiling in the morning, and you sometimes found yourself jealous. Not because it was Dean, but because you wanted to know what it was like to have a guy make you feel like that.

Not all of them were as giving as the eldest Winchester brother.

Your nineteenth birthday was close. A Wendigo hunt had drawn all four of you up to the Midwest, and Sam was camped out in a cabin as you, Dean and John scouted the hunt. The monster was easy to find, sloppy in covering its tracks apparently, and it wasn’t long before John was silently handing you a gas can, as Dean pulled his silver lighter from his pocket, ready to burn the creature and send it directly to hell.

“You ready?” Dean asked, keeping his voice low, and John motioned for the pair of you to move off ahead. The keening cries of the wendigo drew you in, and from out of nowhere it flew at you, taking you off your feet, but you kept hold of the gas can.

“Y/N!” John yelled, and you rolled over on the icy ground, sensing the movement behind you. You spun, throwing the kerosene at the monster. It screeched in anger, just as Dean lit it up like a fucking Christmas tree. Stumbling backward, you landed in John’s arms, your ass square on his crotch, and he was on you, checking for wounds.

“You’re okay?” he asked, panic in his eyes. “You’re okay, baby girl, right? Nothing hurt?” You shook your head, your breath hitching in your throat at his closeness, at his concern and his words. “Fuck, good.” He nodded once, helping you to your feet fully. Before you could say anything, Dean was there too.

“Everything alright?” His voice was full of concern as he spoke to you, and you smiled.

The wendigo gave a final scream, burning up into a pile of putrid smelling flesh on the forest floor.

You smiled at Dean, nodding. “I’m good. Nothing a good shower won’t cure.” He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, holding you close, ignoring your squirming. “I’m fine, Dee, quit it.”

Dean grumped at the nickname, before turning his arm to pull you a little closer and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Can’t help if I care, Y/N.” You rolled your eyes, and John shook his head.

“Come on, you two. Back to the cabin. Sam’ll be worrying.”

The rest of the night, you tossed and turned in your bed, stealing glances over at John on the couch, wondering if his concern earlier was residual from his promise to take care of you, or something more.

*****

“Wake up, Y/N!” Sam’s hisses made you groan and turn over, using your arm to bat the irritating fifteen-year-old away. “Wake up!”

You opened your eyes slowly, pushing up and looking around the cabin with a sour look on your face. “What’s wrong? We gotta move?”

Sam was smiling widely at you, shaking his head and you yawned, rubbing your eyes. “Nope. We can stay for longer! It’s your birthday!” You stretched, shaking your head.

“My birthday is tomorrow, Sammy. Go back to sleep.”

“It is tomorrow!” he cried, pulling at your arm. “Me and Dean got you something!” You found yourself being dragged from the covers, just as the cabin door opened and a rush of cold air brought Dean and John with it. “Look, they’re back!”

You frowned, checking the clock and realizing it was ten in the morning. “Wait…did you turn my alarms off?”

“Winchester rule.” Dean grinned, placing the box he was carrying down on the small kitchen table. “Everyone gets to sleep in on their birthday.”

“But I was gonna -”

“It’s the rules.” Sam folded his arms over his chest. “You’re not allowed to work or anything.” You pouted a little, put out by the change. Your eighteenth birthday had been nothing like this – but then your eighteenth had passed in a whirlwind of tears over your dad.

“We figured you had a crappy birthday last year. So we’re making up for it this year.” John placed a package, along with McDonald’s bags, next to the box on the table, gesturing to it. “Fast food breakfast, cake, and presents.” His dark eyes met yours, and you smiled a little shyly. “Happy birthday, baby girl.”

You felt red staining your cheeks as you broke eye contact, your attention drawn to Sam tugging on your arm. Once upon a time, you’d have been looking down at him, but he’d shot up about two feet in the last year and was almost taller than you now. “You gotta open your presents!” Sam looked over at Dean, who nodded, and the youngest Winchester ran for the bags hastily piled against the wall beyond the beds. When he returned, he held out a small book-shaped parcel to you.

“Happy birthday, Y/N,” Dean said, watching with slightly less enthusiasm than his brother as you ripped the paper off. Inside was a leather-bound journal, ready for you to start writing. “Everyone keeps a journal. Keep a record, right Dad?” He looked over at John, who held his chin up, smiling.

You ran your fingers over the front of the leather bound book, happy tears stinging at your eyes. “This is great. Thank you so much, guys.”

John held up his hand. “In the spirit of doing presents before cake -” He leaned over, picking up the package and holding it out to you. “This is from me.” Dean had a knowing look on his face, and you frowned, taking the box from John, trying to ignore the tingle where his fingertips brushed yours. “You gotta take good care of it, though.”

Your hands made light work of the brown paper, setting the somewhat heavy white box inside on top of the table. All three Winchesters gathered around as you pulled the lid off, revealing the contents, which prompted a gasp from you.

Laying inside the box, a nickel plated, customized Colt M1911A1, exactly the same sidearm that Dean carried, the sleek silver design complimented by a black handle – the opposite to Dean’s, although it carried the same protective engravings. Alongside it, a full box of ammo and a new shoulder holster sat, and you covered your mouth in shock.

“You like it?” John asked, sounding a little hesitant.

“Dad ordered it specially. Had it on hold for months. It’s the same as mine, but black.” Dean moved a little closer. “Come on, you gotta love it.”

Your fingers ghosted over the weapon, and you weren’t entirely sure what to say. There weren’t words to encompass how pleased you were with the gift. As you looked up at the Winchesters’ anxious faces, you had to hold back the tears in your eyes. The journal had been beautiful, but this? This was stunning.

“I love it.” Your voice cracked and you cleared your throat. “It’s…I don’t know what to say. This is…”

John smiled, placing a hand on your shoulder and you barely managed to suppress the shiver that ran through you. “You earned it. And you deserve it.” Your eyes lingered on the gun before you dragged them up to meet his eyes, your breath hitching in your throat. If Dean and Sam hadn’t been standing right there, you’d have kissed him.

Then the moment shattered, as Sam opened the lid on the cake box. John moved away, and you stood, hands on the box containing the most beautiful gift anyone had ever given you, wishing that you could show him thanks in the way you wanted.

But you knew the truth. John had given you the same gun he’d given Dean for his birthday. You were family.

You were a little girl playing a hunter.

John Winchester would never see you as anything more.

*****

Months passed, and you settled into a comfortable routine without any routine whatsoever. Life with the Winchesters wasn’t always easy, and more often than not, you found yourself wishing you could branch off on your own. But there wasn’t any future where being a nineteen-year-old hunter on your own was a good idea, and you knew that you were better off staying with them.

It had been hard to push down your feelings for the eldest member of the small troupe, and with Sam lingering on becoming a fully fledged teenaged misery, you’d opted to spend a lot of your time with Dean. Now both of you were older, and in possession of some fake identification, supposedly for hunting purposes, it was a lot easier to get yourself into trouble.

Said trouble, was currently sitting at a bar, watching you and Dean play pool. The older looking jock type was as bland as they came, with blonde hair and an old letterman’s jacket, and it didn’t take long for him to push off the bar and approach you, beer in hand and swagger in full effect.

“Hey.”

You glanced up as he made his approach, your eyes swiveling between watching Dean take an expertly lined shot at the black, and the stranger eyeing you up like candy on friggin’ Halloween. Without thinking, you gave him a half-smile, hoping he’d leave.

“Name’s Andrew. What’s yours?” Andrew went straight for invading your space, just as Dean turned his back to pick up the illegally obtained beer on the table behind him. You knew you’d just have to call his name to get his attention, but you weren’t in a rush to put yourself in the damsel shoes just yet.

“I’m Y/N,” you smiled, trying to ignore the brush of his arm against yours. It was even harder to ignore the urge to jam your pool cue into his solar plexus.

He grinned at you, all white gleaming teeth on display, but he stank of weed and beer. Your stomach rolled, but you kept your composure, your eyes flickering to Dean, who’d still not turned around, his attention caught by a pretty waitress, who was obviously too old for him.

Not that it would stop him. Never did.

“So, Y/N. You look a little young to be hanging around here. You and your brother new in town?”

You raised an eyebrow, just as Dean finally turned, his neutral expression deepening into a frown as he saw your unwanted company. “Brother?” You shook your head, affecting a cute laugh. “He’s my boyfriend, sweetie.”

“Hey, baby.” Dean took his cue, sliding up to your front and hooking his hand around your waist to pull you in for a chaste kiss. It wasn’t your first kiss with a guy by any means, but Dean’s lips were surprisingly soft and plump. Andrew looked a little pissed as he watched you return the kiss, before shaking his head.

“You two weren’t acting like a couple. You were acting like siblings.” His words were dripping with the accusation, and Dean broke away from you, drawing himself up to his full height, which was already pretty damn tall considering he was still growing.

Andrew glared back at him, not intimidated by the younger man in the slightest, and he sneered at you.

“Or is she some kind of slut that just bangs all her friends?”

“Hey!” You threw your cue down, scowling at the guy. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

He held his hands open, clutching his beer between his thumb and forefinger of his right hand. Instantly, you knew he was a righty, and any confrontation would lead to that bottle being a weapon. Dean smirked, thinking the same as you, but slightly more confident as he discreetly pulled you to stand a little behind him.

“Calling the lady names is unforgivable.” Dean’s smirk remained firmly in place, and it appeared to infuriate the jock a little more.

“Just callin’ ‘em how I see 'em, buddy.”

Dean’s eyes darkened and your hand automatically went to the pistol down the back of your pants, covered by your long top. “I ain’t your buddy.” Your entire body tensed, waiting for one of them to strike first. You knew it wouldn’t be Dean – he’d been too well trained for that.

Andrew lunged, but it was lazy and projected. Dean’s hand automatically sent you flying backward into the wall, out of harm’s way as he ducked, avoiding the bottle that you had both seen. He spun around, using Andrew’s momentum against him, twisting his left arm up behind his back, holding him in a tight grip as the bottle clattered to the floor and the jock flailed his right arm uselessly. With the way Dean had him caught, he couldn’t do much but shake himself about, unable to dislodge his teenaged antagonist.

“Now.” Dean gripped the arm a little tighter, making his prisoner yelp. “Apologize.”

“I’m sorry!” Andrew wailed, trying pitifully to escape.

“Not to me, douche.”

Andrew’s wide and panicked eyes met yours, and he looked like he was gonna cry. “I’m really sorry!”

“Hey!” The bartender’s yell made you look up sharply, and you heard the cock of a shotgun. “Police are on their way.”

“Shit,” you swore, your eyes meeting Dean’s and he pushed Andrew forward, causing the larger man to trip and knock himself clean out on the pool table. The bartender yelled again, but Dean already had hold of your hand, dragging you towards the exit. You snagged your coat and his as you passed the table, giggling at the sudden rush of adrenaline pumping through you.

As soon as the bar was in the rearview of the Impala, Dean took his foot off the gas, and you slid forward in your seat, laughing hard. He grinned over at you, still a little breathless from the run.

“That was too fucking close, Dee!”

He sniggered. “Yeah. Asshole had it coming though. Thinking he could hit on you?”

You raised an eyebrow and folded your arms. “And why wouldn’t anyone hit on me?”

“Please,” Dean scoffed, looking over at you with something in his eyes you couldn’t quite place. “You’re way out of his league.” You smiled, reaching over to take his hand, and the drive continued in silence for the next twenty minutes, until you were on the other side of town, no police tailing you. Figuring it was clear, Dean pulled into the motel parking lot, before putting the Impala into park and turning to you.

“What?” you asked, looking a little confused as he stared at you.

“Always thought you were the prettiest girl, you know?”

“Huh?” This was new. Dean wasn’t…was he hitting on you? There was a look on his face that you’d never really seen before – even on guys you had dated.

“I mean, I know I’ve gotten around a lot. But those girls, shit. They never held a candle to you. And that kiss back there? I know it was supposed to be for show, but Y/N, I’ve never had anyone make me feel that way.” He was leaning in closer now, and you didn’t move, unsure of how to react. “And I know you’ve never…with anyone but -”

That snapped you out of it, and you scowled. “So, this is because I’m a virgin? A pity fuck or something?”

Dean frowned. “No! No, I didn’t mean it like that, I just…I’ve always liked you, Y/N. Don’t you get that? I’m not gonna make you do anything, I was just…” Dismay covered his face, and he pulled back a little. “You don’t like me the same way, do you?”

“I didn’t say that,” you replied, feeling a little guilty. Dean was obviously just putting himself out there – it wasn’t his fault you weren’t sure how to respond. “I do like you, Dean, it’s just…“

"Just what?”

“We’ve had one kiss. And you’re ready to throw yourself at me?”

He shrugged. “Other girls like that. Most of the time they’re throwing themselves at me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Ego much?”

Dean snickered. “Yeah, I guess. But you’re different. You don’t let anyone give you any shit.”

“That why you pushed me out the way at the bar?”

He shook his head. “Dad would have killed me if I let anything happen to you.” The thought warmed your belly. “Hell, he knows you can take care of yourself. But he worries you’re gonna leave. He doesn’t want you to.” You weren’t sure what to say to that, but Dean kept talking, distracting you from your thoughts. “You’re one of us. And I’m the oldest. So I look out for Sammy, and I look out for you.” He reached over, pushing hair from your eyes. “You know?”

“Yeah.” The word was a whisper on your lips, and you leaned in, feeling his hand cup your cheek gently. Slowly, Dean pressed his lips to yours, his tongue probing at your mouth, pleading for entrance. You moaned, letting him in -

Just as the driver side door was ripped open, and large hands grabbed at Dean’s coat.

He was hauled from his seat, and you screeched, more from anger than fear, scrabbling from your side to see that the monster you’d feared was attacking was actually John, his face red with anger as he held his son against the side of the car.

“Get into the motel room, now.”

“Dad, what the hell?!”

“We’ll talk later. Inside,  _now_!” John’s angry shout had Dean scrambling from his grip and towards the motel room, without so much as a glance back at you. Your eyes flew to John’s, your body shaking at the anger you saw there, and you wanted to run.

“John, I didn’t…we didn’t…I’m sorry, I just -” You didn’t even know what to say as you watched him walk around the car towards you – hell, you weren’t even sure what you’d done to anger him so much. Had he seen what had happened at the bar?

Was he gonna ask you to leave now?

“You know, I’ve held back for so long. Took you in, even when I didn’t want to. Watched you grow up into this…this…” You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for the barrage of things he’d resented. “Fuck.” His clenched fist hit the roof of the Impala near your head and you jumped. “Open your eyes, Y/N.”

You did as he asked, finding him so fucking close you could smell his aftershave. His eyes weren’t holding any of that anger you’d seen before, and you frowned in confusion.

“I see you kissing Dean, and I realize that I’ve let it go on too long. He’s a good-looking boy, and there’s a danger in that.”

You swallowed hard. “Takes after his dad, I guess.”

John smiled. “No. He takes after Mary.” You sobered a little at the thought of the late Mrs. Winchester. Lucky woman. “But it’s sweet of you to say.” His hand came up, cupping your face in much the same way Dean’s had. “You’re so much like her – you’re so tough, take no shit from anyone.” Your breath caught as his thumb brushed over your cheek. “Fucking beautiful to boot.”

_Wait – what?_

He sighed, and you felt him shift a little. “I’m not gonna watch you get into something with Dean. Not when I’ve held back all this time when I’ve felt like shit over wanting you like I do.”

“You – you want me?” you asked, your voice a little hoarse from surprise. “Me? But I’m -”

“You’re what?” John smirked. “Beautiful? Independent? Sexy?” You blushed, ducking your head out of his hold, feeling his body press up against yours. “You like me calling you those things, huh, baby girl?” You nodded, letting him pull your chin up. “All this time…you had a thing for the older man?”

Another nod, followed by worry that one of his sons would be looking out of the window. Following your worried gaze, John chuckled.

“Neither of them would look out the window after I’ve shouted at Dean. Hell, he’s probably gone straight to bed, pretending to be asleep so I won’t shout more. He thinks he’s in trouble and doesn’t know why.”

“Why is he in trouble?” You dared to ask quietly, feeling John’s thumb on your jaw, running along to the center of your chin.

His head dipped towards yours, his mouth so close you could feel his breath on your lips. “Because he dared to touch what’s mine.” The possessive tone of his voice had your knees wobbling underneath you, but John’s weight pinning you to the car kept you upright, his lips pressing against yours with fervor as he kissed your breath away. The roughness of his stubble grazed against your upper lip, and you shuddered with a need like you’d never known practically flooding your panties.

“John -” You pulled back, panting his name like a bitch in heat.

“You’ve wanted that for a long time, huh?” he asked, smirking as you nodded. “Me too. You’ve no idea how hard it’s been to watch you this last year, seeing you grow into someone so beautiful and strong. Seeing you come back stinking like teenage boys. Cut me to the core knowing they’d had their hands on something they didn’t deserve.”

“I never…” You paused, unsure if you wanted to share that particular piece of information and John frowned.

“You never what, sweetheart?”

You smiled, running one hand along the collar of his shirt. “Never mind.” You pulled him back down, kissing him again, moaning into his mouth. He pressed into you again, the evidence of his need hard against your belly as he slipped his tongue into your mouth.

“We don’t have much time,” he groaned, his fingers playing with the waistband of your pants. “They’re gonna wonder where we are.” You nodded your consent, gasping as he popped the button on your jeans. “But I gotta feel you.”

“Yes…” you gasped, just as his fingers moved underneath the waistband, bypassing your panties with ease to seek out the soft curls at the top of your pubic mound. John groaned, pushing further in, his long index finger circling your throbbing clit.

“So fucking soft and wet for me -” His mouth found the pulse point on your neck, sucking lightly, careful not to leave a mark. “Come on, sweetheart. Wanna feel you cum on my fingers.” You cried out, trying to keep the noise to a minimum as he found your hole, already dripping with want for him. He kept his movements slow, careful not to rush as he sank one finger into your cunt, flexing his wrist to get a better angle.

“John -” you gasped, grinding down onto him as he used the pad of his thumb to press lightly against your clit, whilst his index finger curled inwards to see out the textured spot on your inner wall, the slightest amount of pressure causing you to come undone around him.

He was definitely an expert – there was no doubt he knew how to find a woman’s intimate spots with hardly any effort, and the keening wail you gave as he brought you quickly to an orgasm was covered by his mouth on yours again. When he pulled away, you were gasping for breath, your eyes darkened with bliss as John removed his fingers from your pants and brought them up to his mouth.

You’d never seen anything so seductive in your life as he licked them clean, his eyes on yours the whole time.

“You taste fucking gorgeous,” he muttered, reaching out to button up your pants for you again. “But we gotta go in.” A swift kiss and he broke away from you, running a hand through his hair. “If Dean asks, I chewed you out, okay?”

“John…this was…” The question remained unspoken, but he paused, his hand coming up to stroke your cheek again. “Sorry. I guess I’m a little new to some stuff. Guys are -”

He nodded. “Don’t worry, baby girl.” Warmth surged through you as he spoke. “We’re gonna finish this. Just gotta keep it quiet, you know?”

You smiled, letting him walk off ahead before relaxing. His touch still lingered on your skin, and you brought one hand up to touch your swollen lips, before shaking yourself from your stupor. Affecting a scowl, trying to give off the impression you were pissed, you walked towards the room as John opened the door for you.

You had a feeling this was gonna be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

You couldn’t sleep. **  
**

It was hardly surprising, really, seeing as the only thing you could focus on, beyond the soft snores of the Winchester boys in the bed opposite, was the fact that John was lying not five feet from you. And of course, you were still tackling the pounding arousal that hadn’t abated in the slightest since he’d confessed that he wanted you.

He fucking wanted  _you_.

All this time, hiding your crush on the older Winchester, and he up and confesses that he’s been wanting to touch you since…when exactly? John wasn’t the type to go after barely legal. You knew the obstacle here. You were at least twenty years his junior, probably more, since you weren’t entirely sure how old he was. It was rude to ask someone’s age, or so your dad had always taught you.

With a frustrated sigh, you kicked the blankets off, lying flat on the bed and staring at the ceiling. Dean grunted in his sleep, and you shuddered, thinking about how close you’d come to actually letting anything happen between the two of you. You had known Dean wasn’t it for you – for a fucking long time. But you’d never dreamt that John would so much as glance your way, and Dean was…not a substitution. That made it sound cheap and just plain wrong.

_Shut up, brain. Go to sleep._

“Y/N?” The whisper of your name made you sit up, and you saw John laying on the couch, completely wide awake, his eyes on you. “You can’t sleep either, huh?”

You gave a small shake of your head, glancing warily at his sons asleep in the bed. Neither of them would wake up – Dean had drunk at least three beers earlier, and that guaranteed he’d sleep like the dead. And Sam… Sammy hadn’t had the time to work on his hunter instincts and he was still a teenager in the middle of a growth spurt. If he was allowed, he’d sleep sixteen hours a damn day.

John sat up on the couch, padding over to the bed. You moved over, letting him slide in, trying to ignore all the nerve endings in your nethers making themselves very much known. Even in the queen sized bed, he was a huge presence and you bit your bottom lip as he rolled onto his side to face you.

“This okay?” he asked, and you nodded, not wanting him to leave. “I don’t wanna…what I did earlier…”

“No, it was fine,” you smiled, scooting a little closer. “I liked it.”

John returned the smile, but there was a clear flicker of guilt in his eyes. “If there’s anything you don’t wanna do, sweetheart, you tell me, okay?” You nodded your agreement, unsure of what to say or do now. He took the lead, pulling you close. “Gotta stay quiet, baby girl.” You shivered, the nickname curling through you like a tendril of smoke, and boy, John noticed. With a hum of approval, his thumb traced your lips.

“I can be quiet,” you replied, your eyes dropping to his mouth, pressing forward to kiss him, taking the first bold step. John moaned against you, his large hands gripping your waist and pulling you closer, his fingers rubbing circles into the fabric of the thin camisole you slept in most nights.

When you broke away, needing oxygen, he smiled, resting his forehead against yours, humming quietly. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N.”

“You keep saying that,” you replied, your voice just above a whisper.

His smile became a little lopsided, and his hand slipped down to cup your ass through your sleep shorts. “Well, it’s true.”

“You sure you’re okay with this?” you asked, and John blinked in surprise. “I mean, I don’t…I don’t…” You struggled to find the words, unsure of what you were even trying to say. Your chin sank into your chest as you deflated a little before John’s fingers pulled your face back up to meet his.

“Tell me. I’m not gonna get mad. Don’t want any secrets between us.”

You nodded, curling a little closer to him as if what you wanted to say would drive him away, and maybe you could hold him close. “You’re not…just using me right? I know you’ve met other women since…since…”

“Mary. It’s okay, baby girl. You can say it.”

“Since Mary.” You swallowed around the dryness in your throat. “I don’t wanna just be a game to you, John. But I don’t wanna replace Mary either. I know she was the love of your life. And I don’t wanna take any of that away.”

Silence formed a wall between you, until John spoke, shattering it. “Oh, sweetheart.” His hand cupped your face gently, pulling you to him, his lips on yours in an almost-chaste kiss. “You aren’t replacing anyone. It’s been…a long time since I lost her. And I’ll always love her. I’m not using you. I’ll  _never_ use you.”

You nodded, tears pooling in your eyes, but he wiped them away, kissing your forehead. The mood had shifted, but you want to do something, to show him -

The thought was like a light bulb going off in your head, and you pushed yourself closer, your breasts against his firm chest as you kissed him, running your tongue along his lips. John responded instantly, pushing back against your tongue with his own, his hand reaching around to splay across your lower back, crushing your pelvis into his own.

Clearly, he wanted you. Unless he made a habit of sleeping with a very large gun in his pants.

“Fuck -” he cursed as you broke away, his eyes shut for a split second before opening to you, blown pupils focusing on your lips. “You’re fucking – wait, what are you doing?”

You grinned, shimmying down the bed, pulling the covers over your head and his waist as your fingers latched onto the waistband of his pants. He groaned as your hands finally made contact with his skin, wrapping around his firm length, the both of you pausing in case he’d woken the boys.

Seconds ticked by, and neither Dean nor Sam made a sound. It was almost sexier, knowing this had to be kept quiet, but it was a hell of a challenge not to moan as you felt just how endowed John was. Your fingertips didn’t even meet as you encircled him, your thumb swiping over his tip to feel the precum gathered there.

“So good, baby girl.”

You nodded, unable to see much underneath the sheets, but you could feel everything. Pushing your face closer, you stuck out your tongue, giving him an experimental lick. Almost immediately, he moaned, the sound muffled by him biting into the pillow. A sly grin crossed your face, and you slid your lips over his swollen head, moving your tongue around his slit slowly, relishing the way he twitched underneath you.

There was no way you were getting the entirety of his cock into your mouth on the first go – this was probably only your third or fourth blow job, and whilst you’d been told you were a natural at it by one guy (and isn’t that a compliment?), you hadn’t exactly experienced sex with a man like John, both in maturity and the sheer size of his manhood.

Either way, he seemed to enjoy what you were doing, signaling his pleasure with quiet moans, his fingers threading through your hair underneath the covers. Suddenly you wished you could see his face, see the way he looked when you were doing this, but it wasn’t exactly the best of situations to be in. You’d have to be satisfied with his slight noises, and the gentle thrust of his hips telling you that what you were doing was very right.

Keeping your hand around the base of his cock, you took a couple more inches into your mouth, closing your eyes to focus on the simple feel of him. He was smooth and tasted like the peppermint body wash you knew he favored, but it wasn’t a horrible taste. There was a faint smell of gunpowder on his skin, and the lingering scent of sweat, again, not unpleasant – it was everything John was and without even thinking about what you were doing, you moaned around him, your own hand slipping underneath your sleep shorts to press into your clit.

“Fuck, baby girl -” John’s words were barely audible with the covers over your head, but obviously he’d enjoyed the noise you’d made around him. It was difficult to concentrate on his pleasure and your own, but you needed to touch yourself, just as much as you needed to do this for him. “Don’t stop.” He groaned, his hips giving a sharper thrust, his cock sliding between your lips, aided by your saliva. You gave a small noise of surprise, but took what he gave, letting your tongue slide along the vein on the underside of his length, before dragging back up to tease the slit at his tip.

His fingers tightened in your hair, and you bobbed your head over him, pushing your boundaries, feeling your gag reflex give a warning clench. At the same time, you pushed your fingers into your own body, mewling around him again. John grunted, continuing to thrust gently against you, giving you a little more leeway to focus on what you were doing with your tongue.

Your own orgasm was perilously close, and you couldn’t stop the whimpers of pleasure as your fingers slid through your own folds. Precum coated your tongue as you kept moving your lips up and down on his thick shaft, and you knew neither of you was going to last much longer.

“Touching yourself down there, sweetheart? Getting off on sucking my cock?” John’s words inspired a fresh burst of electricity in your core, and you nodded around his dick, his answering groan pushing you even closer. “Fuck. I’m gonna fucking cum, baby girl. You want it?” Another nod and he fisted his hand in your hair, giving a little more effort to his thrusts. You were practically panting around his cock, letting him fuck your mouth whilst your fingers worked away at your own pleasure.

You wanted to call his name, wanted to cry out for him, and knowing you couldn’t make any noise made it harder to ignore the urge to scream. Settling for moans and whimpers around him as he continued to rock into you, you felt your walls clench around your fingers, and you came with a low moan, just as John’s entire body tensed, and his cock swelled in your mouth. In the next second, as you were working through your orgasm, you tasted his salty cum spurting against the back of your throat and you swallowed eagerly, wishing more than anything that you could see his face as he came.

It didn’t take long for him to finish, and you pulled away, feeling his hands release your hair, moving to pull his pants back up over his subsiding erection. As you removed your own hand from your sleep shorts, John dragged you up the bed, pressing his lips to yours in a firm kiss, apparently not caring that you’d just swallowed down a load of his cum.

“You’re fucking perfect, Y/N,” he whispered, his thumb wiping away a patch of saliva from the corner of your mouth. “I hate to think you’ve done that for anyone else -”

“Only a couple of times.” You blushed, ducking your head a little. “And not with anyone as…big.” The last word came out a squeak as John chuckled, but you could see the manly pride in his eyes.

He kissed you again, pulling you in close, letting you curl into his broad chest. “Get some sleep, baby. We gotta move on tomorrow.” You nodded, wondering if he’d still be there in the morning. Common sense told you that the boys would have questions if they woke up to find you curled up on John’s chest, but a yawn wiped it all away as you let sleep take you.

*****

It was pretty much as you expected the next morning, and you opened your eyes to find the rest of the queen sized bed empty. Stretching out on the mattress, you heard the shower running, and upon rolling over, you saw Dean still face down on his bed, one arm over the side, his mouth open and a thin rivulet of drool coursing down onto the pillow.

A wicked thought grabbed your attention, and you picked up one of your pillows, aiming it carefully before letting it fly. It hit Dean square in the head, and he bolted upright, hair sticking up in all directions, pillow creases on his face and a bewildered look in his eyes. He fell straight into a defensive stance, which unfortunately unbalanced him on the bed, and he toppled over, landing on his butt on the floor.

You were falling apart laughing, and crawled to the edge of the bed, looking over and giggling at him. “Morning, sleeping beauty.”

Dean glared at you. “That was mean.”

Sticking your tongue out, you rolled over to the other side of the bed, sitting upright just as the front door to the motel room opened and John walked in, a paper bag of groceries in his arms. His eyes met yours for a brief second, and you blushed before he saw Dean on the floor.

“Dean, what the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing!” The younger hunter defended, getting to his feet. “I was – Y/N threw – sorry, sir.” He sighed and John shook his head, before dropping the grocery bag to the floor. “We heading out today?”

“Yep. Got a job in Colorado. You’re taking the Impala. Sam can ride with you.”

The surprise hit Dean back a step and he glanced at you, seeing an equally shocked expression on your face. “But…me and Y/N always…”

John leveled Dean with a glare. “I think you proved how much of a bad idea that was last night.” Dean went red, and you looked down at the floor. Before anything further could be said, Sam emerged from the bathroom, wet from his shower. He obviously sensed the tension in the room as he paused and looked at each of you in turn.

“What?” the youngest Winchester asked, concern in those big hazel eyes of his.

“Nothing, Sammy,” Dean answered, walking towards his brother and ruffling his wet hair. “I’m gonna get the next shower. That cool, Y/N?” You nodded in response, a slight frown creasing the spot between your eyebrows as Sam started to dress discreetly.

“Y/N, can you give me a hand loading up the truck?” John asked, his tone cool as if you hadn’t spent half an hour with your mouth on his dick the night before.

“I need to shower,” you replied, picking up your duffel bag, and John smiled.

“Once you’re done, sweetheart.” He turned his attention to Sam. “You’re riding with your brother today.”

"I am?” Sam grinned widely. He’d always moaned about how you and Dean got the Impala to yourselves. Getting to ride with Dean was a rare treat, but you had the feeling it would be the norm from now on. “That’s awesome. What about Y/N?” he asked, frowning. “Do I have to sit in the back?”

"No, kiddo. You get shotgun. Y/N is riding with me.” John smiled, throwing a protein bar at his son, who caught it deftly, before fist pumping the air. Shotgun obviously made the fifteen-year-old happy. “You okay with this?” John directed the question at you, and you shook yourself free of the stupor you’d been slipping into, before smiling and nodding. Best not to appear too enthusiastic. “Good. Now, get Dean to hurry up, grab yourself a shower and we’ll get ready to hit the road.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dean pulled the Impala out behind his dad's truck, and you turned in the front seat, looking back at the sleek black classic car, before looking over at John.

"So, am I in here because Dean made a move on me, or because you want to make a move on me?" You let the smirk on your face have its own reign, and John chuckled.

"A little of both," he admitted. "I don't want Dean thinking he can paw you like a teenager. I've seen what that boy can be like."

You nodded. "You aren't the only one. He's gonna be a real ladies man before long."

"And you?" John asked, not looking at you as he spoke. "You're not...interested in him?"

A shake of your head had him relaxing into his seat a little more. "I'm not interested in someone like Dean. He's a friend, more like a brother -" You paled at your choice of words, but John didn't show any reaction. "I mean, he's not the type to...I don't even know where I'm going with this."

John gave a small laugh, relieving your tension at your word jumble, pulling one hand off the steering wheel to place it on your thigh, before he quickly glanced at you, not taking his attention off of the road too long. "You could’ve just left it at “no”."

You smiled, covering his hand with your own before he pulled it away and returned it to the wheel. The journey continued in silence, but it was comfortable, and before long, you found yourself drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

When you opened your eyes, the sun was high in the sky, and you had somehow maneuvered yourself across the bench seat of the truck, your head in John's lap. He didn't notice you wake up straight away, and you smiled, feeling his arm around your shoulders, the hum of the engine mixing with his humming. It was an old Zep song, and you let your eyes drift closed again, comforted by his touch.

A few moments later, and the truck turned gently from the road, and you opened your eyes again, yawning as you pulled away from his touch. He smiled, putting the truck into park, checking the rearview to see Dean still behind him, parking the Impala.

"Good nap?" John asked as he opened the door of the truck, smiling over at you. You nodded in response, stretching a little, before sliding from your seat onto the wet parking lot floor. There was one thing to be said about the Gas'n"Sip chain – they all looked the same.

And they all stocked the donuts you liked.

"Looks like a storm coming, Dad." Dean caught John's attention as he got out of the Impala, pointing to the western sky. John followed his son's indication, frowning at the black clouds swelling over the horizon. "We carrying on?"

"Gotta be in Colorado by tomorrow night. We'll stop this evening. Storm won't be that bad if you don't drive like an idiot, Dean." His voice held a condescending tone, and you knew it wasn't the first time John had criticised his son's driving. Hell, he'd given you both a dress down last night for driving after drinking more than one beer.

You tried to ignore how much John telling you off, now turned you on.

"It's just a storm, Dee," you teased, trying to ignore the renewed tingling in your thighs. "Do you need a cuddle?"

"Fuck off, Y/N," Dean spat, scowling at you, a split second before his dad hit him up the back of the head. "Ow! What was that for?"

John pointed at Sam, who was staring at the service station with mild disinterest. "Swearing in front of your brother." Dean rolled his eyes and John frowned. "Go and use the restrooms. I don't wanna stop until we're over the border."

Both Winchester boys trundled off, Dean's hand on his younger brother's collar, and you watched them leave before turning to John. "You gonna fill up?" He nodded, watching his boys disappear into the men's room, before he took your hand, pulling you against him. "John!" you yelped, before giggling at him.

"It's really hard to keep my hands off you," he whispered, kissing you softly. "You okay to get snacks for the road? Get Dean some of those stupid red vines things he likes. That'll cheer him up."

You snickered at him, before pulling away from his hold. "You have a funny idea of what cheers Dean up. But leave it to me."

Twenty minutes later, and you were back in the front seat of the truck, flicking through a lore book to find out more about shape-shifters. You'd only come up against one in your life, and it had been when you were about ten. Your dad had taken the thing out, and this would be your first actual confrontation with one.

"We're sure it's a shifter?" you asked, frowning at the lore.

John glanced over, nodding at you before vocalizing his answer. "Fairly certain. It's got a funny MO, but we'll figure out more once we're there and I've spoken to the police. Speaking of, we gotta get you practicing with your FBI act. You look old enough to pass for an agent in training now."

"You think?" you smiled, involuntarily perking up a little as John laughed.

"Sure thing. You got the act down. You're mature enough for it." He reached over to take your hand. "Now, if you could encourage Dean to do the same thing, I might be able to trust him enough to help out." You sniggered at the thought that Dean could act mature. He still laughed at fart jokes.

"I'll give it a shot, but no promises." You winked, and John smiled widely, squeezing your fingers a little before letting go.

The darkening sky ahead unleashed its full fury two hours shy of the Colorado border, and John had to keep a tight grip on the steering wheel to fight against the wind and rain. His worried glances in the rearview mirror had you worrying too, and the sheer force of the storm was making your stomach roll.

"I wanted to get over the border," he groused, glancing back at Dean again. "But this is getting worse. I think we're gonna have to stop." You nodded, pulling the map from the glove compartment. "Where's the next motel?" he asked, and you skimmed through the pages, finding your location easily.

"About two miles ahead." A loud clap of thunder accompanied lightning and hailstones, and you looked up wide-eyed at the barely visible road ahead. "We're gonna be alright to get there, aren't we?"

"I got this, baby girl." John smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, and he didn't look at you. Nodding to try and reassure yourself, you held onto the map, counting down the space between lightning flashes and thunder rolls. The storm was almost directly above, and you held your breath until you saw the lit-up motel sign ahead. "Thank fuck," John muttered, indicating to pull in.

The parking lot was more of a swimming pool as you and Dean grabbed the bags from the car, before following John and Sam into the office.

"Jeez, I didn't think we'd be getting anyone pull in at this hour!" The woman at the desk shook her head as the four of you bundled in through the door. "It's raining cats and dogs out there! You alright?"

John flashed her that charming smile. "Yeah, we're all in one piece. You got two rooms free?" Both you and Dean looked at him, confused by the “two” in his request. For as long as Dean remembered, it had only been one room. You, on the other hand, had a slight idea what he was up to.

The woman at the desk shook her head. "I got a double queen. We're fully booked in this storm. People stopping before they have too." John's face fell. "Better safe than sorry though. You and your kids will be fine in the one room for a night. The storm will have passed by morning."

John glanced at you, his cheeks a little red from the woman saying “kids”. You smiled, shrugging before he took the room key and handed over his credit card.

"There's a buffet open." The woman smiled. "Get some hot food in your bellies and some decent sleep." John nodded at her advice, before hustling the three of you towards the corridor leading down to the rooms.

"Right, Dean, take Sam and pick out some food. The buffet is always a treat, right?"

"I don't like this storm," Sam said, shivering a little in his wet clothes. You frowned at him, before looking over at John.

"I think we should get him into dry things first. The last thing we need is to be passing germs around between us," you pointed out, and John nodded, smiling at your suggestion, handing you the room key.

"Smart girl. Dean -"

"Yes, sir?" The eldest son stepped up, his hand around Sam's shoulders, the bags looped over one of his.

"Get Sam into some dry things. And you too. I'm gonna scope the place out." Dean nodded, and you raised an eyebrow. "Y/N, you go with them, yeah? I’ll let you guys fight over beds." You nodded, locking your eyes on his for a moment, before following Dean and Sam down the hall.

*****

Lightning filled the darkness periodically as you lay on your side, watching the shadows play around the room. Dean and Sam were asleep, out cold, and you were unsure where John had gotten to. He had ducked out after dinner, acting odd and you couldn’t settle down to sleep until he was back.

The door clicked open and you turned, sitting up to see the light spill in from the hallway, temporarily blinding you as thunder cracked through the air again.

"John?" you whispered and the door closed. "John, that you?"

"It's me, baby girl," he replied, toeing his boots off by the door and looking over at you. "Had to go check a few things out, talk to Bobby."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just checking on the case." He walked around, shedding his coat to the floor with a heavy thud. Clearly, he'd ventured outside. "Storm isn't gonna pass by morning. It's just getting bigger. But hopefully, it'll ease off enough for us to drive straight through." His eyes landed on you as you watched him from the bed, your body shaking as lightning flashed again. "You okay?"

"Never been a fan of storms," you replied, hugging yourself.

John raised an eyebrow. "Brave little shitkicker like you?" You smiled, despite yourself, and John grinned back. "I can't believe that." His eyes drifted over to the bed containing his sons. "Would have been easier if you could have gotten your own room."

"Yeah," you shrugged. "Dean thinks you're still punishing us."

"Probably better he thinks that way." John peeled off the rest of his layers until he was only in his boxer shorts. "For now, sweetheart, it's better that we keep this..."

"Between us," you nodded. "I get it. But is my own room gonna solve the problem?"

John smirked. "You'll still have to be quiet. But it's not right, me dragging you around with the boys. Women need privacy and everything, right?" You couldn't help but feel a blossom of warmth in your belly that he referred to you as a woman and not a girl. But then, he'd shown that he didn't see you that way, right?

"You coming to bed?" you asked, moving over a little, holding your breath as he looked at you sharply. For a brief second, you wondered if you'd made a mistake, but then he turned his entire body towards you and moved to the empty side of your queen.

"Of course I am." His eyes glinted as he pressed one knee into the mattress, and you smiled up at him. "Lay down, sweetheart. You get comfortable first, and I'll slide in." The innuendo was there, and heat flushed through your veins as you did as he asked. When his solid form occupied the space behind you, your arousal tripled, and John groaned a little at the heat of your body against his mostly naked skin.

His large hand rested on your hip, pushing under the fabric of your sleepwear to caress your skin, just as lightning flashed again, and your body tensed back into his.

"Sssh, sweetheart. You're safe here. No need to be afraid of a little storm." His words were soothing, and you nodded, biting your bottom lip, feeling ridiculous in the face of your fear. You'd seen werewolves, ghouls, spirits and things much worse, yet one storm had you quivering like a baby rabbit. "Gonna take your mind off it, that okay?"

You nodded, feeling his fingers press underneath your sleep shorts to push them down your legs. You'd forgone underwear tonight in a half-assed attempt to seduce him, and the chuckle against the back of your neck let you know that the effort was appreciated.

"You bare for me, baby girl?" Another nod and John groaned, his fingers spreading your folds easily. "So slick already...how much you been thinking about last night?" You whimpered as he circled your clit lazily with his index finger. "Tell me."

"All day." Your whispered reply had him rolling his hips into you, his cock tenting the front of his boxers and pressing into your ass. "All fucking day, John."

"Mmmmhmmm." He grazed his teeth over the join of your neck and shoulder, making you curl up a little before his mouth lay next to your ear. "Wanna be inside you, baby. So much. But I need to make sure you're ready for me, yeah?"

"Please -" The word was barely audible over the peel of thunder that echoed through the entire motel.

John shifted, pulling your leg back over his, allowing his hand better access to your sodden folds. Dragging two fingers through your slit, he grunted in approval. "So fucking wet." He teased at your clit, making you shudder against him, his chuckle in your ear only making it worse. "You have any idea what you do to me, baby girl?"

"Shit, John, I -" He moved at your words, using his hand between your legs to pull your ass flush against his hard cock.

"That day we fought that wendigo, and you landed in my lap, that perfect, peach of an ass, pressed right up against my dick?" He sucked in a breath, and it felt like he was stealing yours, his fingers still working on your overheated flesh. "I had to fight not to pin you to the ground. Been dreaming about it since, having you writhing underneath me, begging for my cock."

You whimpered as he moved his index finger from your clit, dipping it into your slick hole. His cock twitched against you, and your head dropped back to his shoulder on the bed, exposing your throat to him.

"Keep it quiet, sweetheart." He pressed a kiss to your throat, moaning against your skin. "Wanted you for so long. Seeing you hanging around with idiot boys who couldn't hold a match to you. Oughta done something sooner, but I didn't...fuck, didn't think you'd want an old man like me."

"You're – gah!" He added a second finger, just as the storm threw another barrage of noise across the sky, and your moan was drowned out. "You're not old, John."

He smiled at you. "I'm too old for you."

"No." You shook your head, grinding down onto his fingers, much like you had the other day, pressed against the Impala in the parking lot. "No, you're not."

"Want more, baby girl?"

A keening noise tore itself from your throat as he thrust his fingers deep inside you, curling them forward to seek out the rough textured spot inside. As you clenched around his digits, his other hand slipped under your head, clasping your mouth to stop any noise waking the other occupants of the room. He kept it there until your orgasm overtook your body, and your walls fluttered around him.

As soon as he let go, you sucked in a long breath, his fingers still inside you, moving, but only just. "John, please, want -"

"What do you want?"

"I want you."

At your response, his eyes moved up to the bed opposite, and you knew he was weighing the options. It wouldn't really be anything worse than you'd already done, and neither Winchester boy would wake up in any case. The storm was raging outside, and that hadn't roused either of them from their slumber. But on the other hand, was John willing to risk that they might wake up?

He hummed against your skin as he kissed you again, and you could feel the indecision in the air. You wanted it, you want him to have all of you, but not if he didn't want it.

"It's okay, we can just -" You were cut off as his fingers left your slit, moving to hold your thigh up. "Fuck, John -"

John groaned as your hands moved back to push his boxers down over his hips, letting his cock come into direct contact with your bare ass. He thrust against you, kissing a trail along your neck as you opened yourself up to him.

When the thought hit you, you weren't prepared for it, and you shuddered in his hold. You were gonna let John take your virginity, let him fuck you on this bed during a storm, whilst his sons both slept six feet away.

"You sure about this?" he asked, almost sensing your hesitation.

"I am, I just..." You laid your hand on his, where it rested on your thigh. "I should probably be honest...with the fact that I've never...erm, well, I'm..."

His entire body froze as he shifted upwards, leaning on one elbow to look at you. "You've never?"

You shook your head, feeling your cheeks stain with red as John stared at you with those dark eyes of his. "I guess I...I waited?" He still stared, and you turned, facing him. "I didn't...I didn't wanna..."

"No." The word was sharp, and you jumped as thunder crashed, making the outside world bleed into the conversation enough to draw tears from your eyes. Of course, now he knew, he wouldn't want an inexperienced little virgin, how could he? John was -

"I'm not gonna have your first time like this," he whispered, nuzzling his face into yours. "Not now. You should have told me, baby girl."

"You mean, you don't wanna -?" You let the question hang as he chuckled against your lips, kissing you softly.

"Oh, I want to. But I'm not gonna pop your damn cherry in this bed, with them over there. This deserves a little more...fuck, you should have told me."

You shivered, ducking your head a little. "But you still want me?" It sounded so meek and pathetic, you wouldn't be surprised if he changed his mind. But John just smiled at you, that goddamn Winchester charm all over his face.

"Go to sleep, Y/N." His lingering kiss made you shudder all over again, just as he pulled away and yanked his boxers up, handing you your sleep shorts at the same time. You slipped them on, before he pulled you into him, kissing the top of your head. "We'll make sure you got a separate room from now on."

"But what about -" You gestured to his still rock hard cock, and he chuckled once more.

"I'll sort that out in the morning. Get some sleep."

Your answering nod was muted by the confines of his chest, and within moments, you were asleep, cradled in the crook of his shoulder, the storm forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

The rain was still heavy the next morning, but the clouds were lighter and the thunder had passed away. Within an hour of waking up, John had all three of you on the road, heading into Colorado around lunchtime, the rain starting to ease off as you crossed the border.

"Not far now," John assured you, glancing over at you curled into the window. You nodded, not smiling or giving him any expression. "Hey." He frowned, tapping the seat beside him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you said, sighing and causing a little cloud against the window. "I'm just tired."

"You seemed like you slept fine last night," John smirked a little, and you scowled at him. "Sorry. That was..."

You shook your head. "No, it's...I just..." Sitting upright, you clung to the bench seat with your fingers, giving him a little smile. "I feel like I've disappointed you somehow." John's head snapped back as if he'd been punched, and he stared over at you, before realizing that he needed to keep his eyes on the road. You watched him carefully, seeing the tick in his jaw, and you shrank back into yourself, unsure if you'd annoyed him even more. "John?"

He gave you another quick glance, before shaking his head. "You think you've disappointed me because you haven't had sex?" You nodded, tearing your eyes from him, focusing on your knees. His bitter laugh made your head come up, and he was smiling. "Baby girl, you have not disappointed me. If you think that..." His laughter cut short. "Just don't."

You nodded, watching the road ahead, silence holding steady between you.

It was another half an hour before the quiet was disturbed, your stomach rumbling loudly, and your cheeks reddened in response. John laughed, breaking the tension and causing you to giggle a little.

"Guess I should have left more time for breakfast," you mumbled, and John nodded at the road.

"Another half hour and we'll be where we gotta be. Kit Carson. Small town, friendly locals and a nice little diner that will sell plenty of greasy choices." He smiled, and you moved over the seat, coming a little closer to him. Automatically, his fingers encircled yours, and you smiled up at him. "We'll get this case done, and be on our way, okay?"

"Yeah. No problem."

You only wished you didn't have a sinking feeling in your stomach about the whole thing.

*****

Two days later and you were driving back along the same road, but the mood had changed, and your ride had too. You were behind the wheel of the Impala, Dean passed out on the back seat, whilst you followed John's truck. Sam was with him, just so he wasn't sharing space with Dean.

Dean had gotten hurt, and it was your fault.

Grimacing against the pain in your own body, the numerous bruises from the shifter that turned out to be a pack of ghouls with a taste for fresh meat. There were four of them, versus the three of you, and it had gotten ugly quick. Dean had seven stitches holding in his liver, and John was black and blue. Only Sam had come out unscathed, and that was because he spent the entire hunt in the motel.

John hadn't slipped into your bed once on the hunt, and you weren't sure if it was because he was pissed at your sloppy mistake, or because he didn't want to give into the temptation. Getting your own room had been a bust because apparently every motel for miles was fully booked.

The page in your abdomen intensified briefly and you groaned, leaning forward. The Impala swerved underneath your shaking hands, and hit the grass verge, veering sideways. Ahead of you, John's brakes came on, just as you managed to stop the Impala from crashing into a tree, just as you vomited blood down your front, over the steering wheel and dash, before slumping backward.

You didn't even register Dean grabbing at you from behind, or the car door being ripped open. All you could feel was pain and the warm wetness of the blood soaking into your clothes.

"Shit, Dean! Get the kit from the trunk!"

"Dad, she wasn't hurt when we left. She said she was fine!" Dean's hands left your shoulders, and you closed your eyes, feeling the urge to sleep.

"No, no, wake up, princess. Not the time to go to sleep now." John's large hands were on your face, pulling you upright. You groaned in response, not wanting to open your eyes.

"Dad, what's going on?" Sam's voice, sounding very small from outside the car. "Is Y/N okay?"

"Sammy, back in the truck. Stay put."

"But Dad -"

John's swift movement rocked the car, and you yelled in pain as you slipped forward on the seat. "Shit, Sam, just do as I tell you!" His shout was followed by footsteps and the slamming of a truck door. The Impala shifted again as Dean climbed in. "Got the kit?"

Your head lolled forward, as John caught your cheek, your eyes opening to lock onto his. "Hey, sweetheart. You gotta stay with me, okay?" You nodded, but the movement was slow and your complexion was getting paler by the second. His hands moved over your stomach, pulling your blood-soaked shirt up.

"Dad, how the fuck did we not see this?" Dean had climbed into the front passenger seat, his eyes roaming over your bloodied flesh. "I mean, we were at the motel, you stitched me up. How did she hide this all night?"

John shook his head. "I've no idea. But this blood, it's not...she's puked it up." Dean paled from the backseat. "I've gotta get her to a hospital. She's bleeding internally."

"The ghoul threw her down the stairs in that house," Dean whispered. "She must have gotten hurt then, but -"

"Sometimes these injuries don't show up right away," John muttered. "Get Sammy out of the truck. Take the Impala, find the nearest motel." Dean nodded, climbing from the car and sprinting to the truck, just as John slipped his arms underneath you, ignoring your groan of protest. "I know this hurts, baby girl, but I gotta get you to a hospital."

He carried you to the truck, just as Sam walked past with his brother, eyes wide at the sight of you covered in red. You vaguely registered the harder feel of the truck's front seat, letting your eyes close again. John murmured something to you, but you couldn't fight it anymore.

Your body went lax, and the pain subsided, as you let the daylight leave and the darkness overtook you.

*****

A slow and steady beeping brought you back to consciousness, and your eyes opened a fraction before you snapped them shut again. The room you were in was bright, too bright for your sore eyes, and you turned your head to the side, just as the beeping started to quicken a little.

"Miss Winchester?" The name wasn't yours, and the voice wasn't familiar, but you responded through cracked and dry lips anyway.

"Where am I?" There was no answer, only a warm hand on your arm.

You tried to move, opening your eyes despite the brightness, squinting at whoever had hold of you. "Shush, calm down sweetie, I just need to replace this IV, okay?" You nodded, willing yourself to calm down and the beeping slowed back to a steady pace. "That's it." You tried to work up some saliva in your mouth, but nothing happened and the room started to come into focus.

"I'm in the hospital?" you asked, and the nurse, who you could see now, smiled in a friendly manner.

"That's right, sweetheart. Your father brought you in after you were attacked. He's been worried sick about you; sat in the corridor all night while you were in surgery."

You blinked, shocked at what you were hearing. Your father? Surgery? What the hell had happened? You remembered the ghouls, the drive, and feeling...less than stellar. But everything else was a blur.

The nurse patted your arm as she finished what she was doing, and you felt a warm flood through your veins. "That'll take the edge off the pain. Everything goes well, we'll have you out of here in a couple days." A knock on the door made her stand straight. "That's probably your family."

The door opened, and the nurse picked up her tray of medical instruments, replacing them on the cart by the door as John walked in, his face pale and drawn, circles under his eyes from a lack of sleep.

"John?" you asked, sitting up a little in the bed, wincing at the pain in your side.

"Y/N. Thank god." He was at your bedside in an instant, as the nurse left, giving you some privacy. "I had to tell them I was your dad. There was no way they'd let me stay, and anything else -"

"I get it," you rasped, as he frowned and picked up the pitcher of water on the side, pouring you a small cup of water. Taking it gratefully, John watched as you started to sip gingerly at the liquid.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck. What happened?" You handed him the empty glass as he watched you carefully. "I remember the ghouls. One of them threw me, and it hurt."

John nodded, taking your hand in his larger one. "You had internal contusions, a punctured lung and your stomach was ruptured. You were in surgery for six hours." His tired eyes met yours. "Longest six hours I've had in a while, baby girl."

"Where are Dean and Sam?"

"Dean cleaned up the car and took it to Bobby's. They'll stay there a while until we go get them." His thumb stroked your hand gently. "I got a motel room as close as I could. You've been out for a week. They kept you asleep whilst you healed."

"I don't wanna stay here," you whimpered and your fingers tightened around his hand. "Can't we just slip out?"

John shook his head, looking down at your hand around his. "We can't, sweetheart. You gotta stay until the doctor says you're okay to leave. I'm not risking it with an injury like this."

"What happened to “walk it off”?" you joked, laughing a little, then wincing at the tightness in your belly. "Isn't that the Winchester way?" You dragged your eyes back to his face, seeing no hint of humor there. "John?"

"You died. In surgery. Your heart stopped."

Time seemed to stand still as he spoke, and you held a breath, staring at him. "I...I died?" He nodded. "I didn't...I can't..."

"I wasn't allowed in. But they said that they lost you for forty-six seconds. Forty-six seconds." John repeated the words, and you could have sworn his eyes were watery. But John Winchester didn't cry. You'd never seen him show even an inch of emotion like that.

"John, I'm okay, I'm here, I'm right here..."

"I know, but you nearly weren't." Your mouth opened and shut, as you tried to find the words to comfort him but none came, and his grip on your hand tightened further. He bent down, pressing his forehead against your entwined digits, kissing your knuckles. "I lost Mary. And I never got over it." Your heart thumped wildly at his words, but the beeping didn't change. "I can't...I can't lose anyone else."

"I'm not going anywhere, John," you whispered, and he shook his head against your hand. "I promise you, I'm not."

"You can't promise that." He looked up, and you could see tears falling from his eyes. He looked exhausted and fragile at that moment, and for a second, you thought he was gonna say you should leave. "I'm terrified I can't keep you or my boys, safe."

You swallowed hard, holding back the tears. "Dean got hurt because of me." Your words were spoken quietly, but John heard them, looking up at you in confusion. "I got hurt because of me. I messed up the hunt. I was sloppy and stupid...I let that ghoul get the jump on me. So, if anything, I can't keep me safe."

John shook his head. "No, that's not -"

"I'm just a much to blame here as you. I didn't say I was feeling sick, I didn't...I knew. After the ghouls, I felt weird and off balance, but I didn't say anything." You kept your eyes on the blanket covering your legs. "I caused this, and you're blaming yourself when you don't need to. So, I died. But I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere, John, I promise."

He didn't say anything for a long minute. You wondered if he'd leave or if he'd cast you out. And then he stood up, leaning over to kiss you on the forehead, firmly but aware of your fragile state.

"How the hell did you get to be so grown up, baby girl?"

You shrugged, wishing more than anything he'd kiss you properly, but knowing how fucking weird it would look to any staff wandering around. "Look, let's just get me out of here quickly, and back to Bobby's, okay? I really hate hospitals."

John chuckled, nodding his agreement. "Okay, sweetheart. Whatever you say."

*****

Three agonizingly long days later, and you were in the truck, heading to the motel John had booked. It was late, and he'd insisted on a decent meal that wasn't hospital issue jello before you hit the road to Sioux Falls. Of course, he'd actually booked a nice room for a change, and you were pleased to see a large bathtub through the open door of the en-suite bathroom. John caught the longing on your face and smiled.

"Sit on the bed, and I'll run you a nice bath. Get all that hospital grime off."

"You saying I smell?" you quipped, grinning up at him. He chuckled, bending to press a quick kiss to your lips, before moving across the room. Keeping your eyes on him through the doorway as he ran the bath, you admired the curve of his ass and his broad shoulders. "Nice view in this room."

John turned, raising an eyebrow in your direction. "Someone's definitely feeling better."

You leaned back a little on the bed, propping yourself up on your elbows as John ran you a bath, adding plenty of the motel bubble bath to it. Pulling at the oversized shirt he'd brought you, you dragged it over your stomach, bunching it underneath your breasts.

God, you were a mess. The surgical wounds were going to scar badly, even though all the staples were out now, it still looked like you'd gotten into a fight with a wood-chipper. As you stared at the marks all over you, you sighed, and John heard the noise from the bathroom.

"Hey." He stepped out, moving to the side of the bed. "You're gonna be fine." You nodded, letting your shirt fall down. "They don't hurt, do they?"

"It's a little achy," you shrugged. "Nothing as bad as it was. I'll be fine once I've had a bath." John nodded his head in the direction of the bathroom.

"You'd better get undressed then."

Your eyes bugged out of your head, and you suddenly felt a wave of nerves flow through you. "Now?"

"You can't bathe with your clothes on," he pointed out, and you shivered at his deep tone, watching him stand up and move back to the en-suite. "Come on, baby girl. Gonna give you a nice bath, and then get you into bed. The doctor said to rest."

You swallowed hard, wondering if John meant rest or _rest_. Quickly, you slipped from the bed, careful not to knock your stitches as you pushed your pants down your legs, toeing your shoes off. It was easy enough to slip the shirt over your head, and you stood in only your sports bra and panties, looking towards the bathroom. John had stopped the water running, and was leaning against the door frame, watching you with darkened eyes.

"I'm a mess, right?" you joked, and he smiled, pushing off of his leaning post and walking over to you.

"I told you that you were beautiful, Y/N, and I meant it." His fingers reached out to trail down the bare skin of your arm, goose-pimples erupting in the wake of his touch. "Now, let's get you into that bath." He pulled you close, unhooking your bra and letting it fall from your shoulders. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," you whispered in a breathy voice. "Just...not used to being naked around men."

John chuckled. "Nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart. I'm not gonna hurt you, or make you do anything you're not comfortable with." You nodded, letting him guide you to the bathtub. Slowly, you pushed your panties down your legs, all too aware that after so long in the hospital, you were in dire need of a razor. John didn't seem to notice as he helped you to submerge yourself in the bubbles.

Your head automatically went back against the edge of the tub, the warmth of the water seeping into places you hadn't even known were aching. Your eyes drifted closed and a low moan left your throat, prompting John to smile as he crouched beside the tub.

"You sound like you're enjoying that."

You nodded, refusing to open your eyes as the water lapped at your skin, most of your modesty concealed by the bubbles he'd put in. "You have no idea how good this feels."

"Want some help scrubbing your back?" His voice was dripping with innuendo, and you slowly opened one eye to look at him, the corners of your mouth turning upwards a little.

"Give me a couple minutes to just soak. I might need help with more than my back though."

John stood up, leaning over the tub to press a kiss to your forehead. "Whatever you want, baby girl. I'll go order some room service. Want anything in particular?"

"French fries," you replied instantly, smiling. "And a burger. Milkshake?"

He chuckled, nodding. "Chocolate?" Of course, he knew your favorite flavor. You nodded, smiling brightly at his retreating form as he walked out of the bathroom. You let out a contented sigh as your eyes slid closed again.

Minutes ticked past, and John returned, your toiletries bag in hand from your duffel. You looked up at the sound of his footsteps into the room, smiling at him as he placed the bag within your reach. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled, kneeling by the tub and dipping one hand into the water, his fingers just barely brushing your thigh. "Warm enough?"

"It's perfect." You stretched your legs out, your toes peeking above the water at the bottom end of the tub. "I didn't know how much I needed this."

John made a noise as he stroked your thigh underneath the water. "It's funny. How you never realize how much you needed something...or someone." Your head jerked up as he avoided eye contact. "I nearly lost you back there, baby girl."

You softened, relaxing back into the water as his hand traveled further up, grazing over your hip. "You didn't, though. I promised – I'm not going anywhere. Unless you tell me to go, you're stuck with me." A sigh left you again as he stopped moving his hand, leaving it to rest on your belly. He kept his touch gentle as he inspected your scars, though visibility wasn't that great with the bubbles.

He didn't speak for long moments, and you watched his face. Those hazel-brown eyes, so much like Sam's, were focused on your surgical wounds, and you reached out, placing one wet hand down his cheek.

"Hey. I'm here."

John smiled, but it was hesitant, and you placed both hands on the bottom of the tub, hefting yourself up to be eye level with him as he knelt by your side.

"I'm never gonna leave, John. I promise. Nothing's gonna get me when I've got a whole bunch of Winchesters" at my back." Your smile was confident, and he cupped your cheek, leaning over to kiss you softly. You moaned, and he deepened the caress, pushing you back into the water.

Breaking the kiss, he kept his face close to yours. "Wanna make you forget this, sweetheart. You good with that?" You nodded, biting your bottom lip as his hand moved over your belly, past the scars, slipping between your legs. "Gonna make you feel so good, baby girl." His words were softly spoken, but they still sent shivers coursing through your body and you let your head drop back onto the tub edge as John slid one thick finger through your folds.

"Fuck...John..."

"What do you want, Y/N?"

You whimpered, curling your toes against the bottom of the bath. "I wanna cum. Wanna cum so bad." He smirked, his finger penetrating you below the water, and you whined in need as he pumped it in and out of you at a slow pace.

"That feel good?" he asked, and you nodded, gasping as he added a second finger. "You're tense, baby girl. Need to loosen up a bit." His thumb located your clit, and as soon as he touched it, sparks erupted in your core and you cried out, your hands clutching the sides of the tub as he kept moving his fingers, the pace agonizingly slow, building to a crescendo.

"John....mmmm....please...let me cum, please!"

"Not yet. Relax. Your knuckles are white." He leaned over again, bending to suck one pert nipple into his mouth, uncaring of the bubbles on your skin. Your cry made him chuckle against your skin, and you closed your eyes. The combination of the warm water, his mouth, and his fingers was edging you all the way, but you needed more – you needed to cum.

Opening your mouth, you wanted to beg, but all that came out was a keening wail, and your hands dropped from the tub into the water. John abandoned your left breast for your right, running his tongue over your wet skin as he kept fucking you with his fingers. His thumb circled your clit once more, before pressing down hard and you were done for.

Your body spasmed in the water, your walls clenching around his fingers tightly, and he moaned around your nipple, sucking it harder as you cried out his name over and over. He didn't stop until you were lax, panting out the remainder of your orgasm.

John released your nipple with a soft plop, looking up at you. "Feel better, sweetheart?" You nodded bonelessly and moaned when he leaned in to kiss you again, pulling his fingers from your body, before straightening up. "Let's get you cleaned up. Food will be here soon."


	5. Chapter 5

You'd never tasted a better burger in your life.

After a week of hospital grade food, you could honestly compare the simple chips and burger to five-star gourmet eating, and John found it highly amusing to watch you take each mouthful, groaning in pleasure as you chewed every bite thoroughly.

"You know, it's been too long since I've had a nice bath and a nice meal like this." You put the burger down, reaching for your milkshake.

John looked a little offended. "Hey. I pick the greatest diners there are."

Your eyebrows rose as you looked at him. "John, no offense, but your palette has definitely numbed over the years. Because that little diner you took us to near Chicago? Last month?" He nodded, remembering the place you were talking about. "There was something alive in the salad. I don't think Sam ate anything for days after that, he was so scared."

John shrugged in response. "At least it was fresh."

You sniggered, taking another large mouthful of the milkshake. "This is seriously good though. Hospital food is so...urgh. I mean, how do they think that'll make you feel better?"

"At least you're out now. We can go back to crappy diner food and watered down beers." He reached out, swiping a chip from your plate. "And it's good to see you smiling again." You nodded, picking up your burger to take another bite. "Wanna watch a movie?"

You chewed quickly, swallowing the mouthful so you could speak. "Don't we need to get back to Bobby's? I mean, we've been off the road for nearly two weeks, right?"

"I think we earned some downtime," John said, not meeting your eyes as you frowned.

"You're kidding, right? You don't do downtime, John. The job, remember?" He shrugged, standing up and wandering over to the television on the opposite side of the room as you watched him carefully. "John?" He didn't answer and you scowled, dropping your food back onto the plate. "Is there something else going on here?"

"I'm not rushing back," he said simply, keeping his back to you. "The boys are fine. Enjoying some time just helping Bobby out. No major cases. We can drive back tomorrow."

Your scowl receded into a frown, and you swung your legs over the edge of the bed, your sleep shorts riding up over your thighs as you dragged yourself to your feet. "John? Is something wrong?"

He chuckled a little, turning the television on, and grabbing the remote. "Always so worried, baby girl. Ever think I just wanted some time alone with you? I mean, with the boys around -" Your eyes widened as he turned, closing the distance between you.

"But...with me...like this..." Your hands went to your belly automatically, prompting John to pull back with a frown on his face.

"What? Because of your scars?" He shook his head, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. "Baby, I've got more scars than you know about. It doesn't bother me." You looked down, just as his hands covered yours and pulled them away from your body, holding them up to kiss your knuckles softly. "You're beautiful to me, in any way you come, I don't think you quite grasp that."

"I just don't wanna...disappoint you." Your voice tapered off into a whisper, and you felt tears prickling at your eyes, disgust at yourself welling in your chest.

"You could never -" John stopped talking, dipping his head to capture your lips in a kiss. He had a good foot in height over you, and you arched your neck, allowing him better access. He dropped your hands, pulling your body flush with his, careful not to put too much pressure on you.

The kiss lasted until you pulled away, panting for air, your hands curled on the sides of his t-shirt. His smile was soft, and he pressed his forehead against yours.

"I want you so much, baby girl." He punctuated the words with a roll of his hips, and you could feel exactly how true his statement was. "But if you don't want this, you can just say. I'm happy with whatever you wanna do." His fingers stroked down your back, and you shivered at the contact, despite the thin layer of fabric between you. Your eyes met his, and you bit your bottom lip, nodding slowly.

"I want you, John. I don't wanna wait anymore."

Almost instantly, his hands tightened on your lower back, pulling you into him as he kissed you again. You closed your eyes, clinging to him as he pressed his tongue into your mouth, massaging yours with it. You moaned, something coiling in your core as he guided you back towards the bed.

Your thighs hit the low edge of the mattress as John's hands tugged gently at the hem of your top, drawing it up over your head. Although he'd already seen you naked, you shivered, your nipples hardening in the cool air of the motel room. He smiled, his large hands cupping your breasts, thumbing your nipples as you watched him with wide eyes.

"Anything you don't like, you tell me," he said quietly, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. You nodded, before frowning.

"What if I do like it?" you asked, looking up at him all wide-eyed and innocent, despite the little grin on your lips. John practically growled, squeezing your breasts.

"Then you scream for me, sweetheart." He lowered his head, sucking one nipple into his mouth as his hands trailed down over your tummy, fingers hooking in the waistband of your sleep shorts to pull them down. You gasped as he abandoned your breast in favor of the other one, moving his tongue expertly against your skin, leaving your nipples hard as he kissed a path down over your stomach. "Every inch of you is beautiful, baby girl," he muttered, making sure to trace every wound with his tongue before dropping to his knees.

"John...please..."

"Never gonna get enough of you begging me," John whispered, looking up at you from the floor, his hands on your hips. Slowly, his hands slid down, his thumbs hooking into the juncture of your thighs and pressing lightly, encouraging you to spread them for him. Your low moan encouraged him, and he flicked his tongue out, dragging it through your folds to stop at your clit. Your hips bucked, and you cried out, raising your hands to thread your fingers through his dark hair.

As he pulled back, you whimpered with loss and he smiled up at you. "Lay back on the bed, baby girl. Spread those pretty legs for me, wanna see you." You nodded, nerves making your body shake as you eased yourself back onto the mattress, propping yourself up on your elbows as John knelt between your legs. You opened up to him, keeping your eyes on him as his mouth hovered over your pussy. "So fucking gorgeous, sweetheart." As he finished, he licked a long strip along your cunt, his tongue flat against your flesh and you cried out in pleasure, letting your elbows collapse so you fell flat on the bed.

John's hands pawed at your hips, dragging you closer to him, his tongue continuing to move against your sensitive flesh, dipping into your entrance slightly before moving back up towards your clit, repeating the action over and over until your fingers were curling into the sheets, your cries reduced to lengthened gasps of his name.

"Want more?" he asked, sitting back on his haunches, his fingers teasing at your already soaked hole. You nodded, gulping down lungfuls of oxygen as John moved forward again, his eyes on your face as he sunk one long finger into your pussy, your walls clutching at him greedily. "Baby, you're so tight," he groaned, leaning down to lick your clit, his free hand splaying across your lower belly to hold you down, mindful of the scars there.

"John!" Your sharp gasp of his name came as he curled his finger into your body, zeroing in on that special spot on your inner wall, applying just enough pressure to make you whimper and try to shut your thighs as the pleasure overwhelmed you. "John, I'm, fuck, I'm -"

"That's it, baby." He flicked his tongue across your clit, adding a second finger to the one already bringing your over the edge, and you screamed for him, pulling at the sheets with your fisted hands. He didn't stop touching you as you came around his fingers, his tongue licking up your slick greedily. "You taste fucking perfect."

You were panting and writhing on the bed as he pulled away, dragging his fingers out of you to lick them clean. "Don't worry, baby girl." John pulled his shirt over his head and you watched, sinking your teeth into your lip as you let your eyes take in the muscles of his chest, the salt, and pepper hair across his pectorals, trailing down to his stomach. He wasn't toned, but he was in good shape for a guy his age. And then there was the sloping “v” that led down into his jeans, tight around his waist. He caught you staring, and smirked. "What?"

"Just wondering how I got so lucky," you shrugged, feeling a little cheeky. "It's like having Gerard Butler standing in front of me. Or George Clooney."

John barked a laugh of amusement, shaking his head. "I'm neither of those guys, sweetheart. Just an ordinary man."

"You're far from ordinary, John Winchester." You pulled your legs up onto the bed, wincing a little at the sensitivity there. That prompted a smirk from him, just as he popped the button on his pants. Your breath hitched in your throat as he pushed both jeans and boxers down, his cock standing hard and proud from his body as he looked down at you on the bed, unashamed of his nudity.

"Like what you see?"

You nodded in response to his question, pulling yourself to the edge of the bed and sitting up, John coming to stand in front of you, his hand around his thick length. "Can I taste you?" you asked, quietly, feeling like a novice, even though you'd had him in your mouth before. But this wasn't under a cover, hiding from anyone. This was out in the open, bright lights, and fuck, he looked even bigger than he'd felt. His cock was practically pulsing with his arousal, the thick vein on the underside prominent as he stroked himself.

"You can do whatever you want, baby girl." John smiled, offering himself to you. Slowly, you brought your hand up, replacing his touch with yours, and immediately he groaned, prompting you to smile. You tested the weight of him in your hand, stroking up and down, running your thumb over the tip, probing his slit. A dribble of precum leaked from him, and quickly, you flicked your tongue out to taste him. "Fuck, sweetheart. You're gonna kill me."

"No." You grinned up at him. "I like having you around too much." John's answering chuckle turned into a deep groan as you wrapped your lips around his tip, sucking gently, using your tongue to press into his slit softly, enjoying the noises he made. Every rumble in his chest spurred you on, and you closed your eyes, taking as much of him into your mouth as possible, feeling him bump against the back of your throat, your gag reflex making your stomach churn.

It was difficult to tamper down the urge to gag, and you pulled back before making another attempt, swallowing around him until your nose brushed against the coarse hair at the base of his cock, and John grasped your head, throwing his back as he growled in pleasure. "Fucking hell, baby girl." You pulled back, before taking him in again, tracing the underside of his length with your tongue, feeling him swell in response. His fingers moved from your hair, dropping down to stroke your jaw, his head rolling forward to look down at you.

You opened your eyes, smiling as much as you could with his cock stuffed in your mouth, and he grunted as his hips jerked, his fingers brushing over the swell in your throat where he was pushing against you.

"You have any idea how sexy you look?" His voice was raspy, his jaw clenched as he watched you pull back again, bobbing up and down on him enthusiastically. As you picked up speed, John cried out, and you tasted precum on your tongue, before he abruptly pulled away, gasping. "Fuck, baby, you're gonna make me cum."

You grinned, swiping your mouth on the back of your hand. "Isn't that the idea?"

John chuckled, pulling you up to your feet, pressing a rough kiss to your lips. "In some cases." His hands traveled over your naked breasts, over your stomach, before brushing against the curls between your legs. "But I wanna cum here tonight." You gasped as his index finger pressed into your clit, and your fingers clutched at his shoulder, your thighs parting in response to his touch. "You want me inside you, baby girl? Wanna feel my cock?"

You nodded, closing your eyes as he teased your entrance, sliding two fingers between your wet folds again, scissoring them into you. "John...please."

"I know, sweetheart." He groaned, pressing a wet kiss to the spot below your ear. "You want it bad, huh?" You nodded, almost whining in need before he pushed you back, his fingers still inside you, his strong arms laying you down on the bed. "Just tell me if you need to stop."

He pulled his fingers away, his hard body hovering over yours, his knees pressing your thighs apart. His lips pressed against yours, inspiring a surge of arousal to flood your body, and your hips came off the bed, almost automatically. Your hands held onto his shoulders, your fingers restless against his skin. "John, please, I need you." His answering smile was soft, and he leaned back on his haunches, keeping his eyes on you for a second.

"This might hurt," he warned, and you nodded – you weren't a blushing virgin. It wasn't like you hadn't done plenty of sexual things in the past, you'd just never gone all the way. But you were about to. With the one man you'd lusted after since you were that blushing virgin.

John fisted his cock with one hand, pumping it a few times, using his thumb to coat his length with the precum leaking from his tip. Reaching down, he used his other hand to rub you, a low rumble in his chest at how wet you were. You held your breath as he rolled his hips against you, rubbing the head of his cock along your slit.

"Fuck...so fucking wet," he moaned, before pausing, his eyes locking on yours again. "You're...are you..."

You grinned, feeling a little more relaxed at his slightly panicked expression. "I've been on birth control for months. Better safe than sorry."

John smiled, leaning over to kiss you, before he guided his cock into your cunt, both of you groaning in tandem as his girth stretched you open. "Shit....baby girl-" He cut off, panting as he kept moving into you. You cried out, feeling the painful stretch of your walls around him, but you didn't want him to stop – the pleasure accompanying it was too much to give up. "Fucking tight," he grunted, trying to hold back. It took everything in him not to thrust in, fuck you blind – but he knew he'd hurt you.

Save that for another time.

You cried out his name, clinging to him as his cock was finally seated all the way inside you, thick and heavy. It felt like you could almost feel your heart beating, your blood pumping hard around your body as John let you adjust to him. "Feels...so -"

"Tell me, baby girl. Tell me how it feels."

"Good. So fucking good," you whimpered, just as he captured your mouth with his. He kissed you hard, his body pressed up against yours and he moved his hips, pulling out of your pussy a little way before thrusting back in. The cry you gave made him smile, and your hands moved from his shoulders, traveling down his back as you raised your legs a little. The angle changed and John grunted, burying his face in your neck.

"My perfect...beautiful Y/N," he moaned, his breath hot against your skin as he started to move, keeping each stroke even and timed, hitting your deepest spots with ease. "You feel so good around my cock, baby girl. So wet and tight."

"Don't stop," you begged, his words only making the fire in your belly burn brighter. "Harder, John, please!"

"You're such a good girl for me, letting me in," he muttered, his voice closer to your ear as he moved one arm down, pulling your leg a little higher around his waist, holding it there. You cried out, and he growled, feeling your pussy get slicker. "Gonna cum for me, sweetheart? Gonna cum on my cock?" You nodded, biting your bottom lip. The initial burn of his cock inside you had subsided, the dull throb only adding to the intense stimulation John was creating with every single thrust into your body. You had no doubt you were gonna cum, the feeling was already spiraling in your core, and you whimpered.

"So close -" The words were more of a voiced thought as you clung to him, your legs so tight around his waist, you were surprised you weren't hurting him. Your choked call of his name made him rock into you harder, his cock slamming into the thin barrier of your womb without stopping. Your walls fluttered, and your eyes fell shut, your back arching hard as you screamed, cumming hard around him.

"That's it, let it go, Y/N, baby girl, fuck, feel so good, so beautiful, such a good girl, come on -" John kept talking, kept whispering filthy words of praise into your skin and you screamed louder, feeling your insides pulse, contracting and tightening, before warmth flooded your pussy, John's body jerking as he filled your cunt with his spendings.

He stopped thrusting after a few moments, his body almost curled around you, holding you tight. He raised his head, pushing his mouth into yours, kissing you deep and hard, until he had to pull away for air.

"Did I die?" you groaned, letting your head roll back on the pillows, John's laughed vibrating through your body before he pulled away. You didn't move, feeling a strange heaviness in your limbs, warmth, and stickiness across your thighs, spilling from your center. "Seriously. I'm dead. No way that was...fuck..." You heard him moving around, going to the bathroom before returning to the bed.

"Here." He offered you a washcloth, and you took it, groaning as you pulled yourself into a sitting position, looking down to clean yourself up. "You feeling okay?"

You smiled over at him. "I'm not going to lie, the few friends I've had? All told me your first time was horrible. I even read a few of those stupid teenager magazines, and everything was the same." You ran the cloth over your thighs, clearing away the sticky combination of your cum. "I guess none of those write-ins had the benefit of an experienced older man."

John smirked. "Guess not." He leaned over, kissed your forehead. As you cleaned up, John pulled his sweats on, coming around the side of the bed to hand you your sleep shorts, taking the washcloth from you and throwing it to the other side of the room.

A yawn split your face as you yanked the covers back, sliding underneath them, feeling John slide into the other side, his strong arms winding around your waist to pull you flush against him. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"I really liked you telling me I was a good girl." You kept your voice a whisper, wondering if he'd think you were being an idiot.

"Hmmm. Someone's got a praise kink."

"Really? That's what they call it?" You sounded amused, and John laughed gently, kissing the back of your neck. "Wonder what other kinks I've got."

He smiled, nudging you a little closer. "I'm all for finding out, baby girl."


	6. Chapter 6

Waking up surrounded by John's arms was a new feeling, and one you weren't going to tire of any time soon. Normally, when you'd had to share with Dean and Sam, John would be up at the first hint of dawn, removing any sign that he'd been in your bed, sleeping with his arms around your body. But in this room, it was just you and him, and you were going to hate it when that ended.

He shifted in his sleep, burrowing his face into the back of your neck and you smiled, trying to stay still and enjoy the moment. His warm breath on your skin felt wonderful but not as good as the morning salute he was pressing into your ass.

Fuck, you were never gonna get enough of this man.

Slowly, you turned to face him, looking at his features as he slept. You'd never seen John totally relaxed, and you couldn't blame him for that, knowing his life. But when he was sleeping, the worry lines disappeared, and he looked younger in the soft morning light. He needed a shave – not that you didn't adore the stubble he sported – and his hair was unkempt, curling around his ears and almost long enough to reach his eyes at the front.

Boldy, you raised your face to his, kissing his full lips softly, your nose pressing against his. He moaned and smiled in his sleep, not waking, and an idea struck you.

With a mischievous grin, you wiggled down the bed, not stopping until you were under the covers, nose level with the hardness tenting his sweatpants. You ran one finger along the length of him, feeling him twitch underneath the touch, before pulling his pants down, just enough to let you have access to him.

John woke up as soon as your mouth found him, the warmth of your mouth ensconcing his length. He groaned loudly, his hips thrusting forward as his hands clutched at you through the duvet, and you giggled.

"Fuck, baby girl, that's one way to wake me up."

You nodded, not stopping as you ran your tongue over his tip, licking up the bead of precum there, before bobbing up and down on him with a quickened pace. John swore, before throwing the covers off to look down at you. You raised your eyes in his direction, still sucking his cock as he grinned.

"Get your ass up here," he ordered, and you smiled, letting him pull you up the length of his body. "Fucking beautiful girl," he muttered before his fingers were tangling in your hair, dragging you in for a kiss. You moaned into his mouth, grinding your hips against his, and his cock responded with a twitch against your core.

"John, fuck me. Please," you whispered, breaking the kiss, and he used one hand to grab your ass and push you down on his dick.

"How could I refuse?" He pushed you up, his hands running over your body. "Wanna watch you, sweetheart. Take off those clothes." You were quick to obey, ripping off your camisole and sleep shorts, before resuming your position straddling his hips. John was only wearing his sweats, and he pushed them down further, groaning at the feel of your slit, hot on his cock. "Gotta be inside you, baby girl. You ready for me?"

You nodded, rutting your hips, grinding your wet pussy against his cock, and John arched his back in response. "Can I ride you?" you asked, getting more excited by watching him underneath you. He nodded, a strangled sound echoing in his chest from the request. You rose up over him, and he positioned his cock at your entrance, relinquishing full control to you.

His head slipped inside easily, and you groaned as you slid down his length, not stopping until your thighs were flush with his pelvis. It felt deeper than it had last night; almost to the point of pain as his cock pressed into the deepest parts of your body, and you whimpered as he gave a thrust up into you.

"You okay, baby girl?" John asked, his large hands splayed across your thighs. You nodded, leaning forward a little to put your weight on his forearms, before pulling your hips up a few inches. It relieved the pressure inside your body, but you found yourself wanting it back pretty quickly. You slammed down on him, enjoying the noises he made as you repeated the action quickly.

Within minutes, you'd established a rhythm, bouncing up and down on John's cock with enthusiasm, crying out for him as he tried to remain as still as possible underneath you, his teeth biting into his bottom lip to the point of drawing blood. Every drag of your walls along his cock was agonizingly blissful, and you didn't want it to end.

"Is this...is this good?" you asked, unsure if you were bringing him the pleasure you felt.

John nodded, his fingers digging into your thighs as arousal-darkened eyes met yours. "You're fucking perfect," he grunted, looking down to see his cock disappearing into your pussy with every stroke of your hips. "Fucking beautiful girl, taking my cock so well. You like that, baby girl? You like me filling you up?"

You mewled in pleasure, nodding at him, and John pulled his hand from your right thigh, using his thumb to press into your cunt just above where his cock thrust into you. He dragged it up, finding your clit with ease, spreading your slick across it and using the pad of his thumb to massage it. "John -" Your words were cut off by your approaching orgasm, the combination of your movements and his touch on your clit bringing it flooding over you. John kept working at you, thrusting up as your rhythm became disjointed, and you screamed out your climax.

Your legs turned to jelly on top of him, and he pulled his fingers from you, holding on as you let him take over, his cock thrusting up into you harder with each stroke, only fuelling your orgasm's continuation. Your walls fluttered around him, and John groaned loudly, pulling you down close to kiss you roughly. The changed angle had him hitting your g-spot relentlessly, and you clung to his shoulders, his powerful drives into your body rendering you unable to do much but whimper and cry out for him.

"You're such a good girl, sweetheart, so warm and wet for me. Perfect little cunt, taking everything I got." John's words made you groan in response, and you pulled your head back a little to kiss him. He gave a sharp thrust, and you yelped, making John grin as his hands covered your ass, kneading at your cheeks. "I'm gonna fill you up, baby girl. Do you want that? Wanna feel me cum?"

"Y-yes," you panted, trying to move your hips to reciprocate his movements, but the angle didn't give much leeway for you to move. John was happy to do all the work, his hands holding you down by your ass, whilst his hips drove his cock into you. You licked his neck, smiling at the pleased noise he made. Giving the skin a nip, the pleased noise became a growl and he fucked into you harder.

"Keep doing that, sweetheart," he encouraged, and you grinned, finding one spot on his collarbone, just below the line of his neck. Suckling at him, you used your teeth and tongue to mark him, leaving a purple spot on his skin. John groaned loudly, and his cock swelled inside you. You squealed as he rammed into you, hitting your g-spot head on and your orgasm curled in your belly.

You whimpered his name, just as he pulled you up a little, knowing you were close. Your breasts were close to his face, and he craned his neck, sucking one nipple into his mouth hard, and you were done for. Your cunt tightened around him, and you came screaming for him, just as his thrusts stuttered and that pleasant warm liquid feeling filled you.

John released your nipple, pressing his face into your rib cage, his torso lifted off the bed as he kept pumping into you until he was completely finished. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, resting your cheek against his messy hair, both of you panting hard with the exertion.

It took long minutes for you to part, as John pulled you off of his softening cock to hold you close in his arms, kissing your temple. You grabbed the covers, pulling them over both of your naked bodies, smiling as you buried your face in his chest.

"We gotta go soon, right?" you asked, and John nodded, his thumb making an absent-minded trail up and down your exposed arm above the covers.

"We do. As lovely as this is, we can't stay. I've got the boys to take care of, things to hunt. Gotta find this demon and put it down." His tone took on a grim tone as he spoke, and you nodded against him, feeling his sigh before he let it drop.

"You know you're not doing this alone now, right?" you whispered. "You got me. Come hell or high water, John, I'm gonna help. I know I'm only a kid, I'm not even twenty yet, but I can...I can help more than you know." He chuckled, nodding.

"I know you can, baby girl." He kissed your forehead again, his arm tugging you in closer. "I'm not gonna forget that. But I gotta keep you safe too, y'know?"

You pushed up onto your forearms, looking down at him. "Who's gonna keep you safe, John? You can't put yourself on the line. Me and Dean, we're old enough. We can do more to help."

John frowned. "I know that. Where's this coming from, sweetheart?" Sitting back, you sighed heavily, pulling the sheets around your body. John reached forward, his hand on your shoulder. "Y/N? What's wrong?"

"I don't want you to think I'm not mature enough to deal with this. I know I got hurt. I know I messed up. But I'm good enough." You raised teary eyes to meet his. "I don't want you to leave me behind because you suddenly feel like I'm...like I'm too young for you..."

John shook his head, tutting as he pulled you close to him. "I'm not gonna leave you behind, baby girl. I'll never leave you behind."

You nodded, feeling his arms around you, and you closed your eyes, wishing that these few days didn't have to be over. But John was right. There was a job to be done, and you had to help him do it.

The family business couldn't wait any longer.

*****

The ride back to Sioux Falls was easy in the truck. John had plucked one of his tapes from his selection and shoved it into the deck, letting you lay back and rest. Your stomach wounds were healing quickly, but he'd made sure before you left, that they were cleaned and dressed. His soft touches had led to another quick bout of lovemaking, although you wished it had lasted longer. Going back on the road meant less time in his arms, after all.

He'd promised that you would get your own space from the boys whenever possible, but you knew it meant he would still have to slip out before you awoke, back to his bed so the boys wouldn't notice he was gone. You didn't know how you felt about hiding this from Dean and Sam; on the one hand, you didn't want them to think you were stealing their dad away, but on the other, you'd never lied to them before. Keeping secrets was part of the deal, and you didn't want to sacrifice John that way.

You'd brought it up with John not long into the drive, mainly because you didn't want to lie to him either.

"I have reservations about it too, Y/N." He sighed heavily, his fingers flexing around the wheel, his eyes on the road ahead. "I have to keep a lot of things from them, especially from Sam, and adding one more to the pile..." His voice drifted off, and you knew that it wasn't just Sam and Dean that he was keeping things from. "We can tell them eventually. But right now...I don't want you to get the brunt of their anger. There hasn't been anyone since Mary. Not to them anyway."

You couldn't help but bristle at that. Had there been someone else over the years? Was there someone else now? You must have given something away because John reached out, taking your hand.

"Hey. It was a long time ago. Nothing came of it." He smiled, and you nodded, knowing it was stupid to get upset over something in the past. You didn't feel anything like that towards Mary in the slightest. "I just don't want the boys to think I'm -" He paused, struggling for the right words.

"Replacing their mom?" you offered, and he looked over, nodding gently.

"I wasn't gonna word it that way."

"I know. But it was what you meant." You shrugged. "I don't wanna replace Mary, John. I know she was the love of your life. She was everything to you." He squeezed your hand again, and you shuffled over a little closer to him. "I wouldn't even want to touch that part of your heart because it's hers and I respect that."

John smiled again, kissing your forehead before turning his attention back to the mostly empty road. "You're more than I deserve, baby girl. And yeah, Mary was the love of my life. That life anyway." He didn't say anything more, but your heart jumped at the unspoken words there. You knew you were feeling something for this man, beyond the teenaged crush born years before, there was no doubt in that.

But you didn't know if it was love.

Not yet, anyway.

*****

By the time it was dark, the truck was rambling up Bobby Singer's driveway. You were asleep on John's lap, and he nudged you as he put the vehicle in park, your eyes snapping open.

"We're back, sweetheart," he whispered, and you smiled, stretching to sit up. A wide yawn split your mouth, and you grabbed your duffel from the back seat of the truck, ready to jump from the cab. John's fingers closed around your wrist, pulling you close for a searing kiss before he released you. "Sorry. Don't wanna take the chance that it'll be a while before I get to do that again."

You pressed your lips against his once more, before scrambling from the truck, landing on the rough dirt and looking up at the house where you'd spent more than a few of your formative years. John was right about there not being a chance to touch each other for a while – Bobby had chased off your prom date when you were sixteen. He'd probably shoot John if he knew what you'd been up to.

The front door opened and Sam bowled out of the door, running to you and enveloping you in a hug that was mostly gangly arms and legs. "Y/N!" He practically yelled your name as you laughed and pushed him off. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"I'm good, Sammy." He scowled at the nickname for a split second before grinning widely, and you reached up to ruffle his stupidly floppy hair. "Can't keep me down for long."

"Dad said you were hurt pretty badly," Sam muttered, just as Dean came out of the house behind him.

"It takes more than some stupid ghoul to keep Y/N down." He grinned, pushing his little brother out of the way to hug you. He was slightly more gentle than his enthusiastic sibling, but it was easy to detect the relief at having you back with them. "I'm really glad you're okay."

"You okay, though?" you asked, still feeling guilty for his injuries. He'd healed well though, much like John had, and when he pulled back, he punched your shoulder lightly.

"Quit worrying about me. I'm older, I should be worrying about you." Dean grinned, before looking over at his dad. "Everything okay?"

John nodded and smiled, looking towards the house as Bobby came out. "You two idjits just got back in time for my famous deer stew. Come on in, Y/N." The older man smiled at you and you gave him a little wave, just before Dean and Sam dragged you to the house. Before you could disappear out of sight, you looked over at John, giving him a smile before his sons took charge.

He didn't follow you into the house straight away, but you didn't pay it any mind, too busy listening to Sam drone on about schoolwork, and Dean moaning about how long it had taken him to get the blood out of the Impala's upholstery. That had earned him a boxed ear from Bobby, who offered you a beer and a bowl of stew, both gratefully accepted.

"Probably best if you stay here a day or two," Bobby chatted as he served up dinner, batting Dean's hand away from the fresh slices of bread on the side. "Finish recuperatin" and all. John's a slave driver, and knowing him, he'll have a case all ready to go."

Heavy footfalls through the corridor into the kitchen had Bobby snapping his mouth shut as he kept serving up the food, but John had heard every word.

"No case, Bobby." He grinned, but his eyes spoke volumes to the older man. "At least not one I want these guys with me on." Your head whipped round to him at that, along with Dean's, but John held out a hand to silence the both of you. "Bobby's right, Y/N. You had a serious brush back there, and you need to rest. Dean, you can stay with her, work on your shooting. Your aim was off with those ghouls." He said it kindly enough, but you sensed Dean bristling at your side. "And Sammy, Bobby said you got a science fair or something?"

Sam nodded excitedly. "Yeah! I've made an engine out of..." He trailed off, sinking back into his seat, remembering the last time he'd been excited about a school project. He'd been moved on regardless. "It's no big."

You glared at John, daring him to do something, and he sighed. "Sam, you can stay for your project. Bobby said you'd worked really hard on it." Sam nodded, something brightening in his eyes. "Besides, I need both of you to look after our girl, right?" Dean puffed up a little bit at that, hooking his arm around your shoulders, and you rolled your eyes.

"I'd be fine on my own," you grunted, taking the bowl of stew Bobby placed in front of you.

"I know that," John said, shaking his head as Bobby offered him a beer. He wanted a whiskey, but he wasn't about to dive head first into alcohol. "But Dean does need to work on his point. It's not a bad thing, son, we all need a little practice from time to time. Besides, Bobby could probably use some help around this place." Bobby huffed at that. "And it's only a salt and burn. You're not missing anything exciting."

"How far are you going?" Bobby asked, placing bowls of food in front of Dean and Sam. Both boys immediately dived in, shoveling the food in like it was their last meal.

"Missouri. Shouldn't be more than a few days." John grabbed a piece of bread from the side, his eyes connecting with yours for a brief second. "I've gotta pick something up on the way through." Bobby raised an eyebrow, and John shook his head, prompting you to narrow your eyes. "I'm not heading out until this evening. Be easier to drive through the night. You okay with the boys and Y/N here?"

It was probably the first time John hadn't just referred to all three of you as “the kids”, and you smiled to yourself as you turned your attention to your meal. Whatever John was up to, you'd find out later.

"Of course I am, John." Bobby smiled. "Always a pleasure to have the kids around." You rolled your eyes, your shoulders slumping at his words. The kids. _We'll always be the kids to Bobby_. You swallowed a mouthful of stew, looking up at Sam, who grinned widely, bread crumbs dotted around on his chin.

A fond smile curled your lips upwards.

Okay, maybe it wasn't so bad.


	7. Chapter 7

"Do you think I'm an idjit, Winchester?"

Bobby's voice roused you from where you'd fallen asleep on the couch in the library, an old rerun of a black and white movie on the shit television the old man kept. Dean and Sam had gone to bed hours ago, and you'd stayed up, hoping to try and grab a few minutes with John before he left.

Judging by Bobby's angry whisper, he didn't think you'd hear anything he had to say.

"Keep your voice down, Bobby. I’m not talking to you about this."

A scoff from the older hunter and you squeezed your eyes shut as heavy footsteps moved past your position huddled on the couch, an old threadbare blanket draped over you that hadn't been there before. You were facing away from them, and it was difficult to stay still now you were awake and curious about their conversation.

"Like hell, John. You tell me you're leaving the boys here so you could take care of Y/N without worrying about them for five minutes, next thing, you're rolling back in here reeking like a sordid weekend, and with a goddamn hickey on your neck." Bobby's tone was the furthest from friendly it could get, and you heard John sigh in response. "She's not even twenty, John. You're old enough to be her fucking father."

"You think I don't know that?" John snapped, his voice getting a little louder before he lowered it again. You wanted to turn, to confront Bobby, but you knew that would most likely make things worse. "You think I didn't try to avoid this?"

"And how long has it been going on?" Bobby paused, and you bit your lip, wondering what John would say. "Jesus, John, tell me this didn't happen until she was at least legal?"

"Nothing happened before she was nineteen," John replied, and you heard something thud down – one of them had taken a seat. "I didn't force her, Bobby, come on. You know me better than that. I told her we could stop any time, that we didn't have to do anything."

"She's a kid, John. A kid you promised to look after. You think Pete wanted her to hook up with a hunter, let alone someone old enough to -"

"I get it, Bobby, I'm too old for her, I'm not good enough...you think I don't know these things? You think I don't realize that I'm shit compared to her? That she's got her whole life ahead of her, but I've already thrown mine away." Bobby didn't say anything, and you felt tears gathering in your eyes. You wanted to deny everything he was saying, but you knew you couldn't let on that you were awake. "Bobby, I want better for her. More than you know. But she's chosen me. God help me, I'll give her an out as many times as I can, but I can't make her decisions for her."

Silence followed his words before you heard the liquor cabinet open. The sound of glasses tinkling together, and a bottle landing on the old desk at the other end of the room, reached your ears. Out comes the Johnny Walker. The only way to soothe a hunter's wounds.

"I can't. I gotta take off soon," John refused, and you wondered when he'd started caring about things like that. You knew he'd driven after a drink before.

"What am I supposed to tell her?" Bobby asked, pouring his own drink.

John's sigh said more than you thought it could. "I'll take her up to her room. She's out cold, and I'm not surprised with everything she's gone through the last couple of weeks. Just... don't tell her that you know. She doesn't need the extra stress whilst she's healing."

Bobby made a sound in his throat, his disapproval of the situation still clear. "No funny business in my house, John. Pete was a good friend of mine, and I've got more respect -"

"Don't tell me I don't have respect for him, Singer." John's voice had an edge to it that you'd only heard once or twice before, and you heard the legs of the chair scrape across the floor as he stood up. "Pete was one of my closest friends, and I wish more than anything I hadn't fallen in love with his daughter, but you know what? It is what it is. I'm gonna do whatever I can to keep her safe, and you damn well know that."

His heavy footsteps came closer and you willed your body to relax, but it was difficult after what you'd just heard. Warm arms slipped underneath your back and knees, as John hefted you into his arms, standing straight with a grunt. The blanket fell off you and your head rolled to the side, into his shoulder. Without even thinking, your arms came up to wrap around his neck. A tiny whimper escaped your lips as John turned with you in his hold, his eyes leveling on Bobby.

"I'll be back in a few days. Make sure she rests – you know how stubborn she is."

"I'll keep her safe, John. You know I will."

John gave a swift nod, before carrying you from the room. He kept his pace slow as he headed up the stairs, turning left into the first guest room that you'd been using since you were eight years old. It was one of the smaller rooms, and within seconds, he was laying you on your mattress, smoothing your messy hair out of your eyes before he yanked the covers over your body.

"I'll be back soon, baby girl." His lips pressed against your temple, in the same spot as always, before he stood and left the room. As soon as the door clicked shut, your eyes snapped open and you stared at the closed door.

John loved you.

How the hell were you supposed to process that?

*****

Two days passed, and you kept to bed rest like John had ordered. Bobby was on hand to snap at you whenever you attempted to do the dishes or pick up after the two other teens in the house, and you'd given up trying to do anything but read a book. There wasn't any cable in the house, so you'd started working your way through the works of Tolkien again, losing yourself in stories about the Misty Mountains and Gondor.

Your stomach was still a mess, and so much as moving too quickly left you in considerable pain, and Sam was a little tyrant where it came to making sure you took the prescribed painkillers and all the other pills John had grabbed from your doctor at the hospital. Dean just offered you whiskey, a sly grin on his face, and you knew he was missing having his friend around to help him get into trouble.

As the second day drifted into evening, Bobby had a call from Rufus, an old hunting buddy of his, and the conversation left him agitated, pacing the study as you and Sam tried to watch a documentary on killer whales.

"I'm gonna have to go."

Dean popped his head out from the kitchen, frowning. "Go? Go where?" He walked in, a beer in hand, and Bobby sighed, pulling off his cap to run his hand through the little hair he had left. "Is it Dad?"

You perked up then, concern for John running roughshod over anything else. Bobby saw your reaction and his eyes narrowed a moment before he relaxed.

"No. Rufus has got a werewolf problem over near Minneapolis. No one else in the area and he's struggling to put the damn dog down."

"I can go," Dean offered, almost immediately.

"No, Dean," Bobby said, shaking his head. "I know your Daddy lets you go on hunts with Y/N, but I'm not sending you out on your own. Especially not with Rufus. He's a mean old drunk, and he won't tolerate no younguns hanging around." He sighed heavily. "I'm gonna have to go," he repeated. "Ain't no two ways about it. I should only be gone one or two days at most."

"You gonna call John?" you asked quietly, earning yourself another narrow-eyed stare from the old man. He shook his head.

"No. John's busy with whatever he's doin'. I can trust you three alone. Sammy's off school for the week. Dean and you, you're old enough to take care of him." He looked over at Dean, raising an eyebrow in his direction. "You just gotta make sure Lil" Miss Stubborn over here don't land herself in Sioux Falls General by being too stubborn."

"I'll stay put, I promise." Your tone was grumpy as you sat on the sofa, Sam curled into your side.

"And I'll make sure she takes her medicine," he chirped up, prompting you to roll your eyes.

"Yeah, the little dictator is enjoying bossing someone around for a change." Dean chuckled, and you scowled, slumping back into your seat.

"Well, this is reassuring," Bobby said, picking up his freshly cleaned gun from the desk. "I'm gonna call you as soon as I get to Minneapolis, okay? You tell me if there are any problems, and I'll be right back." Another sigh dropped from him. "Please try not to burn the house down."

*****

Bobby was gone within the hour, and you retreated to your room, tired out from the painkillers. You heard Dean and Sam arguing about food downstairs, and Sam's angry footsteps towards the front door when Dean won the toss up between Chinese and pizza. Everything fell silent for a while, and you closed your eyes, letting yourself drift off to sleep.

When you woke up, your eyesight was fuzzy, and you rolled over, immediately aggravating your still-healing wounds. The clock blinked at you, saying four in the morning, and you pushed yourself off the bed, padding out of the room to the bathroom.

Once you'd relieved yourself, you headed downstairs. Dean was asleep on the sofa, one arm hanging over the side as he laid on his back. The television was on the black and white end-of-transmission screen, throwing eerie shadows across the room. Tiptoeing past him, you found an empty pizza box in the kitchen, a note in Sam's scrawled handwriting saying they'd left some for you. You smiled, turning the note over to find he'd left a reminder to take your pills too.

"Jeez, I get the message, Sammy." You chuckled, opening the lid to find three slices of cold pepperoni pizza waiting for you. You weren't gonna bother to heat them up, so you took a seat at the kitchen table and started to eat, looking around aimlessly as you did.

"Hey." Dean's voice made you jump, pulling you out of the daze you hadn't even noticed you'd been in. He shuffled into the kitchen, wearing just his socks and yawning widely. "You get enough sleep?"

"It was good," you replied, watching as he wandered across the kitchen and picked up your pills. "Yeah, I know. Sam already left me a note to nag."

Dean smiled, tossing them across the room to you. You caught them, grimacing at the stretch across your belly. Whilst he busied himself making a drink, you swallowed down the tablets dry, before taking another mouthful of pizza. "Bobby called. He got to Minneapolis alright. Wanted to know if we'd killed each other yet."

You smiled, still chewing on your pizza as Dean slipped into the chair opposite you, a glass of milk in his hand. For a few moments, you sat in silence.

"You know I don't blame you, right?" he said, and you frowned, looking at him in confusion. "About the ghoul. Anyone could have made that mistake." He gestured to you, grimacing a little. "Besides, I think you came off worse." A soft laugh fell from his lips but it was without humor. "Man, I've never seen Dad so freaked. I mean, he gets worried when Sam is sick, but he was..."

"Well, I'm a girl," you said, shrugging, hoping he'd drop the subject.

"Probably," Dean admitted. "I mean, he was pretty angry with me after I...you know I didn't mean that, right? Like, I didn't want you to think I was -"

"Dean, it's fine. We'd both had a little too much to drink, and the fight and everything -" You smiled, putting the half-eaten slice of pizza down. "Adrenaline makes you do crazy things."

"Dad damn near chewed my head off. Said he didn't care what I got up to, as long as it wasn't with you." Dean shook his head. "You don't get annoyed with that? Him being so overprotective? I mean, I know you're a girl, Y/N, but you could whoop ass better than most of the girls I ever met."

"It's just John. You know better than anyone how he is."

Dean sighed. "I'd go insane. I know your dad asked him to look after you after..."

"Can we not?" you asked, standing up, your appetite all but gone. The thought of your dad and how he would feel about the situation you'd gotten yourself into was not what you needed right now. "I don't wanna talk about my dad, Dean."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." He held his hands up, not making eye contact with you. "But you know if you need to talk, about anything...I'm here, right? You're my best friend, Y/N." You dropped the pizza box in the trash, before looking over at him, seeing his green eyes focused on the table. You felt bad, knowing the secrets you were keeping from him.

With a soft smile, you patted his shoulder, and he looked up at you, before you walked out of the room, heading back to the sanctuary of your room.

*****

It was the middle of the night a week later when you were woken up by a hand touching you on the shoulder. You stirred slowly, rolling over to see John sat at the side of your bed. A smile burst over your sleepy expression, and you bolted up into his arms, only to groan as you pulled at your stomach.

John held you tightly, pulling back to press his forehead to yours. "You okay, baby girl?"

"I missed you," you whispered, smiling uncontrollably as you clung to him. "It's been the most boring week of my life."

"Bobby said he had to leave to help Rufus out." John frowned in concern. "The boys give you any trouble?" You shook your head, running your hands over his face, feeling the week's worth of beard growth there. John smiled, capturing your lips in his, kissing you deeply before breaking away. "God, missed you too, baby girl. Got back as quickly as I could."

"The hunt went okay?"

"Easy as they come." He grinned, and you nodded, moving slowly to pull yourself into his lap. "Baby girl, we can't – I promised -"

"Promised who?" You frowned, playing innocent.

"We shouldn't. It'd be wrong to do this here."

"No one would know." The whisper accompanied your hips grinding down on him. "Please, John. I missed you so much. Want you." He groaned, kissing your cheek, moving down to your throat as you kept pushing against him, feeling his arousal through his pants. "Want you so bad."

John's fingers kneaded your thigh, crawling closer to your core as you felt his lips press wet kisses along your collarbone. "We really shouldn't, sweetheart."

"Bobby is probably out cold. Dean and Sam don't wake up for anything," you begged. "Please, John. I'll be really good and quiet for you, I promise." His fingers brushed your slit, pressing underneath your sleep shorts, and you mewled, his other hand grabbing your ass and pulling you closer to him. "Please, I'll be so good -"

John groaned against the top of your breast. "Fuck, Y/N, you keep talking like that and I'm gonna lose control of myself."

"Then do it. You know I won't complain." You grazed your teeth over his pulse point. "Fuck me, John. Make me cum. Wanna feel you buried inside me."

"Where the hell is this coming from, baby girl?" He pulled back to look you in the eyes. "Not that I don't mind, but you never talked like this before." You smirked, kissing him softly, tugging on his bottom lip with your teeth. He growled, nipping back, using one hand to raise you up a little, before thrusting a finger into your wet cunt. You knew he'd promised Bobby he wouldn't do this, and you felt a small amount of guilt at forcing his hand, but you'd been using your own fingers to get off for a week, and right now, you wanted John inside you, making you feel the only way he could.

"Been thinking about you all week. Fucking myself. It's not the same. Want your cock, baby." You gasped as he curled his finger inside you, massaging your g-spot. "Please," you whined, sounding way needier than you had to.

John moved all of a sudden, laying you on your back on the bed, using his hands to pull your shorts off. "You gotta be quiet for me, baby." You nodded, gasping as he pushed two fingers between your slick walls, scissoring them to prepare you. "Fuck forgot how warm and wet you are."

"John..." you mewled wantonly, arching your back as he worked you over with his fingers, using his thumb to stimulate your clit. He held your thigh down with one hand, preventing you from shutting your legs against the onslaught of pleasure he was provoking inside you. "Please -"

"Keep begging me, sweetheart," John smirked. "I want you to cum on my fingers first. Then I'll give you what you want." You nodded, and he grinned, thrusting his fingers in and out of your body. Your walls clenched around him, and you felt that familiar heat in your core. Your whines grew louder, and John stopped abruptly, making you whimper. "You need to be quiet."

You nodded, and he resumed his ministrations. Your body quivered, and your back arched off of the bed as your orgasm came swiftly. It was so fucking hard to keep quiet, and you turned your face, using a pillow to aid your silence as you came hard on John's hand.

The sensations kept pulsing through you as John pulled his hand away and you vaguely registered the sound of his pants being unzipped. Two seconds later, his weight made the bed dip, and he brushed his cock over your center as he held himself up with his hands. You pulled the pillow away, looking up as he sank into you, meeting his eyes, and answering his deep groan as you took every single inch of him into your body.

"Fuck, baby girl," he moaned, covering your mouth with his, thrusting his tongue into your mouth. His cock twitched inside you, and you rotated your hips, the smallest amount of movement making him pull back, his eyes dark with need. "Be quiet, yeah?" You nodded.

John pulled out, almost all the way, before thrusting back in and repeating the action. You bit your bottom lip, holding back the scream of his name at his slow and purposeful thrusts. Every stroke had him hitting the deepest parts of you, and you whimpered in your throat, watching his face, seeing the pleasurable expression he had.

"You feel so good, sweetheart," he whispered, his cock sinking into you over and over. You pulled your hands up above your head, and John pushed your top up, before he dipped his mouth to your nipple, sucking it into his mouth. He ran his tongue around your areola, and you clenched around him, making him moan against your sensitive bud. When he released it with a soft, wet plop, he looked up at you. "Fucking beautiful girl, wrapped around my cock. You know what I like, don't you?"

You nodded, and he turned his attention to the other nipple, and you pulled your head back, trying your hardest to keep quiet. "John, I can't, I need – gah!" Your hips rose to meet him on every thrust, but you were so close again, and John knew it. He grunted, placing a hand over your mouth, silencing you as he fucked you into the mattress.

"That's my good girl. Keep quiet. Cum for me, squeeze my cock with your sweet little pussy." You closed your eyes, moaning into his hand as he kept moving, kept fucking you hard. His thrusts were calculated, timed so the bed wouldn't creak loudly, and the only sound in the room was his pants, your muffled cries against his skin, and the slap of his balls hitting your ass on every thrust. The combination of it all had you falling over the edge, your cunt contracting around him tightly, and John's eyes rolled back.

"Fuck, sweetheart, gonna cum. Gonna fill you up with my cum. You want that?" You nodded, his hand still over your mouth. "Good girl." He gave a hard grunt, followed by a sharp thrust and warmth flooded your pussy, John holding himself inside you as he came. You whimpered at the feel of him, your walls still moving around him reflexively and he groaned, letting go of your mouth.

Slowly, he pulled away from you, grabbing his pants and putting them back on. You watched, rolling onto your side and feeling the warm sticky liquid coating your thighs. "You're not staying," you stated, and John looked up at you, smiling sadly.

"I can't stay all night, sweetheart. Bobby...Bobby wouldn't take kindly to me coming out of your room." He sat on the edge of the bed. "But if you scoot up, I'll stay until you fall asleep." You nodded, trying to ignore the sadness in your chest, wondering how long you could deal with this secret. John seemed to pick up on your thoughts as you moved to accommodate his larger frame on the bed. "It's not gonna be forever, baby girl. I promise. You're not some fling to me, okay?"

You opened your mouth, ready to confess that you'd overheard him the other night. But fear got the better of you, and you shut it again, not wanting to ruin whatever small thing it was you did have with him.

John stayed true to his word, holding you close until you were asleep.

When you woke up the next morning, you were alone again.


	8. Chapter 8

Days passed. They all started the same; usually, you woke up alone, the covers tucked in around you, John nowhere to be found. Despite Bobby’s unspoken threat if John tried anything in the house, he snuck into your room every night. Some nights you were content to just curl up in his arms, falling asleep with him; other nights he made you press your face into the pillow to keep quiet whilst he made your body feel things you’d never imagined.

Occasionally, he would leave on a hunt, refusing to take you with him until your stomach was completely healed. It didn’t twinge as much as it did, but you were frustrated at the amount of time it was taking to get back up to full strength. You’d added a morning run to your routine, which John was happy to see you doing. He’d decided Sam would finish up the year at Sioux Falls High, and the kid was happy to do so, with Bobby pretending to be grumpy as hell about the whole situation. Secretly, the old man loved the company and loved Dean and Sam like his own.

He’d been treating you differently though, and it only forced you out of the house more often, away from his glares. You’d once thought of Bobby as a sort of uncle, but knowing what he did, you were ashamed of what he might think of you now.

Sam’s birthday was fast approaching, along with the end of the summer semester. You’d thrown yourself into making his sixteenth special, and Dean had been helping out, and with two days to go, you need to distract the younger boy so you and Dean could decorate Bobby’s kitchen.

"John?" You found him, working on the truck in the yard, the sun beating down on his back as he worked on the engine. He turned as you walked up behind him, smiling brightly. You wanted to fold yourself into his arms, but knew it wasn’t something that you could do in the light of day.

"What’s up, sweetheart?" His smile made you blush, and he chuckled at your reaction to him. "You make this so hard sometimes."

"Make what hard?" You grinned, twisting your body innocently. John groaned, turning back to the truck. "I’m playing," you whispered, moving to look into the engine to see what he was doing. One thing you’d never picked up on was cars – you were happy to leave that to the guys. "I need your help."

"With what?" John asked, not looking at you.

"Sam’s birthday. He’s sixteen. Big number, huh?"

"I got him some beers," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. You rolled your eyes, thumping his shoulder.

"You can’t just give him some beers. Me and Dean wanna do a little something for him."

John stopped what he was doing, raising his eyes to meet yours. "Like what?"

"Balloons, streamers, cake. Nothing much. But we need him out of the house on Sunday." You leaned on the truck, raising an eyebrow at his expression. "John, he’s sixteen. I know you don’t like doing these things but…he needs something to remind him he’s a person too, not just a hunter."

"I know that," he said, his eyes dropped to the ground between you. "I wasn’t saying…I guess I’m just not all that great at the birthday stuff."

"You made mine pretty memorable," you said, smiling widely. "And Dean said he had a good birthday this year, not that I was around for much of it." John nodded, and you took a chance, placing a hand on his where he twisted his fingers together in front of his stomach. "It’s just a little thing. Take him out for something, an errand. Take him shooting. Hell, take him on a case if you can find one. But in the evening, he gets to be a regular sixteen-year-old kid."

John didn’t answer for a few minutes, and you were ready to make another argument for it. But then he smiled, moving his fingers to thread them through yours, his eyes flickering to the house briefly to make sure no one was watching.

"I’ll make you a deal. You come for a drive with me, right now. And I’ll make sure Sam is completely clueless about your surprise for him on Sunday."

"A drive, John? Is that all you want?" Your eyebrow arched at his request, your fingers squeezing around his.

He chuckled, leaning against the truck. "What do you think of me, baby girl?"

"You haven’t been by my room for at least three nights," you whispered, resisting the urge to get closer to him. "I was starting to think you’d gone off me."

John shook his head. "Come for a drive. I’ll show you just how wrong you are."

Glancing back at the house, you smiled, before looking back at him and nodding. He grinned, dropping the hood of the truck as you moved through the dirt to climb into the passenger side. The door slammed shut behind you, and you smiled at John as he started the vehicle, pulling out of Bobby’s yard and leaving a cloud of dust behind.

When Singer’s Autos was a dot on the horizon, John reached over, lacing his large fingers through yours, smiling at you. You returned the expression, inching closer to him across the seat. He returned his eyes to the road, keeping his foot on the gas for another couple of miles until he reached the woodlands frequented by hikers and hunters. Pulling off the road, he used the well-used tracks to go deeper into the woods.

"John, this isn’t the most…private of places." You said, frowning at the surrounding trees. John chuckled, shaking his head.

"Trust me, there’s not gonna be anyone here during the day. We’re good. Not like we’re getting out of the truck." He stopped when the track narrowed, pulling the vehicle up onto the side, as far as it would go. As he put the brake on and turned to you, you threw yourself across the seat into his arms, pressing your lips against his.

"Whoa, whoa, baby girl." John pushed you back, before bestowing a tender kiss on you. "Someone’s eager."

"Sorry." You blushed. "I guess I miss you. It’s horrible, having to sneak around. And Bobby…he looks at me like…."

"Hey -" He interrupted you, tilting your chin up a little. "Bobby won’t do anything, sweetheart. Besides, give it another two weeks, and we’ll be on the road again. Sam will have finished school for the semester." You nodded, knowing it would still be too much sneaking around. "I know we’ve been doing this for months already. But just a little longer. I promise."

You smiled, but your heart wasn’t in it, and he could sense it straight away. Slowly, he pulled you closer, dragging your leg over his lap, his arms circling around your back, holding your body close to his as he seized your mouth. You didn’t offer up any resistance, letting him thrust his tongue against yours, moaning into him as you ground your hips down onto his growing erection.

You whimpered his name, biting his bottom lip. His fingers tightened around your back, sliding down to grab your ass, his cock pressed against your core through both his pants and yours. "Please, need you…’

"Fuck, baby girl…always so ready for me." John groaned as you pushed a hand under the waistband of his pants, wrapping your fingers around his cock. He fucked up into your hand, and you smiled, rubbing your thumb over his tip, spreading the precum gathered there. "I gotta get these pants off, sweetheart." You nodded, pushing yourself up on your knees, allowing him the room to unbuckle his pants and push them down his thighs.

"Can I -" You stopped, leveling your eyes with his, and he waited, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as you tried to speak. "Can I suck your cock?" You paused, a glint in your eyes as you smirked. "Daddy?"

He pulled your lips to his again, not speaking, and you wrapped your fingers around his cock again, pumping him in long strokes as he kept kissing you. "You’re amazing, baby girl." You smiled, your nose pressed against his as he exhaled hard against your mouth. "You want it?" You nodded, and John grinned, letting go of you. You moved backward, crawling down into the large footwell of the truck, before leaning forward and wrapping your lips around his dick, using your tongue to trace the hard edges of him.

As you moaned around him, closing your eyes, John ran his fingers through your hair. You bobbed your head over him enthusiastically, making all the right noises, using your other hand to fondle his sac as he tried to keep his hips on the truck seat.

"How’d I get so lucky with you, princess?" A shudder ran through you at the nickname, and John grinned, pulling your mouth off his cock to stroke your cheek. "Can you get your pants off down there?" You nodded, and wiggled your ass, testing the room. "Good. Take them off and turn around. Gotta be inside you, baby girl."

"Yes, Daddy," you whispered, still testing it out on your tongue. You’d never really had a daddy kink before, but John seemed to enjoy it. It sent a thrill running down your spine, pooling in your core; it felt dirty and you couldn’t deny you liked it.

"It’s a shame there isn’t much practicality for skirts on a hunt. I’d love to see you all exposed, ready for me." He muttered helping you out of the restrictive pants. His thumbs pressed into your thighs, and you whimpered as you turned in the small space, his large hands grasping your hips to pull you into his lap. His cock sat along your slit, twitching at the proximity to your warmth.

"John, please," you gasped loudly, feeling one of his hands creep up underneath your summer top to fondle your breast, his fingers teasing your nipple into a hard point. "I need you…’

"I got you, princess." John arched up, and his cock slipped inside your pussy easily, filling you to the brim as you reached forward and clung to the steering wheel of the truck. You used the leverage it gave you to pull up and slide back down onto him, enjoying the little groans he gave as you rode him. The rough denim of his pants dug into the backs of your thighs, adding to the friction of his hands on your skin and his length inside you.

A whine fell from your lips as the hand he didn’t have on your breast, moved between your legs, parting your thighs to press against your clit. Your hips moved faster against him, your inner walls squeezing him tightly, and he groaned, his lips against your shoulder as he kept teasing your breasts and clit, letting you take control of the pace. The combination of his touch and the stroke of his cock sent you into an orgasm swiftly and John moaned with you, his breath hot on your shoulder. Your juices squeezed out around him as you kept moving on his lap, filling the truck cab with obscene sounds.

"So fucking wet and tight for me, baby girl. You like that, huh? Riding me like that?"

You nodded, biting your bottom lip hard. "Yes, Daddy."

"Fuck, keep calling me that and I’m done for." His fingers tightening around your breasts, and he abandoned your clit to grab the other, pushing and kneading at your flesh as he started to fuck up into you harder.

"You like me calling you Daddy, John?" you whispered, your face flushed, sweat dripping down your forehead. "Feels dirty."

"Yeah," he grunted, his eyes on your body swallowing his cock over and over. "Don’t stop, sweetheart. Keep moving." You obliged, rotating your hips a little, finding an angle where he could slam into your g-spot over and over. Your pussy contracted around him, and he growled against your skin. "Gonna cum for you, princess. You want that?"

"Yes!" Your cry preceded your second orgasm, and you felt the tense hold inside your core shatter, as John gave a hard thrust and came inside you, flooding you with warmth. You didn’t stop moving until you were done, and his hands clutched at you, holding you close to him.

You weren’t sure where John produced the blanket from, but as he eased you off of his rapidly softening dick, he covered you up, pulling you into his lap and cradling you close. You yawned widely, letting your head fall onto his shoulder as your eyes went to the woods outside.

"You’re amazing, you know that?" he whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You smiled, bringing your hand up to brush the sprinkling of hair over his chest. "I’m going to hell for keeping you, but it’s worth the ride."

"Don’t say things like that," you scolded, frowning at him. "You’re not doing anything wrong. If I said no, you’d stop."

"Yeah, I would. Would never hurt you." He kissed you again, pulling you a little closer to him. "We gotta go back soon."

"I know."

John didn’t move for a few minutes, his eyes closed as he held you close, whilst you let your thoughts take free rein. He’d made it clear you’d be back on the road in a couple of weeks. And you weren’t sure how long you could deal with the hiding and the secrets. You sighed, listening to his heartbeat through his chest, wishing that this single moment wouldn’t have to end.

All too soon, the truck was moving along the track back to the main road. You kept the blanket wrapped around you as you curled up on the seat, letting sleep take you, every doubt banished as you let yourself dream.

*****

Bobby was standing on the porch as the truck pulled back into the yard, the sun starting to set over the horizon. His face was a grim mask, and John swallowed hard as he glanced over at your sleeping form in the front seat of the truck. As he turned off the engine and climbed out, the other hunter stepped down off of the porch.

"Where’ve you been?"

"Running an errand," John replied, walking around the truck to your side, opening the door. You barely stirred as he lifted you from the seat, the blanket still draped over you. He held you close, your head pressed into his neck as he kicked the truck door shut.

"An errand for what?"

"Stop with the twenty questions, Bobby. We went out. We’re allowed to do that." John marched past him, with you dozing in his arms. Bobby followed, scowling as John pushed open the front door with his foot.

"She’s a kid, John."

"Keep your damn voice down," John spat, turning on him in the doorway. You jumped, and fidgeted in his arms, your eyes slowly opening. "We’ll talk about this later." Bobby shook his head.

"We should talk about it now. She doesn’t know what she wants. And it sure as hell shouldn’t be some beat up hunter, who’s old enough to be her daddy!" The use of the word made you flinch and wake up fully, and John let you down as you glared at Bobby. "Y/N, you gotta realize this ain’t no good for you."

"I’m not a child, Bobby." You kept your eyes on him. "John isn’t forcing me to do anything I don’t wanna do. And you’re not my dad."

"You think your dad would have wanted this?" he spat, just as Dean and Sam rounded the corner. Your eyes filled with tears, as John leveled Bobby with a look that could have killed, and you pushed your way into the house, the echo of your footsteps loud in the quiet of the evening. The Winchester boys looked at both older men bewildered at what had just happened, but it was Dean who piped up first.

"What’s wrong with Y/N?"

"People making decisions for her when she’s a grown woman," John said, not taking his eyes off Bobby.

Dean shrugged at Sam and took a step onto the porch. "I’ll go check on her." His father took his arm as he went to move past, and his eldest looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"I’ll go," John said, keeping his eyes on Bobby. "She’s not gonna wanna talk to either of you." He dropped Dean’s arm but didn’t wait for his son’s confused reaction. Sam looked at Bobby as his dad stomped up the stairs.

"What’s going on?" he asked, wide brown eyes filled with fear. "Is Y/N alright?"

"She’s fine," Bobby said, his tone gruff as he walked into the house. "None of my business apparently." Sam looked at Dean, who shrugged again.

"Dad said he’d deal with it. I’m sure she’ll be fine. Probably girl stuff."


	9. Chapter 9

Having your own motel room certainly had perks. One of those perks was currently on his back on the bed, moaning as you ran your tongue along the underside of his cock, your fingers brushing over the sensitive spot you had discovered where the base of his shaft ran into his balls.

You loved being able to be with John without fear of someone walking into the room, without worry that the boys would know. They assumed when John went out in the evening that he was doing recon, or heading out to a bar to earn some money hustling. You still hated the secrets, but for now, you were enjoying the time with your lover without knowing looks of condescension.

"Fuck, Y/N," John gasped, his hand running through your hair. You’d left it down, loving the way he tugged on it when you were sucking him off. He’d said before that it was sexy, although impractical for hunting. Now you were back out in the field, finally, almost back up to your old levels, you had to go back to constantly wearing jeans, shirts and tidying your hair up out of the way. So, in the privacy of the motel room, when you could get one to yourself, you let yourself be more feminine.

As luck would have it, this town had a nice little boutique where’d you spent some of your hard-hustled cash on a set of red lingerie, probably some of the nicest you’d ever owned. Whilst perusing the aisles in there, you’d picked up a few other things that had peaked your interest, although John seemed pretty happy with your attire when he’d snuck in the door an hour previous. He’d spent most of that hour worshipping your body with his tongue, and you were still on fire from where he’d made you cum through the red lace panties, making the material stick to your skin as a result.

You kept your eyes locked on his face, watching his expressions as you licked along his length, your tongue teasing the slit at his tip, lapping up the precum that oozed from him slowly. With a throaty groan, you enveloped him in your hot mouth and John’s hips shuddered as he fought not to thrust up between your lips.

"Fuck, princess. You don’t stop, I’m gonna cum in that pretty little mouth of yours."

A smile seized your swollen lips as you kept moving, intent on making him cum now he’d said it, wanting to taste him. John’s hands cradled your head as you bobbed on his cock, hollowing your cheeks and relishing every little moan that he released. He grunted as you let him hit the back of your throat, and you knew you were about to win the game.

With a muffled shout, he came hard, flooding your throat with warm, salty liquid, which you swallowed eagerly. You didn’t stop until he’d finished, before pulling away and licking him clean, enjoying the remaining tremors that racked his body after his powerful orgasm.

"You are too much, baby girl." John smiled wolfishly as he pulled you up the bed towards him. "Perfect little mouth getting me off like that. Do I taste good, sweetheart?"

You smiled, letting him position you on his lap. "Like popcorn at the movies."

He pulled a face. "Really?"

A giggle burst out of you and you shook your head. "I dunno. You taste good. Not as good as a chocolate fudge sundae, but good." His grin returned, and he pressed his lips against yours, moaning into your mouth. You broke the kiss first, sighing contentedly as he rubbed circles on your lower back, his fingers occasionally dipping under the waistband of your panties. "This is nice," you whispered, and John chuckled.

"Nice? Give me ten minutes, it’ll be more than nice."

You slapped his chest lightly. "I mean, us. Being able to be like this. I just…just wish we could be like this all the time, you know? Instead of pretending we’re nothing outside of this room."

John sighed, kissing you again before lifting you off of his lap. "I know, princess." He stood up, retrieving his boxers from the floor, pulling them on over his half-hard cock. You eyed his bulge appreciatively as he crossed the room to the fridge and pulled out two beers. He opened both and passed one to you, which you took with a half-smile, scooting over to lean against the headboard as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I don’t like lying to the boys, John."

"I know you don’t. I’m not exactly a fan. But I don’t want them to think…I don’t know. It’s complicated. You know that."

You nodded, using your fingernails to pick the label on the bottle. "It’ll be worth it. When we don’t have to hide anymore."

His hand covered your thigh and you raised your eyes to meet his. "It’s already worth everything to me, baby girl. With everything I’ve lost and this life - you keep me sane. Keep me grounded." You smiled, and he took a swig of his beer, placing it on the nightstand, before taking yours away and putting it beside his. He crawled over your body, dipping his head to meet your lips.

"John," you breathed, as he used his knees to part your legs.

"You have any idea how beautiful you are to me, princess?" John kissed your lips once, before trailing along your jaw. "My little spitfire, full of spunk." He paused, his eyebrows raising in humor. "Usually mine." You rolled your eyes, despite the smile pulling at your mouth. "The things you do to me. The things you let me do to you. Never met anyone so fiery, so full of life." His lips met your neck, and he kept moving, peppering your collarbone and shoulders with open mouth kisses. "I dream about your heat, the way you wrap around me. The way you move underneath me, on top of me." Your nipples hardened as he pressed along the swell of your breasts, his fingers snapping the front clasp open easily.

"Baby, please -" you begged, your body squirming underneath his.

"What do you want, Y/N? Tell me. You know I love to hear it." John's mouth was in between your breasts now, his tongue tracing the valley between them, and you whimpered as he moved up to suck one pebbled nipple into his mouth.

"I want you," you replied, feeling his hands splayed over your hips as he turned his attention to the other nipple, pausing to raise an eyebrow in your direction.

"Don’t cop out on me, baby girl."

You bit your bottom lip as you watched him run his tongue around your breast, before he pulled your nipple between his teeth, sucking hard. Arousal pooled in your core, and you tried to squeeze your thighs together around his legs. "I want to feel you," you whined, running your fingers through his short dark hair. "Love feeling your tongue on me."

"Keep going," he muttered, abandoning your breasts to slide down your torso, his mouth tracing the lines of your belly, ignoring the deep scars on your skin. His tongue dipped into your belly button and you giggled. "Keep going, sweetheart. Tell me exactly what you want."

"Ugh!" You arched a little in frustration as he stopped at the waistband of your red panties. "I want you to fuck me, John. Want to feel you pound into me like I’m just a little cock slut." He groaned against your skin as you panted in want, your words getting filthier. "Please John, need you inside, need you to make me beg for it."

"Fuck, baby girl." John pulled your panties down, almost ripping them as he tore them from your legs, flinging them across the room. His fingers dragged through your slit, scooping up your slick before sticking his fingers in his mouth and licking them clean. "Could feast on you forever, princess. You taste like honey." He pushed your thighs open, holding them up as he lay flat on the bed, his face millimeters from your soaked pussy. You mewled as he used the point of his tongue to tease your hole, stroking the sensitive flesh as you arched in response. "You like that, baby? Like my tongue in your pussy?"

"Yes." The reply came out as a half-moan, half-hiss, and John smiled at you before thrusting his tongue into your body as far as it would go. You cried out, trying to move your hips and grind down onto his face, his large hands held you tightly, preventing you from moving your legs or hips. "John, please, please -"

"Please, what?" he asked, pulling his tongue away and grinned, his chin glistening with your juices.

You whined loudly. "Please, let me cum. Need to cum so bad."

John chuckled, his breath hot between your legs. He teased your clit with his mouth, practically french kissing your flesh, as he slid two fingers into your wet channel, making you moan underneath him. He twisted his hand, scissoring his fingers and seeking out that inner spot, massaging it until you were a panting, writhing mess on the bed. The second he sucked on your clit, the dam broke and you cried out, cumming hard on his hand.

Your heavy breathing filled the room as John stood, removing his boxers before he pulled you down the bed by your ankles. Your bra was still hanging off your shoulders as he pulled you into a sitting position, and you shrugged it off, looking up at him with flushed cheeks and wide eyes.

"On your knees, princess." He smirked, and you obeyed willingly, turning and climbing onto the bed with your ass in the air, your knees just at the edge of the mattress. "Fuck, that’s a sight," John chuckled, bringing his hand down on your bare ass. You whimpered at the contact, and he huffed in approval. "Love seeing your ass red for me, baby girl. Do you like that? LIke being spanked?"

"Yes," you moaned, pushing back, and John shook his head.

"Yes, what?"

Your head dropped as you smiled, wriggling your behind a little. John slapped it again and you reared up in shock. "Yes, Daddy!" He groaned, his hands grabbing your ass, kneading your cheeks. "Please, Daddy, I need it," you whimpered, pressing your ass further into his palms.

"Need what?"

"Need your cock, Daddy."

He moved closer, rubbing his length against your slit. "I love you, you know that?" There was no chance to answer as he sank into you, stretching you open and pressing you into the mattress. You cried out, wanting to return the declaration, but you couldn’t do anything but kneel in front of him, his hips flush with yours as he held his twitching cock deep inside your body. "Always so fucking tight, baby girl. So wet and soft." He gave a short and sharp thrust, making you yelp. "You wanted it hard, yeah?" You nodded, looking over your shoulder at him, and he smirked. "Such a good girl."

Without warning, he drew back, almost all the way out of you before slamming back in, his hands holding onto your hips as he repeated the action. Every stroke was deep to the point of pain, but it only added to the spiraling bliss in your core and you clutched at the comforter underneath you, trying to push back under his thick grip.

"John -" you whimpered, before your voice dissolved into harsh groans and cries. John kept pounding into you, and you couldn’t help but cum violently, shuddering around him.

"That’s it, princess. Taking everything I got, my sweet little cock slut. You like that, don’t you?" His words only made you cry out, and he slapped your ass again, prompting you to squeal. "Answer me, baby girl."

"Fuck." Your head dropped for a split second before you raised yourself back up, pushing back onto him. John groaned as you panted and nodded at his question. "Yes, Daddy, I like it." The response earned you an extra hard thrust and you screamed, just as John pulled you up, slipping one hand around your waist and the other across your breasts, his fingers splaying around your throat. He kept his touch gentle and bent his knees to accommodate the changed angle.

You arched your neck a little, enjoying the constriction of the position, the way John held you tightly against him. His chest pressed against your back, and you could feel every flex of his muscles as he moved against you, his hips thrusting up. Every stroke was long and you moaned with each brush of his tip against your g-spot.

"I’m gonna cum, baby girl. You gonna cum with me?" John’s voice was flush with your ear and you nodded, gasping as he nipped at your neck. Both of you had promised not to mark the other where it could be seen, but John always pushed the rules, seemingly desperate to leave his claim on you with his teeth. "Come on, sweetheart. Squeeze my cock." You clenched around him, and he growled, the vibrations hard against your back.

Your body tightened and released, and you fell over the edge into bliss, John’s mouth on your neck to silence his almost-roar of completion as he pumped thick ropes of cum into your cunt. You took everything he had to give, letting your own pleasure override your senses, and you fell forward, taking him with you. Both of you landed on the mattress as John took the brunt of your weight.

It was probably a good thing he’d chosen a motel with decent beds for a change.

Both of you were breathing heavy, John’s arms wrapped around you tightly as he nuzzled the back of your neck. Sweat covered your body and his, and you were craving a shower, but neither of you seemed particularly inclined to leave the other’s side.

"You’re perfect, you know that?" He kissed the words on your skin and you smiled, stretching a little, prompting him to groan where he was still buried inside you. Reluctantly he pulled away, and you rolled onto your back, watching him walk towards the bathroom, admiring his naked ass. "Shower, sweetheart?"

You didn’t need to be asked twice.

*****

John’s yell of pain echoed through the run-down shack, and you turned, swiping at the spirit with the iron bar, turning it to charcoal in the air. Dean’s shout followed his father’s yell, and you sprinted across the rickety floorboards, coming to a stop as you found Dean by a set of steps. There was a gaping hole in the middle, and John had fallen through. The color drained from your face as you peered over the edge, seeing John laying on wood and rubble, blood coating his shirt and jacket as he grimaced at the metal protruding from his shoulder.

Dean’s eyes locked with yours as you assessed the situation. "Go take care of the spirit. I got the grave uncovered, it just needs burning." His orders stung a little, but you knew he was in a better position to free his dad. You turned away, hearing Dean start to climb down, and went to take care of the hunt.

Twenty minutes later, you were standing outside as Dean helped his dad into the Impala, laying him in the backseat. He was insisting his dad needed a hospital, but John wasn’t having any of it, and you frowned.

"John, you need a tetanus booster at least. God knows what filth was in there."

"I’ll be fine. Had one not too long ago." He looked up at you. "I’m good, Y/N. Let’s just get back to the motel. I can patch this up myself." You glanced at Dean, who shook his head, knowing it was useless to argue with the older man. He climbed into the front seat as you shut the rear door, making your way round to the passenger side. Dean started the car, and trundled away from the old house, now free of any maniacal ghosts.

"What happened?" Sam’s first question as you walked through the door was directed at his brother, who was helping John, despite his father’s stubborn insistence that he could walk himself. The shoulder wasn’t the only injury; it looked like he’d twisted his knee pretty badly when he’d fallen.

"Dad versus old stairs," Dean quipped. "Stairs won."

You grabbed the medical kit from your duffel, just as John sat on the bed. Within minutes, you’d gotten his shirt off, peeling it away from the wound. Dean pulled a face at the blood dripping down his father’s chest, turning away. "Don’t tell me you’re squeamish at a little bit of blood, Dee." You grinned, and he shrugged.

"No. Just Dad taking his top off a little more than I needed to see."

"Hey!" John objected as Sam sniggered from his seat at the kitchenette table. You chuckled, focusing your attention on cleaning the wound.

"I dunno. Think he’s in pretty good shape for an old man." You let your fingers linger on his skin, trying not to laugh at Dean and Sam’s simultaneous noises of disgust. "You okay there?"

"I think that’s enough chit-chat," John replied, casually, but the warning was clear. You felt your jaw clench, as you finished cleaning him up, then grabbed the supplies for the stitches. He stayed still as you sewed him up, with Dean hovering to check your work. "How’s it looking back there?" he asked, and you finished the last stitch, tying a knot around the wound.

"Good," you replied, looking over at Dean, who nodded. One of your many talents; sewing people up when they got shot, stabbed, clawed and all those other wonderful things that were a hazard of hunting life. "Let me do the front."

"No." John stood. "I can take care of that. Go with Dean and get some food in." You reeled back like you’d been shot, knowing you’d do a better job of taking care of that wound than he was.

"John, I can do it, it won’t take long -"

He shook his head, cutting you off, as Dean frowned over at his father in confusion. "I can manage it. Go. Sam hasn’t eaten, and I’m not on death’s door. It’s not even bleeding anymore." You opened your mouth to argue, but closed it again, feeling white hot anger settle in your gut. He wouldn’t even look at you as he pushed past to get to the bathroom.

Dean’s touch on your wrist made you turn, ready to lash out, but you met calming green eyes as he pressed the keys to the Impala into your hand. "Come on, Y/N. You can drive."

With one last glance at the bathroom, you gave an irritated sigh and stormed out.


	10. Chapter 10

When the hunt came up, Dean was more than happy to take charge, and John let him. The four of you were on the road within the hour of getting the call from Caleb about the spirit haunting a college dormitory in North Carolina. John’s shoulder injury left you driving the truck, sending worried glances his way as he dozed in the passenger seat. The painkillers he’d taken were strong; strong enough to render him useless and drowsy.

You followed closely behind Dean and Sam in the Impala, smiling as you heard the soft sound of their music floating back to you through the open window of the truck. With John so out of it, you were reluctant to put the truck radio on, so you sang along softly to the Metallica tape Dean had played a thousand times before.

"You sing so pretty, sweetheart," John slurred, smiling at you from where he leaned against the truck door, his head lolling from side to side in motion with the moving vehicle. You smiled at his poor grammar, glancing at him quickly before returning your eyes to the road. A few minutes later, his soft snores caught your attention and you heaved a sigh of relief; he didn’t get as much sleep as he should, so you were sort of glad this had happened.

The hunt ahead was simple, and Caleb had already found out where the ghost’s remains were buried. It was the spirit of a student, who’d been attacked, raped and murdered in the dorms, leaving her disjointed and angry spirit to roam the halls. Four male students had already been attacked, immediately after they’d had sex with their girlfriends. Apparently, the spirit couldn’t distinguish between a bit of rough and tumble, and the hell she’d been through. You felt bad for her, of course, but she was harming innocents, and she had to be laid to rest.

A few hours later, and the afternoon sun hung low in the sky. You pulled into the motel Dean picked on the outskirts of town, parking beside the Impala in the lot. Before climbing from the truck, you roused John, who sat up, more alert than he had been.

"You okay?" you asked him, your hand lingering on his forearm as he blinked away the remnants of his sleep.

"I’m fine. How long was I out?"

"About four hours. I didn’t want to wake you. Sleep is important."

"I should have been researching the case," he grumbled, pulling his arm away as he opened the truck door. You froze at his cold tone, before scowling and jumping from your side of the vehicle, throwing his keys at them. He missed the catch, the metal making a clanging sound as it hit the asphalt.

"You needed rest. You’re no good to anyone dead, John." Your tone was spiteful, and as the boys came into sight, you turned to them, wiping all trace of your anger from your face. "We got a room?"

"Yeah." Dean passed you a room key. "Got you a single, that okay?" It crossed your mind that the single bed would be uncomfortable for two of you, but you were too pissed at John to care.

"It’s fine," you replied, taking the key. "We’ll get the bags in, and then me and you will sort out this ghosty."

John frowned, reaching out to grab your bicep. "Dean can handle this alone, Y/N."

You pulled your arm from his hold roughly, glaring at him. "Yeah, well, I’m going with him. Nothing wrong with too many hunters on a case. You don’t need me." The comment hit its mark, and John’s head reeled back like you’d slapped him. But he couldn’t exactly call you on it without alerting the boys to your secret relationship.

"We’re good, Dad. Me and Y/N make an awesome team." Dean smiled, not noticing the way his father’s expression tightens into a mask of concealed anger, his nostrils flaring, jaw clenching and pupils expanding. You notice every tiny detail of course, and it pleased you that he was angry. Good. Now he knew how you felt when he treated you like a child, forgetting that you were a grown woman, even if you weren’t legally able to buy beer yet.

Grabbing your duffel from the back of the truck, you twirled your room key in your hand and smiled at Dean. "I’ll be ready to go in an hour. Meet out here?"

"Sure thing," he replied, his smile widening. You could almost feel the anger radiating off of John as you walked away, taking the control with you. Shutting the door to the single motel room was a relief, however, and you allowed your shoulders to sag.

He just needed time. Time to see you were a young adult who could make your own decisions, and a skilled hunter who could do the job without him breathing down your neck. When he’d calmed down a bit, you’d let him back in.

At least, that’s what you told yourself.

*****

"We never hang out anymore, Y/N," Dean whined, watching the flames over the grave you’d just helped him dig up and roast.

Folding your arms over your chest, you shrugged, not looking at him. Your eyes danced over the fire - it was always hypnotic to watch something burn. Maybe one day you’d be watching a bonfire and not a body in flames.

"Y/N?" Dean’s voice was laced with questions.

"I dunno," you replied finally, dragging your eyes over to him. "I’ve been…busy."

Dean huffed, shaking his head. "All you do is sleep, or read in your room. You never used to read so much. You never come out to the bar with me, or just hang out in Baby -"

You gave an overly dramatic sigh, turning away from the fire. "Can we just go back? I’m tired."

"I don’t see how. You sleep about ten hours a night," he spat, picking up the shovels and following you. You ignored him as you got into the passenger seat, focusing on the dashboard as Dean threw the shovels into the trunk loudly, slamming the lid with enough force to shake the car. His actions remained violently enacted as he got into the driver’s seat.

Neither of you said a word as the car pulled away from the cemetery, and you kept watching the road. The awkward silence between the two of you stretched on before Dean growled in irritation and slammed his foot on the gas.

The speed of the car kept climbing and you sat up, frowning. "Dean, slow down."

He didn’t answer you, but he eased off the pedal, scowling at the road. You settled back into the seat, watching the streetlights flash by until the motel sign finally came into sight. Dean pulled the Impala into the parking lot, and you were out of your seat before he’d even turned off the engine.

John was waiting at the door to the boys' room, an expectant glare on his face. You grunted in annoyance; you’d been hoping to escape to your room but obviously, he wanted a full report. He was still holding his shoulder funny, but you refrained from saying anything to him about it - you wanted him to think you didn’t care right now.

"How’d it go?" he asked, and you shrugged, pushing past him into the room, grabbing a beer from the fridge. Sam was watching cartoons, obviously waiting up for you to get back.

"It was fine," Dean said, following you in the door. "Except for Y/N being a total bitch."

"Can it, Dean," you spat, rounding on him as John shut the door.

"Seriously, her attitude is shit." Dean continued, a petulant scowl on his face. "I mean, she doesn’t hang out with us anymore, she barely talks to us. Since we left Bobby’s, she spends all her time in her room. What are you doing? Painting your nails? Need a girlfriend to gossip about boys?"

"Shut the fuck up," you growled, slamming the beer down on the table. John stepped in between the two of you, holding his hands up, aware you were ready to claw out his son’s eyes. "What I do is none of your fucking business."

"You’ve changed," Dean accused. "You never talk to any of us. We only see you if something needs to be killed. And you won’t even ride with me and Sammy."

"Dean -" John warned.

"No, he wants the truth, John," you turned your eyes to the eldest Winchester, who narrowed his in return. "I mean, he’s obviously pissed at me. Because I need time to myself. And that’s a crime, right?"

"You don’t see me bleating about time to myself." Dean’s voice raised.

"That is enough!" John shouted, shocking both of you into silence. "Why don’t the pair of you, stop being so fucking childish!"

Dean shrank back, knowing not to provoke his father anymore. The older man winced, one large hand coming up to grab his injured shoulder. Your first instinct was to check him over, but the echo of his shout still lingered in your mind, reinforcing the anger you’d felt before.

The slam of the motel room door joined the echo of his words, and you slept alone that night.

*****

A gentle knock on your door the next morning roused you slowly, and you sat up, wiping at your bleary eyes. The second knock prompted you to swing your bare legs over the side of the bed.

"What?" you groaned, standing up and stretching.

"Can I come in?" John’s voice was meek sounding, and for a second, you almost granted his wish, but your anger from the night before came roaring back with all the force of a fiery dragon. Your mouth set into a thin line, as you watched his shadow shift underneath the door of your motel room.

"I’m not dressed."

He could quite easily pick the lock, but you knew he wouldn’t. Not unless he was prepared for your anger at him to increase. "Okay. Can we talk at least?"

"Where are Dean and Sam?" you asked, keeping your tone neutral.

"Getting breakfast," he replied, and you heard a soft thud as he leaned his head against the door. "Please, Y/N. I know I’ve upset you but -"

You couldn’t listen, and you stood up, shaking your head. "Call me when we’re ready to go." You turned away from the door, from the temptation to let him in and headed for the shower. When you emerged ten minutes later, his shadow was gone from the door and you sighed in relief.

Dressing quickly, you packed up your stuff, before turning the TV on for a little while. The news was on, but you quickly changed the channel, wanting something a little more brainless. Cartoons were the obvious choice and you soon found yourself lost in an old episode of Dexter’s Laboratory. As you relaxed on the bed and giggled at the jokes, you almost forgot why you’d been so riled up.

John’s next knock came with a soft summons to the car, and you turned the show-off, grabbing your bag and heading to the motel door. He was stood outside, a hopeful look on his face, and you glanced at the truck, before resolution set in your mind.

As you slipped into the backseat of the Impala, ignoring Dean and Sam’s quizzical looks, you tried to also ignore John’s hurt expression as he stood by the truck.

*****

Four days later, and you were still riding with Sam and Dean, but you weren’t explaining to them why. You spent most of your time reading the lore books you carted around with you, looking for cases. John had found a lead on something up in Fall Rapids, Minnesota, and he was intending on enrolling Sam in school for the semester there. Sam had complained but had eventually gone along with it.

For a change, John rented a little apartment, and you immediately claimed a space for yourself in the smallest bedroom. It was furnished, luckily, owned by a contact of John’s, who was quite happy for him to rent at a minimal price, provided he did some work for him.

Sam started school the day after you arrived, and Dean was happy to bum around town, picking up girls left, right and center. John had warned him to be on his best behavior, but it wasn’t Dean that needed the warning.

Three days into your stay in Fall Rapids, there came a call from the school. Sam had been in a fight and John was required to meet with the principal. Naturally, he couldn’t go, because a hunt had just come up two towns over, and he’d promised Bobby he’d take care of it. So it fell to Dean, who was unhappy at the idea of dealing with the problem.

You weren’t too happy with it either, as it left you with John on a ghoul hunt. Hours alone in the truck with him was annoying, and you were glad it would be an overnight stay and nothing more.

The hunt went without issue, despite the both of you communicating with short, usually one-syllable answers. The single ghoul was easily dispatched, and John drove you both back to the motel room, booking a double room.

But of course, he wasn’t going to let sleeping dogs lie.

"You ever gonna speak to me properly?" he barked the question at you, his anger palpable in the small motel room. "I mean, this behavior, ignoring me, avoiding me…it’s getting old, Y/N."

"Yeah. It’s really childish, huh?" you spat, roughly pulling things from your bag.

John sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Is this what this whole thing is about? Because I snapped at you?"

"You treated me like a kid, John." You turned to face him, red-hot anger in your veins. "You did it more than once, and you pushed me away. I’m sick of the secrets. I’m sick of lying and sneaking around and pretending I’m nothing but another kid you have to drag along on your never-ending road trip. I’m nearly twenty. I’m more than adult enough to cope with a real relationship." He opened his mouth but you weren’t finished. "If I’m just a bit of pussy on the side, then tell me. But I want more from this. I don’t want some affair in the dark." You sighed. "I wanna wake up with you instead of alone."

His gaze softened, and you could have let it lay there, but you were still angry.

"Instead, you call me childish. You made me feel like I am just another one of your kids. And sorry, Daddy, but I don’t wanna play that game anymore."

John didn’t say anything, but his eyes darkened, and you wondered if you’d crossed the line by mocking something you’d used in the bedroom. He took a step towards you, and you stiffened at his growing smirk.

"If you want me to treat you like a little girl, Y/N, then I will." His hands closed around your upper arms, and you stared, wide-eyed, unsure of what he was planning. A shudder ran through your body as his mouth hovered close to yours, his hot breath fanning across your lips, his eyes locked on yours. "I think you deserve some punishment for the way you spoke to me just then."

"John, I -"

"Be quiet. You speak when spoken to, you hear me?" His grip tightened around your arms, and you squeaked, a small ribbon of fear running parallel to the arousal now spiraling in your belly. The small nod of response you gave made his brow dip. "Answer me."

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" John’s voice was firm, and you blinked in surprise, wondering he wanted from you. But you were too slow to answer, and he pulled you towards the bed. "Take your pants off."

"What?" You didn’t move, and he growled in frustration.

"Take your pants off," he ordered again, and you complied, unbuckling your pants and pulling them down, kicking them away from you before standing straight, nervous about his intentions. John smiled, then sat down and patted his knees. "Now. Lay here. Belly down, ass up." The nicknames were gone, and you hesitated for split second before obeying, crawling across his lap, feeling indignant the whole time.

John didn’t say anything, but he groaned low in his chest as you lay there prostrate on his lap, knowing what he was planning to do.

The first smack to your ass came as a surprise, and you yelped a little, the heat on your cheeks matching the pooling heat between your thighs. As usual, John favored the right cheek, and he brought his hand down again quickly, making you whimper.

"Be quiet, little girl. Or I’ll double your punishment. How many was that?"

"Two, sir," you answered automatically, and John grunted in approval.

"At least you’ve learned how to address your elders with respect." He smacked your ass again, and you dropped your head a little, gasping as you felt his arousal pressing against your belly. You were still pissed at him, but you couldn’t help but enjoy the attention he was giving you right now.

Another slap on your skin made you roll your eyes in pleasure, despite the slight sting of your now-sensitive rear. John didn’t stop, leaving only a couple of seconds between each hit, not stopping until your ass cheek was a deep shade of red and you were writhing on his lap like a whore.

"You enjoyed that, didn’t you?" he asked, his tone crisp but you could feel how this had affected him - the evidence was twitching in his pants. It wouldn’t take much encouragement on your behalf to get him to fuck you. "Hmm, I can feel how warm you are." His fingers gently stroked your sore ass, before dipping between the juncture of your thighs, pressing into your soaked core. "Right through the panties, baby girl? Did you cum from your spanking?"

"No, sir," you panted, but you were fucking close.

"Obviously I didn’t spank you hard enough then," he said, pulling his fingers from between your legs and bringing the palm of his hand down, hard and fast against your untouched left cheek. That did it, pushing you over the edge, and you cried out as you came in your panties, with John smirking above you.

"John…please." You weren’t above begging, and you were still angry but fuck, you needed him inside, needed to feel him. Apparently, he wasn’t in a giving mood.

"Shut up," he barked, his hand grabbing your ass and kneading it roughly. "I said you don’t speak unless spoken to, remember?" You nodded, but couldn’t help the cry that left your parted lips as he tore your panties down your legs and flung them across the room. "Such a pretty little cunt," he muttered, tracing your swollen cleft as you parted your thighs to give him better access. His broad legs gave you enough room to balance, but apparently, John wasn’t happy with the position.

He picked you up, dropping you face first onto the bed. Before you could use your hands to push yourself upwards, you heard his belt being pulled from his pants, and he grabbed both your hands in his larger ones, looping the belt around them.

"Stay right there, baby girl. I’m nowhere near done with you." You pressed your face into the bedspread as he secured your wrists behind your back, his thick fingers splaying around your hips and pulling you upwards so your ass was in the air. "Now that is a nice sight. Your dripping pussy on display for me, all red and begging for my dick." Your cunt clenched in response to his words and he chuckled, before moving away.

It was agony not being able to see what he was doing, and when the bed dipped, you tried to move your head and see, but you couldn’t without suffocating yourself. So when John’s tongue licked a long flat stripe along your pussy, you squeaked and bucked, only to find yourself pinned in place. He repeated the move with his mouth, not stopping at your entrance, carrying on upwards to lick -

You couldn’t help it - you yelped loudly.

"Oh, sweetheart," John laughed, pulling back. "Did that surprise you? Haven’t you ever thought about having me here?" One finger circled your puckered little hole and you shook your head into the covers, panicking. You were lying - you’d thought about it. But you also knew it would probably hurt. And trust John to pick up on those thoughts. "It wouldn’t hurt, baby girl. Not if I prepared you properly. In fact, you’d enjoy it by the time I was done."

You shook your head again, more intently. "John, please…I’m not…I don’t…" You didn’t want that, not right now, not without talking about it, it was…

The mood changed as John moved, coming to your side, a frown on his face. "I’m playing, sweetheart. Wouldn’t do anything like that unless you wanted me to, okay? I’m not gonna do anything you don’t like. But I am gonna touch you there, okay?"

"You’re not gonna fuck me though?"

"If I do anything you don’t like, just say no, okay?" He raised an eyebrow, just waiting for your confirmation and you nodded slowly, prompting a smile from him. "Just relax for me." Another nod and you calmed your breathing, feeling a little more at ease. You trusted John - it would take more than you being angry at him to change that.

He returned to where he had been, behind you, and you moaned as his tongue touched your entrance, pushing in slowly. Using his hands, he opened you up, tongue fucking your cunt hard as you tried to push back onto him. A few moments later, and he pulled out, licking along your folds until he met your clit. He sucked it into his mouth and you bucked, feeling your second orgasm building.

"You wanna cum on my tongue, baby girl?" His words were muffled by his mouth on your slit, and you nodded, your entire body vibrating as he kept licking and sucking at you, his fingers teasing your hole. When he sank two digits into you up to the third knuckle, it spurred you on and your walls tightening around him as you came. But he didn’t stop, his fingers pressing against your inner walls, massaging that specific spot he knew drove you crazy. You bit into the covers, desperate to tell him to both stop and carry on, as the pleasure got more and more intense. His mouth kept suckling at your flesh, his fingers still working into you and you screamed before something whited out in your brain and your lower body went slack, the most amazing sense of release washing over you.

John sat back as you slumped, grinning from ear to ear, your cum dripping from his chin. You turned your head, wobbling and almost falling before his hands caught you.

"Always knew you had it in you," he said, wiping his face with his hand before pulling you upright. "Wanted to make you cum so hard you squirted. Bet you feel all kinds of good right now, huh?"

You nodded as he unbuckled the belt from your wrists, freeing you. The only need you felt was to lay back on the bed, as you were still floating from the sensations he’d provoked in you, but you were also keenly aware of the wet patch on the bed from your intense orgasm.

Of course, John would be able to bring that out in you. He seemed to know how to play you like a damn instrument.

You lay back, John at your side, and it was then you noticed that he was naked, his cock bobbing against his stomach as he stroked down the side of your breast, his eyes on yours. Licking your lips, you pulled him close, kissing him and tasting yourself on his tongue.

"You know I love you, right?" you whispered, and he nodded, kissing you back and rolling on top of you. "I just…keeping this secret is driving me crazy. And I…I need to know…I heard you, John. I heard you tell me that you loved me. I need to hear it. I’ve held it back, but I need to know…’

He drew back a little, his body still pressed against yours as he searched your eyes. You knew he did, but you needed to hear it. As he remained silent, you felt yourself deflate a little, and John sighed before kissing your forehead.

"I can’t. I can’t tell you what you wanna hear, Y/N." He pulled you close. "Saying it…if I say it, I know it’ll get you killed."

"You can’t know that," you said, knowing his reasoning was stupid but also knowing why he felt that way. "John, please…how long does this have to go on? I can’t keep pretending that I’m just a stupid kid you tow around when I feel this way."

"If people know, you’re in more danger, you get that? I can’t have people thinking you’re a weak link…" He pulled back, scrubbing a hand over his face, and you frowned, his words sinking into your mind, leaving their mark.

This would only carry on. The secrets and lying…there was no future there.

And you knew that.

"John…can we just…" You spoke slowly, and he opened his eyes, focusing on you before you threw the words away and pressed up against him. His erection had subsided a little in the wake of the conversation but the second you rolled on top of him, he was hard and aching for you, willing to let go of the subject.

His hands framed your cunt as you rose up and sank down onto him, taking him into your body as far as he would go, before angling your hips, rotating above him. John groaned, arching his back, his eyes rolling back in his head as you rode him hard and fast, seeking your own pleasure before his. Your flesh was sensitive, your clit swollen from the previous orgasms at his hands, and it didn’t take long before you were cumming again, whimpering his name as he seized control of the situation and rolled you underneath him, never parting from you.

Sweat gathered on your skin and his, his hips working to bring you over the edge again and again, and it seemed like hours of him pushing into you, stretching you and bruising your body where he clung to you so tightly. Your nipples ached from his teeth and lips, your neck was a mass of purple bite marks, and there were nail marks down his back from where you held on to him as he fucked you through climax after climax.

Finally, his cock swelled and pulsed, and John spilled himself into you, the warmth of his cum filling your cunt and dripping down your ass onto the mattress where he kept moving long after he’d finished.

As he pulled out, he gathered you to him, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close before pulling the covers over the both of you. You faked tiredness, snuggling into him, trying not to cry in desperation.

There was no future here.

Half an hour later, he was snoring gently, and you pulled yourself from his arms, looking down at his sleeping form, before dressing quickly, ignoring the sticky evidence of your lovemaking that lingered on your thighs. You lamented briefly that you could not say goodbye to the boys, but this had to be done. John wouldn’t let you go willingly.

Leaving the motel room was harder than you thought, and the entire way down the highway outside, you panicked at every car, despite putting your thumb out for a lift. Any moment, John could wake up and come looking, and you didn’t want that. It had to be a clean break.

Finally, a car stopped, a battered old red truck driven by a middle-aged woman who looked at you in concern. You smiled gratefully and climbed in, accepting her offer to take you into the next state. As she drove on, and the sun peeked over the horizon, you wondered if John was waking up in that motel room.

He’d be the one waking up alone this time.


	11. Chapter 11

By the time you slammed your fist against the door to the Roadhouse, it was nearly 2am, and the rain was getting heavier by the minute. Thunder and lightning crashed through the heavy black clouds filling the sky, and the wind was sharp against your cheeks. You were almost in tears, and exhausted, having hiked the last three miles from town to the only place you knew to go where John wouldn’t dare set foot.

Ellen Harvelle was the closest thing you’d known to a mother when you’d been growing up. Your father had spent a lot of time at the Roadhouse, and was close with Bill before he died. It had been a few years since you’d been here, but you knew Ellen wouldn’t turn you away.

The door opened slowly, and the barrel of a shotgun peeked out, followed by wary brown eyes and blonde bed hair.

‘Ellen -’ You rasped, spluttering with the rainwater running down your face. The door opened a little further, as the older woman took in the state of you. Your jeans were soaked through, clinging to your legs and covered in mud; your shirt wasn’t much better under the thin coat you wore. The duffel on your shoulder had everything you owned in it, or at least, everything you’d taken with you when you’d fled the motel two days before.

‘Shit, Y/N! Get in here!’ You stumbled through the door as Ellen dropped the gun, immediately yelling for her lodger, Ash. You found a chair pulled up, and violent shivers wracked your body as water dripped from your saturated clothes onto the floor. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

‘Didn’t have anywhere else to go.’ You shuddered, your words disjointed as your teeth chattered together. Ash appeared, with a big thick towel that he draped around your shoulders.

‘Bobby Singer’s been calling here every damn hour seeing if you’d turned up.’ Ellen’s hands were rubbing your shoulders, and you sank into the chair, a bone deep weariness spreading through your being as you let the relief of finally getting somewhere safe wash over you. ‘Up and leaving in the middle of the night. John’s been frantic, thinking you’d gotten snatched or something.’

‘I was gonna call but…’

Ellen shook her head, snapping her fingers at Ash, who just looked at her with bleary eyes. ‘Go get the stove on. Girl needs some hot food inside her.’ He nodded, zipping through the bar towards the kitchen. Small footsteps came down the stairs and you turned, seeing Jo in her nightie, rubbing at her face.

‘Momma? What’s going on?’ She yawned, opening her eyes to see you sat on the chair. ‘Y/N!’ She yelled, practically sprinting across the bar to barrel into your arms.

‘Jo, get your ass back to bed.’ Ellen ordered, the smile on her face belying her irritation.

‘What are you doing here?’ Jo asked, beaming up at you and ignoring her mother. You smiled, despite your situation, kissing the younger girl’s forehead. Jo was six years your junior, but she’d always been like a little sister to you.

‘Y/N is gonna be staying with us for a while, Jo.’ Ellen kept her voice soft, and you looked up at her sharply, shock evident on your face. ‘Now, get yourself back to bed, and you can annoy her in the morning.’

‘Okay, mom.’ Jo gave you one last hug, before bolting from the room, and back up the stairs.

‘I’m really sorry, Ellen.’ You said, your eyes lingering on the stairway. ‘I just…I didn’t know where else to go. John would have found me at Bobby’s and I just..I can’t…’

‘You really think Bobby wouldn’t have told me what was going on?’ Ellen interrupted, pulling another chair over and sitting in front of you. ‘He called here, spitting froth about six months ago, worried about you. Now, I’m not gonna tell you what you can and can’t do, you’re a grown woman. But this doesn’t look like it’s going too well for you.’

You shook your head. ‘I couldn’t stay. It was just…it was -’ You shrugged loosely, unsure how to explain it.

‘Did he hurt you?’ Ellen asked softly.

‘No!’ You exclaimed loudly, rearing back in shock at the suggestion before slumping back down. ‘No. He never hurt me, Ellen. But I couldn’t stay. Lying and sneaking around - he was never gonna let it be any more than that.’ Ellen’s hand was warm on yours as tears fell freely from your eyes, mingling with the rainwater still dotted over your skin. You felt frozen to the core, and somehow you were glad of that.

*****

Six Months Later

Ellen’s offer for you to stay for a while had turned into more than a few days before you moved on. She’d been happy to offer you work, bed and board, keeping you busy with bar work and babysitting Jo, which you were more than happy to do. You spent your evenings helping out with the rowdy crowds of hunters, on occasion venturing out to take care of the smaller, local hunts.

The routine was welcomed, and you’d carved out a small space for yourself, and after six months, you were relaxing. Bobby knew where you were; he’d chewed you out on the phone after your impromptu arrival, but he was glad you were safe. As far as you knew, John knew you were safe too, but he didn’t know where you were.

Hunters came and went from the bar constantly, as well as local folks who knew Ellen for her hospitality, cheap beer and good home cooked food. None of them knew exactly who you were, and there was little chance of your whereabouts getting to John through them - his distrust of other hunters was famous. And he wouldn’t turn up here. Ellen would shove a shotgun where the sun didn’t shine if he did.

Despite your time at the Roadhouse, you still felt that ache in your chest. You did miss John, and you missed Sam and Dean like crazy, but you wouldn’t go back to a life that held no future for you. It didn’t matter if you loved him - he wasn’t willing to give you everything that you wanted to give him.

‘Hey, Y/N.’ A friendly smile at the counter heralded Mike, a local hunter who was a regular in the bar, usually to keep an eye on his middle-aged father. ‘How’s it going?’

‘Not too bad.’ You replied, returning the smile and picking up a fresh glass. ‘Can I get you a beer?’

‘You sure can.’ Mike grinned, and you turned, pouring out a Bud for him, before passing it over the bar. He paid for it, but didn’t move away, his bright blue eyes on you. ‘How long you been here now, Y/N?’

‘’Bout six months, I guess.’ You shrugged. ‘Why’s that?’

‘Never seen you with a boyfriend.’ He commented, as if he was talking about the weather and you smiled, folding your arms over your chest and raising an eyebrow.

‘Now, Mike. That sounds like a flirtation.’

Mike chuckled, shaking his head. ‘Nothin’ of the sort, Y/N. Just enquiring is all. Pretty girl like you being single. Crime against something, I’m sure.’

Your smile tightened a little, along with your chest. ‘No crime here, Mike. Just…haven’t met the right guy.’

He nodded. ‘Well, maybe he’s closer than you think.’ He picked up his glass, giving you a bright smile before heading over to join his father at the pool table. You watched him go, admiring the curve of his ass as he went. It was probably the first time you’d looked at another guy, and Mike wasn’t unattractive in the slightest. He was only a little older than you, maybe twenty five, and he had a mop of dark blond hair that almost fell into those crisp blue eyes.

‘You inspecting the goods there, Y/N?’ Ellen’s voice made you jump and you turned to see her amused expression. ‘You and Mike seem to be awfully chatty recently.’

‘He’s a nice guy.’ You shrugged, moving past her to the kitchen door, wondering if there were any leftover burgers from the dinner rush. As the door swung behind you, Ellen followed, leaving Ash to man the bar for a moment.

‘Sure it’s not more than that? I know he’s been asking after you a lot when you’re not here.’ You ignored Ellen’s remark, swooping in on the loaded plate of burger and chips that Ash had purposefully left for you. ‘It’s been six months, Y/N. You are allowed to move on.’

With a sigh, you turned around to face the older woman. ‘We’re just friends is all. I’m not…I don’t want anything with anyone right now.’

‘Unless it’s John.’ Ellen retorted, folding her arms over her chest as you rolled your eyes in exasperation. ‘You’re telling me, that if John Winchester walked through that door right now, proclaiming his undying love and saying he’ll give you whatever you want, you’d turn your nose up.’ You stared, a lump in your throat at her words, and she raised an eyebrow in your direction. ‘Exactly. Stop waiting for that car crash to sort itself, Y/N. You gotta live, you can’t just wait for John to realize what he had, because trust me, that stubborn old fool won’t.’

Your shoulders dropped as you let the truth sink in, and you wiped at the tears threatening your composure. ‘I know that.’ You replied, picking at the top of the burger bun on the plate. ‘But Mike might be the same.’

‘You can’t put your life on hold because of a maybe, Y/N.’ Ellen’s hands came to rest on your upper arms. ‘Eat your burger. Take a few. I’ll be out on the bar with Ash, okay?’

*****

‘You’re off for the night.’ Ellen announced the next day, and you looked up from where you’d been helping Jo with her math homework. ‘Since you got back from that salting, you haven’t done anything but work. And I happen to know that Mike is coming in tonight. Without his father for a change.’

Jo giggled. ‘Mike likes you.’ She taunted and you elbowed her playfully, before looking over at her mother.

‘I don’t mind working, Ellen. I owe you.’

‘No, you owe yourself.’ She said, looking up as the bar door opened and the first customer of the afternoon wandered through. ‘Let him buy you a drink. Gossip. Do whatever. But you’re banned from behind the bar tonight.’ Her fingers tapped against the table as she turned to leave. ‘And Jo, you know the drill. Finish your homework, upstairs by five.’

‘Can I watch TV?’ The fourteen year old asked eagerly, and her mom rolled her eyes before nodding.

‘Don’t be surprised if you end up with company before long.’ You muttered, turning your attention back to her homework. ‘Making me be social and shit.’

‘Mom’ll cuss you out if you swear.’ Jo whispered. ‘Anyway, at least you get to talk to boys. I only get to talk to the boys at school and they’re all idiots.’ She scribbled an answer on her homework, sighing heavily. ‘Being fourteen sucks.’

‘Being twenty ain’t much better, kiddo.’ You ruffled her hair, and she scowled at you before smiling. ‘Boys are generally idiots. You’ll learn that as you get older.’

‘Yeah, but you get to do so many cool things. Like hunting. Hunting is the coolest thing ever, and my mom says it’s too dangerous.’

You shook your head, clenching your jaw. ‘It’s not cool all the time, Jo. I mean, yeah, guns and monsters sounds really awesome. But then there’s the blood and guts, broken bones and…’ You trailed off, trying not to think about your family.

‘Losing people, right?’ Jo whispered, leaning into you a little. ‘But you do get people too. I wouldn’t have you as a super awesome big sister if it wasn’t for everything else.’ You smiled, wrapping one arm around her as she grinned back. ‘Mom always says things happen for a reason, right?’

‘Yeah, they do. Now, how about we finish this homework before this place gets too full up with hunters to concentrate?’

*****

‘Ellen says I’m to buy you a beer.’ Mike’s friendly voice made you look up from the bar, and you smiled warmly at him, watching him slide into the seat beside you. ‘I’m not one to turn down a lady’s order. Especially when said lady is as scary as Ellen Harvelle.’

You laughed, waving to Ash who nodded. A few moments later, two bottles of Bud appeared in front of you, and Mike smiled widely.

‘This mean we’re actually having ourselves a date, Y/N? Because I gotta say, I’m not great with dropping hints. I was wondering if I was striking blind here.’

‘You weren’t.’ You replied, tipping the bottle towards your lips, taking a good swig of the amber liquid. ‘I just needed a bit of prodding.’

It was easy to slip into conversation with Mike, like you’d done a hundred times before across the bar. Eventually, the both of you relocated to a booth, further back from the main bulk of hunters, and it was nice. You forgot about before, about John and everything that came with it. Mike was laid back and interesting, a fifth generation hunter from a local family. He was educated - which was unusual for a hunter - and before you knew it, the beer had turned to whiskey, and the conversation had swept you away to the middle of the night.

The bar was emptying out as it approached an hour past midnight, and Ellen was cleaning up. Ash was asleep on the pool table, which wasn’t unusual for a Friday, and you were more than happy to spend the rest of the night talking with Mike in the booth, but Ellen would kick him out eventually.

‘I’m probably being a bit forward by sayin’ this.’ Mike said, leaning in. ‘But you know I’ve liked you for a long time. It’s not usual to see an attractive girl that’s in this world, that knows this life.’

You smiled, closing the gap between you and the hunter, feeling the warmth of his body against yours. He smelled like vanilla, and fresh linen, and you managed ignore the drunken flash that went through your mind at the absence of gunpowder scent and engine oil. Mike wasn’t John; he was the furthest from John you could get, besides being a hunter, and that was a good thing.

‘You like me, Mike?’ You pressed in close, your fingers trailing over his thigh. ‘Ellen’s gonna be removing us from the bar soon. How about I walk you home?’

‘Walk me home, sweetheart?’ Mike chuckled. ‘There’s a reason I drink the cheap beer. I live five miles away, so I’m driving.’ You shrugged.

‘Are you gonna accept the offer to have a lady accompany you or not?’

Mike laughed, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he stood and offered you his hand. ‘I’ll take door number two, with the beautiful woman behind it.’ You felt heat pool in your belly as he pulled you to your feet, his charming offense working in every way possible. Ellen grinned at you from behind the bar as you grabbed your jacket, following Mike out the door with a promise to be home at some point.

His car was the only one left in the parking lot, and he pulled you into his side as you smiled up at him. Before he unlocked the door, he turned, holding you so your chest was flush against him. An engine rumbled in the distance, heading towards the Roadhouse, but you paid it no mind, focusing on Mike’s blue eyes in the darkness.

‘I can’t hold off on this any more, Y/N.’ He dipped his head, capturing your lips with his, and you responded eagerly, closing your eyes just as light washed over the pair of you against the car. The truck lights remained on as the engine turned off, and you flinched as a door slammed, tearing yourself away from Mike and the caress as he raised an arm to shield himself against the bright light.

John stood, silhouetted by the headlights, an unreadable expression on his face as he stared at you. Your entire body froze, and Mike frowned, glancing down at you.

‘Who’s that?’ He said, keeping his voice quiet, just as the door to the bar opened and Ellen walked out with a shotgun. You shook your head, unable to believe this was happening, the alcohol in your system making everything fuzzy.

Why?

Why did he have to be there just as you were trying to pick up the pieces and move on?

Ellen’s voice snapped you out of your internal musing, yelling at the new arrival. ‘John fucking Winchester. What the hell are you doing here?’

‘Was close by. Needed help on a hunt.’ John called back, but his eyes never left yours. Mike’s mouth dropped open in shock as he recognised the name.

‘John Winchester?’

‘Don’t be too in awe.’ You spat. ‘He’s not that great.’ Pulling back from Mike’s arms as he looked at you in confusion, you shook your head. ‘I’m sorry, Mike. I’ll…I gotta go.’ You turned away from him as he stood, hands at his sides, his mouth slack as he watched you flee into the Roadhouse behind Ellen.

‘Is she okay?’ He called to the proprietor of the bar, and she nodded, keeping her shotgun upright.

‘She’ll be fine, Mike. Go home.’ Her tone didn’t broker any argument and Mike did as she asked, climbing into his car and driving out of the parking lot at top speed. John watched him go, before turning to Ellen.

‘Bobby never said she was here.’

‘Because she wanted to be left alone.’ Ellen said, her words curt as she lowered the gun a little. ‘I don’t know as I want you around here, John. Last time -’

‘I can’t do anything to make that right, Ellen.’ John replied, reaching in to turn the lights of his truck off. He shut the door, leaning back against it, not wanting to press his welcome, despite every bone in his body telling him to run to you. Six months, he’d worried, relying on Bobby telling him you were fine, but never saying where you were. ‘It’s just a milk run, but I need help.’

Ellen lowered the gun, looking over her shoulder to see you were long gone. ‘You’d best come in.’

John nodded, his body relaxing a little as he followed the other hunter into the bar. ‘I didn’t wanna come here. I didn’t wanna drag up old memories, but I had no other choice. Caleb is out of comms right now.’

‘Where are the boys?’ Ellen asked, moving around the other side of the bar and putting her shotgun underneath the counter again.

‘With Jim. Dean’s got the flu.’

‘What you got then?’

‘Poltergeist. Two towns over. Surprised you hadn’t already got someone on it.’ John frowned, looking around the bar as Ellen shrugged in response. ‘How is she?’ He asked.

‘I don’t know if that’s your place to ask any more, John.’ Ellen warned, leaning on the bar with both hands.

John tucked his chin into his chest, his eyes on the floor for a moment. ‘I never meant to push her away.’

Ellen scoffed. ‘You were dealing with a girl barely reaching adulthood. What the hell were you doing, John? You can’t have thought that relationship was healthy? She’s half your age!’ She kept her voice low, knowing it was likely you were listening somewhere. ‘What can you offer her?’

‘I know you’re not gonna believe me, Ellen, but I love her. I just…I wasn’t man enough to tell her that.’ John scrubbed a hand over his face, sighing as he slumped onto a bar stool.

‘Love isn’t gonna be enough, John.’ Ellen chided softly, reaching over the bar to touch his hand where it rested on the counter. ‘She deserves more than this.’

John laughed, but it was completely devoid of humour. ‘I’m miserable without her. The boys blame me for her leaving. It’s…it’s hell without her.’ He looked down, pulling his hand away from Ellen’s. ‘But you’re right. She deserves more than me, and I’m selfish for ever thinking I was good enough.’ Ellen wanted to say something, but he was standing, wiping at his eyes. She took in the three day scruff and rumpled clothes, and wondered when he’d slept properly.

‘You got a contact number? I’ll get some boys to call you about this milk run.’ His jaw tightened as he looked back towards the door, and she knew he was thinking about the young hunter he’d seen outside with you. ‘I’ll make sure it’s none of the Forresters.’

‘He looked like a good kid.’

‘He is.’

John didn’t say anything else, but reached into his jacket, pulling out a card for the motel he was staying at. ‘I’m two miles into town. I’ll wait for a call.’ Ellen nodded, taking the card from him, just as he turned away to leave.

‘John?’ She called, and he stopped, keeping his back to her. ‘If there’s any trouble, call in, okay? The past is the past.’ He remained still for a moment, before heading for the door, and Ellen sighed, picking up her contacts book and the phone.

*****

It hadn’t taken much for you to track down the motel he was staying at. Ellen never hid anything, and within the hour, you were dragging the old motorbike that you’d bought off a guy in town from the back of the Roadhouse. It took a few kicks to get the old thing working - you’d bought it on a whim to save you having to drive the rustbucket Ellen called a car - but finally it roared to life, and you were off down the road.

Ellen would have heard you leave, and no doubt you’d be in for an ear bashing when you returned, but you had to see him, to speak to him.

A little part of you wanted to justify what he’d seen earlier, and an equal part wanted to scream at him that, yes, you were a woman and other men found you just as appealing.

You knew you wouldn’t do either of those things.

He was in room number seven, and you parked the bike beside the truck you’d spent so many hours in, running your eyes over it as you looked towards his room, hesitating before approaching the solid wood. Raising your hand, you held your breath as you brought your knuckles down to knock, but the door opened a split second before you could finish.

John’s dark eyes met yours and everything you held in bled out into your chest as your bottom lip wobbled.

‘Y/N.’ Your name was a whisper on his lips, before his hands reached out for you and pulled you close, pressing your smaller frame against his, the door closing slowly. You didn’t object when his mouth crashed into yours, obliterating Mike’s touch, almost as though John had to lay that claim to you again.

‘I missed you.’ He whispered, panting as he broke away from your lips, his forehead pressed against yours, and you simply nodded, letting him pick you up in his strong arms. You wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling his hips dig into your thighs as he kissed you again. It felt like home, being with him again, being in his arms again.

You tried to ignore all the reasons this was wrong.

‘John, please -’ You arched as his fingers played along your spine, and he fell with you onto the bed. Hands ripped at clothing, and John kissed along your ribcage, before worshipping the swell of your breasts up to your nipples. With a moan, he sucked one hard nub into his mouth, circling his tongue around it and you mewled in pleasure, heat shooting straight to your core. He ran one hand along your hip, towards your thigh, before pushing them gently apart, one finger travelling the length of your slit. You were already wet - you always were for him - and he pushed the digit into you, thrusting in and out slowly as he pulled away from your breast.

‘Have you -’ He didn’t seem to be able to finish the question, but you knew what he was asking.

Has anyone replaced me?

You shook your head, and he didn’t smile, but the relief in his eyes was evident. You didn’t want to ask if he’d found anyone else to warm his bed for the last six months, but judging by how hard he already was, pressing into your thigh, he’d at least not sought solace with anyone in a while.

‘I missed you.’ He repeated against your throat, pressing open mouthed kisses along your jaw until he found your mouth. ‘I need you, Y/N. You have no idea how much.’ You nodded, gasping as he sunk a second finger into you, scissoring them to stretch you. He shifted, placing his knees between yours, removing his fingers. ‘You ready for me, baby girl?’

‘Please -’ You whined, and he swallowed down the rest of your pleading words with his mouth, his cock brushing your entrance briefly before he encircled it with his hand and held it ready, pushing into you slowly and deliberately, wanting to feel every inch of your pussy swallow him whole.

When he was fully seated inside you, he broke away from your lips again, holding your thighs with his strong hands before giving a short and sharp thrust into you. You whimpered, reaching for him, but he ignored it, using the momentum of your body to compliment his.

‘Did you miss me, sweetheart?’ John asked, pressing hard into you and you nodded, biting your lip as he applied pressure to your g-spot with the tip of his cock. You were so close to cumming already, just from him being inside you. ‘How much?’

‘So much.’ You whined, arching your head back as he gave a harder thrust, pulling out of your body and slamming back in once.

‘Enough to go home with another man.’

Your eyes widened at his words, and you were about ready to pull away, to scream at him. ‘John - that’s not -’ He didn’t let you finish, before he pinned you to the bed, taking your lips forcefully, swallowing down your protests and whimpers as he started a punishing rhythm, driving into your body hard.

It was easy to forget every argument, every moment of anger towards him, when he made you sing like this. When he could trigger every cell in your body to scream out at the same moment, your walls clenching around him like a vice, covering him with your slick as he pounded you into the cheap motel bed. John Winchester knew how to play you like a finely tuned instrument, and you’d always cum crying out his name.

‘Fucking missed your tight little pussy, baby girl.’ He suckled on your neck, no doubt leaving a purple bruise there so everyone would know what you’d been up to. He didn’t stop moving as you shuddered underneath him in the wake of a powerful orgasm, and you knew it wouldn’t be long before you were cumming for him again. ‘Did you miss me? Miss me making you scream?’

You nodded, tears in your eyes as you tightened around him again, and he pressed his mouth against the opposite side of your neck, marking you there. A small defiant voice in your head spoke out and you clung to him, using your nails to mark his back.

Two could play that game.

‘Jesus.’ John moaned, releasing your neck as you clawed at him, prompting him to slam into you harder. ‘You wanna mark me up, princess?’

‘You’re doing it to me.’ You replied, yelping as he dropped his head and closed his mouth around your breast once more. ‘John!’ The squeal that tore from your throat only encouraged him, and he pulled away to grab your hips with his large hands and pull you close. You automatically reached out for the headboard as he fucked into you hard, his hip bones bruising your thighs. ‘Fuck, John!’

‘That’s it, sweetheart. Scream for me.’ He grunted, using his thumb and index finger to twist your swollen clit, and you cried out, your brain failing to function as his cock swelled and pumped into you. He came, filling you up with thick strands of cum, and you only just registered it as you reached your own high.

When the both of you came down, John pulled away, rolling to your side, panting heavily. Automatically, you curled into him, lamenting the fact that you had to tell him that this was it.

‘You can’t stay, John.’

‘I wasn’t planning on it.’ He muttered, kissing the top of your head.

You pushed yourself up, sighing heavily. ‘And I can’t go with you. This…this was…’

He frowned. ‘This was what?’

‘You and me…it isn’t going to work.’ You turned away, your eyes wet as you realised you couldn’t face him to say what needed to be said. John sat up, and followed you with his eyes as you located your clothes and dressed. ‘John, I can’t do this. I can’t do the lies and secrets. That was why I left. You couldn’t even tell me that you loved me.’

‘Y/N, I don’t -’

‘No, please.’ You hiccuped back a sob, wiping at your eyes furiously. ‘This was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.’ He didn’t reply, and you risked a glance over at him.

‘Is this because there’s someone else?’ He asked, and you knew he meant Mike. You shook your head, throwing him his pants. ‘I don’t…I miss you, Y/N. The boys miss you.’

You scowled, resenting the low blow. ‘I miss them too, but I can’t put myself through this again. I left for a reason. And I’m leaving again now. You and me? It’s over. It’s done.’ God, you had to get out of there before you cried again.

‘Y/N, wait!’ He yelled as you bolted out of the door. Before you could get the old bike started and get away, he ran through the motel room door, dressed only in pants, his boots slung on and laces open. ‘Just…please…I don’t…’

You shook your head, looking up at him through tear filled lashes, knowing you must look awful. ‘John…I’m always gonna love you. But I don’t love what we are. And that won’t change.’ You pushed up on the bike, pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. ‘I’m sorry.’

He stood back, an almost dumbfounded expression on his face as you kicked the bike on, and drove off, not looking back.


	12. Chapter 12

Some decisions haunted you. You spent months, even years after you’d made them, trying to figure out if you’d made the right choice.

Right now, you knew you’d made the best choice possible. You moved, curling into the covers and the warm body beside you, smiling as a thick masculine arm snaked around your shoulders and pulled you close. It didn’t take much for a contented sigh to leave your lips, and you knew that, yes, staying in bed was the best decision ever.

‘You smell fantastic in the morning.’

You giggled at John’s quiet words, muffled by the pillows. ‘How can I smell good?’

He shrugged, opening one eye to look down at you, tucked away into his shoulder. ‘You just do. You smell like sex, and that fruity body wash you like.’ He inhaled deeply, humming in pleasure as he pressed closer to you. ‘And that ridiculously expensive shampoo.’

‘You love my ridiculously expensive shampoo.’ You smiled, reaching up to trace a finger along his jaw. John moved his head, smiling like a dope.

‘Yeah, I do.’ He watched you for a second before rolling so you were underneath him, the naked length of his body covering yours. ‘Wouldn’t be you without your shampoo. All adds up to one perfect little package.’

Your smile didn’t fade as he kissed you long and slow, his hands threading through your hair as he rolled his hips into you. This was a perfect morning, waking up with him, so infrequent and cherished all the more for it. But he’d promised he wouldn’t leave this time, and you were determined to make the most of these few precious hours.

‘So, how do you want me?’ You whispered, breaking the kiss to look into his dark hazel eyes, your hands framing his stubble-covered cheeks. He raised an eyebrow, angling himself to stroke one large hand down your body, a noise of contemplation rumbling deep in his chest.

‘I think I like you just the way you are.’ John smirked, his hand stopping as it reached your thighs, slipping between them to seek out your wet center. You arched as he brushed your sensitive clit, his name leaving your lips in a gasp, and he lowered his head to suck one pebbled nipple into his mouth.

His cock was hard and leaking against your leg, twitching as he thrust his fingers into you, stretching you open, ready for him. You begged and writhed, desperate for release, and John provided, like he always did. Skilled digits brought you closer and closer, before finding the textured flesh on your inner wall and applying just the right amount of pressure to have you crying out and cumming hard on his hand.

‘That’s it, baby girl. Let it go for me, come on.’ He coaxed you through your orgasm, his mouth still close to your breast as he watched your face, and you mewled for him, panting hard in the wake of your climax. ‘Always such a good girl for me.’ John whispered, latching on to your other nipple as he shifted his hips, withdrawing his hand and using your slick to stroke his cock.

‘Please, Daddy.’ You begged, unashamed, and John groaned around your breast, releasing it with a soft wet plop to seize your mouth harshly for a split second, grinning wickedly as he looked down on you.

‘Fucking love it when you call me that.’ He grunted, teasing your entrance with the tip of his cock. ‘Want Daddy to fill you up, princess?’ You opened your mouth to speak, but he took the opportunity to thrust into you, replacing your words with a whimpered cry, and he groaned with you as his hips came flush with your pelvis. ‘So fucking perfect, baby girl.’ You bit your lip as he pushed himself up onto his elbows, his hips rolling like fluid, his cock slamming into your most sensitive depths with each stroke into your body.

‘Daddy, gonna cum.’ You whined, fingers curling into his shoulders as he slammed into you harder, his cock covered with your juices, obscene noises filling the space around you. John had a talent of making you feel like the classiest porn star, and you loved every second of it. ‘Please -’ The pleading word dragged out, and he nodded, his breathing laboured as sweat started to bead on his forehead.

Large fingers clung to your hip, leaving oval bruises where he held you so tightly, his cock stretching your walls almost to the breaking point. You fluttered around him, your body shuddering as your climax drew closer and closer, and John dropped his head to suck at your breasts again, the touch of his teeth against your sensitive flesh just enough to push you over the edge into oblivion and you came screaming his name like a banshee.

As you came down, John slowed, his thrusts becoming languid and circular, his touch gentle as he whispered to you. ‘Love watching you cum on my cock, sweetheart. The way you feel when you tighten around me, the little noises you make when I’m deep inside your cunt.’ You gasped, the filthy words sending fresh heat to your core. ‘That’s it, princess. You love this, don’t you?’

‘Yes.’ You hiccuped, moaning as he angled his hips to slide into you. It felt like your blood was on fire, a thousand degrees rushing through your veins and you closed your eyes to savour every stroke he made.

‘Want me to cum, baby girl? Want me to fill you up?’ John’s voice was closer, his mouth almost against your neck. ‘Such a good girl.’

You nodded. ‘Yes, Daddy. Please. Wanna feel you.’

He smiled, kissing you hard as he picked up the pace again, his hands on both your hips now, driving into you with force. Each thrust got harder, his cock swelling as he approached his orgasm and you panted into his mouth, knowing he was going to drag you down with him. He scraped his teeth along your neck, nipping at you as he growled and grunted against your skin. ‘Gonna cum, sweetheart. Fuck...gonna...fuck…’ Words turned into guttural noises as he flooded your pussy, his hands clinging to your hips as he gave his last thrusts into your body.

You slumped underneath him, your chest heaving as you gasped for breath, and John remained with his face buried in your neck, his breath on your skin. Juices squeezed from you, leaving sticky trails down your thighs onto the mattress. It wasn’t the most comfortable of positions, with John’s weight pressing you down, but you were struggling to move.

‘John -’ You pushed at his shoulder and he raised his head, his breathing evening out. ‘You’re squishing me.’

He grinned sheepishly, lifting off of you and kissing you softly. ‘I’d better get you cleaned up.’

‘Shower would be good.’ You agreed, running your fingers through his sweat soaked hair. The both of you stank of sex and cum, and as delightful as that was, it wouldn’t be nice for long.

‘Maybe in a minute.’ His eyes twinkled with mischief and you frowned, before he slid down your body, spreading your thighs with his hands. His tongue flicked out, licking a pointed strip along your sloppy folds, cleaning away your combined juices. You whimpered, your thighs shaking as he cleaned you up, before he sucked your clit into his mouth and one last orgasm exploded through your body, leaving you a whimpering mess on the bed. John sat up, leaning back on his haunches and grinned like a wildcat.

‘Now we can shower.’

*****

Some decisions haunted you. You spent months, even years after you’d made them, trying to figure out if you’d made the right choice.

Your eyes opened, and slowly you adjusted to the dim light coming through the window. The single bed you were laying on had seen better days and the covers were old My Little Pony ones that Ellen had in the closet from Jo’s brief pony phase when she was eight.

It had been a dream.

John wasn’t here. He hadn’t saved a morning for you, and your legs were twisted in the sheets, a pounding ache between your thighs as you realised nothing had been real.

A month ago, he’d taken you again, and you’d walked away, fearful of the future that couldn’t possibly exist with him. And now you spent every day lamenting the decision. You hadn’t given it a chance, and it left you confused and terrified of what you’d done.

Mike hadn’t come back to try again, and you knew you wouldn’t accept any offer. Every day you dragged yourself through the motions, hunting and working at the bar, wondering if you’d find yourself a way back to life. Ellen constantly hovered like a mother hen, worried about you and your lack of lustre for anything.

You pulled yourself from the sheets and pattered into the bathroom, grabbing a towel and slipping into the shower. It was early, and Jo wouldn’t be up for another hour. Ellen was most likely already awake - it seemed like the woman never slept. The shower would wake you up and prepare you for another day of...you couldn’t really call it living.

When you finally appeared downstairs, Ellen had two cups of coffee on the bar, and some toast. She smiled at you as you walked in, gesturing to the plate of food and the steaming mug.

‘Heard you in the shower. Thought you could use some breakfast.’

‘Thanks.’ You hopped up onto a stool, your thoughts running wild but your head full of nothing at the same time. Looking opposite you into the mirror behind the bar, you watched your own reflection as you nibbled at the toast. It wasn’t a pretty sight any more - your hair was lanky and unkempt, your skin was dry and the bags under your eyes were more pronounced than you’d ever seen them. More dead than alive.

A sigh left your lips as Ellen took the stool beside you, nudging you and frowning. ‘What’s up?’

‘Nothing. Bad dreams.’ You didn’t look at her, and tore your eyes from your reflection, unable to even look yourself in the eye any more.

Ellen shook her head, picking up her coffee and blowing on it, more out of habit than anything. ‘This isn’t healthy, Y/N.’

‘What isn’t?’

‘You were doing good. Then one glimpse of John, and you’re back to square one.’ Your cheeks coloured as you dropped your eyes to the half-nibbled piece of bread in your hands. Telling Ellen about what had  _ actually  _ happened that night with John was something you’d yet to do; you were honestly afraid of her reaction. ‘You gotta move on, darlin’. Mopin’ around ain’t doing you any good.’

‘I miss him.’ You whisper, feeling hot tears burning your eyes. ‘I should have gone after him.’

‘You said yourself there was no future there. You gotta decide, sweetheart.’ Ellen placed a hand on your shoulder, looking at you with sympathy, but you still refused to meet her eyes.

‘I don’t even know where he is now. Bobby hasn’t heard from him in weeks. Pastor Jim hasn’t seen him since he picked up the boys.’ You shivered, dropping the toast onto the plate. ‘I miss them too.’

Ellen frowned, her eyes going to the abandoned breakfast. ‘Like I said, you gotta decide. You can stay here as long as you want. You know that. You’re family here.’ The hand on your shoulder moved, rubbing a calming circle, and you leaned into her, wishing you could stop feeling so torn up. ‘But I can’t sit back watch you do whatever this is. It ain’t livin’, sweetheart. You’re miserable. And even though I disagree, if John makes you happy...then you should do whatever your heart is tellin’ you.’

Softly, you nodded, wrapping your hands around the coffee cup. Ellen sighed, her mouth setting into a thin line.

‘In the meantime, I got a hunt needs taken care of. Fancy a trip to Omaha?’

*****

The drive wasn’t too bad, and when you got to Omaha, Caleb was waiting for you at his motel, just like Ellen had said he would be. Climbing off the battered old Honda, you wheeled it to beside his red truck and flipped the kickstand, smiling over at him.

‘You travel light.’ Caleb grinned, stepping forward to embrace you. ‘Haven’t seen you in an age, girl. You got big.’

‘I’m not a kid any more, Caleb.’ You hugged him back, before stepping away. ‘It’s been nearly nine years since my dad rolled up on your doorstep.’

‘Yeah, with this scrawny little kid who liked Spiderman more than princesses.’ He chuckled. ‘I heard you was travelling with John for a long time.’

A shrug pulled at your shoulders, and you turned to pull your belongings from the saddle bags on the bike. ‘Couldn’t hang with the Winchesters for too long. Anyway, small talk aside, what we looking at?’

The hunt was for a tulpa, which had housed itself in an old farmhouse. Kids were making the legend grow and get worse, and four people were already dead from the creature’s influence. You’d never faced anything like this before, but Caleb was a pro, and had been hunting since he was knee high to a grasshopper.

Forty-eight hours later and the tulpa was weakening enough to be killed. You were waiting for the call from Caleb at his motel room when a knock came at the door. You frowned, unsure who would be calling here as no one had called “room service”, and you held your gun up, ready to attack any possibly intruder.

‘Caleb, come on man. I heard you got a hunt, I’m here to help.’

You froze at the sound of the voice, clicking the safety back onto your gun before moving towards the door and opening it. On the other side, Dean Winchester stood, leather jacket pulled tight around him against the cool summer night. ‘Hey.’ You spoke coolly, trying not to belie your nervousness at seeing him.

He blinked in surprise, his head reeling back. ‘Y/N?’ His voice was quiet, disbelieving and you nodded. ‘Shit, you’re here?’

‘Caleb needed help with the hunt. I think. Mostly I’ve been helping research.’ You shrugged. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Same reason. Heard there was a hunt, spotted Caleb’s old truck, found out his room and...well, here I am. I wasn’t...I wasn’t expecting to see you.’ He stepped forward, a burst of emotion prompting him to wrap his arms around you. ‘Fuck, Y/N. Dad wouldn’t tell us. He said you’d gone after you had a fight with him. Where were you?’

‘With friends.’ You whispered, inhaling the smell of whiskey and engine oil on the old jacket he wore. It used to be John’s, and you wondered why Dean had it now. ‘Is...is your dad okay?’ You were hesitant to ask, and Dean frowned, looking down at you. You suddenly realised just how much he’d grown in the eight months since you’d last seen him.

‘He’s fine.’ He said, rubbing your arm gently. ‘He’s miserable without you though.’ You eyes widened as Dean shook his head with a small laugh. ‘You know, when I found out, I was so pissed. I had a crush on you since I first saw you. But you never seemed interested. Guess I know why now, huh?’ He smiled as you worked your mouth, unsure how to respond. ‘It’s okay though. I get it. And I wasn’t angry with you. More angry with him.’

‘He’s...he’s miserable?’ Your voice was barely a whisper as you felt tears in your eyes, your gun hanging limply from one hand. It almost burned your fingers, the memory of when John had given it to you so strong at that moment. Dean grimaced, nodding a little.

‘Looks like you’re not much better.’ He commented, and you looked away, knowing how it looked. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a piece of paper, and was about to hand it to you when your cell started to ring loudly. Giving him an apologetic look, you retreated into the room, answering the phone quickly.

‘Caleb? Where do you need me?’ You paused, listening to the hunter on the other end of the phone explain that it was a dud. The tulpa was gone, and the hunt was over. ‘Oh.’ You responded, pinching the bridge of your nose. ‘Yeah, not a problem. I’ll wait here.’ Hanging up, you turned back to Dean, who’d shut the door and walked into the room, looking around. It was just like every other motel room you’d ever seen, but he seemed to be avoiding looking directly at you. ‘Hunt’s done.’

‘He killed it?’ Dean asked, and you shook your head.

‘Got away. He said he’s gonna track it, but he doesn’t wanna drag me around. I’m gonna...I’m gonna go home.’

Dean turned over the slip of paper in his pocket. ‘This is my dad’s cell.’ He held it out to you, and you took it, your fingers numb as you held the number, staring at it as if it were in a foreign language. ‘Call him, Y/N. Come home.’ You didn’t answer, still looking at the paper, and Dean huffed. ‘I mean, who else am I gonna get trashed with on my twenty first?’

‘I don’t know if coming back is a good idea, Dean. No matter how much I want it.’ You kept your eyes on the paper, and Dean sighed heavily, before pulling you close and kissing your forehead.

‘Whatever you decide, Y/N. But we miss you.’ He looked over at the door. ‘I’m gonna go. If there’s no hunt, I need to get back.’ You nodded, and he frowned, worry creasing his forehead. ‘Think about it. Don’t give up on him, or us, yeah?’ A smile pulled at the corners of your mouth, and Dean smiled back.

‘See ya around, Y/N.’


	13. Part Thirteen

You’d told Ellen you were moving on, less than a week after running into Dean. Despite calling the number he’d given you, John didn’t answer, and a few days after trying it for the first time, it went out of service. You couldn’t deny that it had shattered your hopes of finding your way back.

Staying at the Roadhouse wasn’t an option. You were wallowing in a stagnant pool of self-loathing, and it wasn’t going to get any better unless you made it. Of course Ellen was sad to see you go, and Jo was miserable that you were leaving, but you had explained it as best you could.

As you packed up your meagre belongings into the saddlebags of the bike, which looked a little better than it did the first time you got it. You looked over your shoulder, seeing Jo, Ellen and Ash all watching you. Ash raised his hand, giving a salute and you smiled back as he disappeared inside. Jo bolted from the doorway, wrapping her spindly arms around your chest and hugging you tightly. You returned the affection without hesitation, sadness welling in your chest at leaving her and her mom.

Ellen walked over slowly, arms folded, a tight smile on her face as her daughter released her hold on you. ‘You’re always welcome here.’ She said, unfolding her arms to reach out for you. You threw yourself into her hold, and she kissed your forehead, trying not to cry. ‘Place ain’t gonna be the same without you, darlin’.’

‘Ah, you’ll be fine.’ You said, sniffling and wiping your face with your sleeve. ‘I’m gonna go see what’s out there.’

‘Well, you take care. Keep in touch, you hear me?’

You nodded, giving her a grateful smile. ‘Thanks for everything, Ellen.’ You swung one leg over the bike, getting yourself comfortable before pulling on the helmet that Ellen had insisted you wear and snapping the visor down. Kicking the bike to life, you gave Ellen and Jo a wave, before rolling the bike from the parking lot, heading out onto the highway.

It was a twelve hour straight ride up to Sioux Falls, where you intended on stopping with Bobby and apologising for your behaviour almost a year ago. You’d spoken to him over the phone, but it wasn’t right not to apologise in person. By the time your bike trundled into the front yard, it was getting late, but Bobby was out on the porch with a beer, enjoying the mild weather.

You turned off the ignition, pulling the helmet from your head, your hair falling loose around your shoulders. ‘Hey old man.’ You grinned, and he stood up, smiling at the sight of you.

‘Ellen told me you’d be heading up here. You got a death wish or somethin’, riding that old junker.’ He nodded at the bike, raising his beer. You laughed in response before walking up the steps to his side, where he wrapped you in a hug. ‘It’s good to see you, Y/N.’

‘You too, Bobby.’ You whispered back, his hold relinquishing around your shoulders. ‘I’m sorry for how we left things.’

‘Water under the bridge. Now, get yer things and in the house with you. I’ve got some top notch meatloaf fresh out the oven, and you are at least staying overnight.’ You smiled as he led you into the old house, taking a seat in the kitchen. Bobby rambled on like he always did, and you relaxed as he passed over a beer, preparing dinner slowly, and you were perfectly content to listen to him. Tales of Rufus’ inept hunting, too much Johnny Walker and a Rottweiler that he’d somehow been lumbered with called Rumsfeld.

‘Wait, you got a dog?’ You looked around. ‘Where is he?’

Bobby looked a little ashamed. ‘I tied him up out back. Damn thing kept licking me.’

You frowned. ‘He’s probably just being friendly.’ Standing up from the table, you moved to the back door, jogging down the steps as Bobby watched through the window.

Rumsfeld, as it turned out, was a big Rottweiler. He had slumped at the foot of an old Ford truck, and if you had to guess, he was fully grown, but not an old boy by any stretch. The chain around his neck jingled as he stood up, giving you a big doggy smile and bounding towards you. The weight of him almost took you out, but you laughed, stroking him and trying to avoid his long wet tongue.

‘You’re a handsome fella, huh?’ You glanced back at the house where Bobby was pulling back the kitchen curtains, smiling as you struggled to contain Rumsfeld’s enthusiasm. ‘How about a walk?’

Bobby watched you unhook the dog’s chain, and start off around the yard. Picking up the phone, he kept a look out, seeing you wandering in and out of the lines of cars in the lot, smiling and talking to the pup. Dialling a number on the handset, he waited through the rings until the other end picked up.

‘Bobby Singer. Wasn’t expecting to hear from you.’

‘Well, times being what they are John.’ Bobby started, grimacing at the older Winchester’s tone. ‘How are the boys?’ His eyes followed you teasing Rumsfeld with a stick, prompting the dog to show his affection with boisterous cuddles.

‘They’re good. I got the feelin’ this ain’t a social call, Bobby. Spit it out.’

‘Y/N is here.’ Silence greeted him. ‘Ellen called and said she was on her way up. Girl isn’t coping too well, apparently. Decided to head on out. There’s no doubt she’s lookin’ for you, John.’ John didn’t say anything and Bobby sighed. ‘I’m not saying I think it’s right. But by all accounts, you two are miserable without each other.’

‘I’m not coming.’

‘John -’

‘No, Bobby. I’m not dealing with this. She made it clear that…we’ve got no future. I already lost her twice, I’m not strong enough to do it again.’ John went quiet for a moment, but Bobby didn’t speak, knowing he had more to say. ‘I’m not gonna push her away again because I can’t give her what she wants.’

‘Why can’t you?’

‘Because I’m weak, and you damn well know it. When it comes to her, I’ve got nothin’. Just…don’t tell her where I am. Don’t give her this number.’

‘John, she’s gonna find you. If there’s one thing I know, the girl’s got the stubborn streak of a Winchester without even being one.’

‘If she finds me, I’ll deal with it.’

‘How?’ John remained quiet and Bobby chuckled. ‘Good luck figuring that one out. I’ll keep her here as long as I can. But knowing her, she won’t stay put too long.’

‘Just make sure she’s okay.’

‘I will, don’t you worry.’ He hung up, not waiting for a goodbye from the other man, just as you came running back, Rumsfeld panting at your feet. ‘Looks like you made a friend.’ You smiled brightly, more colour in your cheeks than you’d had in months, and Bobby grinned widely. ‘Bring that stupid thing in here. I guess he deserves some of my stodgy meatloaf too.’

*****

The couple of days you’d intended on staying with Bobby stretched into two weeks, and before you knew it, you were agreeing to stop for Christmas with him. You knew he was stalling you, but you didn’t say anything, knowing he had little to no company around this time of year.

The holidays remained quiet, with both of you watching crap on his old television, Rumsfeld snoring in front of the open fire Bobby was using for the first time in forever for it’s actual purpose, and not for burning ritual herbs. It was warm, and you found yourself drifting off, dreaming about open fields and starry nights in the back of trucks. You’d managed to avoid the worst dreams lately, and hadn’t been waking up aching for something you didn’t have.

‘More egg nog?’ Bobby offered and you stirred at his words, shaking your head. ‘You best get yourself to bed.’

‘It’s Christmas Eve, Bobby. Not gonna leave you on your own.’

‘And I ain’t waitin’ up for Santa.’ He chuckled. ‘Get your ass to bed, girl. You’re exhausted.’

You nodded, taking the warmed blanket with you as you climbed the stairs to the room you always used, trying not to think back to last Christmas, where you’d spent most of your hours crying in the spare room at the Roadhouse. Remembering a Christmas where you hadn’t been on the road was difficult, but your subconscious had no problem dragging them up as you slept on the comfy old mattress.

Christmas Day came and went, snow started falling, and by the time the New Year rolled in, you were ready to leave, antsy for the open road again. Bobby tried to get you to stay, to the point of using Rumsfeld as bribery, but you could see just how attached the old man had become to the dog, and you knew he’d be there to stay.

‘I’ll be visiting, don’t worry.’ You pressed a kiss to his scruffy cheek, before bending to bestow a similar touch to Rumsfeld’s dusty head. ‘Can’t stay away from this gorgeous boy, can I?’ Rumsfeld grumbled in response, slobber dripping from his chin. ‘Honestly, Bobby. Stop freaking out. I’m gonna be fine.’

‘I know. Can’t blame an old man for worryin’.’ He smiled, before picking up a case file off of the study desk. ‘Whilst you’re out there though, got a case. Spirit haunting an old folks home, pretending to be the grim reaper or something. Fancy taking a look for me?’

You nodded, taking the file and checking the location. ‘Bit of a drive, but sure.’

‘About that.’ Bobby started. ‘That bike. You sure you don’t wanna take a car? I got a station wagon with a full tank and a good engine.’

‘What is with you and Ellen not liking motorbikes?’ You laughed, picking up your backpack. ‘I’m good, Bobby. I like the bike. Besides, it gives me an edge.’ You gave Rumsfeld one last pat, before heading towards the door. ‘I’ll ring you when I get there. Should only take a day or so.’

‘You be careful.’

‘Stop telling me that.’ You smiled affectionately as man and dog followed you to the door, watching you load up the saddlebags on the side and sling your backpack across your shoulders. The helmet was last, and you zipped up the thick leather jacket you’d dug out of Bobby’s closet. ‘See ya, Singer.’ Your voice was muffled, but Bobby heard it well enough, rolling his eyes and waving, wondering how long it would be before you realised what direction you’d sent him in.

Rumsfeld looked up at him with sad brown eyes, and Bobby sighed. ‘Yeah, I know. Place is gonna be quiet without her.’

He only got a woof in return.

*****

The ride up to Montana was slow going, and you stopped overnight in a little motel halfway through Wyoming. You called Bobby, and Ellen, checking in, before having a hot shower and searching for a diner to satisfy your other needs. The next morning as dawn broke, you geared up and took off, aiming to be in Montana by the afternoon.

Bobby had provided most of the facts for the case, and it seemed like a simple salt and burn. The ghost in question was the ghost of one Merle Monkston, who was a bit of a practical joker in life, and was getting revenge by taking out the members of his former residential community, despite none of them knowing who he was. He’d been alive around the 1900’s, and had died in the building when a heavy-handed orderly had broken his neck during a sponge bath.

As soon as you arrived in the little community, north of Big Sky, Montana, you found a motel nearby and set yourself up. Leaving the bike behind, you walked the two miles into town, enjoying the fresh January air. Casing the hotel wasn’t a problem, but trying to find out where Merle was buried was turning out to be a serious problem. He’d been cremated after his death, due to his superstitious fear of coming back as a zombie. The only personal items he’d had were burned with him, except for one little book, written by him.

So, you had to wait until night fell and break in, trying to find the little book of jokes he’d had, that was kept by his family and had presumably travelled with his granddaughter, Lucille, when she’d joined the community. Waiting around was annoying, and you counted down the hours as you waited for the day staff to leave.

When it was dark enough, you moved from your watchpoint outside the community, scaling the fence easily. There weren’t any alarms, which was a point in your favour, and you dropped almost silently to the ground, pulling the crowbar from your jacket, just in case the spirit made an appearance. The plan was to get in, grab the book, get out and burn it at a safe distance before Merle could scare anyone else to death.

Getting into Lucille’s room was easy and the old lady slept peacefully as you rummaged around her things. In the bottom of an old suitcase, you located the book, holding it up triumphantly and replacing the case underneath the bed. Lucille snored softly, unaware she’d been bunking with her granddaddy’s spirit.

You almost got busted by a janitor as you moved through the community grounds, aiming for the same spot you’d scaled before. Hiding in a rosemary bush was not your best move, and it stank to high heaven, prompting several near-sneezes. As soon as he moved on, you ran, sprinting for the escape route you’d planned.

Dropping to the ground outside the community gates, you grinned, looking back to see that you’d managed to sneak in and out without alerting anyone. The exertion of running had you breathing heavily and you took a moment, looking down at the book in your hands. You really hoped that this was the key to putting old Merle to rest.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be so stealthy.’

The familiar voice made you jump and you turned, seeing John leaning against the wall beside the gates, a grin on his face, his arms folded over his chest as he eyed you. Your heart thumped wildly at the sight of him; your mouth went dry and you forgot how to talk.

It was funny how you’d rehearsed this over and over in your head. You’d known what you’d say to him, how you’d apologise, tell him that you were miserable without him - but the second he was standing in front of you, everything flew from your head like a flock of damn birds.

John chuckled, pushing up off the wall, pointing towards the seniors community, where a light had come on and someone was shouting something. ‘You weren’t that stealthy though.’

‘What are you doing here?’ You found your tongue, your arms dropping to your sides.

‘I was investigating a haunting. But apparently you got here first.’ You glanced back as a door slammed somewhere behind you. ‘You’re missing something.’ You frowned, before realising that you’d put your crowbar down whilst you’d been looking for the book. John chuckled again. ‘Rookie mistake.’

‘You were here the whole time?’ A scowl crossed your face as you stomped past him.

He shrugged as he turned to follow you. ‘Thought you could handle it. They aren’t gonna catch you from one crowbar, sweetheart. How about I give you a lift back to the motel and you can burn that away from the scene of the crime?’ You span round to face him, raising an eyebrow. ‘Come on, Y/N. It’s just a lift.’ A comment burned on the tip of your tongue, but you swallowed it down, nodding.

His truck was parked down the road, away from the community gates and out of sight. Your chest constricted at the sight of it, the feeling of how much you’d missed both him and his sons welling up into a bubble of emotion that lodged in your throat. Climbing into the passenger side, you noted the takeout packets, cans and other junk littering the floor of the cab.

‘Wow. Did you give up on housekeeping?’

‘It’s been a rough couple of months.’ John muttered, not looking at you and immediately you felt guilt join every other emotion clouding your brain. You snapped your mouth shut, settling in and closing the door behind you. As he started the truck, you folded your hands in your lap, your fingers clutching the little book of jokes that Merle Monkston had spent his life writing.

The journey to the motel took ten minutes, compared to the hour it had taken you to walk it. Your bike was where you’d left it, and John pulled his truck in beside it, before killing the engine and climbing out. You followed, walking around the truck, unsure what to say.

‘Um, I’m in room sixteen.’ You mumbled the words as John nodded, grabbing his duffel out of the back of the truck.

‘You’ve fixed her up nicely.’ He turned, gesturing to the motorcycle. ‘I never saw you as the biker chick type.’ You blushed, looking down at the book still in your grasp. ‘It suits you though.’ It sounded like he wanted to say something else, but he stopped, walking past you with his bag in hand. ‘I’m in room ten. If you need anything…’ He trailed off, and you nodded, not looking at him. A sigh escaped him before he started to walk away.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes to steady yourself, before looking up at his retreating back. It was pretty much now or never.

‘John, wait -’


	14. Part Fourteen

One of the worst things in the world was when time slowed down, and you weren’t sure whether he was going to turn around or walk away. You wouldn’t blame him if he chose the latter; after everything was said and done, it had been you who walked away. It would only be fitting if he walked away from you now.

When his footsteps halted, it seemed like your heart halted with them, and when he finally turned to face you, you exhaled a breath you weren’t even aware you’d been holding. His dark eyes focused on you, and you found no words for the second time that night.

How the hell were you supposed to apologise for everything that happened between you? Even if you’d both been at fault, it was something you weren’t sure any relationship could recover from.

‘Dean said he knew.’ You wanted to roll your eyes at your own stupid statement, but John seemed to realise the discomfort you were feeling, his body language relaxing as he smiled a little.

‘I got a little drunk. Some…truths came out. I think Sammy knows as well, but I haven’t exactly sat down and discussed it with them.’

You nodded, chewing your own lip, unsure how to proceed. ‘He said he was angry at you.’

John nodded, shifting his bag from hand to the other. ‘He was. Blamed me for driving you away.’ You opened your mouth to protest, but John shook his head. ‘I did. Don’t tell me I didn’t because I did. I wanted to keep you to myself, and by doing that, I lost you entirely.’ He pointed at the book in your hand. ‘You need to get that salted and burned. Before the spirit decides to cause trouble.’

Looking down at the book, you frowned at his quick change of subject. ‘I know.’

A grimace crossed his face. ‘I’m heading back to the boys in the morning. I’ll leave my new cell number at the desk for you.’ Your entire body fell at that remark, and you took a step backwards, your emotions reeling. John noticed the movement, frowning deeply as you looked down at your shoes, tears gathering quickly in your eyes. You couldn’t help the soft sob that left your throat, but before you could burst into full on waterworks, warm arms were around you. His bag thumped to the floor as he pulled you against his chest, kissing the top of your head. ‘Don’t. Don’t cry. Please.’

You couldn’t help it; the tears were taking over and your frame shook against him as he closed his eyes tightly, pressing his face into your hair. ‘I’m s-sorry.’ The whimper that fell from your lips only made him shush you, before he pulled back and cupped your face with his big hands, looking down into your eyes. His thumbs brushed your tears away, but it was a futile attempt as more replaced them. ‘I broke this.’ You whispered, and John shook his head.

‘You didn’t break anything, baby girl. It was me. God, I never deserved you.’

You hiccuped back another whimper, and John stared at you, before crashing his lips against yours. You responded, clutching at his shirt, desperate to feel him again. Your eyes were sore and the spirit’s book fell to the floor, bouncing as it hit John’s duffel bag. ‘John -’ You cried his name into his mouth, before he pulled back again, panting for breath. ‘I’ve gotta take care of the book.’

He looked down, his hands still on your face. ‘Let’s do that now then.’ You almost dropped in relief, and both of you moved to pick up your respective items. John pulled his key card from his pocket, before arching an eyebrow at you. ‘Did you get a -’

Queen.’ You replied, blushing. ‘You know I like my big beds.’ He chuckled in response, before gesturing for you to lead the way.

*****

Watching the fire consume the book, licking through the pages, you wondered if Merle Monkston felt anything when you destroyed his life’s compilations of jokes. It was sad really; the old man had apparently only wanted to make everyone laugh, and death had twisted it so he ended up hurting people.

‘You okay?’ John’s voice dragged your attention from the flames, and you smiled, taking the beer he held out to you. ‘I was a jerk huh?’

‘We were both jerks.’ You replied, your smile remaining. ‘I just…I thought you were gonna walk away.’

He looked down at the bottle, his long fingers wrapping around it tightly. ‘I guess I was. I was angry with you, even though I had no right to be.’ His eyes raised to yours again, and he chuckled. ‘Right pair of idjits.’

‘I didn’t exactly make things easy.’ You whispered, and he slung an arm around your shoulder, bringing you in close to him as he took a long drink from his bottle. You closed your eyes, inhaling the warm scent of whiskey and gunpowder that was entirely John. In the cold air, it was mixed with the smoke from the fire, and he laughed as you burrowed into him. ‘What’s so funny?’

‘Just you. Being cute like you always were.’

‘It’s cold.’ You complained.

‘It’s January.’ He pointed out, but he held you closer all the same. Both of you fell silent, looking down at the fire. The book was almost gone, obliterated by the flames. ‘Let’s get you inside before you catch cold.’ You nodded, before dumping salt over the fire, putting it out, the charred embers of the book falling apart. John’s large hand took yours, and you let him pull you back towards your room.

It was significantly warmer indoors, and you moved over to sit on the bed as John tossed his empty beer and locked the door up. Sipping at your drink, you watched him pull off his old leather jacket, hanging it around the back of one of the chairs in the kitchenette. He hesitated as he turned to you, and you patted the bed beside you.

His weight settled on the bed, and you couldn’t help but lean into him, seeking comfort from the familiar smell and feel of him. He pulled you close, apparently seeking the same comfort, his lips warm against your temple. Without speaking, you stood up, dropping your beer to the bedside table, before straddling his thick thighs, looking down at him with your hands on either side of his neck.

‘I missed you.’ You whispered, dropping your lips to his, pouring every inch of desperation into him. His hands encircled your waist, pulling you against his body, grinding you against the burgeoning erection in his jeans. You gave a high-pitched moan into his mouth, and he pushed his hands underneath your shirt, eager to feel your skin.

John broke away, gulping in oxygen as he locked his eyes on yours, searching you for something. ‘You sure about this, baby girl? Because I don’t know if I can let you go again.’

You smiled, stroking his face, letting more of your weight settle against him, feeling him tense in response. ‘Then don’t.’ The reply was simple, and you knew in that split second that you’d wouldn’t be walking away from him. Whatever lay ahead, you’d take it, future or not.

As if it was his cue, John growled, surging up against you, his fingers easily prying your thin sweater from your torso. When your breasts were exposed, he pressed his face into them, nipping at the skin, leaving tiny red welts in his wake. One hand held you in place on his lap as the other pulled down one cup, revealing your bare nipple, already hard for him.

‘Missed this.’ He grunted, moving his tongue around your nippl without actually touching it. You arched and whined, and he sucked it into his mouth, hard. A wanton gasp fell from your lips and you gyrated your pelvis against his, his cock straining against the denim fabric of his pants.

‘John -’ You whined, your fingers clinging to his shirt, and he nodded, releasing your breast to let you pull his shirt over his head. Looking down, you let your fingertips trace the scar from where he’d been impaled, before noticing a new mark over his right pectoral. ‘What happened?’ The whisper was guilt-ridden, as if you could have stopped it by being with him.

He shook his head. ‘Just a werewolf. Lucky shot. Couldn’t have stopped it.’ Concern filled his eyes as he looked at you, half-naked on his lap, one breast free from your bra. ‘You were hunting on your own.’

‘I’ve been getting better.’ You shrugged. ‘Learned from the best, right?’

John smiled. ‘Yeah. You did, baby girl.’ He pushed your hair back behind your ear, his hand lingering to cup your cheek and you leaned into the caress, feeling his other hand rest against your hip. ‘Always were a spitfire.’ A grin pulled at your lips as you ground against him again.

‘Your spitfire.’ You whispered, before sliding from his lap. He frowned briefly, before your hands landed on his belt buckle and he realised what you were up to. Nimble fingers made quick work of the fastenings, and John groaned as your hand wrapped around his thickened length, pumping him slowly. ‘Definitely missed this.’

‘You only love me for my body.’ He quipped, his words a little slurred as you ran your thumb over his tip, spreading the already leaking precum around on his skin.

‘Still love you.’ Before he could answer your declaration, you slid your lips over his cockhead, taking him as far into your mouth as you could. His hands grabbed at your hair, threading through it as you started to move your mouth on him, bobbing up and down enthusiastically. The noises of pleasure that he made only drove you to suck at him harder, faster, your fingers caressing his sac at the same time.

John’s hips jerked, and he tugged at your hair, pulling you away from his cock as he gasped for breath. You pouted, licking your lips and still tasting him. ‘Not that I don’t love you doing that, sweetheart, but I’m not cumming in your mouth tonight.’ Your pout only increased and he chuckled, leaning down to kiss you softly. ‘Wanna cum in that tight little pussy, princess. And I know you want it too.’ You smiled with glee, nodding as he shook his head. ‘Stand up, baby girl. Let’s get these pants off of you.’

You complied with his request, standing and kicking your boots off, before unbuttoning your pants. John’s hands covered yours, stopping you from moving so quickly.

‘Slow down, sweetheart.’ He smiled, dragging your pants over your hips with a deliberately slow pace, pressing open mouthed kissed to your right leg as more skin was revealed to him. ‘Wanna make sure I get every part of you tonight.’ You gasped as he moved his mouth up, closing his mouth over your clothed mound and practically French-kissing you through your panties.

‘John!’ You squealed as his scruff caught the sensitive skin of your thigh, and he chuckled against you. ‘That tickled.’

‘How about this? He asked, pressing two fingers against your slit, through your panties, rubbing at you and you whimpered in response, wobbling on unsteady legs. Before you could fall, John twisted you, laying you on the bed and pulling your jeans the rest of the way down your legs, discarding them behind him. Kneeling at the edge of the bed, he gently tugged your panties off, letting them join the growing pile of clothes. ‘Hmmm.’ The noise of appreciation he made shot straight to your core, and you gasped as he pushed your thighs back, opening you up to him. ‘I definitely missed this.’

The tip of his tongue traced your slit, and you moaned loudly, throwing your head back as he licked you from top to bottom, stopping to circle your entrance. Your pussy clenched at the soft contact, your arousal heightened and he hummed against you as you sought more friction from him.

‘Always so wet and eager for me, baby girl.’ He flattened his tongue against your hole, and you shuddered in response, feeling him push into you, sucking at your tender flesh. ‘Still taste so fucking good.’

‘John -’ You mewled softly, arching your hips and finding the position he had you in didn’t offer much in the way of wiggle room. ‘Please, I need -’

‘What does my princess need?’ He asked, pulling his tongue out of your cunt and replaced it with a thick finger. The noises you made didn’t make any sense, and John removed his touch, licking his digit clean. ‘You gotta tell me, sweetheart. Otherwise, how can I give it to you?’

‘Want…want to cum.’ You stuttered, gulping down huge breaths.

‘How do you want to cum?’ He asked, blowing softly on your exposed pussy. ‘On my fingers? On my tongue? Or do you wanna rush straight to the main event?’

‘Fuck, John, you’d a goddamned tease.’

He laughed loudly. ‘Yeah, and you love it.’ He pressed his thumb into your clit, making your body jerk. ‘I think I wanna make you cum on my tongue before I fuck you.’ You whined and arched into him, clinging to the bedsheets as he thumbed your clit and sank his tongue into you again. Using slow strokes, he licked you thoroughly, drinking down your essence whilst moaning into your skin. The vibrations only added to the stimulation from his tongue and thumb, and your walls fluttered, your orgasm imminent. Before you could enjoy the crash, John pulled away, his touch on your clit becoming light.

‘I need to know something, baby girl.’ He muttered, his eyes focused on your wet slit. ‘Did you touch yourself?’ You nodded, gasping in need for the orgasm that was so close. ‘You think of me whilst you were fucking yourself? Answer me, sweetheart.’

‘Yes, John, fuck, please -’

He rewarded your answer with another lick, his thumb circling your clit with hard strokes and you came hard, crying out for him as he pushed his tongue into you, coaxing you through wave after wave of pleasure. Your juices leaked from your cunt, and John licked them up eagerly, before pulling away and standing up, letting your legs fall off of the edge of the bed.

‘I forget how many nights I had to jerk off, thinking about you being wrapped around me. Your mouth, your pussy, your little fingers touching me - fuck, you were every wet dream I had, princess.’ As he spoke, he pushed his pants down, kicking off his boots and losing the rest of his clothing.

‘That time in the truck.’ You whispered, letting your hands slide down your body to touch your tingling flesh. ‘Fuck, the way you fucked me, let me bounce on your lap. Never been anyone that touched me like you do, John.’ He growled, falling over you, using his hands to hold himself above your body.

He seized your breast, rolling your hard nipple between his teeth as you cried out, before releasing you and focusing those dark hazel eyes on yours. ‘I’d fucking hope no one touched you period.’ He nuzzled at your neck. ‘Never let anyone come near me since you walked away, sweetheart. Couldn’t bear it.’

‘You - you didn’t -’ You stuttered, stunned by both that exclamation and the possessive tone he addressed you with.

‘I was always gonna be yours, princess.’ He unclipped your bra, ripping it down your arms as he balanced with his knees on the mattress edge. ‘And you’re always gonna be mine. I’m not letting you go again.’ HIs cock nudged at your entrance, and you shuddered at the slight touch, wanting him inside you. ‘Never letting you go, he muttered, pushing into you slowly, his mouth finding yours to swallow down your moans.

When he was fully seated inside you, the length of him stretching you, he broke the kiss, locking his gaze on yours.

‘I mean it, Y/N. I’m not letting you go. I can’t lose you again.’

You shook your head, bringing your hands up to cup his stubbled cheeks, arching up to kiss him hard. ‘I’m not leaving. I’m not. I made a stupid mistake. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’ The emotions swirled in your chest and you felt like you were gonna cry again, before John pulled almost all the way out of you. He slammed back in without warning, and you cried out, your hands falling to his shoulders as he pulled your legs up to give himself a better angle. His feet were still on the floor and he drove into you again and again, pushing you higher, your cries turning to screams as he hit your g-spot with ridiculous precision.

His fingers dug into your flesh and your cunt flexed around him, making him groan loudly. Your second orgasm was even more intense than the first, and John’s eyes rolled back as you tightened, your juices squeezing out around his cock, the sound of his skin slapping into yours akin to the filthiest porno. The noises you made only spurred him on, his cock swelling and pulsing as he neared his own finish.

‘John….’ You whimpered, thrashing your head. ‘I need…need to feel you cum. Please…’

He didn’t reply, but his thrusts intensified, and he clenched his jaw. Giving one single hard thrust, he slammed home, holding himself there as his hips jerked with his release, and his cum filling you to the brim. You cried out as he fell forward, his arms the only stopping him from crushing you. His lips found yours once more, and he kissed you softly, pressing his forehead against yours.

‘I missed you so much.’ He whispered, making no move to pull himself away. ‘You have no idea.’

‘I have some.’ You said, folding your arms around his neck. ‘Dean made it pretty clear that you were miserable without me.’

John huffed. ‘Trust Dean to not bother with sugar coating it.’ He kissed you again. ‘I was a fool, Y/N. More than a fool. I had heaven in my arms and I threw it away.’

‘We both made mistakes.’ You frowned. ‘I pushed too hard, I was too…’

He shook his head, cutting you off. ‘You didn’t push hard enough. I was scared…but I’m not any more. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you here with me, I promise you. I love you so goddamn much, Y/N, and I should have told you a long fucking time ago.’ Your eyes widened at the strength of his declaration, and without thinking you arched upwards, kissing him furiously, clinging to him like he might disappear. The desperation of the kiss melted away into tenderness, and John moaned when he had to break it off for air. ‘No offence, baby, but I gotta shower.’

‘Yeah, I could use one too.’ You replied, stretching as he pulled away, his spendings coating your thighs. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation, but it wouldn’t take too long for it to become irritating. ‘Why don’t we save water?’ The words were accompanied by a smirk, and John laughed.

‘That’s my girl.’


	15. Part Fifteen

The warmth of the sun filtering through the cheap motel curtains almost had you believing it was summer for a second. And the warmth of the arms around you made you feel like you were in a dream. Opening your eyes slowly, his face came into focus, and you smiled goofily, prompting him to chuckle. The vibrations moved through you, making it all seem a little more vivid.

‘Good morning, baby girl.’

‘And you’re still here.’ You ribbed him good naturedly, snuggling closer.

‘A first, right?’ John grinned, tightening his hold on your body. ‘I woke up early. You looked so peaceful - didn’t wanna disturb you.’

You kept your eyes on his, still smiling, still glowing from the night before. After the shower, which had ended with the hot water running out you were in there so long, John had proceeded to spend hours making you scream and writhe underneath his touch, imprinting himself onto every inch of your body.

‘You were watching me sleep?’

John pulled you flush against his body, dragging one hand up to your chin and tilting your mouth up towards his. His kiss was soft and slow, but the heat that came with it was anything but. It seared through your veins like curling fire, shooting straight to your core. Pulling back, you looked up at him, gasping your need.

‘John -’

‘What do you need, sweetheart?’ He asked, his voice deep as he bent to suck at your neck.

‘You. Always you.’ You practically whined, and John smiled, satisfied with the answer before his hands travelled down your naked body. Arching underneath him, he used your momentum to drag your leg over his hip, thrusting his pelvis upwards to bump his cockhead against your wet slit.

‘Already soaked for me, Y/N?’ He groaned as you nodded, grinding down onto him. ‘Fuck, you’re so warm.’

‘John, please!’

He didn’t give you time to beg again, sinking into you as far as he could go. You cried out as he dragged through your sensitive flesh, and your walls clenched around him, drawing a deep moan from the centre of his chest. ‘So fucking tight, baby girl.’ His breath was hot against your lips as he pressed in for another kiss, keeping it brief. ‘You’re not sore, are you?’

‘A little.’ You whispered, and he hesitated, prompting you to dig your nails into his shoulder. ‘Don’t stop, John, please. Need you. Ugh, need you so bad.’ He nodded, dropping his head into the crook of your neck, his teeth finding your pulse point. You cried out as he sucked the skin into his mouth, leaving a dark purple mark behind. ‘John!’

As you screamed his name, his cock surged upwards, slamming into your g-spot. He didn’t stop, pulling back and repeating the action as you clung to him, gasping and crying out, your orgasm building swiftly. The angle he was at, your thigh slung over his waist, didn’t allow for much room to move, and John growled in frustration as you shook and whimpered around him.

‘Gonna move you, sweetheart.’ He grunted, his large hand holding your leg around his waist as he rolled you underneath him. The change let him slam into you hard, and you screamed clinging to him as he fucked you into the mattress. Within seconds, your walls were clutching at his length, his thrusting pushing you straight over the edge into a blinding orgasm, and he didn’t stop as you came, coaxing you through every second of pleasure. ‘That’s it, baby girl. Cum on my cock.’ You tried to nod in response, but between the mewls of bliss and your body temporarily losing the ability to coordinate under the immense pleasure of your orgasm, you just found yourself shaking.

‘John.’ You gasped out his name as he shifted again, slowing his pace, his lips worshipping your neck with open mouthed kisses. Your back arched in response, and you let out a low moan as his thick fingers encircled your hips, digging into your skin as his body moved in a fluid rhythm, each stroke of his cock into your pussy drawn out. ‘That feels - ah!’ You whimpered as he captured your mouth with his, never stopping his movements.

‘Not lettin’ you go again.’ He muttered as he broke away from your lips. ‘You hear me, baby girl? I love you, an’ I’m not lettin’ you go.’

You smiled, reaching up to thread your fingers through his hair, pulling him back for another kiss, moaning into his mouth as his fingers flexed around your hips. You pulled your legs up a little further, and his cock twitched inside you. John took the opportunity and slammed into you hard, prompting you to break the kiss and cry out.

‘Wanna feel you, John. Wanna feel you cum.’ The whisper from you made him moan, and he rolled his pelvis into you, the tip of his dick dragging against your g-spot again. ‘Please, John…’

‘Fuck, princess.’ His slick forehead pressed into yours as he kept moving, kept slamming into you and you felt your own climax fast approaching again. ‘Gonna fill you up. So fucking hot around me, sweetheart.’ You nodded, your body rising to meet him at every thrust. His hips stuttered, and for a second he faltered, before thrusting into you hard. It triggered your orgasm and your entire being tensed as you let it wash over you, and John followed, spilling into you with a restrained growl, his face buried in your shoulder.

It was long minutes before he pulled away, pressed a chaste kiss to the side of your mouth as you smiled lazily up at him. ‘We’re gonna have to move soon, huh?’ You asked, and John nodded, wrapping the sheet around his waist to sit at the side of the bed.

‘We can put the bike in the back of the truck.’ He said, not looking at you as he reached for his phone. ‘If that’s okay with you.’

You nodded, before yawning and stretching out your limbs, feeling that delicious “I’ve been fucked six ways from Sunday” ache in your bones. ‘Yeah. I kinda don’t wanna give her up. She’s handy for solo hunts.’ John glanced at you, but kept his mouth shut; probably a wise move on his part. ‘I’m not gonna stop, John. You know that, right?’

‘I know that.’ He said, leaning over to kiss you again. ‘I’m not gonna ask you to stop. I think we’ve established that me bossing you around isn’t the best thing for me to do.’ You giggled as he smiled, running a hand down his face.

‘Well, you can boss me around in some situations.’ Your thumb dragged along his bottom lip and he groaned, pulling away.

‘If you start that, we’ll never get on the road.’ He stood up, not bothering to cover himself. ‘You’re insatiable.’

‘Says you.’ You reached over the side of the bed, locating your duffel and pulling out some clean underwear. John chuckled as he walked towards the bathroom, the muscles of his legs flexing with every step, and you paused to stare at his retreating ass.

‘Stop perving.’ He ordered, winking over his shoulder at you before shutting the door. You grinned, falling backwards with your underwear in hand.

An hour later, and you were sat in the front of John’s truck, knees pulled up to your chest as you watched the landscape flash by. It hadn’t been any trouble to get your bike onto the back of the vehicle, and John hadn’t stopped smiling like an idiot since you’d climbed back into the passenger seat.

To be honest, you hadn’t either. Being back with him was like coming home after too long away. Whilst your doubts still lingered in the back of your mind, you felt secure in his feelings for you now. That was enough.

As it turned out, Dean and Sam were not far away, and their joy at your homecoming was palpable. The eldest Winchester brother hadn’t stopped grinning, and Sam had hugged you for longer than was necessary, prompting you to comment on the changes in him since you’d left. He was taller, his coltish teenage limbs giving way to adult muscle and solid build. He was fast overtaking Dean as the taller of the two, but wasn’t quite there yet.

‘So you’re coming to Vegas with us?’ Dean asked, looking between you and his father as you stalled. John hadn’t mentioned anything about Vegas, and you glanced to him in confusion as he grinned.

‘I hadn’t asked yet. Was leaving it up to Dean. It’s your birthday, son.’

Dean nodded. ‘Hell yes! You gotta come, Y/N.’

‘Vegas? Really?’ You shrugged. ‘I guess. I don’t know what appeal it’ll hold for me. I mean, I don’t gamble.’ John chuckled, before pointing to Sam.

‘He’s got it covered.’

The youngest Winchester grinned enthusiastically. ‘Museums, Y/N. Seeing as you’re the only one here with half a brain.’ The remark was met by objection from Dean and John’s hand finding the back of his head in a playful smack. Sam rubbed the spot, still smiling as you laughed, feeling that empty hole inside you fill up with being back in the bosom of the Winchester family.

‘You got it, Sam. We can do the museums whilst these two throw away money they don’t got, yeah?’

John looped his arm around your waist, pulling you close, his hot breath on your neck. ‘I already booked us a room, so I’m glad you said yes.’

‘Is this gonna be a thing?’ Dean pointed between the two of you. ‘I mean, we can deal with you guys needing a separate room, we got headphones for that.’ He glanced at Sam, who genuinely looked like he was gonna be sick. ‘But seeing you two making googly eyes at each other -’

‘Can it, kiddo.’ John warned, and Dean shrugged.

‘I’m just asking.’

‘We’ll keep the PDA to a minimum.’ You promised, leaning back into his father, your eyes twinkling. ‘But if you keep making comments, it might get worse.’

*****

‘When you said you’d booked a room, I was not imagining this.’

You stood in the doorway to a honeymoon suite at the Mirage Hotel, your mouth open in a gape as John dropped his bag onto one of the plush sofas. It was an open plan room, with a small sitting area, a kitchenette (although it was way more luxurious than any of the motel rooms you’d seen in the past) and a huge bed that looked like it could sleep five or six.

John grinned as he turned to you, taking in your reaction with good natured irritation. ‘Well, we can always go stay in that Motel Seven outside of town, I mean, I don’t have to spend -’

You stopped him quickly, shutting the door as he approached you. ‘No, no!’ You smiled sheepishly. ‘I just wasn’t expecting this.’

Drawing you close, he held your hands in his larger ones, bending to kiss you. It was hard and hot, and you sagged into him without needing another minute of encouragement. ‘Just wanted to do something nice.’ He said, quietly. ‘You haven’t seen the best part yet.’

You raised an eyebrow as he led you across the room, opening the curtains to reveal a balcony with a spectacular view of the city, all the glamorous lights of Las Vegas laid out before you. Naturally, your mouth fell open again as you turned to look at him, seeing the cheeky shine to his eyes.

‘There’s more.’ He gestured towards what you could only assume was the bathroom door, and you frowned in suspicion before moving over to it and opening it. On the other side, there was a crisp and stunningly white and gold bathroom suite, with a shower and in the corner, a jacuzzi that appeared to be made for two.

‘I thought we were doing Vegas for Dean’s birthday and so you guys could gamble?’ You spoke slowly as John’s arms circled around your waist and held you close, his chin resting on your shoulder.

‘There’s only so much gambling I can do. Besides, we’re here for a few days. I thought we could make the most of our time.’ His beard tickled at your cheek as he pulled you flush against him, kissing your jaw. You moaned in response, closing your eyes as his fingers pushed your t-shirt up, exposing your belly. ‘And I’ve got plenty of ways to pass the time.’

‘Hmmm.’ You kept your eyes closed, enjoying the feel of his lips on your skin, his words vibrating through you. ‘I bet you do.’

‘Why don’t you get undressed for me, baby girl? That jacuzzi looks really good, but it’d look better with you in it.’

‘Why do I get the feeling you planned all this?’ You grinned, opening your eyes as John turned you in his arms. ‘I mean, this seems like a set up.’

John smiled widely, using his forefinger and thumb to tilt your chin up to face him. ‘Do as you’re told, Y/N. Or I’m gonna have to put you over my knee.’ You shuddered in response to his seductive tone, and his smile only grew. ‘I think someone likes the idea of that.’ His other hand slid around your hip to grab your ass.

‘John!’ You whimpered, your body pressing into his, his arousal clear and hard through the denim of his pants. The look on his face was stern, but his eyes sparkled. ‘Okay, I’m undressing.’ You whipped your shirt up over your head, flinging it across the room as John chuckled. ‘What’s so funny?’

He shook his head, turning away from you as you pulled off your clothes, and you watched him turn on the jacuzzi, steam rising from the hot bubbling water. When you were naked, John turned, groaning deeply, his hand automatically palming the erection straining at his zipper.

‘Fuck, sweetheart. You know how hard you get me?’

You felt like your body was flushing all over, but you smiled, trying to appear confident as you strutted towards him. ‘I’ve got some idea.’ You covered his hand with your own, and he bent to capture your lips in a kiss. ‘Want me to get in, or do you need some help getting all those layers off?’

‘You sassin’ me, girl?’

‘Always.’ Your replied was flippant, and John landed a swift slap to your butt, making you squeak.

‘In the tub with you, princess. I’ll be in a second.’

You nodded, biting your bottom lip as he watched you move to the tub and slip into the warm water. The bubbles swirled around your legs, and when you turned to sit down, you found the bathroom empty. John had returned to the bedroom, and you heard him speaking to someone briefly. A few moments later, and he returned, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you naked in the jacuzzi.

‘I told Dean to get his brother and go for dinner. We’ve got…a little bit of time…I mean, fuck, I can’t even think straight looking at you like that.’ John moved closer, his hands tugging at his shirt but not really making an effort to remove it.

You giggled, watching him stop and just stare at you. ‘Stop it.’

‘Stop watch? Adoring you?’ He pulled his shirt off, dropping it to join yours on the floor. His vest went next, and he levelled you with another stare as he unbuckled his jeans. ‘Worshipping you?’ You shivered, despite the warm water as he dropped his pants, kicking them off and climbing in to kneel in front of you. ‘Loving you?’

His lips were demanding as he pressed them against yours, moaning into your mouth. You slid your wet hands around his neck, pulling him closer, desperate to feel more of him. ‘On second thoughts, don’t stop.’ You whispered with a smile, your nose pressed to his as he returned the expression. ‘Don’t ever stop.’

‘Couldn’t if I tried.’ John whispered, his large hands grabbing you to pull you onto his lap. His cock was already hard under the water, and he didn’t bother with any preamble as he settled you over him, using one hand to guide himself into your pussy. ‘Fuck, Y/N, you got no idea what you do to me.’

You cried out as you sank down onto him, letting him fill you completely as the water bubbled and frothed around your bodies. ‘I think…I think I’ve got some idea, John.’

He shook his head, pressing his face into your chest, gasping as you rose up a little and moved back down onto him, your walls flexing around his cock tightly. ‘No, you don’t. I don’t deserve a second of you.’ He moaned as you dragged your nails across his back, leaving red welts in their wake. ‘I never did.’

‘I think that’s my choice.’ You whispered, cupping his bearded cheeks and making him look you in the eye. ‘Always my choice, John. You deserve more than you realise.’ Placing a soft kiss against his lips, you smiled widely. ‘Now shut up and let me ride you.’

John didn’t argue as you reached around him, relinquishing the control for a change. You kept your eyes on his, using the side of the tub as leverage to pull yourself up and drag your flesh against his. It was a strange sensation, fucking in a jacuzzi, and the water combined with the friction from your bodies was pleasurable, only adding to your building orgasm. John grunted as you cried out for him, cumming hard on his swollen cock, your pace not stopping for a second.

Within moments, he was spilling up into your clutching pussy, holding you close to him as he rode out the orgasm, your own still pulsing through your core. You stayed where you were, sighing contentedly as you tried to catch your breath.

‘I love you, John.’ You whispered the directly into his ear, pressing a soft kiss just below the lobe as you spoke, closing your eyes as you felt him smile against your neck.

‘I love you too, baby girl. Always.’


	16. Part Sixteen

Being back with the Winchester unit felt like homecoming in more ways than one. Falling back into routine was all too easy, but now you and John were out in the open, sharing a room, things became more solid. Doubts still niggled at the back of your mind, but that was natural. Or at least, you thought it was.

Driving from state to state was the norm, stopping for no longer than a month in some places. Sam hated it, and complained the whole time, and refereeing between him and John became a regular occurrence for both yourself and Dean. It helped, you thought, that there was a separate room arrangement now - you dread to think what it would be like with all three men in close quarters constantly.

Vegas seemed like a dream as spring gave way to summer, and you hoped that eventually you and John would be able to steal some time away and repeat the excursion. Sam’s birthday was coming up, but he was only seventeen, so it wasn’t like a trip to Vegas was suitable. For the most part, Sam didn’t seem interested in his birthday at all.

‘Everything okay, baby?’ John’s voice dragged you out of your thoughts as you lay across the front seat of the truck, enjoying the soft breeze coming in through the window as he followed closely behind the Impala.

‘I’m good.’ You replied, closing your eyes. ‘Might get some sleep. We’ve still got a few hours until Bobby’s right?’

‘Yeah.’ John smiled, reaching over to push your hair out of your eyes, and you grinned lazily at the gesture. ‘Get some rest, sweetheart. You haven’t been sleeping well lately.’

‘Hmmm.’ You shrugged, feeling the warm leather under your back as you got comfortable. John reached over, flicking the radio on, and one of his cassettes already in there started playing. It was Zeppelin, of course, and the music lulled you into that fuzzy place between sleep and awake where memories seemed ridiculously vivid.

_‘You know, Vegas is full of wedding chapels.’ John grinned, coming up behind you in the pink robe he’d found hanging around in a closet. You were dressed in his t-shirt and a pair of panties, and you giggled as he slipped his arms around your waist. Your hair was still damp from the jacuzzi, but John paid it no mind as he kissed your neck._

_‘You sayin’ you’d marry me, John Winchester?’_

_He smiled, bending to root around in the side pocket of his duffel. ‘Remember all those months ago, I went off to pick something up?’ He dropped the object into your hand, and you stared at it, confused by what he was saying. ‘I left it in a safe deposit box. Didn’t think I’d ever be able to look at it again.’_

_‘John, I don’t -’_

_‘Y/N, please, I need to say this.’ He took a breath, and you turned to look at him, gently taking hold of his hands. ‘When I lost Mary…I never thought I’d find anyone again. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love like that. And then you fell into my life, and even though I knew it was wrong, I fell in love with you.’ He smiled, pulling your hands up to kiss your knuckles. ‘I love you, Y/N, and if this is what you need, what you want, then I want it to.’_

_You smiled, standing up on tiptoes to kiss his lips, feeling his stubble drag across your chin. ‘John Winchester, I don’t need a ring on my finger to tell me that you ain’t going anywhere. I love you. You love me. That’s all I need. We’re a done deal, and I don’t need an Elvis priest to tell me that.’_

_‘Oh, but baby, the Elvis priests are the best.’ He grinned and you giggled, before his face turned serious again. ‘What if - what if I can’t give you the things you want?’ His hands landed on your waist, his long fingers splaying over your belly and your eyes dropped. ‘The things every woman wants?’_

_You smiled, understanding his hint, and carefully threading your fingers through his. ‘I only want you.’ You whispered, and a slow smile covered his face, pulling you close._

_‘I love you.’ He muttered against your mouth, before kissing you deeply. You moaned into him, feeling his hands grab at the hem of your shirt, pulling it up over your torso. The kiss broke briefly as he dragged the material over your head, tossing it to the side. ‘So fucking beautiful.’_

_‘John -’ Your answering mewl was met with another fierce kiss, as John’s large hands covered your breasts, kneading them firmly, his thumbs teasing your nipples into solid peaks as he kept kissing you until you were breathless._

_‘Fuck, need you, baby girl.’ He bent down a little, hoisting you up into his arms, and your legs automatically hooked around his waist. His cock was poking insistently through the pink robe, and you giggled as he pressed into your soaked panties, growling possessively. ‘These are in the way.’_

_‘Take ‘em off me then.’ You dared, grinning at him, before squealing as he turned and paced over to the bed, dropping you to the mattress. ‘John!’_

_John only smirked down at you, cock proudly erect through the front of the dishevelled pink robe. ‘You told me to take them off.’ He bent down, using his long fingers to grasp the material and pull the soaked underwear down your legs. They joined your shirt across the room, as John moaned in appreciation. ‘Such a pretty little pussy.’_

_‘All yours.’ You whispered, reaching for him, and he grinned again, shedding the robe and kneeling between your legs. His cock prodded at your entrance and you arched your back as he slowly slid inside, taking each inch slowly until he was fully seated, buried to the hilt in your tight pussy._

_His eyes rolled back briefly before he pressed his nose against yours, smiling in unison with you. ‘Perfect.’_

_‘You gotta move.’ You begged. ‘John, I need you to fuck me.’_

_He didn’t reply with words, but his hips rolled, pressing his cock further into you, and you whimpered at the friction of his pelvis against your clit. You were already close, and it didn’t take more than five drawn out thrusts to send you over the edge into a powerful orgasm that had you shuddering underneath his hard body._

_‘Y/N.’ His words were dripping with need, and you mewled up at him, only for him to repeat your name again as he rocked into you. ‘Y/N.’_

‘Y/N.’

You jolted awake, seeing John’s concerned face looking down at you, and you smacked your lips together, scrubbing a hand over your face. ‘I’m awake.’

‘We’re at Bobby’s. You okay, sweetheart? You were making a lot of, er, noises…’

You grinned, pulling yourself up from the seat, stretching out. ‘Yeah. Just having a good dream. From Vegas.’ His facial expression changed into a smile of understanding, and he chuckled, leaning in to steal a peck from your lips.

‘Bobby’s probably gonna put an embargo on any us time in the house. But we’re only here for a couple of days.’ His voice was a little husky as he spoke, and you felt yourself warming again. ‘If you need me, we can always go for a drive again.’

‘God, I love you, John Winchester.’ You smiled, enjoying that you could speak the words so freely. He grinned, kissing you again before sliding from the truck to greet Dean and Sam by the Impala. You watched for a moment, the smile still firmly affixed to your face.

It was definitely good to be home.

*****

‘Where are we going, Y/N?’ Sam asked, raising an eyebrow as you locked the motel room door, before grinning at him.

‘Well, your dad is visiting an old colleague and Dean’s off on that ghost hunt by himself -’

‘If that’s what you wanna call it.’ Sam grumbled, rolling his eyes. At your look, he sighed. ‘Dean isn’t hunting a ghost. He’s seeing some girl that he hasn’t shut up about for months. He just doesn’t talk about her to you or dad.’

You blinked in surprise, before chuckling. ‘Wow. Guess I won’t mention that one to John.’ Sam laughed, before following you away from the motel. ‘Anyway, we are going for birthday milkshakes. I know it’s not your birthday until next week, but we might not get another chance and I just wanted to…I dunno. Get me some Sam time.’

Sam’s eyebrow shot straight back up at that. ‘Sam time? Is that code for “make sure I’m really okay with you and dad”? Cause we’ve been over this. I’m fine. Seriously. It’s gross, but I’m fine.’

You smirked, keeping your eyes on the diner ahead. ‘Well, it might be slightly ulterior. But I also wanted to make sure you were okay. I know your Dad is…well, he’s a bit heavy handed. And I know you haven’t been happy lately, Sam.’

‘I guess.’ Sam huffed, quickening his pace to open the diner door for you. Both of you were silent as you slid into a booth, and the waitress came over.

‘We’ll take two of the biggest milkshakes you got.’ You smiled up at the waitress, who returned the expression, before her eyes darted to Sam, dragging appreciatively over him. He squirmed uncomfortably. ‘One chocolate, one vanilla.’ The waitress aimed her bright grin at Sam, before flouncing away, and you giggled at Sam’s discomfort. ‘Aww, Sam. You’re gonna have to get used to that. You’re a Winchester, sweetheart. And apparently, Winchester men have good genes.’

‘I’ve barely kissed a girl.’ Sam muttered, folding his hands in his lap. ‘Besides, how am I supposed to get a girlfriend when I live this weird ass life. I don’t even have any regular friends.’

Your face fell at his sullen declaration. ‘You’ve had friends, Sam. What about that boy, erm, Steven. The one you wrote letters to.’

Sam made an angry noise and sat back. ‘We haven’t spoken in over a year. You’d know that if -’

He broke off, and you frowned, leaning forward. ‘If what, Sam?’

There was no eye contact from the younger boy as he crossed his arms over his chest. ‘If you hadn’t left.’

‘Oh.’ You slumped, guilt seeping from you. ‘Sam, I…I know we kept things from you, and I lied to you, but…I didn’t do it to hurt you, you know that right?’

‘I know. But you were my friend. I didn’t exactly have loads, but I thought…I thought you cared about me.’ He shook his head. ‘I mean, I know you do, I’m not being a brat, Y/N. It just felt like, when you left, that whatever happened with Dad stole you away from me and Dean. I know Dean was angry because he had a crush on you. But I just felt like my friend left.’

You were silent, staring at him as the waitress brought over your milkshakes. ‘Is there anything else I can get you?’ She asked, smiling brightly at Sam.

‘No. We’re fine.’ You waved her away.

‘Okay, well, I’m right over there.’ She was bouncy and cheerful, and all of a sudden, you felt like snapping at her, even though none of it was her fault. She left, but the feeling remained, except you turned it on yourself.

‘I’m really sorry, Sam. I guess - I was so desperate to not get hurt, that I didn’t think how much I hurt you.’

He shook his head again, straightening his back as he sat up. ‘It doesn’t matter. You’re back now. Dad has you, he’s happy again, and we’re still friends. I was just being a stupid kid.’

‘Then why do you keep picking fights with John?’ You asked, blurting it out, watching the colour drain from Sam’s face as he sucked on his milkshake straw. He stopped, and you glanced down, realising exactly how you’d sounded. ‘I’m sorry, that sounded a lot more tactful in my head.’ He didn’t speak, but his hazel eyes burned with shame as you watched him. ‘I’m not asking because of your dad. I promise. But me and Dean…we’re having to get between you and it’s just not like you Sam. You gotta tell me what’s wrong.’

Sam sighed, taking another large sip of his milkshake. ‘Prom is coming up.’

Your eyes widened. ‘So it’s a girl?’

‘What? No!’ He exclaimed, before lowering his voice. ‘It’s just that I wanna go. We’ve been here a while now, and I don’t wanna change school any more. I know I have to, but there’s not much of the year left and I really wanna finish the year here.’ Sam looked down. ‘It’s stupid, I know. But Dad…Dad doesn’t…’

‘Doesn’t understand.’ You finished. ‘I think I understand a little of what you mean. I can’t say prom meant as much to me. But I do understand.’

‘It’s not all about prom. It’s my last year next year. And afterwards…’ He trailed off, refusing to meet your eyes and you suddenly realised what he was getting so worked up about. Sam was a smart kid, and he could probably earn a full ride anywhere he wanted.

And John would never agree with him going.

‘College.’ You whispered, earning a soft nod from Sam. ‘You’re scared to ask your Dad? Sam, if you get a full ride, you don’t need his permission.’

‘But I want it. I want him to be proud of me, like he is of Dean. I know I’m not the hunter he wants, I’m not the soldier my brother is -’

‘Wait, you think John isn’t proud of you?’ You narrowed your eyes. ‘Sam, your dad is so proud, you don’t even realise. Why do you think he bites back when you fight? He’s terrified of losing you.’

‘And that’s why he won’t let me go.’

‘He will.’ You sat back, shaking your head. ‘You think he’ll be disappointed, but he won’t, Sam. You’re so damn smart. You’re smarter than all three of us.’ You snorted. ‘I barely graduated and Dean dropped out.’

‘Doesn’t mean you’re not smart. You lost your dad. Dean…Dean is more hands on.’ Sam smiled at the way Dean had always refused to conform. ‘But Dad won’t want me to leave. He wants me to hunt. Wants me to help find the thing that killed Mom.’

You smiled softly, reaching over the table. ‘Trust me, Sam. I’m gonna have your back in this. Don’t hide it from your dad. If you need help talking to him, ask me. You can’t keep fighting with him.’

‘It’s not just me.’ Sam pouted.

‘Oh I know. Trust me, I know just how stubborn John is.’ You chuckled. ‘But your future is important, Sam. Hunting isn’t everything. Trust me, I know. If you wanna go to college, then that’s what you should do.’

Sam smiled. ‘You’d really take my side?’

‘I’m not looking at it as sides. I’m looking at it as the right thing to do.’ You smiled. ‘Stop worrying about. Now, drink your milkshake. We’re gonna go shopping.’

‘For what?’ He asked, confused.

Your smile turned into a conspirative smirk. ‘A prom suit.’


	17. Part Seventeen

The bike purred along the road, running smoothly as you headed back along the highway to John and the boys. It had been a quick hunt, and one you’d not been anticipating, but you couldn’t have left Mike in a bind. You hadn’t been his first call, but you were the first one who answered. A rugaru hunt gone wrong, and he was injured badly.

John hadn’t had a chance to talk you out of it, and you felt bad for it. Rushing off to help a guy you’d almost been intimate with was a guaranteed way to piss him off, but it wasn’t in you to leave another hunter stranded. And Mike was a good guy; he didn’t deserve to die because of a history he’d stumbled into the middle of.

It was nearly midnight, and you’d been gone for two days without so much as an explanation. As the motel came into sight, your stomach dropped and you wondered if he’d even be there. Maybe he’d gotten pissed off and left, angry with you for ditching him. Pulling into the parking lot, you heaved a sigh of relief as you saw his truck, although the Impala was nowhere in sight.

Parking the bike up next to the truck, you switched off the ignition, pulling off your helmet. As you ran a hand through your hair, and grabbed your bag from the back, someone cleared their throat. You looked up, seeing John stood at the motel room door, his dark eyes sparkling as they focused on you.

‘Nice of you to come back.’

‘John.’ You exhaled his name, almost dropping your helmet as you stared at him. ‘I…I can explain.’

‘Just get in here out of the cold, yeah?’ His voice was steady, giving nothing away, and you swallowed hard, moving slowly towards the room. As you stepped over the threshold, John moved out of your way, closing the door behind you.

You dropped your bag near the bed, and placed your helmet on the table in the kitchenette, turning to face the older hunter. ‘Seriously, I can explain.’ You said slowly, unable to gauge his mood from his expression. ‘That call…it was Mike Forrester. He was in a bad way and asked for help. It wasn’t far and -’

‘I know where you were.’ John replied calmly, stepping closer to you. Your body tensed, and you frowned, unsure of his reply. ‘Ellen told me. I was worried you’d need backup.’

‘No. No, it was fine. But you know I couldn’t leave him right? That I couldn’t -’

John smiled, and you stopped, raising an eyebrow. ‘I know, sweetheart.’ He reached over, taking your hand in his. ‘I wouldn’t expect you to ever abandon someone in need. Just not who you are, right?’ There was an edge to his tone, something you didn’t recognise, and you stared at him, not sure what to do.

‘John, if you’re angry -’

The movement was so sudden, it left you a little dizzy. John pulled you, turning you as you went, so your back was pressed against his chest. You yelped in shock, feeling his hands hold you steady against him. ‘I’m not angry, baby girl.’ His voice was a low growl in your ear. ‘Just need to remind you who you belong to.’

The words were so possessive and sexy, it sent a jolt of heat directly to your core. The voice in your head piped up, wanting to deny his neanderthal claim to you, but you simply whimpered as he ground his hips into yours. ‘John -’ You mewled, rutting back against him. His fingers tightened on your arms, and his teeth scraped against your neck.

‘I gotta teach you a lesson, princess. You know that, right?’

Your body lit up to a thousand degrees, and you nodded, hearing your own blood rush through your veins. ‘Yes. Daddy, please.’

John groaned, his hands moving to your waist, pulling at the edge of your pants. ‘Fuck, Y/N. You always know how to play just right.’

‘I know, Daddy.’

He didn’t waste any time, and ripped your pants down your legs, your panties swiftly joining them. You still had your shoes on, but you spread your thighs wide for him as far as you could, feeling his hardness against your ass as he stood back up.

‘Put your hands on the table.’ He ordered and you did as he asked, leaning forward to steady yourself. John groaned, landing a sharp slap to your ass, and you shut your eyes tight, trying not to yelp in pleasure. ‘Fucking sweet little ass. Maybe I should punish you real good, fuck that tight little hole tonight.’ You wanted to deny it, but the thought of John taking you there was one of your guilty pleasures. It had been something you’d experimented with, but he’d never fully gone all the way. ‘Hmmm.’ His fingers trailed down, across your ass, dipping between your folds as you bent over before him. You moaned low in your throat, dropping your head as he teased your entrance with one finger, pushing it into you only an inch before withdrawing. His touch abandoned you altogether, and you pulled your head up, looking over your shoulder.

John smiled at you as he sucked the moistened tip of his finger into his mouth. ‘You taste so sweet, baby girl.’ He returned his fingers to your cunt, pushing two into you to the hilt, and you gasped, going up onto tiptoes. Slowly, he thrust into you, curling his digits just right to make you cry out for more. ‘Who do you belong to, princess?’

‘You, Daddy. Fuck, John, please, I need you.’

‘I know, Y/N. But you gotta learn. You say you know you belong to me, but you gotta make me believe it.’ He twisted his hand, scissoring his fingers inside you, searching out that special spot. Your back arched, and you squirmed, wanting to pull your hands away from the table. ‘Stay where you are. You gonna cum for me, sweetheart?’

You nodded, biting your lip as he kept pushing his fingers into your slick channel, opening you up ready for him. ‘Please, Daddy.’ You begged, barely audible as John kept up his ministrations. ‘I want to cum.’

‘Like this?’ John asked, curling his fingers and hitting your g-spot, massaging it gently, and your legs quivered.

‘Yes, please, yes, yes.’ You repeated yourself again and again, not even hearing your own words as John pushed you further and further into a frenzy. The dam broke and you came hard for him, unable to see the shit-eating grin on his face as he kept finger fucking you through your orgasm.

His fingers disappeared from you as you struggled to stay upright, almost falling before his strong arms wrapped around your waist. He lifted you gently, carrying you over to the bed. ‘Who do you belong to, Y/N?’

You shuddered at his voice, still coming down from your climax as you looked at him with blown pupils. ‘You, John. Always you.’ John smiled, pulling your boots off of your feet, able to remove your pants, stopping only to pull his shirt off. ‘Need you…’

‘I know.’ He whispered, pulling your shirt over your head, urging you back onto the bed. ‘Need you too.’ He unbuckled his pants, kicking his jeans off his feet, along with his boots, before kneeling between your spread thighs, his cock straining against his boxers. ‘You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N.’ He bent down, sucking one hardened nipple into his mouth, and you arched up towards him, desperate to feel him against you, inside you.

‘John, please, I need -’

He released your breast with a soft wet plop. ‘Hush.’ You whined pitifully, surrendering to him completely as he continued to rut against you, his clothed cock teasing against your slit, stimulating your clit as he lavished attention on your swollen breasts. ‘Love you princess. You know that, right?’

You gasped as he gave a harder thrust against you, the tip of his cock bumping into your clit, precum staining the front of his underwear. ‘I - I know.’ Your reply was quiet, and he groaned as he pulled away, ripping his boxers down his legs. ‘I love you.’

John smiled, before resuming his position between your legs. He leant back, rubbing his cock along your wet slit, coating himself in your slick before slowly sinking into your body with a long groan of completion. You tensed, the slow entry setting every nerve ending in your system on fire, and you reached out for him, desperate to feel more.

‘I don’t know whether to take this slow or show you who you belong to.’ He muttered, dropping his head to kiss you softly as he rocked into you, long and steady strokes stoking the fire in your belly.

‘I know who I belong you.’ You whispered as he broke away. ‘But feel free to fuck me like I don’t.’

‘Baby, you say the sweetest things.’ John grinned, before rearing back. ‘We can take it slow another time.’ He punctuated the sentence with a harsh slam into your body, and you cried out in pleasure as he struck your g-spot head on. It was sometimes like your body was made for him - the exact curve of his cock into your body always hit it’s target, and you couldn’t help but cum uncontrollably when he fucked you like this.

John found a pace, his large hands holding onto your hips, using them for leverage to make your body counter his every thrust. You felt your walls flutter around him as your climax quickly spiralled out of control, his grunts and filthy whispers only make it worse.

‘Such a tight, perfect little cunt. My sweet little pussy. You like that? Like my cock filling you up, sweetheart? Wanna feel me cum inside you?’

‘Fuck, Daddy, please, yes, wanna feel you cum.’ You weren’t even sure if your sentences were coherent, but they did the trick as you felt John swell inside you, his thrusts becoming even harder if that were possible. You were so close to the fucking edge, needing to cum, and he sensed it, moving one hand to flick and pinch at your engorged clit, sending you flying into oblivion.

‘That’s it, princess. Cum for me.’ John grunted, his fingers still on your clit, his teeth latching onto his bottom lip as he coaxed you through. ‘Come on, baby.’ You bucked, whined and then screamed, cumming hard for him, your walls clenching around him relentlessly and he ripped his hand from your slit to grab your hip, slamming into you. ‘Fuck.’ He roared, holding your pelvis flush against his as he found his release, his cock spurting inside your body, filling you with his cum.

When he was done, you reached up for him, pulling him close to demand a kiss from him, and John obliged, thrusting his tongue into your mouth, moaning into you.

‘I do, you know. Love you. More than anything.’ You whispered. John smiled, rubbing his nose against yours in an affectionate gesture.

‘I know you do, baby girl.’

*****

Dean and Sam returned the next day, and woke you from a long sleep. John was already up, having collected some breakfast and supplies, waiting for his sons to return. Luckily, you’d had the good sense to throw on a long nightshirt and shorts before you’d fallen asleep, and when the boys had returned, you’d dragged yourself from the warmth of the motel room bed, greeting them both.

‘Thought you’d run off on us again.’ Dean teased, and you punched his shoulder, poking out your tongue. John chuckled at the interaction, before picking up Sam’s bag.

‘How did the trip go?’ He asked his youngest son, and Sam beamed, nodding.

‘It was really good. The museum was -

‘Museum?’ You interrupted. ‘I thought you’d gone on a hunt.’

John shook his head. ‘No. Sam had been begging to see some exhibit at the museum three towns over and Dean offered to take him. I’m not so big on the educational stuff.’

Dean grunted, picking up one of the coffees John had gotten and sipping it gingerly. ‘Neither am I. But there were some hot girls to check out.’

You rolled your eyes. ‘Typical.’

Sam laughed, and you smiled, glad to see a spark in his eyes. Ever since prom, and convincing John to let him go, he’d been a little happier, a little more cooperative. There weren’t half as many fights between them, and everyone seemed a little more relaxed. ‘Dean loved it. They had dinosaurs.’

Dean shrugged. ‘They were cool, I guess.’

‘Speaking of hunts.’ John said, picking up the morning paper. ‘We gotta get on the road. Job to be done and all.’

‘What did you find?’ You asked, taking the paper from him, looking at the article concerning the death of three young hikers.

‘Looks like a werewolf.’ John replied. ‘We can make it there in a few hours.’ You nodded, feeling a sudden wave of nausea come over you. He notice you wobble a little, and reached out, holding your upper arm as he frowned. ‘You okay, sweetheart?’

‘You look a little pale.’ Dean pointed out.

You shrugged. ‘I feel a little sick. I did stop at a questionable burger joint yesterday. Might be something from that.’ You lurched a little, feeling bile rise in your throat. ‘Nope. Not gonna keep that down.’ Turning, you bolted away from all three men, stumbling into the toilet with one hand over your mouth. Within seconds, you were heaving into the toilet bowl, bringing up everything you’d eaten in the last day, not stopping even when there was nothing left. You barely even noticed the warm hands pulling your hair out of your face.

‘You’re definitely not well.’ John’s voice sounded a little far away, and you grinned, wiping at your mouth. ‘You’ll sit this one out. We’ll find a motel where you can sleep this off, yeah?’

You nodded. ‘I’m not even gonna try and argue.’

Two hours later, you felt marginally better, and John helped you into the truck, covering you with the blanket out of the back. His touch was gentle, and you couldn’t deny that you loved the tender care he was giving. As the trip got underway, Sam and Dean following behind in the Impala, you let yourself fall into a dreamless sleep.

Four counties on, and you woke up, feeling the truck come to a stop. John climbed out, calling something to Dean as you sat up, letting the blanket fall down. Locating your purse in your bag, you got out of the truck, looking over at John who was putting gas in the tank.

‘I’m gonna go get some snacks. I’m feeling a little better.’ You smiled, and he nodded, obviously glad to see you feeling more yourself.

Walking into the Gas’N’Sip, you moved around the aisles, watching the three Winchesters outside as you perused the items. Glancing over to the cashier as you reached your desired item, you paled, checking the cameras weren’t focused on you. Your hand darted out, snatching the item you wanted and burying it in your inside jacket pocket, before moving on to the chips and snacks section.

The cashier didn’t notice your theft, and rang up your supply of Cheetos and chocolate without speaking a word. You paid and left, climbing back into the truck as John finished filling up. Smiling as he climbed back in, you settled back down, and tried to ignore the burning of the slender box in your inside pocket.


	18. Left Eighteen

You curled up under the motel room duvet, feeling exhaustion stretch through every single fibre of your body. John was out, scoping for a case, and Dean was off doing whatever it was he did to pass the time. Sam was at school, and you were quite happy with the peace and quiet.

Extending your arms and legs, you tried to relax your muscles, before sighing heavily and dragging yourself from your warm pit. Padding across the motel room, you slipped into the bathroom, turning on the shower so it was nice and hot. You stripped your clothes, stepping under the warm spray and leaning into the wall, enjoying the sharp contrast of cold tile and hot water. Automatically, your hands went to your belly, fingers splaying over the still flat contours of your body.

Two little blue lines.

Four days.

You didn’t even know how far along you were. After stealing the test from the gas station, and sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to do the test, you’d been in shock at the result. You still took birth control, even when you hadn’t been with John, but it seemed that the 0.00001% chance of it failing had been against you.

How the hell were you supposed to tell John?

Looking down, your wet hair fell into your face as you closed your eyes and leaned against the wall with your forehead, trying to block out everything except the water spraying across your back, the coolness of the tiles against your head. Images ran through your mind; boy or girl? Would she be blonde, or dark haired like John? You’d give up hunting, you knew that much, but John? He had a mission. How would the boys react? A girl, a sister for them…Dean would be so overprotective. Sam would try and teach her everything. They’d love her, that much was sure. But then, it might be a boy and then…

You didn’t even question whether you’d keep it or not. Even if John rejected you, you’d keep her. You’d go to Ellen - she’d always help - and raise her alone. Giving up something so special, even if it was an accident, just didn’t occur to you.

So lost in your thoughts under the warm spray, you didn’t hear the motel room door open, or John’s heavy footsteps across the horrible blue carpet. He stepped into the bathroom, frowning as he saw you with your back to the room, under the spray.

‘Baby?’

You jumped a little, startled by his presence, and turned, staring at him with wide eyes. ‘I thought you were working the case.’

‘I was.’ He smiled, toeing his boots off. ‘But I got everything I could get. Nothing to be done until dark now. And I need Dean. How you feeling?’ He pulled off his overshirt, revealing the thin tee he had on underneath, and you smiled.

‘I’m better. Nausea is gone.’

John grinned, unbuckling his pants. ‘Must have been that burger joint. Mind if I join you?’ You nodded, reaching out for him as he pushed his pants down his legs, and finally removed his shirt. He took your hand, climbing in beneath the warm spray with you, hissing a little at the heat. ‘You always have it so hot, baby girl.’

‘I like it like that.’ You mumbled, pressing your face into his bare chest. His hands came up to rub your back, holding you against him as he rest his chin on your wet hair. ‘I was a little achey.’

John smiled, pulling back to lift your chin up. ‘You sure you’re okay? You seem a little off.’ You stared at him, unsure how to answer. Instead of speaking, you pushed up onto tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, feeling the few days of scruff on his chin. John moaned against your mouth, his hands slipping over your wet skin to grasp your hips.

‘John…need you.’ You whispered, breaking away from him, keeping your eyes on his. He nodded, kissing you again, one hand moving further south to press between your thighs. His fingers found you already wet with slick and water, and you whimpered as he slipped one digit into your pussy, pumping it lazily as he kissed your breath away.

‘Need you too.’ He muttered, adding a second finger, his free hand holding you up as he scissored them into you, spreading you open for him. ‘Gonna need you to turn around, sweetheart.’

You obeyed, turning as he pulled his fingers away and placing your hands on the tiled wall. John got to his knees behind you, using his hands to pull your ass towards him, before he spread your legs and exposed your cunt to his view. Pressing his face into you, he flattened his tongue against your pussy, licking a thick strip that left you quivering. He repeated the action, and you gasped against the wall, tasting the clean shower water as it ran into your mouth.

‘You taste beautiful.’ John mumbled against your sensitive skin, before thrusting his tongue into your hole, making you yelp in surprise. He pressed into you harder, his long fingers holding you open for his mouth. You dragged your fingertips down the tiles as he kept fucking you with his mouth, his tongue teasing against your walls as he spurred you on into a frenzy, making your hips buck back into him, needing more.

With a keening wail of his name, you came hard on his tongue, and John kept lapping at your slit, moaning against you. You panted into the wall, still rolling your hips back, even as he pulled away and stood behind you, cock hard and weeping against your ass. He slipped one arm around your waist, holding you close as he angled himself to slide through your folds.

‘Please.’ The word left your lips in a whisper, as you ground down on him, urging him forward. With an adjustment of his hips, his length eased into you, and you groaned low in your throat, closing your eyes to savour every single inch of him pushing into your slick flesh.

John’s forehead rested on the back of your neck as he started to move, utilizing long, slow strokes, the friction almost unbearable as he held you in place. It was awkward, having to bend his knees, but it was worth every second he’d be aching later to hear the little mewls you gave as he filled you over and over. Your walls clenched around him, and he moaned against your wet skin. Neither of you noticed the spray of the shower anymore; you were too wrapped up in each other.

You felt the pressure building in your belly, adding to the pleasure left behind from your first climax and you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold back. ‘John, I’m gonna cum.’ He grunted an acknowledgement against your neck, his thrusts increasing a little as he moved his hands around to cup your breasts, using his thumb and index fingers to roll your nipples and you moaned in response to the stimulation.

Seconds later, you cried out, spluttering a little in the water as you were swept away by your second orgasm, pushing back against your lover as he held your body against his. John wasn’t long in following you over the edge, pumping into you with measured thrusts, your combined spendings dribbling out down your thighs to mix with the water.

Without speaking, John pulled away, plucking the shower head from the wall and using it to wash you down, cleaning your thighs gently. You turned to face him as he replaced the shower head on its perch, and you knew you had to tell him.

‘John.’

His dark eyes met yours, one eyebrow slightly raised in questioning at your quiet tone, and when he saw the apprehension on your face, he frowned. ‘Baby? What is it?’

‘I think…my birth control failed.’ You rushed the words out, almost flinching in advance at him. His mouth dropped open, and his eyes flickered to your belly. You waited, your heart thumping loudly in your chest, and you briefly wondered if he could hear it.

‘How long?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe a couple months? We…weren’t careful because of the pill.’ You looked down. ‘It’s my fault. I should have -’

‘No, no, baby, it’s not your fault. We’re both adults here right? I thought it was a covered thing, I never thought…’ He sighed, stepping closer, his hands coming up to cradle your upper arms. ‘Is that why you were sick?’ You nodded, feeling unsure of the situation, as tears welled in your eyes. John noticed, his hands moving to cup your face. ‘Don’t cry, sweetheart. It’s fine.’

‘I didn’t know what to do.’ You stuttered quietly, trying not to let the tears fall. ‘I was scared that you might…that you would…’

‘Not want you? Either of you?’ He shook his head. ‘I love you, Y/N. If this baby is ours, I’m gonna love it just as much as I love you.’ He nuzzled your face, pulling you into a soft kiss. ‘Whatever you want, sweetheart. It’s your decision.’

You stared up at him. ‘But I don’t want it to just be my decision. I…I want you to want it too.’ You were almost pouting and the corner of John’s mouth lifted in amusement, prompting you to scowl at him. ‘Don’t laugh at me.’

‘I’m not. It’s just…you keep offering me every dream I’ve ever had with you, and you think it’s a bad thing.’ His words hit their mark, and your mouth opened and closed a few times before you gave up and threw your arms around him, almost slipping on the wet shower floor. John laughed loudly, holding you close and kissing you again.

‘Can I get you out of this shower before the hot water runs out?’ He asked, and you nodded, smiling at him. He turned the shower off, looking down at you with affection, before one hand splayed over your belly. ‘So, we’re having a baby, huh?’

You looked down at his hand, placing one of yours over it before smiling. ‘Yeah. Yeah, we are.’

*****

‘When are we gonna tell the boys?’ John’s voice knocked you clean out of your daydream in the front seat of the truck. You were wrapped up in a blanket, and yawned before you answered him.

‘I don’t know.’ You replied, honestly. ‘I’m gonna start showing soon. They’ll notice.’ Your hands ran over your belly, where no evidence of your precious cargo showed yet. It had been a month since you’d told John, and to be honest, he’d taken the new better than you’d thought he would. A quick trip to the doctor had set your due date as the following February, and John had asked every question he could think of.

Unfortunately, your happiness at seeing him embrace the idea of being a father again, had been muted by the ever present morning sickness. You were constantly nauseous, unable to help with hunts, and some days, unable to move from bed. Apparently pregnancy did not agree with you. The boys had accepted the excuse that you’d picked up a virus from something, but that excuse was wearing thin already.

‘Did you take your vitamins today?’ John asked, reaching over to take your hand. You smiled and nodded, letting your head fall back against the seat. He was worried about you - you knew that much. You were paler, weak and losing weight, but the doctor had assured you that these things sometimes happened to an expectant mother. Being pregnant was a huge toll on your body, and you had to expect drawbacks. ‘We’ll stop soon, baby. Get you into a proper bed.’

‘You figured out what the hunt was?’ You asked and he nodded.

‘Just a salt and burn. I’ll leave Sam with you whilst me and Dean take care of it. We’ll head over to Sioux Falls after.’

You nodded, dragging your thumb over the back of his hand. ‘We should tell them though.’

‘I thought…maybe once this case was done, we could take a break. Head over to Bobby’s. Let them know then, with a little back up, familiar surroundings?’ He smiled reassuringly and you nodded, scooting over the bench seat to be a little closer to him. ‘It’s set then.’

‘I think they’ll be okay. Sam will be happy not to be the baby anymore.’ You smiled, moving your head from the back of the seat to his shoulder, inhaling his familiar and comforting scent. ‘And Dean…well, if it’s a girl, he’s gonna be way overprotective.’

John chuckled, pulling his hand out of your grip to loop it around your shoulders and hold you close. ‘I hope it’s a girl. Always wanted a little girl.’ You glanced up, almost feeling the sadness coming off of him as his voice dropped to a lower pitch. ‘Mary always wanted a little girl.’ There was no jealousy at his words, and you sat up a little, facing him, sharing in his sorrow.

‘Then that’s what we’ll call her.’

John blinked, torn between glancing at you in surprise and keeping his eyes on the road. ‘Y/N, we don’t even know it’s a girl.’

‘Yeah, but if it is…that’s what we should call her.’

‘You don’t think that’s a little weird?’

Shaking your head, you settled back down at his side, and he replaced his arm around you. ‘No. I’m just honoring the woman who made you happy for long, and who brought two of the most amazing men into the world. She’d be proud of all three of you, you know.’

He smiled, kissing your forehead, before chuckling. ‘She’d like you. Aside from the fact that you’re sleeping with her husband.’ You smiled against his shoulder, before feeling the pull of gravity on your eyelids. ‘Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.’

*****

John stood back as the flames burst upwards into the sky, and Dean chuckled, making a crude comment about the dead guy in the casket underneath. HIs father rolled his eyes in response, before turning away, satisfied that the job was done. He’d do a pass back by the old manor just in case, but he was happy that the spirit was laid to rest.

Settling back behind the wheel of the Impala, John let his hands flex on the leather, a wistful smile across his lips. Dean slid into the passenger seat, looking a little resentful that he’d lost his car for this job. But he couldn’t begrudge his dad a drive of the old girl.

‘We heading back now?’ He asked, looking at his father expectantly. ‘I know you’re worried about Y/N.’ At the mention of your name, John perked up, and Dean grinned. He was genuinely glad that his dad was happy, and the whole time you’d been gone, it had felt beyond wrong without you there. And now, Dean had a feeling you were hiding an even bigger secret.

‘Yeah, let’s get back home.’ John smiled, looking over at Dean, before turning the key in the ignition.

‘Can I ask you a question, Dad?’ Dean poked the subject gently, turning to face his dad as he pulled away from the burning grave.

‘What’s up, son?’ The older hunter smiled, and Dean was a little perturbed by the good mood he was in.

‘Is Y/N…is she pregnant?’ Dean didn’t really need his dad to answer anything, as the look on John’s face confirmed it all, and he couldn’t help the wide grin that split his mouth. ‘That’s awesome. Way to go, Dad!’

John tried to gather his wits in the fact of his eldest son’s ridiculous perceptive skills, and smiled nervously. ‘Thanks, er, I guess.’

‘How far along is she?’

‘About three months. We were going to tell you boys when we got to Bobby’s. She’s…a little worried about how you’ll react.’

Dean grinned, leaning back in his seat. ‘Sammy’s gonna flip. In a good way. He won’t be the youngest any more.’ Obviously you had mind reading skills where it came to the boys, and John smiled. ‘Y/N is gonna be an amazing mom.’

‘Yeah. Yeah she is.’ John smiled, an almost dreamy look on his face. He flicked on the radio and pulled out of the cemetery onto the main road, humming along to the song on the radio. Dean bobbed his head with the music, but for the remainder of the drive, neither of them spoke.

John was lost in his thoughts, his eyes on the road, but his mind back with you. He hated being away from you these days; he wasn’t sure if it was because he was so used to being by your side, or because he’d felt an overwhelming need to keep you safe since you’d confessed to him that you were carrying his kid. All he knew for definite, was that he was a lucky sonovabitch and didn’t deserve the happiness you’d brought to his life. After everything he’d been through with Mary, with the boys in the last twenty years, he wasn’t sure how he’d ended up here.

And that was a conversation he needed to have with you. He’d been putting money away, for a long time, intending on renting, or maybe buying a place to call home. He’d put Dean and Sam through so much in their young lives, and he didn’t want to make the same mistakes. Even now, he knew his relationship with Sam needed repairing, and he’d already resolved to support the boy in anything he wanted to do. John had given him the skills to survive, the means to fight back, but he had no right to condemn him the life John had chosen.

Giving up hunting wasn’t an option for him now, he knew that. He was a soldier. He’d always been a soldier. And he needed to make sure you were safe. Dean was likely to take it up without any prompting - the kid was practically made for it. But John’s need to keep fighting would inevitably cause problems. Hence the need to have a conversation.

With a yawn, John pulled into the parking lot, frowning when he saw no sign of his truck. Dean sat up straight, noticing before his dad that the motel room door was wide open, and he was out of the car before John even turned off the engine. Despite that, the older man was on his heels, both of them squeezing through the small doorway to find an empty room.

‘They’re not here.’ John whispered, seeing signs of upheaval in the room. A kitchenette chair lay on the floor, knocked over, but all of your things were still there.

‘Mr Winchester?’ Both men turned at the name, seeing the lady motel owner stood, wringing her hands in the doorway. ‘The boy said you’d be coming back. There was…the girl. She got sick.’

‘Sick?’ The colour drained from John’s face.

‘The boy, he was worried. He took the truck, took her to hospital. I’m not sure which one.’

‘Dad.’ Dean grabbed his elbow, pointing to the bathroom. The light was on, and blood trailed across the floor to the doorway, becoming stark red against the white tiles. John turned, ignoring the woman at the door, his eyes moving over the bed, more red against the white sheets, chilling his bones.

‘She was very sick.’ The motel owner repeated, and Dean followed his dad’s gaze.

‘She’s…she’s gonna fine.’ He assured him, his voice shaky. ‘Sam would have gotten her to hospital. He’s done the right thing.’

‘I shouldn’t have left her.’ John said, freezing in the doorway of the bathroom, seeing nothing but red as he took in the scene. ‘I have to get to her.’ Dean nodded, turning back towards the doorway and the motel owner moved out of the way.

‘Can you clean the room up and lock it?’ He asked, and she nodded. ‘We’ll be back, and we’ll pay for any damages.’ John pushed past as Dean spoke to her, practically running for the car. ‘Thank you.’

‘No, no. Make sure the girl is okay.’ The lady smiled, taking his hand. ‘Do not worry. I shall clean up the blood.’ Dean gave her a sad smile, before the Impala’s engine spurred him on. He just about managed to climb into the car before his dad drove off.

‘Where do we start?’

‘There’s three hospitals in town. Nearest one is four miles this way.’ John’s voice was all business, and grim to boot. Dean nodded, keeping his mouth shut. His dad knew what he was doing, and would find you.

Dean just hoped to high heaven that you were okay.


	19. Part Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR ANGST: TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR MISCARRIAGE

Wind rustled through the trees ahead of you, as you sat on the weather-worn bench, knees drawn to your chest, and the extra-large hoodie shielding you from the elements. Your hair hung in a loose ponytail at the back of your head, a few strands whipping around, but you paid them no mind, shifting a little on the cold wood. It wasn’t particularly warm, with the late summer sun dipping behind the black clouds threatening rain at any moment.

_Sharp pains in your belly woke you from your peaceful sleep, and you cried out, alerting Sam, who was napping in the chair opposite. He’d been sitting with you since John and Dean left, worried about you. As he stood from his seat, his face paled and you pushed yourself up, terror flooding your veins as you saw red streaked down the inside of the flannel pyjama bottoms you were wearing._

‘ _Y/N…you’re bleeding.’_

A violent shudder ran through you as you sat on the bench and you squeezed your eyes shut for a moment, listening to the leaves in the wind, the distant rumble of thunder. Your stomach churned a little, reminding you that you hadn’t eaten since this morning, and the pitiful serving of dry toast wasn’t enough to sustain you for long.

‘ _Sam, I’m scared.’ You whimpered, clinging to the younger hunter, your fingers caught in his shirt tightly. He stared in horror as he pressed a towel into your lap, but his efforts were in vain. You screamed as pain lanced through your body, and he shook his head._

‘ _You need to go to hospital.’_

_You panted, letting go of him briefly to clutch your stomach, big fat tears rolling down your cheeks. ‘I want John.’_

‘ _Dad isn’t here, Y/N. You need help!’ His voice was high and panicked, and before you could protest, he picked you up, cradling you against his chest, uncaring of the blood smearing his clothing as he carried you through the room to the front door. As he fumbled to get it open, he cursed and you buried your head in his neck, crying harder as the pain increased. The door finally opened, and Sam rushed out, not bothering to shut it._

‘ _Sir? Sir, is everything okay?’ The owner of the motel was restocking the vending machine in the corridor, and she froze in horror at the tableau before her._

‘ _She needs a hospital, she’s bleeding, I don’t know what’s wrong?’ Sam was almost crying now, terrified as he held your body close to his. The woman’s brow creased in concern as she approached._

‘ _Go, go. I shall tell your companions.’_

_Sam nodded, glancing over at his dad’s truck, knowing it was his only option. He turned, ducking back into the motel room and grabbing the keys, before running across the parking lot with you in his arms. You were losing consciousness and Sam could feel the wetness of your blood seeping into his shirt._

‘ _Hold on, Y/N, I’m gonna get you some help.’ He whispered, securing you in the front of the truck. He’d never driven this monstrosity before, but he’d driven plenty of other cars, and he knew he had no choice but to get you to hospital quickly._

‘Y/N?’

John’s voice made you jump, and you opened your eyes, seeing that the sun had completely disappeared behind the clouds, and the wind had picked up. There was a distinct chill to the air, and it only reflected the chill your felt in your bones. John climbed up onto the bench beside you, not sitting too close. He’d been wary like that since he’d brought you back to the motel after the hospital had discharged you yesterday, and for once, you were grateful for him treating you delicately.

Even you couldn’t deny you were on edge, feeling like you’d shatter at any moment.

‘How are you feeling?’ John asked, not taking his eyes off you as you continued to stare into the distance of the forest. It would rain soon. Probably hard. You used to love storms, but right now, it felt hard to love anything.

‘Still hurts.’ You whispered back, unsure if you were talking about the physical pain or the emotional. Most of the bleeding had stopped now, although you still felt twinges across your belly, as though your body was reminding you how you’d failed. You swallowed down a sob, dropping your eyes to your lap, inspecting the pattern of the faded denim jeans.

‘I know, baby girl.’ John replied, his voice soft and sympathetic. You were so selfish. He was hurting too, and you’d done nothing to comfort him. Tears welled in your eyes.

‘I’m sorry, John.’ The sobs were not being stopped, and you hiccupped, covering your face as John shifted closer. You didn’t protest, falling easily into his embrace, but feeling for all the world like you didn’t deserve it. ‘I couldn’t keep her safe. I’m so sorry.’

‘ _Where is she?’_

_You heard his voice from your position curled in the hospital bed, the scratchy sheets pulled up to your chin. He sounded terrified, and you knew he’d be even more so when he saw his youngest son covered in blood. Sam’s voice was small as he replied, and you closed your eyes, unwilling to face the situation._

‘ _They took her into surgery. She’s in there, resting. The doctor says she has to stay for a few days.’ There was a rustling, and you shrugged further down into the covers. ‘Dad…they said she’d lost the baby.’ Tears slipped from your closed eyes and you wondered if you’d ever stop crying now. Your eyes were already red rimmed from the doctor explaining what had happened, how your body had betrayed you, how you’d lost the life you were carrying._

‘ _She was only a few months gone.’ John said, his voice tight and choked up. ‘We were planning to tell you…’_

‘ _Mr Winchester?’ Your doctor interrupted, and John confirmed his identity. The doctor was full of sympathy, but you knew you were just another case. Just another mother that would never hold her child. ‘Miss Y/L/N is resting. She lost a lot of blood.’ He paused, and you heard something shuffle, and a thud. ‘She suffered what is known as placental abruption. We don’t know what caused it, although we are running tests. But unfortunately, sometimes these things are unexplainable. They just happen.’_

‘ _H –have you told her?’ John stuttered. John_ never _stuttered._

‘ _We’ve explained it as best we could. She is on pain medication at the moment, whilst the miscarriage continues naturally. There was no need for medical intervention, as we can monitor her condition here for a few days. I’m terribly sorry, Mr Winchester. There would have been nothing we could have done to prevent this. You can go in and see her if you wish.’_

_Silence fell for a few moments, and your mind conjured up images of John walking away, taking the boys with him. Of course he wouldn’t want to see you. Your traitorous body had killed his baby. Why would he want to see you?_

_The door to your room opened, and you pulled the sheets up over your head, trying to remain quiet as you sobbed. A single set of footsteps moved across the linoleum floor, and the chair next to your bed scraped along the hard surface noisily._

‘ _Y/N?’ His voice was low, and you sobbed in response. John dragged the chair closer to the bed, leaning over to place a hand on your shoulder through the sheet. ‘Y/N, baby, talk to me?’ You shook your head underneath the covers, acting like a small child. Right now, you felt like your belly was exposed, like the world was a predator out to get you, and surely John would never forgive you for what you had done? ‘Please?’ He urged, his fingers hooking around the edge of the sheet to bring it down._

_You didn’t fight, but you refused to meet his eyes as he looked down at you. Seeing the pity in his eyes would be the last of you. He smiled softly._

‘ _There you are. Hiding away from me, sweetheart?’ A sob slipped from your throat as fresh tears spilled, and John frowned. ‘Hey, it’s okay, I’m here now. Gonna take care of you.’_

‘ _I let you down.’ You tried to control your voice, keep it steady, but your weakness overruled you and the words shook as they left your lips. ‘I couldn’t…I couldn’t even…’_

‘ _No, don’t talk like that.’ John urged, pressing a hand to your cheek. ‘You didn’t let anyone down, baby girl. These things happen. You didn’t know. I didn’t know. Even the doctor said there was nothing to be done. I’m just relieved you’re okay. Scared me there, sweetheart.’ He applied a little pressure to your chin, wordlessly requesting you to look at him. You resisted a fraction, before relenting and looking up into those dark brown eyes you adored._

_There was no pity to be had from John. The only thing you saw in his eyes was love and the sadness you felt as well._

‘We both lost something here, sweetheart.’ John whispered, holding you close on the bench as the heavens opened above you both. He didn’t say anything about the rain; getting wet was the last worry on his mind. All he cared about was you, and making sure you were okay. The boys had been the ones to alert him to your disappearance when he’d come back from a supply run, and he’d immediately dumped the groceries and come looking for you. Somehow, he’d been able to track you, less than a few metres from the motel, in a small clearing usually reserved for picnics.

‘I failed you. I couldn’t keep her.’ You sniffed unattractively, knowing you looked a state. You hadn’t worn makeup in days, and it had taken prompting from John to shower, eat or do anything conducive to existing. ‘You should leave me here.’

John pulled you up, being a little rough as he stared at you. ‘Don’t ever say that.’ He scolded, and you could see the tears shining in his eyes. It disturbed you, seeing him so broken up, seeing him brought down by what you’d done. ‘Baby, listen to me, please.’ You turned your head, unwilling to accept any version of the situation other than your own. His fingers grasped your chin, trying to make you look, but you refused. He let go, not wanting to push you. ‘I don’t know what to do, Y/N.’

The pleading in his voice struck a nerve, and you turned, watery eyes regarding him, full of regret and emotions you couldn’t express through words. ‘I don’t know either.’ You admitted, your entire body sagging.

John stood up, his hair plastered to his forehead in the rain, which only came down harder. He watched you, his body tensed and on edge, his clothes soaked through and hanging from his large frame. You didn’t meet his eyes, only sinking further into yourself, as the rain soaked you to the skin.

‘I’m not leaving without you.’ He said, raising his voice to combat th e noise of the storm. Lightning filled the sky as he spoke, followed by a rumble of thunder. ‘I promised you I wouldn’t let you go again, Y/N, and I’m not a man to go back on his word.’ He stepped closer, falling to his knees in the muddy grass in front of you, a squelching noise accompanying his descent. ‘I’d walk into hell for you, Y/N. You know that. I know you’re hurting, baby, and I don’t know what to do or say to make that better. All I can do is keep telling you I love you. You haven’t failed me. You haven’t failed anyone. If anything, we failed you.’

You shook your head, denying his statement, raising your head to meet his eyes. Water dripped down over the bridge of his nose, catching in the few days of scruff growing across his face. He looked younger, if possible, in that moment, on his knees in the dirt. Lightning hit again, and you took a breath.

It had been days since you’d been able to feel anything, but seeing John there, on his knees for you, something sparked in your heart. You reached down, sliding off of the bench to kneel in front of him, feeling the mud soak through the jeans you wore. Almost immediately, he reached for you, holding you close as you let everything you felt wash over you.

You’d felt like you’d lost everything.

You just had to remember that he was still there.

*****

Days passed, and eventually, John decided it was best to head back to Bobby’s so you could recuperate somewhere familiar. Hiding in a motel was doing no good to you or the boys, and Bobby was more than happy to have you all home. John had received a lead from an old contact, and he was reluctant to follow up whilst you were still recovering, but you’d urged him to go.

Once at Bobby’s, you holed up in your usual room, venturing out when the older hunter ordered you to eat or drink. Slowly, you limped back to being a bit more like the old you, and six days into your stay in Sioux Falls, Sam dragged you outside into the bright sunshine.

‘Come on. Rumsfield needs a walk, and he slobbers all over me.’ The youngest Winchester had grinned brightly, and you relented, pulling on the oversized baggy clothes you’d been living in. Naturally, the big Rottweiler was overly pleased to see you, and you mustered a smile, running your hands over his fur and scratching behind his ears.

‘Missed you, boy.’ You whispered, as Sam grinned and produced a tennis ball. Dean emerged from the house, sitting on the porch and watching you and his little brother throw the ball for the dog, who happily pounced after it. Twenty minutes into the game, you were running and laughing, looking a little more like your old self.

The back door opened, and John stepped out, frowning as he looked around. He spotted Dean first, who grinned and pointed over at you and Sam, throwing the ball and teasing Rumsfeld mercilessly. The dog was overjoyed at the attention, and John found a smile splitting his face as he watched you laugh.

‘She’s gonna be okay, Dad.’ Dean said, as John bent down to take the seat next to him. ‘Just a bump in the road.’

‘I know, son.’ John clapped a hand on his shoulder. ‘I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost her too.’

‘Sam did good, huh?’

‘You and Sam always do good, Dean.’ The eldest Winchester affirmed, smiling at his first born. Dean beamed at the praise as John drew his gaze back to you. You noticed him now, and you smiled, giving him a little wave as Sam threw the ball again, and Rumsfield took advantage of your distraction, catching it and running off with it in his soggy grasp. Both you and Sam chased him as John laughed at the antics.

He knew it wasn’t the end of the road. The last month had been the most terrifying time of your lives, but you were stronger than you gave yourself credit for. And John was going to make sure he was there the entire way.


	20. Part Twenty

John was on the other side of the yard when you slipped from Bobby’s house. He’d taken the Impala over to the workshed to do some work on the engine whilst the boys were out in town, watching a film at the sorry excuse Sioux Falls called a cinema. Bobby was researching some ghoul problem for Rufus in his study, and Rumsfield was dozing on the porch. His ears twitched as you walked past, but otherwise he didn’t move.

You kept your footsteps light, biting your lip to prevent your giggles from escaping as you crept up behind the eldest Winchester, working hard on his car. He was dressed only in a thin undershirt, oil splashed over the fabric of that and his faded denim jeans. Making sure he had nothing sharp or dangerous in his hands, you stepped closer, jumping out of your skin when he spoke suddenly.

‘You really think you can sneak up on me, princess?’ John turned, a grin on his face as you stood in front of him, cheeks heating up. ‘Bold move.’

‘Wanted to surprise you.’ You whispered, stepping towards him, feeling embarrassed by your silly plan. ‘You’ve been out here all day.’

‘You were restin’, sweetheart. Didn’t wanna disturb you.’ John dropped the wrench he was holding before picking up a cloth to wash the grease from his hands. 

You pouted, folding your arms over your chest. For weeks now, everyone had been treating you like porcelain, making you rest, making sure you ate properly. John hadn’t even  _ touched _ you for more than a peck on the lips. And you’d had enough. ‘I’m not gonna break, you know. It’s been weeks. I’m...I’m fine.’

‘Physically.’ He said, quietly, reaching out to take your elbow, guiding you closer to him. His other hand cupped your cheek, tilting your head to look you in the eye. ‘I’m just concerned that you’re….we’re still both grieving.’

Your brow dipped a little at his words, but you didn’t frown completely. ‘I’d be better if you didn’t avoid me so much.’ His eyes widened briefly, and he sighed. ‘I know it’s difficult, John. I’m right here in the same place, remember? You can keep hiding under the hood of any car you want, but it’s not gonna change the fact that we gotta get through this together.’

He didn’t say anything for a few moments, and you watched the expressions flit over his face, a decision slowly forming in your mind. Without waiting for an answer, you pressed up onto your tiptoes, your lips colliding with his. You kept your touch light, your fingers curling around his corded upper arms as he relaxed against you.

The kiss only last a few seconds, but when you pulled away, you could see relief in his eyes. ‘Let me show you that I’m okay.’ He didn’t protest as your finger dragged down the front of his shirt, stopping just about the buckle of his belt. You turned, looking around the darkening yard, seeing that you were mostly sheltered near the workshop, and you grinned as you set your eyes back on John’s face. His expression was stoic, his breathing even but heavy as he watched you drop to your knees in front of him.

Slowly, you pulled the belt from the loops of his jeans, unbuckling it and letting it drop to the floor behind you as you set to work on the button and zipper. His cock was already hardening, straining against the cotton of the simple black boxer shorts underneath his pants, and he groaned as you traced the outline of him against the material.

‘Hmmm, I missed this.’ You whispered, looking up at him as you pressed your mouth to his cock through his boxers, giving it a damp kiss as he moaned low in his throat. His hands were on the edge of the Impala’s open hood now, and you smiled to yourself as your fingers moved to divest him of his pants and underwear, dragging them down to mid thigh. His cock stood fully erect, jutting proudly from his body in the evening air, despite how cool it was. You leaned forward, sliding your hand around him, bestowing a soft kiss to his tip, letting your tongue tease at his slit for a second before you took him into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks around his girth.

The throaty growl John let loose only spurred you on, and you worked up saliva in your mouth, using your tongue to coat him thoroughly, before you sank down further onto him. One of his hands moved from the car to thread through your hair, and you paid no mind to the fact that he was probably getting grease on you. Any excuse for a shower, really.

You closed your eyes, feeling your gag reflex rising, but you pushed past, trying to somehow communicate that you wanted John to fuck your mouth, to take what he wanted. Moaning around his cock, you bobbed harder, bringing one hand up to cover his, pressing him down onto your skull.

‘You want something, princess?’ He asked, giving a little thrust of his hips. You almost choked, and John grinned as you nodded. ‘Want me to fuck that pretty little mouth of yours?’ You nodded again, your panties unbearably hot and wet against your centre as he pulled his other hand off of the car and cradled your head between them. His fingers almost met at the back of your head, a testament to just how fucking big his hands were. 

He didn’t speak again, keeping his eyes on yours as he pushed his cock into your mouth hard, and you choked briefly before he pulled away. The rush that went through you was amazing, and John repeated the action, his cock hitting the back of your throat and pushing further in as he picked up a rhythm. Your eyes watered, your airway was blocked and you dragged air in through your nose as saliva and precum leaked from the edges of your mouth.

Almost as abruptly as he’d started, John pulled away, leaving you gasping for breath in the dirt at his knees, your entire body thrumming with need. His hands slipped under your arms, hauling you to your feet. With one arm around you, he slammed the hood of the Impala shut, before practically throwing you onto the hood, belly down. You grunted at the impact, feeling more aroused than you’d remembered being in months.

‘Gonna fuck you real good, sweetheart.’ John promised, fisting his saliva-slick cock in his hand. He ran his fingers of his other hand over your ass, before pulling at the thin sweat you were wearing, practically ripping them down your thighs. Your panties went next, and John’s thick fingers were at your entrance, teasing you softly. ‘Fuck, wet already, princess?’

‘Yes, Daddy!’ You cried out, bucking back towards him, missing the hesitation from him. His fingers left you, replaced with the tip of his cock. ‘Fuck me real good, John. Please…’ Your words ended on a whimper, cut off as he slammed into you with one single brutal thrust. God, it  _ hurt _ but it felt so fucking good. Your walls stretched to accommodate him again; it had been too long since you’d felt him split you open. 

John’s hand ran along your back, up your spine to grasp your hair. ‘You want it rough, baby girl?’

‘Y-yes!’ You screamed, feeling his fingers thread and tangle in your locks, pulling you backwards almost uncomfortably. Your hands balanced the rest of you, spread over the Impala’s hood as he pounded into you mercilessly. ‘Please, harder!’

He didn’t stop, but concern flashed across his face briefly, unbeknownst to you. You were panting and crying for him, feeling him slam into your depths with every stroke. Maybe he’d been worried about hurting you, but the doctors had said it was fine after six weeks, and you  _ needed _ this. You needed that primal, deep down connection that you only had with John, the way he’d make your skin sing and your blood scream.

You were cumming hard for him before you knew it, your walls clenching around his cock, drawing a growl from him as he gave a few more hard thrusts, releasing into your willing body, the wet smack of his dying movements echoing around the yard.

His hand untangled from your hair and you dropped to the car with a satisfied groan, your legs shaking violently as he withdrew. You could already feel bruises from the edge of the Impala forming on the front of your thighs, and John pulled your sweats and underwear back up, before cleaning himself up.

‘You okay?’ He asked, as you turned, using the car for support. ‘I wasn’t…’

‘I’m fine.’ You exhaled, pushing off the Impala and leaning in to kiss him, even though your legs were as shaky as Bambi on ice. ‘It was just what I needed.’ John smiled, but it wasn’t entirely convincing as you kissed him again. ‘Thank you.’

‘Anything for you, sweetheart. You know that.’ He looked towards the house, hearing Dean making enough noise to wake the dead as him and Sam returned. ‘You’d best get inside and shower. I’ll be with you in a minute, k?’

You arched an eyebrow. ‘In the shower?’

John chuckled, picking up his tools. ‘Maybe. Scoot.’ He tapped your ass, and you squeaked, jumping off towards the house. His eyes watched you as you went, the smile on his face fading to be replaced with worry.

*****

‘Baby, wake up.’ You pushed at John’s shoulder, prompting him to groan loudly and roll onto his back. His eyes didn’t open, and you frowned, lifting yourself up onto your hands before settling at his side on your haunches. ‘Hmmm.’ Running your fingers over his blanket-covered body, you smiled mischievously, knowing exactly how to rouse him.

He didn’t stir when you dragged the blankets down, the room warm enough to stop him getting cold without the covers, and you slowly ran your eyes over his firm chest and stomach, coming to a stop on his soft cock. With the tip of one finger, you touched him, running your digit lightly over his length, and he moaned a little, making you smile.

Leaning forward, you licked at his hardening cock, tasting the saltiness of his skin. He swelled under your ministrations, and before long, he was thick and hard, ready for you. He still hadn’t woken up, and you pulled back, pouting a little, before sliding your fingers around, lifting his cock from where it rested against his stomach.

It was less than a second between you sliding your lips over the bulbous tip of his cock and John waking up with a start. You smiled, not relenting in your descent as he rose up onto his elbows, his face a mixture of confusion and shock at waking up to your mouth taking him in. You groaned around him, using your tongue to trace the outline of his cock, the veins on the underside of him.

‘Fuck, baby, what…’ John’s eyes rolled back in his head as you pressed down, using one hand to cup his balls as you deep throated him, pushing back your gag reflex until you felt like you were going to choke. But it was worth it for the sounds that he made, and the way he forced his hips back down onto the mattress to stop from slamming up into you.

Slowly, you pulled back again, almost letting him fall from your lips, using the time to suck in some air through your nose, and throwing one leg over his thighs to straddle him. John’s hands fisted in the bed sheets as you started to fuck him with your mouth, your head bobbing up and down on his cock, letting him go so deep that he could see your face turning a darker shade.

‘Y/N, sweetheart...you gotta...oh shit…’ His cock twitched between your lips, and you pulled back, replacing your mouth with your hand, grinning at him like the cat that got the cream.

‘What?’ You asked, focusing your eyes on his.

John scowled as he watched you pump him slowly. ‘You’re not playing fair.’

‘I’m not?’ You let go, sitting up straight, sticking your bottom lip out. ‘Maybe you’d better punish me if I’m being bad.’ You wiggled on his legs, and John growled, pushing up to grab you around the waist, practically slamming you onto the mattress. ‘Oh!’ Your cry of surprise was forced, and you smiled again, not putting up any resistance as he covered your body with his, wrapping your legs around his hips. 

He didn’t speak, his mouth colliding with yours, and you whined against his lips, pressing your tongue against them, seeking entrance. John obliged, his tongue attacking yours with equal enthusiasm, his hands wandering all over your body.

You broke away, panting hard, trying to focus on him with blurry eyes. ‘Fuck me, John.’ There was no reply as he sat back, dragging you down the bed a little way, before pushing your thighs back so your knees were almost at your chest. With one hand, he held you open, the only holding his cock tightly, his tip teasing at your entrance. When he didn’t move, you groaned in frustration. ‘Please!’ You cried out, uncaring if anyone heard, and John’s hand landed on your mouth to shut you up as he slid into you, hard and fast.

The feel of him slamming into your slick channel, combined with the pressure of his hand covering your mouth only increased the pleasure, and you shivered as he released you, gasping for air. John wasn’t intentionally cutting off your airway, but you suddenly wanted that. You wanted to feel that sweet rush of danger, like when he’d fucked your mouth in the scrapyard.

‘John...baby….’ You grabbed his wrist with your fingers before he could pull it away, and guided it back up to your throat, positioning his fingers around your neck, over your racing pulse. John frowned, his pace slowing as he realised what you were asking for. ‘Please...I trust you.’ His frown only deepened, and you opened your eyes wide, pleading without words.

The first gentle squeeze of his fingers at your throat made a fresh burst of arousal roll through your system, and your pussy clenched around him in response. John started to move harder again, his grunts and gasps audible in the room. He squeezed harder, and you could feel his cock swelling, ready to spill into you.

‘Harder.’ You whispered, and he responded by tightening his grip on your throat. Your heart racing, your airway closed, and you held on as your climax shattered in your belly like a thousand pieces. A soundless scream of pleasure left your throat, and you could hear John cumming with you, his growls of completion barely noticeable over the rushing sound of your blood in your ears.

You closed your eyes as John pulled his fingers away from you, kneeling back as his softening cock slipped from your body. Without saying a word, he stood from the bed, searching for his pants as you rolled onto your side, the entirety of your being feeling deliciously numb.

‘Are you okay?’ You asked, your voice a little raspy. The phantom feel of his fingers around your neck was satisfying as hell, and you wondered if you’d see bruises. God, you’d love to see his marks covering you.

John turned around, and you could see he wasn’t nearly so happy about the way that had gone. ‘I’m fine, baby girl.’ He mustered a smile, pulling his pants on as you stretched out on the covers, uncaring of your nudity. Of course he looked, but he didn’t seem his usual self. Maybe it was the shock of waking up with his cock in your mouth. It had been...abrupt.

‘Mind if I sleep in a little longer?’

He nodded, bending over to peck you on the cheek, his shirt in one hand. ‘Course, darlin’. I’m gonna go check in with Bobby.’ His cheeks were a little red. ‘Apologise for the noise. Let’s hope he doesn’t shoot me.’ You giggled as he headed for the door. ‘I’ll come get you in a bit, yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ You watched as he opened the door, pulling the covers over your body in case someone walked past. ‘I love you.’

John looked back, his smile a little warmer this time. ‘Love you too, princess.’

*****

The only hunt that John had been able to dig up was a vampire hunt three counties over. And he’d been reluctant to let you join.

He’d been right to do so.

Upon arriving back at Bobby’s, you’d gone straight to shower, and John had thrown himself down on the couch in the library, running a filthy hand over his face as the other hunter watched him carefully.

‘Everything okay?’ Bobby asked, looking over at John with concern.

‘Not really.’ John sighed, letting his hand fall onto his chest briefly, before he pushed up and sat around, leaning on his knees. ‘She’s...different, Bobby.’

Bobby nodded. ‘She’s bound to be. She’s been through a traumatic thing, John, ain’t no way she’s gonna be snapping back to normal overnight. You’re not exactly peachy-keen yourself, you know.’

John shook his head. ‘It’s not just that. She’s acting weird. More...she’s doing things…’ He shook his head, resting his palms against his face in frustration. ‘I don’t know how to explain it without you wanting to punch me.’

‘Try your best. But none of the bedroom talk. She’s like a daughter to me, I don’t wanna be hearing that shit.’

The eldest Winchester stood up, pacing across the room and listening for a second. Satisfied you were still in the shower, he turned around, walking over to Bobby’s desk and grabbing himself a tumbler of Johnny Walker.

‘She’s reckless. That hunt? I swear, she was letting them get as close as they could. She was playing with them, Bobby. Taking a risk. And it’s not the only place she’s been doing it.’ John sipped at his whiskey, gritting his teeth as the harsh burn circulated down into his stomach. ‘Not the only risk she’s been taking either.’

‘She’s healin’, John. She’s gonna be doing stupid things now and then. Sometimes it takes an edge to put yourself back…’ Bobby sighed heavily, reaching over to pour his own drink. ‘John, as long as you’re with her, you can keep an eye out for her. She’s safe with you.’ He watched as John finished his drink. ‘And either way, talkin’ to me ain’t gonna do no good. You need to talk to her, if you’re that worried.’

‘Yeah.’ John looked over at the stairs, his eyes full of worry. ‘You’re right, as usual.’

Bobby grinned. ‘I won’t hold it against ya.’


	21. Part Twenty-One

You smiled lazily as you relaxed in the front seat of the truck, the window open and a soft breeze in your face. Summer was long gone, and Fall wasn’t far from disappearing, but the sunshine was still strong and the temperature mild for the time of year. Glancing over, you saw John had a similar smile on his face as he focused on the road ahead.

‘You gonna tell me where we’re going?’ You asked, raising an eyebrow.

John chuckled, not looking over at you, his dark eyes still on the asphalt. ‘It’s a surprise, baby girl. Stop trying to ruin it.’

‘M’not trying to ruin anything.’ Your voice was a low purr as you shuffled across the seat to lean your head on his shoulder. ‘Just wondering what you’re up to.’ He smiled, pulling one hand off the wheel to loop his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close.

He’d woken you up early this morning, telling you to get ready before disappearing downstairs. Neither of the boys were awake, and when you’d gone downstairs and questioned that, all John had replied with was “just you and me today, princess”. Thirty minutes later, you were in the truck, driving towards the horizon, the sun bright and barely up in front of you. He’d been driving for over an hour now, and curiosity was starting to get the better of you.

Curling into his side, you let your hand rest on his thigh, moving a little closer to the thick bulge in his pants. John’s breath hitched for a second, and you grinned, letting your fingers dance over the fabric.

‘Y/N…’ John’s voice was conflicting, his warning tone laced through with arousal. ‘I’m driving.’

‘And?’ You traced the outline of his hardening cock, smiling at the effect you had on him. ‘Roads are empty. No one’s gonna see.’ John groaned as you cupped him fully, his hand tightening on the wheel. ‘You gonna stop me?’ He didn’t reply, and you leant down further, your fingers moving up to unbuckle his belt and pants. The noise of the zip lowering on his pants was accompanied by another low moan from him, and your eyes widened in anticipation as his cock strained against the thin fabric of his boxers.

‘You’ll be the death of me, sweetheart.’ John’s voice was a growl that reverberated through his body into yours and a shiver ran down your spine. Need curled in your belly and you felt yourself growing wetter as you pulled his cock free from his boxers. John’s foot came off the gas a little as his free hand gripped the headrest of the truck’s middle seat. With a sultry moan, you licked the precum leaking from the tip of his cock. ‘Fuck, baby girl, such a hot little tongue.’

You didn’t reply, easing yourself down into a more comfortable position as you watched his cock swell into your hand. Licking up the length of him, you smiled as he twitched in your grasp, a hitched gasp catching in his throat as you slid your lips over his tip, slowly taking him into your mouth. Closing your eyes, you concentrated, starting to move over him eagerly, barely hearing the soft grunts he releases as you suck his cock, moving your tongue across the thick vein on the underside of his length, applying the smallest amount of pressure to his tip as you pull back.

His hand moved from the headrest, sliding through your hair and tugging gently, his hips giving a little jerk up into your throat as he slowed the truck purposefully, knowing he won’t last long under your touch.

A few moments later, and you could taste his orgasm cresting, his warning not even heard as you swallowed him down, savouring every drop of his salty cum on your tongue. John groaned loudly, the truck barely making ten miles an hour as he recovered from the sudden blowjob.

You pulled back, wiping your mouth with your hand, smiling wickedly as he pulled the truck to the side of the road and tidied himself up, glaring at you mockingly.

‘You’re trouble, you are.’ He commented, and you shrugged.

‘Should have told me where we are going then.’ You pointed out, still smiling as John shook his head and rearranged himself in his pants. Giving you one last look, a grin pulled at his mouth as he moved the truck back onto the highway.

‘We’ll be there soon enough.’

*****

John’s surprise was a clearing in the long stretch of woods about three hours away from Bobby’s, and in the middle stood a house. It wasn’t massive, but it was luxurious, and as John pulled the truck into the driveway, he looked over at you with a smirk.

‘This is it.’

You raised an eyebrow, leaning forward to look up at the two storey building. ‘A house? Whose house is it?’

‘It belongs to an old army friend. He’s selling it, but offered it up to me for the weekend. Seeing as it’s your birthday and all.’ You blinked at John’s explanation, wondering how you’d pretty much forgotten it was your own birthday. ‘A girl’s twenty-first has gotta be special right?’

‘John, I...I don’t know what to say…’ Your voice was a whisper, and you kept looking at the house for a few moments before looking over to him. ‘This is...this is so nice, I...I…’

He shook his head. ‘If you even think to tell me you don’t deserve it, I’ll hit the roof, baby girl. You’ve had a hell of a life so far, and if I can make it better just for one night -’

You interrupted him by flinging yourself across the cab into his arms, peppering his face with kisses, enjoying the scrape of his beard against your cheeks. ‘You already make it better.’ Your words were choked, and John smiled brightly, holding you close.

‘I’m glad. But we needed some downtime that wasn’t spent in Bobby’s dusty old house. This place has all the mods and cons. Even has a pool out the back.’ His eyebrows wiggled in a manner that was probably supposed to be enticing.

‘I didn’t bring my bathing suit.’ You lamented, as John chuckled.

‘Why would you need one? Not another house for six miles.’

A blush covered your cheeks and you pushed off of him, not paying any attention to his hearty laughter. ‘You have the most wicked ideas, John Winchester.’ You said, climbing from the truck, John following you close behind. ‘This is beautiful.’ You started a little as John slipped his arms around your waist, burying his nose in your neck and inhaling deeply.

‘Someday, we’ll be able to leave the life.’ He muttered. ‘When I see the future, it’s with you. Just wanted you to know that.’

You softened in his hold, smiling as he pressed kisses against your neck. For a second, you flashed back to your behaviour recently - you knew you’d been reckless. John had commented, but he hadn’t outright said anything about how you’d been acting. Although, you knew that talk was on the horizon.

‘Getting out isn’t as easy as it sounds.’ You whispered, letting your hands rest over his as they cradled your belly, a sharp pain hitting your heart as you thought of everything you’d lost together. ‘This might not be the future we’ll get. House, picket fence….’ You took a sharp breath. ‘Kids.’

‘One day, it will be. I promise you, I’m gonna get you free of this life, if it’s the last thing I do.’ John turned you in his arms, his hands moving away from your stomach to cup your face and tilt your head up to meet his gaze. ‘I swear it, once we’ve killed these sons of bitches, once the boys are safe…’

‘Once you have revenge.’ You whispered, trying to ignore the tears in your eyes as John’s face crumpled. ‘It is what it is, John. But don’t think I don’t understand. I’m with you, every step of the way. You know that.’

John nodded, a sad smile on his face. ‘I don’t know how I got so lucky with you.’

You shrugged. ‘It goes both ways.’ Pushing up onto tip-toes, you kissed him gently, sucking his bottom lip into your mouth with a groan. ‘How about we enjoy this time we have together? It’s been horrible trying to keep quiet at Bobby’s.’

‘Oh princess.’ John muttered with a smile, pulling you flush against his body. ‘Out here, no one can hear you scream.’

*****

The afternoon brought a clear sky and warm sun, centered on the back yard of the house John had “borrowed” for the weekend. You’d immediately set out to explore whilst John brought the bags in from the truck, and your eyes had lit up at the walk in shower, queen sized bed and the heated pool out the back. Why anyone would want to sell this place, you didn’t know - it was like a palace compared to the dingy motel rooms and run down houses you’d spent your life in.

‘Settling in okay, sweetheart?’ John asked, coming down from the bedrooms. You turned to face him, a smile on your face as you nodded. ‘Good.’

‘Can we...can we swim?’ You asked, feeling a little hesitant, but the cloud of arousal that covered his face gave you a little bolster of confidence. Reaching up, you dragged your shirt over your head, standing in front of him in just your jeans and bra. You’d taken your shoes off at the door - you didn’t wanna tread anything into the nice flooring.

‘You’re a little tease.’ John groaned, stepping forward. ‘Two can play that game.’ He pulled his shirt off, throwing it across the couch by the large french windows, and unbuckling his pants. ‘Come on, baby girl. Don’t need to be shy. Show me that sexy ass of yours.’

You turned again, giggling, pulling your jeans down low on your hips to expose the top of your ass. ‘You want...this ass?’

‘Damn straight.’ John groaned, stepping out of his pants, coming up behind you. He hadn’t wasted any time, his thick cock resting against your lower back as you pushed your pants down further. ‘Fucking beautiful.’ His fingers ghosted over your back, unhooking your bra deftly, and you jumped out of his grasp, bolting towards the back door.

The sun was warm on your skin as you stepped out, and you heard the heating in the pool jump to life as John turned it on. Taking the risk, you kicked your jeans off and jumped, landing in the cool water with a splash and a shriek.

‘Fuck! It’s cold!’ You shivered, half laughing as John looked down at you from the edge, watching you for a split second before throwing himself in beside you. It was rare to see him let go, and you’d never really seen him swim before, but he was almost graceful in the water, despite his size, and he quickly positioned himself behind you, his arms enveloping you in his grasp.

‘Let me warm you up then.’ He muttered, sucking the spot below your ear, pushing your wet hair out of the way. ‘Water should be warm quickly. It’s pretty nice out here.’

‘John…’ You whimpered, grinding back against him, feeling his cock hard and insistent against the crack of your ass. ‘Need you…’ A gasp left your lips as John’s hands cupped your breasts, teasing your hard nipples underneath the water. ‘Need you inside me, baby.’

He murmured something against your neck, but you didn’t quite hear it as you turned, pulling away a little. A noise of protest left him, his hands grabbing at you, turning you in the water. ‘Need to be inside.’ He moaned, one hand holding the back of your neck and pulling you in for a kiss. At the same time, you wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling his cock nudge at your pussy.

‘Please…’ You begged against his mouth, and he nodded, pushing his hips up into you, his cock sliding between your folds easily, stretching you wide for him. A cry left your lips as you clung to his shoulders, riding him in the warming water, uncaring of the temperature now you had what you wanted. ‘John…’

‘Y/N?’ His eyebrow arched at his name, and you rose up on him, feeling the water swirl between your bodies as you came back down over and over.

‘Want you.’ You muttered.

John looked a little confused. ‘You got me, baby girl, you know you do.’

You shook your head. ‘Want you...everywhere.’ Your hands covered his, dragging them across your ass, relishing the look on his face as he realised exactly what you meant. ‘There isn’t anything I don’t trust you with, John.’

‘You sure about that?’ He asked, his breathing heavy, water dripping from his eyebrows down onto his cheeks as he held you close, his fingers digging into your ass as you gripped his shoulders again, enjoying the mixed feel of the water and his cock thrusting into your slick channel.

‘I’m sure.’ You gasped, feeling your orgasm crest. You cried out again, coming hard around his cock, prompting his second orgasm of the day, and for long moments, both of you clung to each other in the water, sharing drawn out kisses as you came down from your respective highs. 

‘I’m one hell of a lucky guy.’ John said, his arms tight around your body as you dropped your feet to the bottom of the pool, his cock slipping out of you easily. ‘I don’t deserve you.’

‘Maybe not.’ You whispered with a smile. ‘But you got me. Now, how about we go check out that queen bed?’


	22. Part Twenty-Two

Things had settled down after your weekend with John. The year ended and winter passed with little change, the rain coming more often than not. He hadn’t broached the subject of your behaviour, although you’d made a concerted effort not to be reckless or cause any arguments. Hunts were few and far between over the Christmas period, which found the three of you at Bobby’s for the holiday, but as January got underway, a phone call dragged John from your shared bed early.

Rolling over onto your belly, you reached out and grabbed your watch, checking the time and grunting in irritation at the call disrupting your sleep. You dragged yourself from your bed, throwing on some sweats and a t-shirt, yawning as you shuffled from the bedroom. Dean was appearing at his door at almost the same time, looking just as disgruntled as you felt.

‘Your dad got a call.’ You muttered, walking past the younger Winchester towards the stairs.

‘A hunt?’ Dean asked, his heavy footfalls following yours down the stairs.

‘Don’t know.’ You shrugged, reaching the bottom and turning towards the kitchen. John was in the study, his back to you, but it was easy to discern the tension in his shoulders and a steel weight thudded into the pit of your stomach. ‘I’m getting some breakfast.’

Dean kept on following you, chatting away about his birthday coming up, but you weren’t listening. Bobby wasn’t in the kitchen, but Sam was, staring into his fruit loops with a scowl. He’d been grumpier than usual lately, and it only served to deepen your bad mood.

Hearing John give a curt goodbye to his caller in the study, you busied yourself making coffee, trying to keep the frown from your face. When strong arms looped around your waist, and Dean’s mock noise of disgust echoed around the dingy Singer kitchen, you took a breath.

‘When you gotta leave?’ You asked, not bothering to turn in John’s hold.

‘Later on today.’ His breath was warm on the back of your neck, and you repressed a shudder, feeling a little annoyed. He wasn’t going to take you, you knew that. He’d been keeping you at arms length with the hunts, and it was hurtful. You knew it would take time to earn back his trust because of your behaviour, but it still stung. ‘It’s nothing big. But I can handle it on my own.’

You couldn’t help the snort of indignation that escaped your lips. ‘Right.’ It took everything you had to pull out of his arms and not look him in the face. ‘On your own.’ Your hand tightened around your coffee mug, and you retreated across the kitchen, sitting the other side of Sam. The teen scowled even deeper, and Dean prodded him.

‘Is everyone in a bad mood this morning?’ He asked, earning himself a scathing look from his younger brother. John ignored him, walking around to you.

‘Sweetheart, we’ve talked about this.’

‘No, we haven’t. You’ve avoided the subject entirely.’ You didn’t look at him as you spoke, knowing you’d explode if you did. ‘I know I was having a bad patch, John.’

‘Yeah, and I know that too. But this is just a quick salt and -’

You stood up, finally dragging your eyes up to meet his, tears quickly overtaking your iron control. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. Just go. I’ll wait here like the obedient little woman, yeah?’ All three men looked up at you, and you slammed your coffee onto the table, spilling it across the hideous tablecloth, before bolting from the room.

Within seconds, you were in the ensuite bathroom of the bedroom you shared with the Winchester patriarch, sucking in lungfuls of air to prevent yourself from collapsing into sobs. John didn’t trust you to have his back - didn’t trust you on a hunt when you’d trusted him with everything. You were just a stupid girl playing hunter, right? A pitstop on his revenge tour.

The bedroom door opened and shut, and you quickly flipped the lock on the bathroom.

‘Y/N?’ John’s voice, filled with concern and muffled through the wood. You ignored it, leaning with your back to the door, and your arms curled around your knees as you drew them to your chest. He wasn’t getting any answer from you. ‘Please, baby, come out and talk to me.’

Still, you stayed quiet. This was childish - you knew that. But right now, you needed to be that way.

‘Baby girl, I don’t wanna leave things like this.’

Just go. You willed him to leave, not wanting the argument now, not wanting to admit your weaknesses, or that he might be right not to trust you with a hunt.

‘Please.’ The word was strangled, close to the door, but you didn’t speak, didn’t move. A few moments passed, and you listened to him packing stuff into his ratty old holdall. ‘I don’t want…’ John started, then stopped and you buried your head into your arms. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you, Y/N.’

His footsteps moved away, and you let your body fall to the tiled floor, curling into the fetal position and allowing the sobs to wrench free from your throat.

*****

‘Y/N?’

Dean’s voice roused you from your spot on the cold bathroom floor, where you’d fallen asleep crying. He was knelt beside you, one warm hand on your shoulder, urging you to sit up.

‘Hey, you okay?’

You nodded, trying to work up saliva in your mouth to overcome the dry cotton taste from where you’d sobbed yourself stupid. ‘I’m good. I thought I’d locked the door.’

Dean grinned. ‘Not a great deal of locks that can keep me out.’ He helped you up, his thumbs rubbing your shoulders where he held you firm. ‘You need to eat some food. It’s been a couple hours since Dad left. We didn’t hear any shouting, so we thought you’d gone to sleep. Didn’t realise you’d picked a seriously uncomfortable spot to do that.’

‘Bobby sent you up to check on me?’ You asked, feeling a little sheepish.

‘Yeah. He worries.’ Dean smiled, and you wondered just how puffy your face was after your crying jag. ‘Dad doesn’t mean it, you know. He didn’t take me or Sam on this hunt either. It’s just something he can handle alone.’

‘It’s not that, Dean.’ You pulled back out of his grasp, moving away from the cold sterility of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. ‘I just feel like…I don’t know…’ You sighed heavily, stopping by the bed, looking down at the messed up sheets. Little more than hours ago, John had been wrapped around you, his mouth and fingers bringing you to the edge over and over until you begged for what only he could give you. ‘I feel like he doesn’t trust me anymore.’

‘Don’t be stupid.’ Dean’s voice was quiet, but it wavered, and you knew he was thinking exactly the same as you. ‘Dad trusts you, he just…he just worries.’

You blinked away fresh tears, wiping angrily at your face. ‘Just leave me alone, Dean. I’m fine. You checked in. I’m a big girl, I can figure this out on my own.’

‘Do me a favour, Y/N?’ There was an edge to his voice now. ‘Don’t be stubborn about this. Have it out with him. Don’t keep running circles.’ He paused, and you waited, not moving from your spot. ‘I don’t wanna see either of you in a place you don’t wanna be again.’ His footsteps echoed towards the door and you heard the handle squeak as he grasped it. ‘You’re a Winchester, Y/N. Name or not. Remember that.’

Your heart squeezed its way into your throat as the door shut quietly, and you dropped to the bed, inhaling the musky scent of John on the sheets. Sensations of his touch the previous night made your core throb, and you rolled over, squeezing your thighs together.

The window in the bedroom was open, and you sat up as the familiar rumble of the truck reached your ears. With a sly smirk, you wondered if the hunt really had been that easy, or whether he’d passed it off to someone else. An idea crept into your head, and you laid back, slipping one hand underneath the waistband of your sweatpants, easily finding the damp curls between your legs.

John’s telltale heavy footsteps landed on the front porch, the sound easily discernible with Bobby’s paper thin walls. You let the pleasure of your own touch flood your mind, mouth opened in a little “o” of bliss, whilst the front door slammed and voices exchanged words downstairs. Seconds later, you were pushing yourself closer to completion as John moved up the steps, your orgasm hitting you as he opened the bedroom door.

‘Baby, I’m sorry, I gave the case to -’ He stopped in the doorway, hand on the frame, his dark eyes widening as he took in your prone form on the bed. Your clothes were clinging to every curve of your body, your hand still moving frantically underneath the fabric of your sweats, little gasps escaping your lips as you came down from your brief high. ‘So this is what you do when I’m gone?’

You arched on the mattress, and John pushed the door shut, locking it behind him. ‘Not…uh…not every time.’

‘I thought you were mad at me.’ He kept his voice low as he walked towards you, his fingers trailing over your bare feet, moving slowly along your leg. ‘But this doesn’t look like being mad, baby girl.’

‘I was.’ You gasped, his hand settling over yours between your legs. His thumb rubbed your fingers through the fabric. ‘But I still…’ You paused to gulp down air, focusing your eyes on him as the mattress dipped under the weight of his knee. ‘Still want you. Always want you.’

John nodded, leaning over you, pulling your hand from your sweats. ‘I never meant to hurt you, sweetheart. I didn’t leave because I don’t trust you.’ You nodded, panting as he placed your hand at your side, his fingers gripping your wrists before he lowered his mouth to yours. ‘I trust you with my life.’ His lips swallowed down every protest you could muster, and you moaned against him, your hips thrusting upwards off of the bed. The kiss lasted less than a second and you whimpered with loss as John pulled back again. ‘I just worry…I can’t lose you.’

Like he lost Mary.

‘You’re not gonna lose me.’ You whispered, frowning as he stood back. Swinging your legs around and pulling yourself up into a seated position, you reached out for him, every drop of blood in your body running cold. ‘John…’ He looked up, sadness filling his eyes. ‘You’re not going to lose me.’

He nodded, kneeling down, his arms either side as he bent his forehead to rest in your lap. ‘I love you so much, Y/N. You’ve no idea…’

‘I think I do.’ You whispered, stroking his thick, dark hair as he clutched at your hips with his big hands, his face buried between your thighs. ‘I do, John. I promise.’

‘Let me….’ His words were hesitant, muffled by your body, and you cried out as he pushed his nose against your still sensitive clit. ‘Fuck, let me show you, sweetheart.’ His hands slid from your hips round to the inside of your thighs, pushing your legs backwards, prompting you to lay down and surrender to him. He had your legs spread, your pussy open and already slick. ‘You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N. No idea how I got so lucky.’

The words washed over you as you lay prone on the bed, whimpering at the first touch of his tongue to your sex. He was gentle, teasing each little sound from you with slow strokes, spending seconds licking at your clit before exploring the rest of you. His tongue dipped into your soaked hole, and you felt a rush of need in your core, your hips twitching under his powerful hold. ‘John…’ You whispered. ‘Please…I need…’

‘Need what, baby girl?’

‘You.’ Your voice was thick and rasping, and John smirked against your sensitive flesh. ‘Always you.’ He nodded, thrusting his tongue into you as far as it could go, the growl in his throat making your eyes flutter shut as you let go, your orgasm building swiftly and crashing over you like a wave. It wasn’t violent, and you didn’t scream, but the pleasure fizzled through your nervous system like the fuse on a firework, exploding into your centre and John was there to lap up his reward.

Your entire body shuddered underneath him, and he pulled away, resting on his haunches and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he watched you finish without being touched. The only sound in the room was your desperate gasps for breath as you came down from your high, and John smiled as he got to his feet and undressed, waiting for you to open your eyes again before coming near you.

He didn’t speak as he leant between your thighs, pressing his lips to yours softly, swallowing down your whimpers of pleasure as he sank into you body, his thick length stretching you out again. Your hands grabbed at his upper arms, feeling the muscles underneath the tanned skin there, and you dragged your legs up to wrap them around his waist, hooking your ankles behind his back. John kept moving the whole time; long, measured strokes to make the fire burn even brighter.

There was a love and a hatred of this. Being like this with him was terrifying. He loved you, every move he made conveyed that love, that need for you that he held. But you hated that he could obliterate every doubt you’d had, every painful moment. There was no talking, just the clash of bodies, his mouth bestowing affection on your skin as he proved how much he needed you with every drive of his hips against you.

You had to change this.

‘J-John -’ You gasped, pushing him back a little. ‘John, I can’t -’

John froze, panic flaring in his dark eyes. ‘What’s wrong?’ His cock twitched, almost protesting at the sudden stop, and you shook your head.

‘It’s not…I just…’ You groaned, letting your head fall back and John’s frown deepened.

‘Sweetheart, I don’t -’

You shook your head again, cutting him off. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just that… we always do this.’ You gestured to your bodies, still pressed together at the waist, and hurt touched the edges of his expression. ‘We always end up fu -’ That wasn’t the right word. ‘Making love.’ You almost flinched at the cheesiness of the term. ‘And we don’t fix anything.’

John stared at you for a moment, before withdrawing from you. The moment was lost, and he grabbed his pants, dragging them on as you covered yourself with the sheet, feeling like a stupid child at your own behaviour.

Things had been good.

But they wouldn’t stay that way.

‘I thought we’d covered this.’ John muttered, sitting on the opposite end of the bed, his entire frame curled inwards like you’d wounded him, and guilt hit you like a bulldozer. You’d really fucked it up this time. ‘I didn’t mean to push you back, sweetheart, but I was worried - you’ve not been yourself since…since…’ He couldn’t say it, and you didn’t blame him.

You bit your lip, fixating on one spot of the awful wallpaper Bobby had chosen for his guest room. Looking at John was too hard in that moment, and you felt the hot sting of tears in your eyes. ‘I know.’ You admitted. ‘I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t feel like me. I didn’t want to be me. Because I failed.’

‘You didn’t fail. These things happen.’

‘But I needed to know why.’ You said suddenly, looking at him sharply, anger replacing the heartbreak you’d felt seconds before. ‘I don’t understand what I did to deserve that. I didn’t…I felt like someone was punishing me for being with you.’ John stared at you in confusion, and you knew you sounded crazy. ‘This was too good. Always too good for the life we live. We’ve both lost so much and I thought that maybe - maybe we weren’t supposed to have anything good.’

John shook his head, moving closer. ‘No, no, Y/N, that’s not it.’ You couldn’t help the tears flooding your eyes now, and he was quickly at your side, pulling you close as he pressed fierce kiss to your temple. ‘It was just shit luck, baby girl. Just shit luck in a shit world. But this, what we’ve got? I never dreamed I could have this after everything. I’m not doing this just to get revenge on what took Mary, sweetheart, don’t you see?’

You sniffled against his chest, your hands finding their way around his neck to hold him close. ‘I don’t begrudge you your revenge, John, you know I don’t.’

He sighed, his hands clutching at your body over the sheet, his lips pressed against your hair. ‘That thing took Mary from me, and I want it dead for that. But I need to make sure…I need to make sure it’s dead so it doesn’t take you from me either.’

Silence fell over the both of you.

‘Why would it come for me?’ You whispered, pulling away to look up at him. John shrugged, still not letting go of you.

‘I don’t think it would. But I’m not leaving anything to risk. I meant what I said, Y/N.’ He cupped your face, holding your gaze on his. ‘I can’t lose you. I came so close…just thinking about life without you…’ He smiled, wiping at the tears staining your cheeks with his thumbs. ‘I don’t want it.’

You nodded, your lips tugging upwards. ‘I won’t be stupid again. I promise.’

‘No more fighting?’ He asked, his voice quiet, almost childlike as he stared at you. The affirmation came easily, and you meant it.

‘No more fighting.’


	23. Part Twenty-Three

‘Don’t turn your goddamn back on me, boy!’

John’s loud and angry voice woke you suddenly from where you’d been sleeping on the camp bed in the run down shack. Finding a motel in the middle of nowhere had proven fruitless as the hunt had gone on, and it was one of those times when any roof would do. With one taking watch whilst the others sleep, you’d quite happily accepted the only bed, curling up under blankets whilst John sat beside you, one hand possessively resting against your back whilst you slept.

‘Why, you gonna shoot me?’ Sam’s retort was challenging, and equally as loud, and you heard scuffling.

‘Stop it, Dad, Sam!’ Dean sounded desperate and you sat up, wondering what the hell they were fighting about now.

Sam had been very vocal recently about not wanting to hunt, but John had insisted he stay with the family. It was the middle of the semester, and schooling wasn’t an issue, but Sam had made friends, and didn’t want to lose them. Spending his vacation time hunting with his father and brother, plus you, wasn’t his idea of fun.

It never really had been, and you knew it was grating to John that the family business didn’t mean as much to Sam as it did to Dean.

Dean had had to intervene between his sibling and his parent too many times, and on more than one occasion, you’d had to drag John away to diffuse the tension. Sam hadn’t bolted so far, but he was on edge, a wound up time bomb, just like every teenage boy.

‘I wanna leave! I don’t want to hunt, Dad, why don’t you get that?’ Sam’s voice got higher as he yelled, and you practically heard John scrub a hand over his face in frustration with his youngest son. Before he could shout back and make things worse, you climbed from the camp bed, shivering a little and approaching the three larger men in the doorway.

‘Guys?’ You kept your voice low and calm, and three heads snapped towards you. ‘What’s going on?’

John immediately calmed, turning all of his focus to you. ‘Nothing. Just…’

‘Dad being his usual control freak self.’ Sam spat, not able to calm himself. The boy was red in the face, anger making his teeth grind together, even as Dean placed one hand on his chest to hold him steady. John pinched the bridge of his nose at the venom in his son’s voice, and you stepped closer, running your hands over his chest, up to his shoulders.

‘Get some sleep. Me and Sam will take watch.’ John didn’t argue with you, and you looked over at Dean, conveying your intention with your eyes. He nodded, releasing his brother and standing back. Sam was tense as hell when you put your hand on his arm, shaking him gently. ‘Come on. I want you to show me the constellations again. You know I’m crap at that stuff.’

It took a few seconds of Sam staring at the back of his dad’s head, before the tension dissolved from the room, and he allowed you to lead him outside. The night was clear and it was chilly, prompting you to wrap your arms around yourself as the door swung shut behind Sam.

‘You didn’t have to do that.’ Sam muttered, averting his eyes, finding a very interesting spot on the wooden porch floor. ‘I would have…we would have sorted it out.’

You gave him a look, before turning and heading to the two rickety old chairs on the porch, sitting yourself down on one. Sam hesitated, before joining you and sighing as he sat down.

‘What’s that one?’ You pointed up, and the teen smiled, giving in to your attempts to distract him. ‘I can’t remember it. Was it the archer?’

‘The hunter.’

‘I always liked that one.’ A smile crossed your face and Sam chuckled.

‘Of course you would.’ He said, leaning back, getting a little more comfortable. ‘I didn’t mean to start another fight. It’s just when I bring up college -’

You exhaled, watching your breath escape into the cold night. ‘I’m gonna talk to him about that Sam. He’s just scared of losing you, of not being able to look after you -’ Sam’s face darkened again, and your voice hitched as you realised what you’d said.

‘I don’t need him to look after me.’

‘You know I didn’t mean -’

It was too late. The rage that was circling like vultures around his heart was back and he stood up, slamming his fists on the railing of the porch. ‘You say that you’ll talk to him but you’re not gonna change his mind, Y/N.’

‘Sam, there are things out there that want you dead.’ You started, not moving from your seat, giving him the stage to get his anger and grief out. ‘Your dad, your brother - they just want you safe.’

‘I’d be safe at college! I’d be happy.’ He turned, levelling you with a thick glare. ‘I don’t need Dad, or Dean, protecting me! And I don’t need you pretending to be my mom, just cos you’re fucking my dad!’ The words hit like a solid block of ice, and your veins ran cold at his words. Something glinted in Sam’s eyes, like he might regret what he was saying, but he wasn’t stopping. ‘You don’t have the right to tell me what to do. Not when you went off the rails and fucked up on a hunt, nearly killed yourself.’

You swallowed down the tears threatening your composure and held your chin high. ‘I cared about you a long time before I was with your dad, Sam. I’m just trying to help.’

‘I don’t want any help from someone who acts like a slut.’ Sam spat, his anger getting the worst of him.

It was like someone had dunked you in fire, and you barely registered the slam of the shack’s door as John opened it. He’d not even attempted sleep, and was listening to you trying to talk Sam down.

‘That’s enough.’ His voice was low and threatening, and you saw Sam’s throat bob in a swallow as he realised he’d pushed it too far. ‘Inside, now.’ The youngest Winchester bolted, giving his father a wide berth. As the door shut behind him, you heard Dean talking, angrily, and Sam apologising.

‘He didn’t mean it.’ You said, wiping furiously at your eyes. ‘He’s just angry and I’m an easy target.’

John didn’t reply, and simply held his hand out. You took it, letting him pull you from the chair and across the porch, down the steps onto the muddied grass at the front of the run down shack. He kept moving towards his truck, helping you in before switching the engine on enough to run the heat and put the radio on.

The quiet tones of Counting Crows filled the cab and you smiled as John locked the doors, pulling you across the bench into his arms.

‘I love you.’ He whispered against your temple, and you closed your eyes, relishing in the warmth of his touch and the affection in his voice. ‘Sam loves you too. He’s angry with me and he’s lashing out because he can.’

‘I know.’

He smiled. ‘I seem to remember someone else being a headstrong teenager.’

You allowed the tiniest smile to pull at your mouth. ‘I just don’t want him to think I ever wanna replace his mom. Or try to be his mom. I was his friend before I was anything else, John. And it hurts that he can’t see past us.’ You let the words linger, and John nodded, tugging on your thick sweatshirt, pulling you into his lap.

‘It’ll be forgotten.’ He muttered, his hands sliding up underneath your shirt, thumbs running underneath the waistband of your pants. ‘He’ll get over it. It’s me he’s angry with, Y/N. Not you. You done nothing wrong, baby girl.’

‘But I -’

‘Shush.’ John pressed his lips lightly against yours. ‘I’m not gonna argue with you too, baby. No more fighting, remember?’ You nodded, closing your eyes and pressing your nose against his, breathing in his scent and memorising it.

‘I remember.’

‘Want me to touch you, baby?’ His voice was low and you inhaled sharply as he followed up the question by swiping his thumb under your sweats and stroking the top of your mound. You arched up, grinding down onto his growing erection. ‘Come on, answer the question.’

You whimpered as he pushed his hand further into your pants, the tip of his thumb catching your clit. ‘You know I do.’ Your words were barely strung together as he teased you further, his free hand pulling at your top. The heat from the truck washed over your skin as it was bared and you shivered in anticipation, prompting a lewd grin to spread over John’s face as he pulled you closer, his fingers spreading you open underneath your pants.

He didn’t speak as he encouraged your top up over your head, your fingers helping him without any need for instruction. Your mouth found his over and over, tongues dancing as he pushed one thick finger into your heat, making you mewl against his lips.

‘John…’

‘Sssh, I got ya.’ His voice was gentle, and you gasped as he found exactly the spot he was looking for and built you up, letting you crash around him in the confines of the truck.You clung to him, feeling his mouth on your skin but not really registering it as it blended with the pleasure thrumming through your entire body.

Panting, you came down from your high, seizing his mouth in a demanding kiss as he growled against you. It was a fumbling mess of hands and legs in the restrictive space as you tore at his clothes, his hands returning the gesture until you were both naked, skin on skin, the sound of your mingled breaths overwhelming loud in the truck.

Without waiting, John lay you down across the bench seat, and you hooked one ankle over the back of the driver’s seat, opening yourself to the older hunter’s hungry gaze. He bent down, pressing a soft kiss to your belly, and something fluttered in your chest at the gesture. He crawled up towards you, his lips colliding with yours as he slowly sank into your body, not stopping until your hips were flush and a breathy moan left your throat.

‘I love you.’ He whispered against your slightly parted lips, not allowing you to answer before he started to move, slow, languid thrusts into your body that only provoked the previously ebbing pleasure from your climax.

Your fingers were slick against his shoulders, sweat from both of you mingling together as John kept moving, steady against your body. It wasn’t usually like this – the passion was there, but this was more intense, more needy, almost like he was trying to show you that he wouldn’t leave, that he’d always be there. In the recesses of your mind, you knew it wasn’t true, that there wasn’t a guarantee he’d never be taken, but for now, you were happy to live with the thought that right now, right in this moment, he’d be here forever.

It didn’t take long for him to reach his climax, bringing you tumbling down with him, the heated tension between you snapping like a rubber band with a final indulgent kiss.

‘Love you.’ He repeated, nuzzling your jaw, before grabbing the blanket and pulling it over the both of you. ‘Get some sleep, sweetheart.’

*****

The first rays of sunlight woke you from your sleep, finding you alone on the truck bench. You sat up, holding the blanket to your still naked body, frowning as you looked around. John was nowhere to be seen, and you quickly dressed, climbing down from the large vehicle to seek out your lover.

‘John?’

‘He’s gone off after the monster.’ Sam’s voice made you jump and you turned around, finding the younger Winchester leaning against the porch. He avoided your eyes, looking a little ashamed. ‘Told me to stay here and apologise when you woke up.’

‘He went without me?’ You couldn’t keep the hurt from your voice, and Sam sighed.

‘Dean went with him. He didn’t want to wake you, but he heard something during the night and went off after it. Said he’d be back soon.’ You nodded, walking a little closer. ‘I am sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean what I said, I just…I get so frustrated. Dad won’t let me stay at Bobby’s, and it’s getting to me.’

You watched him for a moment. ‘Sam, your dad loves you and worries about you like any parent does. You should be thankful you have him.’ A pang of guilt hit his expression – you’d lost both your parents. He still had his dad. ‘And he doesn’t want anything to happen to you. Whatever this thing was that killed your mom, there’s a good chance it isn’t done with you. And John doesn’t want to see you or Dean hurt.’

Sam shrugged. ‘I know that.’

‘And I’m not trying to be your mom, Sam. I never was.’ You stepped up onto the porch, reached out to hold his arm gently. ‘I’m your friend. Always will be.’

He nodded, sniffing a little and it struck you just how tall this kid was getting. He leaned in, pulling you into a hug and you wondered if he was trying to hide his tears. You smiled, returning the embrace, rubbing his back a little.

‘Let’s go inside. I’m kinda cold after sleeping in the truck.’ You pulled back and Sam nodded, letting you walk into the shack first, shutting the door behind him. ‘I’ll talk to John. See if I can use my feminine wiles to encourage him to let you have some shore leave, yeah?’

The teenager pulled a face. ‘That’s gross. I don’t need that image.’

A laugh fell from your lips, and you threw yourself into the ratty old couch that had seen better days a long ass time ago. ‘It might work. Hey, how are the college applications coming?’

Sam raised an eyebrow as he crouched on the floor opposite you. ‘You really think Dad will let me go to college?’

‘He will, Sam. I know he will. He’ll be upset you’re leaving but he’ll be proud.’ He nodded in response but didn’t say anything else, and you chewed on your lip thoughtfully, wondering how long John would be. You were slightly angry that he’d left you behind, but you knew why he’d done it. You and Sam needed to fix that patch – the teenager was just as important to you as his father was, and although you’d denied it, his remarks had cut you deeply.

‘Dad worries about you too.’ Sam said suddenly, looking up and making eye contact with you. ‘He doesn’t say much, but since…since you were sick, he worries more.’

‘I know.’ Your reply was quiet, almost whispered and Sam stood up, walking over to sit next to you.

‘He thinks you’re hiding it from him, but we can all see it, Y/N. You can talk to us, you know that right?’

You forced a smile onto your face, pushing down the pain you felt at his words. ‘I’m fine. It was horrible, and okay, still have nightmares, but I’m good to hunt. I don’t wanna feel useless, is all.’ You nudged him with your shoulder. ‘Hey, how stupid is that, huh? You don’t wanna hunt and I do. Maybe John will let us swap?’

Sam sniggered. ‘I don’t think it works like that.’

‘Worth a try.’


	24. Part Twenty-Four

You ran, as fast as your legs would take you. Your gun was useless, completely out of ammo, and whatever was on your heels was not giving up. Skidding across the battered old linoleum flooring, you hit a door and grunted wiping blood from your eyes as you glanced behind you in panic.

‘Y/N!’

Dean’s voice was muffled, and echoed through the house for a second, before a loud growl split the air and drew your attention. Gathering your wits, you kept moving, ignoring the burning in your lungs as you thundered down the rickety stairs. At the bottom, the last step cracked under your weight, and you shrieked as you fell, your ankle trapped between the wooden planks.

‘Dean!’ Your scream was desperate, and you managed to roll over just as whatever was chasing you reached the top of the stairs. It snarled, barely visible in the dim light from outside, and you heard something scrape along the wooden steps. Covering your eyes, you prepared yourself for its attack, feeling unusually calm in the face of death.

Heat exploded through the room, and you uncovered your face to see the monster burn up into nothing.

Your chest was heaving, and you fell onto your back, unsure of yourself. Footsteps sounded behind you, and Dean burst into the room, covered from head to toe in filth and scowling.

‘Shit, Y/N, you okay?’

You swallowed hard, nodding as he dropped down to check you over. He saw your ankle stuck in the wooden step, and moved to free you. ‘There’s no damage. It’s fine.’ You insisted, unsure why you felt like you were going to burst into tears at any second. ‘You got them right? All of them?’

Dean nodded, frowning. ‘Y/N, you don’t –‘

‘Just drop it. I know I shouldn’t have gone upstairs, okay? I wasn’t thinking.’

‘You were looking for the ghost.’

‘I thought I could distract it whilst you –‘ You shook your head, cutting off your own sentence. ‘Don’t. Just don’t tell your dad. He’ll only worry. Say I was being reckless again.’

‘You weren’t being reckless.’ Dean replied, looking a little hurt as you shook off his hold and limped towards the door. ‘You were doing your job.’

‘It nearly got me.’ You spat, angry at your own resignation to the attack you’d faced. You’d closed your eyes and laid there, almost uncaring if the damn thing killed you. In that moment, you’d actually welcomed peace, rest and…what the fuck? Rage boiled up in your chest and you punched the nearest wall, your fist almost going through the aged drywall.

‘Y/N!’ Dean sounded shocked at your behaviour, and seconds later you felt his hand close around your arm, yanking you towards him. ‘What the hell?’

‘I just let go, Dean!’ You screamed, tears welling in your eyes. ‘I let go! I’ve spent all this time, pretending I’m fine, dealing with it, but I’m not, I’m not right. I’m not…I’m broken and I can’t tell anyone.’ Everything in your body gave way and you collapsed to the floor, uncaring about what you did anymore. A dam had broken inside you, and you’d tried too hard to pretend everything was okay. Letting anyone see the mess you were inside was too much, even to show John…

‘Y/N?’ Dean was kneeling in front of you, his fingers under your chin, coaxing you to look at him. ‘Y/N. It’s okay. You’re not alone.’

‘I was gonna let it kill me, Dean. For a second, I was done. I’m a horrible person.’ You hiccupped a cough, wiping at your face. Blood was mingling with the tears, stinging your eyes as you used your sleeve to try and clear them.

Dean nodded, pulling you closer, and you felt worse. He would hate you for this. He’d tell his father, and John would want you gone. You’d failed too many times and he couldn’t accept this, surely?

‘We’ve all been there, Y/N.’ Dean shushed, kissing the top of your head. ‘You’re still here, right? You’re okay?’

You willingly buried your head in his old army coat, sniffling like a child that had grazed her knee. ‘I don’t think I’m ever gonna be okay. I should be over this.’ Your fingers clutched at him. ‘I should be better.’

‘Hey.’ Dean looked down, pulling back a little. ‘There’s no time limit on grief.’ His smile was a little sad. ‘I should know that.’ You nodded, tears still falling freely down your cheeks. ‘Look. Job’s done here. Let’s get back to the motel, order some really bad food and watch some awful films. I’ll even let you pick a chick flick.’

‘You love chick flicks.’ You muttered, almost teasingly, and the other hunter grinned.

‘Yeah, but that’s our secret.’ He lifted you onto your feet, brushing hair out of your dirty face. ‘You need a shower and some crap food. Dad’ll be back tomorrow and you can talk to him. Tell him. I guarantee you, he already knows.’

‘You think?’ Your voice was a whisper, and you offered no resistance as Dean led you through the house and out to the Impala.

‘Sweetheart, there isn’t any way he doesn’t.’

*****

The bed dipped and woke you early the next morning. You opened your eyes, seeing John sat at your side, smiling fondly as he looked down at you, his fingers running over the gash on your forehead that Dean had cleaned and stitched up the previous night.

‘Rough hunt?’ He asked.

‘Pretty rough.’ You replied, your voice raspy as you spoke. You made no attempt to move from the warm cocoon of covers, and with a quick glance over to his sons in the opposite bed, John stripped down to his boxers and slipped in behind you.

He pressed a kiss to the back of your neck, and you relaxed into him, happy to have him back with you.

‘I missed you.’ You whispered, turning in his arms, letting him pull you close. This was your safe place, where you felt warm and loved, and the outside world couldn’t touch you for a few moments. ‘It was a bad hunt. Not bad because of the monster but…’ You halted, unable to form the words that you knew you needed to say.

‘What is it, baby girl?’ John urged, concern on his face as he spoke. ‘You can tell me.’

‘The ghost nearly had me.’ You kept your voice low, but he could feel you trembling, close to tears again. ‘I lay there, and it was coming for me, and…I let it. I just didn’t do anything.’ John didn’t speak, but his fingers tightened on you just a fraction. ‘I was just gonna lay there and die. Because when I think about dying, all I can think is that I wouldn’t have to put this face on and pretend I’m not collapsing inside any more. And I’m letting you down every day, and the boys, and…’

John shushed you, pulling you closer. ‘You are not letting anyone down.’ There was an edge of anger to his voice. ‘Don’t ever think that.’

‘How can I not be?’ Your voice raised a little, before you realised the boys were asleep. ‘I lost our baby, John. I should be over it, but I’m not. And I’m putting you - and Sam, and Dean - all of you are in danger because of me. I’m not…I shouldn’t be hunting.’

He shook his head. ‘No, that’s not it. Sweetheart, you don’t have to bottle this all up inside. I knew something was wrong, but I…why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Dean said you’d know.’

John gave a half smile, bringing one hand up to cup his face. ‘I knew there was something. The way you were talking, acting – it’s not been you. You’ve been out of sorts for a while. I just didn’t wanna start another fight.’

‘No fighting.’ You whispered, pressing close. ‘I don’t know what to do to stop falling apart.’

‘We need a break.’ John decided. ‘We’ll head back to Sioux Falls. Sam can finish out school there. Bobby won’t mind us using his place as home base – he likes your cooking.’ His joke brought a twitch to your lips and he grinned. ‘See, there’s always a bright side. And Sam’s gonna graduate in a year or so. I think I promised you I’d be a little more supportive about his education, right?’

‘You did.’

John’s grin faded into a smile. ‘You might not think you’re any good, sweetheart, but trust me, the difference you make is bigger than you think.’ He kissed you, pouring every ounce of love into his touch. ‘You’re a Winchester, Y/N. And Winchesters are made of tough stuff.’

‘I’m not a Winchester.’ You replied.

‘Maybe not by blood.’ His eyes sparkled. ‘But family don’t end with that. And besides, you could be a Winchester.’

Your eyes widened. ‘John, are you…you’re not…’

He shrugged. ‘I’m not opposed to the idea.’ You swallowed at his response, even as he chuckled. ‘Sleep. Tomorrow is another day, and we got a long drive ahead of us.’

*****

One Year Later

‘Dean!’

A head popped out from the living room at your shout, and Dean grinned. ‘Can I help you, Y/N?’

‘Stop leaving wet towels on the floor. I nearly broke my neck.’ You scowled as he smirked back at you.

‘You’ve had worse.’

‘Where’s your dad?’ You asked, walking past him into the kitchen, where Bobby was sat with a cup of coffee and a newspaper.

‘Out the back working on the truck. I think Sam is with him.’ Bobby supplied, just as Dean followed you in. ‘You mind taking Rumsfield out for a runaround? He’s driving me crazy.’ He gestured to the large Rottweiler, who was slobbering over his boot underneath the table.

‘Of course I can.’ You smiled, bending down and patting your knees. ‘Come on, boy. How’s about we go find those big mean hunters?’ Rumsfield got to his feet, a sloppy doggy smile on his face as he padded after you out the back door. Strolling across the yard, you found John working on the truck, as Sam sat beside him with a book, reading. They were talking, and didn’t notice your approach.

‘Sam, for the last time, I’m coming to your graduation, okay? I promised Y/N I wouldn’t miss it. And she’d kill me if I did.’

Sam made a noise of displeasure. ‘Yeah, but you won’t enjoy it. You don’t care if I graduate or go to college.’

John’s shoulders tensed at the boy’s words and you waited to approach, wondering how he would react. He’d been expressing concern about Sam’s departure for college since he’d found the application, and wasn’t happy with the choice. You’d spent months trying to convince him to let the kid follow his own path, but even you weren’t sure if that had sunk in yet.

The last year had been an odd bag. Sam had resumed his schooling at Sioux Falls, happy to be settled and spending an entire year somewhere. Bobby was very happy to have you all around, although he frequently grumped about the noise and lack of privacy to watch Tori Spelling on television. John had still taken whatever hunts came up, and you often travelled with him, or Dean would go, but the older Winchester boy was starting to venture out on his own solo hunts, despite his father’s protests.

John was struggling to admit that his boys were growing up. And although things were much better, both in your head and between you and him, there were still issues to address.

‘College is…something we need to discuss.’ John said gruffly, and Sam put the book down, looking up at him. ‘I’ve looked at the places you wanna go, Sam and they’re…they’re really far away. I’m just not sure…’

‘Not sure of what?’ Sam asked, getting angry before his dad even had a chance. ‘Not sure I can handle it?’

‘I just want you safe.’

‘And safe is stuck here, right?’

‘Last I checked, you wanted to stay here!’ John’s voice was getting louder, and you cleared your throat, letting them know you were stood there. ‘Y/N.’ John sounded a little shocked.

‘Hey.’ You smiled. ‘Sam, Rumsfield needs a run. You fancy wearing the old pup out?’ A raised eyebrow accompanied your request, and Sam took the hint, putting his book down and walking over to stroke the dog. ‘See if you can find that tennis ball he chased into the pile of Fords at the back of the yard or something.’ You teased, and Sam grinned, before taking off, the dog hot on his heels. ‘Well. That sounded like an intense conversation.’ You walked towards John slowly, who cleaned off his hands, smiling sheepishly.

‘Yeah. You caught me.’ He sighed. ‘I’m not ready to let my boy go.’

‘That much is obvious.’ You hooked your arms around his neck. ‘But, Sam is getting older. He wants to see where this college thing takes him. And you shouldn’t stand in the way of that. He doesn’t want to be a hunter, John. Pushing him into it will only make him resent you.’

John smiled, kissing you softly and humming in pleasure, his beard scratching at your chin. ‘How’d you get to be so smart?’

You shrugged. ‘Some of us are born great.’ You returned the brief kiss, pulling back. ‘Anyway, Sam’s first choice is Stanford. We can go visit. We can make sure he settles in. Hell, we can put salt lines and traps around his dorm. Whatever happens, Sam knows how to look after himself, and we can be there when he needs us. But you can’t keep bundling him in a blanket forever, John.’ You paused. ‘Dean either.’

‘Dean?’ John blinked. ‘Where does Dean come into this?’

‘Stop moaning at him about his solo hunts. He’s doing really well.’

The older hunter, squeezed his arms around you, scowling playfully. ‘I hate when you’re right.’

‘I’m not right all the time.’ You smiled, giggling as he nipped at your jaw. ‘But a lot of the time. I just don’t want any of my boys to be miserable.’ He grinned, burying his face in your neck. ‘I love you, John Winchester.’

‘Love you too, you bossy little minx.’


	25. Part Twenty-Five

‘Wow.’

John’s stunned expression made you blush, and you gave a little turn as you walked across the bedroom to him.

‘What do you think?’ You held your arms out, modelling yourself for him. The outfit you’d picked for Sam’s graduation was a simple dress, falling to just above your knee, with lace embroidered around the edges. The fabric clung to your curves in a way that accentuated all your best features, and apparently, it was working on John in exactly the way you’d imagined.

‘I really like it.’ He practically growled, shutting the door and locking it. ‘But it’d look better on the floor.’ You giggled as he came closer, his large hands wrapping around your waist and pulling you close. ‘You wearing your hair up tomorrow?’

‘I hadn’t thought about it.’ You whispered as his lips hoovered millimetres from yours. ‘Why’s that?’

‘Because I love it when you have a ponytail. Much easier to tug your hair that way.’ He grinned. ‘Fuck, you got me rockhard, baby.’

‘John…’ You pushed lightly against his chest. ‘It’s the middle of the day.’

‘Don’t care.’ He reached around, locating the zipper to the dress and pulling it down. ‘This would go really nicely with some stockings. You’re so beautiful, you know that?’ The comment took you off guard, and you didn’t object when the dress fell to the floor around your feet, leaving you in just your bra and panties. ‘So beautiful.’

John’s mouth clashed with yours, his tongue insistent on entry, and you moaned against him, feeling his big hands unhook your bra, dragging it down your arms. When he broke the kiss, he moved to your neck, finding the spot below your ear and nipping at it with blunt teeth.

‘Fuck, John, I need…’

‘What do you need?’ He asked, pulling his head back to look at you with lust blown eyes.

‘Everything…daddy.’ You grinned, and shimmied out of your panties, a split second before he had you in the air, legs wrapping around his waist as he deposited you both on the bed. ‘What do you want from me?’

‘You’ve already given me more than I could have dreamt of, baby girl.’ John smiled, grinding his hips down into you. ‘More than I deserve.’

‘Shut up and make love to me.’ You ordered, smiling coyly as you threaded your fingers through his thick dark hair. ‘Now.’

‘I thought I was in charge here?’ He queried, pushing up off of you, and you giggled as his hands found your sides. ‘I think I need to teach you a lesson.’ Without warning, he rolled you over, pulling you up onto your knees, so your bare ass was in the air. ‘Mmmm, not a bad sight.’ His fingers ran down the length of your spine, making you arch against him. ‘Someone’s feeling sensitive.’

‘John…’ You mewled wantonly, as he lightly tapped your ass.

‘Uh-uh. Not my name right now, princess.’

‘Mmmm, Daddy…please…’

‘Fuck, you get me so hot, you know that?’

You wiggled your butt, smiling into the covers. ‘I think I get it.’

Another light slap and you whimpered, needing a little more. John knew it, and you heard him unbuckle his pants, the thud of his belt hitting the floor accompanied by the soft rustle of his pants. Another few second passed, and the bed dipped under his weight, his legs brushing yours as he knelt behind you.

‘Pick a number, baby girl.’

‘Hmm, three.’

‘Three? We’ll treble that.’ He chuckled as you moaned again, his big hands running over the curve of your backside. ‘Such a nice ass, sweetheart.’ Pulling one hand back, he brought it down sharply on your right cheek, and you yelped, biting your lip at the slight pain. ‘You gonna count, or have I gotta add more?’

‘One, Daddy.’ You said, pushing your ass back towards him.

‘I love it when you’re all eager like this.’ John grunted, landing another slap, on the opposite cheek.

‘Two, Daddy.’

He kept spanking you, alternating between cheeks, waiting for you to count each one. Your voice got higher, more choked as he went on, until your ass was a nice shade of red and you were panting into the covers, your fingers curling in the fabric as you fought to hold back your arousal.

‘Look how wet you are, princess.’ Two thick fingers found your center, slipping through your drenched folds easily, making you gasp and writhe. ‘You’re so close, aren’t you? Just from being spanked. God, you’re perfect. Won’t ever get enough of you.’

You had a retort on your tongue, and you opened your mouth to speak, when John pushed his fingers into your pussy, cutting off any supply of thought to your brain. Almost immediately, you were spasming around his digits, coming hard with a keening wail as he crooked them gently inside you and sought out your g-spot. It was over too quickly, but John was nowhere near done. He pulled his fingers out, licking your essence from them, before bending down and licking a strip up your slick pussy and towards your asshole.

‘John!’ You shrieked at the sudden sensation, and he chuckled against you, his hands closing around your hips and holding you in place.

‘Stay still.’ He commanded, his tongue thrusting against you lazily after he’d spoken. You moaned and whimpered, feeling his fingers at your hole again, pushing in and out of your body until they were slick with your lubricant. ‘You okay?’ He asked.

‘Yes, Daddy.’ Your words were hissed, barely acknowledgeable, but John heard. He pushed his mouth closer to you, against your cunt, his tongue teasing you as his wet fingers slid between your ass cheeks, seeking out your tightest hole. ‘Please, Daddy.’

‘I know, princess.’ He was slow and gentle as he pushed one wet digit against your asshole, only allowing the tip to enter you at first. You whimpered loudly, holding your body still as he played and teased, trying to make you cry out for him. It wasn’t a frequent occurrence that John wanted you in this way, but you weren’t one to deny any form of pleasure.

‘Dadddyyy.’ You wailed, needing more.

‘I got you.’ John grunted, sinking his finger in further as he pulled his tongue out of your cunt. ‘Fuck, such a tight little ass. Want me to fuck you there, baby girl?’ You nodded, and he chuckled, pulling away. ‘I don’t think that counts as making love, sweetheart.’

Your answer was a mumbled “don’t care”, and John stood from the bed, abandoning you for a moment. He reached into the bedside cabinet, pulling out a condom and some lubricant, before returning to the bed.

‘You sure you want this today, baby girl?’ You turned your head to the side, nodding against the bedspread, and John smiled. ‘Fine, but…I think you can go on top.’ You smiled, scrambling upwards as John rolled the condom on, laying on his back on the bed before picking up the lube.

‘Daddy, let me.’ You whispered, taking the bottle from him, your other hand gripping his thick cock at the base. ‘I wanna make sure you’re all slick and wet.’

John grinned, putting his hands behind his head as you squirted a generous amount of lubricant into your palm. ‘You’re a filthy girl, princess.’

‘Isn’t that how you like me?’ You asked, wrapping your hand around him and covering his length in the slick fluid. When you were satisfied with your handiwork, you crawled up his body, positioning yourself over him. ‘I know you like this. Watching me bounce up and down on your cock like a little slut.’

A curse left John’s lips as you reached behind yourself, grabbing his slick cock, positioning the very tip of him at your asshole. Slowly, and with John remaining stock-still underneath you, you pushed down onto him, feeling the stretch and burn of his cock as it penetrated you.

‘Oh…fuck…Daddy…feels so big there…’ You were already panting, needing more but less at the same time, and you could feel your orgasm already blossoming as John’s hands landed on your hips. His eyes were almost black with lust, his teeth grinding together at the tight heat he was buried in.

With a whimper, you started to move on him, dragging your body up and down his length, teasing out each stroke of his cock into your body. He groaned in response, his fingers flexing their loose hold on your hips. The noises he made only spurred you on and you rotated your lower body, riding him and drawing the sensation out.

‘You’re so fucking perfect, baby girl. A goddess, you know that?’ His tentative tone showed how close he was to losing control, and you nodded, sucking your bottom teeth between your lip as he moved one hand from your hip to between your legs, finding your clit with precise accuracy. ‘Wanna feel you cum like this.’

He brushed his finger over your sensitive nub, and you tensed, gasping at the sensation before sinking down onto him again. You could already feel your climax close to the surface, and John was only compounding the tightness in your core.

‘Come on, sweetheart. Cum on my finger while my cock is buried in your ass.’

You nodded, not stopping the steady rise and fall of your pelvis as John kept rubbing circles into your clit. Your breath quickened and your pussy left slick on his skin as you kept riding him, finally feeling your orgasm peak and crash over you. The sensation made you freeze, the waves of pleasure coursing through your veins distracting you from your movements, and John took over, giving a few gentle thrusts to push you through the other side of bliss, before withdrawing completely. He manhandled you to the bed, letting you see out the remainder of your orgasm as he dragged the condom off and disposed of it.

‘Gotta cum inside your sweet little pussy, baby.’ He muttered, covering your body with his. You spread your legs for him without a second of hesitation, crying out as he sank into you easily, filling you to the brim and sending you tripping back into Wonderland with nothing but his touch. ‘Fucking beautiful, my sweet girl.’ John’s words were muffled against your neck, and you nodded, clinging to him as he fucked you into the bed hard.

It was minutes before he was swelling inside you, emptying into your welcoming heat, accompanied by a searing kiss that was all teeth and tongue and desperation. He didn’t let go when he was done, simply holding you close, peppering you with closed mouth kisses and mumbled words of affection.

‘We don’t have anything to do for the rest of the day, right?’ You smiled, a little sleepily. John shook his head. ‘Good. Then you can stay right here.’ You jerked your hips up as little, and John grinned.

‘Anything you wish, princess.’

*****

‘Samuel Winchester.’

Claps and cheers went up, Dean’s high pitched whistle accompanying the announcement of his little brother’s name as he received his diploma on the stage. Sam had graduated with the best honors Sioux Falls had to offer, and stood up in front of the crowd in his black graduating gown and hat, you didn’t need to look at John to see the pride coming off of him. He was clapping louder than anyone else, beaming from ear to ear, even as Sam left the stage with reddened cheeks and his piece of paper saying he’d finally graduated from high school.

Ten minutes later, and the rest of the ceremony was over, the speeches done and everyone was congregating on the school lawn, students patting each other on the back, and wishing each other well. Sam was quick to find all four of you, stood towards the back, each of you wearing a wide smile.

‘I graduated!’ He said, holding up his paper. Dean was the first to step forward and grab him in a hug, laughing wildly.

‘Did what I never could. Well done, baby brother.’

Bobby stepped forward as Dean released his brother, offering his hand in congratulations. ‘Got a car back at the lot for you. Dean’s been helping me fix it up. It’s not much, but it’ll get you around Stanford for sure.’

‘Thanks, Bobby.’ Sam smiled, his eyes wet with emotion as he looked over at you, stood with John’s arm wrapped around you. ‘Dad, Y/N…thank you.’

‘For what?’ You asked. ‘You did all the work.’ You nudged John, who offered out his own hand. Sam looked at it, raising an eyebrow, before jumping forward to pull you and his father into a hug. ‘Whoa, okay.’ You laughed as John returned the embrace with enthusiasm.

‘Proud of you, Sammy.’ His voice was choked, and when Sam pulled back, it looked like he was close to tears. ‘You’ve got no idea how proud.’

‘Thank you, Dad.’ Sam’s voice was quiet, and the moment settled into a comfortable tension, until Dean clapped his hands together.

‘Drinks?’

‘Sam still isn’t old enough.’ You pointed out.

Dean shrugged. ‘He’s tall enough. Come on, let’s have some fun.’ You looked up at John, who mimicked his son’s shrug and smiled. The two Winchester brothers started off, Bobby close behind as you and John followed, his arm still slung around your shoulder. You smiled, happy in the moment.

As you walked past a couple of women, they were whispering and you caught part of the conversation. ‘He looks old enough to be her father.’

You frowned, and John chuckled, obviously having heard too. ‘Wanna really show the boys up?’ He asked, leaning down to speak into your ear, his stubble tickling you. You nodded, a sly grin on your face as he pulled you to a stop in front of his truck. His arms slipped from your shoulders to your waist, his mouth descending onto yours heavily and you put every inch of effort you could into the brazen kiss.

Seconds later, you’d forgotten why he’d even done it, until you pulled away and saw the two women still staring, although Dean and Sam were now looking at you in disgust from where they stood next to the Impala.

‘Seriously?’ Dean asked.

‘That’s so gross.’ Sam added.

All you and John could do was laugh.

 


	26. Part Twenty-Six

‘Place is nice.’ Dean commented, dropping the box of clothing on the couch. Sam scowled at him, picking the box up and moving it to beside the bedroom door. ‘Looks like you could make quite a home for yourself here, Sammy.’

‘It’s better than dorms.’ You pointed out, struggling through the door with the second hand television you’d picked up. ‘You got this place to yourself?’ The youngest Winchester grinned, and moved to help you with the television as Dean sat himself on the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table.

John walked into the apartment, looking around briefly before placing the box full of kitchen items on the side. He’d spent all summer scrounging up pieces for Sam’s new home, and you knew that part of it was distracting himself from the fact that his little boy was growing up and leaving him.

‘We’ll have to get this place protected.’ John commented, moving around and kicking Dean’s legs with his booted foot. ‘Move your ass, boy. There’s still boxes in the truck.’ The older son stood up, grumbling as he went, earning himself a slap up the back of the head. He glared at his dad, before trudging from the apartment, as you stood straight from placing the television in the small living room. It was open plan; kitchen, living room, bathroom and bedroom, and Sam’s head grazed the door frames as he walked through, but he seemed happy with what he’d found.

He beamed at his dad, and you smiled too, walking over to John’s side and hooking your thumb through the belt loop at the back of his pants. He slipped his arm across your shoulders, inspecting every inch of the apartment visually.

‘This is it. I’m actually doing this college thing.’ Sam inhaled. ‘This is scary.’

John chuckled. ‘Can always come back on the road with us, kid.’

Sam shook his head. ‘Nah. This is me. I know you’re gonna worry, but I’m gonna be fine.’

‘Damn straight.’ The Winchester patriarch’s arm tightened around you, and you leaned your head into the crook of his shoulder. ‘I’m proud of you for doing this, Sam. Hope you know that.’ You could feel the swell of his chest as he tried to hold back the emotion, and Sam’s eyes were wet as he smiled at his dad. ‘I never told you enough. Or Dean.’

‘It’s okay, Dad. We know you were doing what you thought was best. And I’ll keep researching. Anything you need, you call.’

‘Oh, we’ll be dropping in.’ Dean said, stumbling through the doorway with a bag of linen. ‘I’m sticking around for a few days. You can show me around the place and find me some hot college girls.’

Sam rolled his eyes, moving to take the bag from his brother before he hurt himself. ‘Yeah, I guess you can bag the couch for a couple days.’ He looked back to you and his father. ‘What about you guys?’

You beamed up at John. ‘We’re gonna stick around too, but we’re staying with an old friend. I’m dying for some beach time, and I know your dad could do with relaxing a bit.’ John made an irritated noise in his throat, and you chuckled.

It wasn’t a lie. The summer had been hunt-heavy, with more than one monster rearing its ugly head in the world. All four of you were exhausted, and it was only luck that had this free week before Sam started his classes. John had been reluctant to take a break, but you’d managed to convince him using every tool at your disposal.

‘Right, we’ll leave you to it.’ John said, pulling away from you, his hand slipping around yours to squeeze it tightly. ‘Dean, you help your brother. Don’t hinder. I’ll call you in a couple of days, okay?’ Dean waved him off, heading straight for the pile of takeout menus on the side. ‘Sam, you need  _ anything _ , you call, you got it?’ There was a moment of hesitation as John moved towards the door, and he paused, looking back. His fingers slipped from yours as he grabbed for his son and pulled him into a hug, Sam’s face filled with shock and happiness as he returned the gesture just as enthusiastically.

When John pulled away, he gave a swift nod, leaving the apartment without looking back again, and you knew he needed a moment. Taking the time, you held your arms out and Sam swept you up, hugging you closely.

‘Thank you, Y/N. I don’t think this would have been so smooth if you weren’t around, you know that?’ You nodded at Sam’s words, holding back your own tears. ‘You take care of him. He’s lucky to have you.’ He pulled back, looking down at you from his significantly greater height. ‘We all are.’

Dean made a noise, and muttered something about chick flick moments, making Sam roll his eyes. You smiled fondly, knowing you were going to miss him.

‘Take care of yourself, Sam.’ You glanced at Dean. ‘See you in a couple days.’

‘Whatever.’ Dean raised a hand, trying to appear nonchalant about everything. Sam grinned, giving you a little wave as you headed out the door and down to the truck. John was leaning against the door, looking down at the ground with his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

‘You okay?’ You kept your voice quiet as you approached him, reaching out to rub his arm. He smiled, looking up at you, his eyes flickering to the Impala behind you, still filled with boxes and bags of Sam’s stuff. ‘He’s gonna be fine, you know.’

John nodded, looking back down at the ground briefly. ‘Yeah, I know. I know he’s gonna do the normal thing. I just hope it works out. I don’t want this life following him.’

You frowned, stepping in front of him, pressing your body against his as his dark eyes met yours once more. ‘What do you mean?’

‘What if I can’t find this thing and it comes for him? What if I’m not here to protect him?’ He inhaled shakily, and you could see the self-hatred in his eyes at his own perceived weakness. ‘He’s been through so much, Y/N –‘

‘You all have.’ You interrupted. ‘Sam’s gonna be fine. He’s gonna get through school, meet a beautiful girl, marry her and give you tons of grandkids.’ Your tone was confident, and you hoped he would listen, despite both of you knowing what the future held. There was a good chance John was right – but you hoped with everything you had that he wasn’t.

Moments passed and John nodded, pulling you close to kiss your forehead. ‘You’re right. Sam never wanted this life. He’s gonna be fine.’ You smiled, allowing yourself to be wrapped up in his warm arms, sighing contentedly, praying that Sam got the chance he deserved.

*****

Finding a secluded spot on the beach had been difficult, but after driving a few miles further down the Pacific Coastline, John had found a private area that didn’t seem to be thriving with teenage life. It was sandy and well covered from the coastal winds, and it didn’t take long for you to have a blanket down on the sand and your top off. You’d opted for a bikini, wanting to feel a little less hunter and a little more woman for the afternoon.

‘Sweetheart, you keep dressing up all nice for me, and I’m gonna get ideas.’ John’s voice was a low rumble as he settled on the blanket next to you, cracking a beer open.

‘You can get all the ideas you want, I’m getting some sun.’ You grinned, getting yourself comfortable. A few seconds later, John’s fingers traced the line of your bikini across your upper back and you shrieked at the chilly feel. He chuckled loudly, and you scowled. ‘Your fingers are cold, asshole.’

‘Cool beer, baby.’ He leant back, one arm underneath his head as he watched the sun hanging high over the waves. ‘It’s nice, this. Feeling like a regular person for a while.’

‘Yeah. Shame it can’t last.’

‘Some things do.’ He turned on his side, watching you as you lay with your head on your forearms, looking up at him, a slight squint in your eyes from the sun. ‘You, for example. You’re always right there with me. Don’t know what I’d do without you. God knows how much I’d mess up without you yanking my chain, baby girl. You’ve saved me, you know that?’

Your cheeks flushed with heat and you pulled your head up a little. ‘I didn’t do a whole bunch. Hell, I’m more of a mess than you at times.’

‘Nah.’ He put his beer down off the blanket, digging it into the sand to hold it steady. ‘I think I win that contest.’ He leant forward, using his free hand to cup your chin delicately. ‘But I got a pretty good runner up prize for you.’

‘You’re so cheesy, John Winchester.’

He smirked, lips millimetres from yours. ‘You love it.’ He didn’t wait for an answer, pressing into you, his longer body rolling across the blanket as you shifted to lay flush against him. His fingers stroked the skin of your back, warm from the sun, sneaking up underneath the string of your bikini. ‘You realise I’m not gonna let you be now we’re alone for the first time in weeks?’

You grinned, looking up at him, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair. He was starting to get a lot more grey mixed in with the dark brown. ‘I’d guessed as much.’ John groaned, pulling you close, his fingers pushing at your pants, and you groaned in response to his eagerness. ‘John, we’re in a public place.’

‘Are you that bothered? No one is gonna come this far up the beach.’ He popped the button of your trousers, sliding them down your knees. You were wearing bikini bottoms, but you were feeling more than a little exposed.

‘What if they do?’

‘Then they’ll see a goddess riding my cock like the perfect little slut she is.’ The words made you melt, and you knew you wouldn’t deny him what you both wanted. His tongue laved the pulse point of your neck as you whimpered underneath his hard body. ‘I love you so much, sweetheart. I can’t keep my hands off you, even after all this time.’

You shook your head, kicking your jeans off the rest of the way as John pulled you to lie across him, rolling himself onto his back. Your knees fell either side of his hips, and he took the opportunity to grind up into you, making it all too obvious how aroused he was.

‘John.’ You mewled his name, your own neediness trumping good sense, and the fact that you were about to break the law. Your fingers clutched at his shirt as you kissed him firmly, feeling the scratch of his beard against your chin. ‘Need you. So much.’ You reached between you, unfastening his pants and pushing them down just enough to get your hand in his boxers, both of you scrambled to be connected, fierce kisses and bruising touches leaving you breathless.

Finally, his cock was free from the confines of his pants, and you pushed up, sliding your bikini bottoms to the side, rubbing the length of him along your already slick folds. John groaned and arched in your grasp, the sound becoming a growl as you lined him up with your dripping hole and ground down onto him, crying softly as he hit the entrance to your womb and bottomed out. You stayed still for a moment, feeling his warm hands grasp the top of your thighs, prompting you to wiggle a little, your inner walls flexing around his thick cock.

‘You have any idea how good you feel, baby girl?’

‘I’ve…ugh…I’ve got some idea.’ You mewled gently, feeling him twitch inside you. His hands pulled you forward, guiding you into a back and forth motion, the tip of his cock applying more and more pressure inside your body, the thick crown massaging your g-spot. The pressure in your lower belly mounted and you looked down to see John’s face, twisted in pleasure as he watched you move on top of him.

‘Wanna come for me, princess?’

You nodded, already feeling boneless before your climax had even hit. A whimper tore from your throat, and you placed your hands over his, desperately trying to hold yourself up as John kept guiding your hips. It took no more than a few seconds of gentle movements against his body to have yours breaking out in sweat, your orgasm washing over you like the tide to your back. John grunted, feeling you tighten around him, and bucking up into you as you came with his name on his lips.

Every inch of your body went slack as you tumbled down from ecstasy and John was there to catch you, rolling your body onto the blanket, managing to do so without losing the connection between you. When you were safely on the ground, he started to move again, stoking the fires anew in your belly, and your fingers curled into his shirt.

Whilst you were riding him, you could at least try and make it look a little less like it was, but now, with his slow, drawn out thrusts into you, your legs wrapped around his waist and his teeth pulling at your bikini top to free your breasts, it was a little more difficult to conceal.

And you’d stopped caring the second he was inside you.

John’s arm slipped up underneath your shoulders, dragging the thin holdings of your bikini top down, exposing your nipples to the warm beach air. They hardened instantly, and you cried out with bliss as he seized one between his teeth, nipping at you gently, rolling his tongue over the pebbled bud for a few seconds before switching to the other breast.

‘John, I can’t, I can’t…’

‘Don’t hold back for me now, sweetheart.’ He growled against your breast, suckling at your nipple hard before releasing it with a wet pop, the skin red and swollen from his ministrations. ‘Wanna feel that sweet pussy all around me. You feel that?’ He rolled his hips, slamming his cock into you hard, his balls slapping against your ass as he stretched you out. ‘Amazes me how tight you still are. How warm you are for me. Always so fucking wet.’ He groaned along with you as he gave another sharp thrust. ‘Swear to god, baby girl, you’re gonna kill me one of these days.’

You cried out as he picked up pace, pounding into you so hard that the blanket slipped along the sand, bunching underneath you. His beer, forgotten on the sand, had tipped over and soaked one corner but neither of you noticed as your hands clung to his shoulders, his cock dragging along every sensitive spot of your insides, until you felt him swell and pulse.

‘Fuck, gonna fill you up, Y/N. You want that?’

The nod you gave was almost imperceptible, and you tried to catch your breath to answer, managing a breathy “always”, as John dragged you down with him, pumping his release into your willing heat, you climax spurring him on and milking him of whatever he had to give.

Laying on the beach, sweaty and spent, with his softening cock still buried inside you, you smiled happily, pulling him down for a messy kiss. John moaned against your mouth, sounding pleased before he broke away, smoothing your hair away from your face.

‘Can we just…stay here for a little while?’ He asked, quietly, every inch of vulnerability shining through. You nodded, not needing to speak, adjusting your bikini bottoms as John cleaned up, before he pulled you against his chest.

You weren’t sure how many hours you lay there in silence, watching the sun slowly fall below the horizon. Not a single soul came by on the beach, and as the sky turned red, filling the water with beautiful patterns, John made love to you again, making you feel like there was nothing else in the world except you and him, and the sound of the waves beyond the sand.

But it couldn’t last. Reality would come crashing back down. You knew that, and all you could wonder was how long you could put it off for.

 


	27. Part Twenty Seven

You ran faster through the woods, spotting John up ahead, ready for you. The wendigo on your heels snarled and snapped, and you knew it was going to catch you if you didn’t push on. With a battle cry, you surged ahead, pushing your body to its limits, skidding into the brush near John as he fired the modified flare gun straight into the monster’s face. As the shot went and the wendigo screamed in outrage, John turned, throwing himself over you to protect you as the flameballing creature went past him and over the cliff to land in the trap below.

It’s screams died out within minutes as it burnt to death, the smell almost nauseating as you let John pull you to your feet, both of you grinning wildly.

‘You okay?’ He asked, rubbing your shoulder.

‘That was insane.’ You rolled your shoulders, almost bouncing on the spot. ‘I should be exhausted but fuck, I’m wired.’ Something swept through you, and your gaze darkened as you watched John brush himself down. He caught your eyes, looking a little concerned.

‘What?’

‘We need to get back to camp.’ His eyebrows knit together in concern before he caught onto your meaning, and a sly smile crossed his face. ‘Now.’ You reiterated, shuffling on your feet. John chuckled, pulling you in close and kissing you fiercely, ignoring the fact that you were sweaty and flushed from running. His lips were warm and his tongue thrust into your mouth, prompting you to moan loudly and rut against his larger frame.

‘Someone’s eager.’

‘Fuck, John, I need you.’

He laughed again, and you pushed him backwards, a little pissed at his mirth. John stumbled but kept his footing, and his smile, as he looked at you. ‘Fiery little minx. You want me to fuck you right here?’ You growled under your breath, ready for a fight, your entire body curling and unfurling with anticipation and adrenaline. John’s face darkened with arousal, and he threw the flare gun to the floor, seizing you around the waist and throwing you against the solid thick tree trunk a few feet behind him. You hit the tree with a grunt, still glaring, as John pinned you in place with his body, his arms holding yours down.

‘What you gonna do, old man?’ You taunted, and he snarled, the noise shuddering through you like a raging fire.

‘Keep playing games, sweetheart.’ John’s chuckle was dark and you bit your bottom lip as his fingers slid up underneath your thin t-shirt. ‘You’ll only be screaming my name.’ You opened your mouth to reply, but he was on you, swallowing down your comebacks with his mouth as he ground into you. He was already hard, the bulge in his pants rubbing against your belly as he ripped your jacket from your shoulders.

It didn’t take any encouragement for you to respond eagerly, pushing his coat off of him, your mouths barely parting as your kisses became more and more heated, the air of the forest pushing in around you both. Fresh air made your skin goosepimple as John finally pulled your shirt over your head, moving to unbuckle your pants. You’d managed to get him down to his undervest, and you clung to his shoulders as he forced his hand into your panties, tearing a whimper from your throat as he found you wet and wanting.

‘Oh, baby girl. You’re dripping for me. That hunt really got you pumped, huh?’ You nodded at his words, mewling almost pathetically as he twisted his fingers over your clit, his tongue tucked between his teeth as he worked you with one hand and leant against the tree with his other.

It took less than a minute for him to pull your climax from your body, and you screamed in pleasure, the sound echoing through the forest and scaring away several birds in the trees. Their flight disturbed the leaves, and you found yourself gasping for air, looking up at the sky filtering through the branches, feeling the scrape of the wood against your bare back.

John pulled his hand from your pants, pushing them down your legs. You kicked off one boot, wriggling your leg free as the older hunter sucked one hardened nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the sensitive bud and you shuddered in pleasure.

The smile on his face was filthy as he dropped to his knees, his hands firmly planted around your hips, his fingers rubbing patterns into your skin. His eyes dragged up your torso, landing on your face as the dirty smirk faded into an affectionate grin and a light hit his eyes. ‘I love you so much. You know that right?’

For all his years, he sounded like nothing more than an insecure little boy, and your throat closed, preventing your answer as tears pricked at your eyes. You nodded, wanting to bend down and kiss him, but he leant forward, pressing his face to your pelvis, placing a soft kiss just above the curls there, and you whimpered, feeling the mood shift back to what it had been.

‘Just stay still for me, sweetheart.’ He lifted the leg that wasn’t still encased in pants and a shoe up, hooking it over his shoulder as he balanced you with his other hand. You lifted your arms, placing your palms against the tree trunk above your head, digging your nails into the bark as John’s tongue traced your labia softly, almost tickling you.

Your mouth opened and shut, small gasps and mewls coming from you as he worked at your pussy, teasing your clit and dragging down to your entrance, sending you higher and higher but not letting you fall. For a moment, you realised how ridiculous it looked - you were naked, aside from your pants and one shoe, still wrapped around the leg holding your weight off of the floor. Your bare leg was hooked around John’s shoulder as he knelt between your thighs, one hand holding your balanced leg, and the other palming the hardness in his pants as he feasted on your exposed and slick cunt.

With a growl, ,John thrust his tongue into your soaked hole, and you just about heard the sound of his pants zip being lowered over your own cry of surprise. Slowly, he built up a rhythm with his tongue, fucking it into you in time with his own touch on his cock. You could feel every moan he made against your most sensitive parts, and you dragged your hands down the tree behind you, clinging on as your second climax threatened to break your composure. But John was careful, knowing your body well enough to keep you from the fall, slowing down to let the pleasure dissipate enough and then building you back up again.

‘John, please, I need it.’

He grunted, pulling back and looking up at you, your juices around his lips as he grinned wickedly, his hand pumping his thick cock as you shuddered with arousal. ‘Need what?’

‘Need to come. Please.’ You were pleading, and you didn’t care how pathetic you sounded. You were so close to completion, just needing a little push…

John chuckled, shaking his head. ‘Hmm, I don’t know if you deserve it.’

You groaned in frustration, slamming your head back into the tree as another plea fell from your lips. ‘Please.’ Fingers danced over your pussy, and your hips bucked automatically, your body craving friction.

‘Please, what?’

Your eyes opened as you looked down at John, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you realised what he wanted. ‘Please, sir.’

John growled, thrusting two fingers into your cunt, curling them and hitting just the right spot to send you careening into an orgasm that you hadn’t been quite prepared for, despite needing it. Your cry of pleasure was high pitched and John coaxed you through with whispered words and his thick fingers buried inside your body.

Slowly, you came down, still clinging to the tree as the older hunter stood, supporting your weight with his, still holding your leg as he rubbed the thick head of his cock against your wet cunt, teasing you as you gasped for air. His mouth was near your ear as he pressed against your body, and his words sent a shiver down your spine.

‘I’m gonna fuck you now, baby girl. Hard and fast, just like you want.’

He didn’t give you a chance to answer, slamming home with one swift thrust. He didn’t stop, didn’t allow you to adjust to his intrusion, and your hands left the tree to cling to his shoulders, your mouth seeking out his for another bruising kiss. Your whimpers were swallowed down in his grunts as he fucked you against the tree trunk, one leg held up and wrapped around his waist, his fingers leaving bruises under your thigh, just above your knee.

Bark scratched into your back as John fucked you harder, every single mewl and cry making him go faster, his pace almost brutal, and you felt the orgasm you had just had simmering below the surface. He growled, breaking away from your mouth to suck a dark mark into your neck, just as his cock swelled and pulsed and he spilled into you, whispered words of affection burning into your neck along with his bite.

Both of you clung to each other, sweat dripping down your neck to tingle along your spine as you tried to collect your scattered nerves. John was still holding you up, and you weren’t sure you could trust your feet if he let you go right now.

‘You okay?’ He asked, like he always did, and you smiled, nodding as you closed your eyes and kissed him again.

‘I love you.’ You whispered, one hand around the back of his neck as you pressed your forehead to his. He smiled, nodding against you. ‘Please don’t ever forget that.’

John smiled, his eyes focused on yours. ‘How could I?’

*****

Camp was a couple of miles into the forest, as John had decided that hiking back was not worth doing in the middle of the night. The sun had gone down hours before, but neither of you could sleep, and you were content to curl up in John’s lap as you watched the fire crackle and burn. Animals made sounds in the distance, and John occupied himself with tearing up a stick and throwing the pieces into the fire.

‘It’s nice here.’ You said, keeping your voice quiet, and John looked down at you, bending awkwardly to kiss your temple.

‘It is now we’ve killed the Wendigo anyway,’ he commented. ‘No more bodies, no more missing persons.’

‘Unless there’s bears.’ You joked, and John smiled.

‘Bears don’t bother me. We’ve not left any food out. And I’ve got my gun if it makes you feel better.’

‘My big strong hunter, protecting me.’ Your words were mocking, but John’s face held a concealed emotion which immediately punched you in the gut. ‘I’m sorry. That was -’

He shook his head. ‘No, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it like that.’ His hands discarded the stick, and he stroked your hair as you looked up at him from your position laid with your head in his lap. ‘But I will, you know. Always protect you.’ His fingers stilled on your cheek, his thumb swiping across your skin. ‘Nothing more important to me than you or the boys.’

‘I know.’ You smiled, bringing up your own hand to touch his. John’s mouth hitched up in a half smile, just as the moment was broken by a coyote howling close to the camp. ‘They won’t come in here, will they?’

‘Nah.’ John chuckled. ‘Coyotes are scavengers. Nothing here for them to scavenge. They’re more scared of us than we are of them.’ He wiggled his eyebrows. ‘Plus, the bears’ll see ‘em off.’

‘You’re not funny.’ You glared, rolling onto your front and pushing up, facing him on all fours.

He chuckled, shaking his head, pulling you closer to kiss you fiercely. ‘Trust me, sweetheart. The noises coming from that tent will definitely scare them off.’

‘What noises?’ You asked, frowning for a second before you caught his meaning. ‘Oh.’ You blinked. ‘Oh.’ John released another peal of laughter as you scowled. ‘You’re gonna pay for that.’

‘Oh, I hope so.’

*****

‘You’re nervous.’ You pointed out, watching John fidget in his seat. He glared at you for a second, before his expression softened and he nodded. ‘This isn’t the first time you’ve met a girl the boy’s have brought home, John.’

‘This is different.’ He sighed, fingers playing with the glass of water in front of him. This was way out of his comfort zone and you knew it. But the only way you knew how to make him more comfortable was to remind him of his past battles. ‘This isn’t finding Dean with a girl in the back of the Impala. Or even the ones he’s managed to sneak into his room.’

‘I know. But you can still do this.’

‘You should have heard him on the phone, Y/N.’ John smiled a little. ‘He sounded so happy. He sounded…’ He sighed, shaking his head. ‘I shouldn’t say this to you. But he sounded like I did when I was kid. When I first met his mother.’

You smiled softly, reaching out to take his hand. ‘I get it. Kinda like how I felt when I first met you.’

John’s cheeks coloured a little as he squeezed your fingers in his. ‘You flatter me.’

‘Well, I try.’ You grinned, looking over at the door briefly. ‘Dean said Jess was a lovely girl. I think the words he actually used were “way too good for Sammy”, so we know she’s pretty at least.’ John chuckled, nodding. ‘Sam wanted a normal life. We should be happy he actually wants us to meet his girlfriend. I mean, they’ve been dating six months or so, so it’s gotta be sorta serious.’

John nodded, sighing heavily again. He’d been apprehensive about this meeting ever since Sam had called him and asked him to come to Stanford a week ago. The youngest Winchester had sounded so excited about this new chapter of his life, and you were genuinely happy for him, despite the nagging put in the bottom of your stomach.

Things were good. Maybe a little too good. Sam had almost sailed through his first year of school, enjoying all his classes, calling his dad once a week. Dean was there nearly every month, “visiting”, which Sam insisted was code for “sleeping with every freshman girl he could find”. You and John had visited three or four times, in between hunts that brought you up that far. It had been nice, having so much time with John on your own. Most of it spent hunting and doing things that you hadn’t been able to do with the boys around.

All the sex, for one. Which you definitely weren’t complaining about.

The bell above the door to the upscale diner jingled and John looked up, a little fear in his eyes as Sam walked in, followed closely by a tall, beautiful blonde girl, who smiled up at him and took his hand when they were in the door. John stood up, and Sam noticed him, waving enthusiastically and practically dragging the girl across the room.

‘Dad! Y/N!’ Sam’s smile was wider than you’d ever seen. ‘This is Jessica. Jess, this is my Dad, John Winchester and Y/N Y/L/N, my dad’s better half.’ You smirked at the joke, as John shook his head and took Jess’ hand, bowing slightly to her.

‘Pleasure to meet the girl who’s able to put up with my son’s stubborn streak.’

You giggled. ‘Hi, Jess. It’s lovely to meet you.’

‘You too!’ Jess beamed, looking between you and Sam. ‘Sam’s told me all about you.’

‘Not too much I hope.’ You said, the four of you taking your seats around the table.

‘Only the bad stuff.’ Sam grinned, raising his hand to signal a waitress. She came over and took your orders, before leaving again.

‘He’s such a joker.’ Jess laughed, leaning in close to Sam. You smiled widely as you saw the open adoration they had for each other, and you felt a warmth blossom in your chest at the happiness in Sam’s eyes. All he’d ever wanted was this normality, and you were beyond glad that he’d decided to include his father in this pivotal development of his life.

The conversation flowed easily, with John asking questions about Jess’ family, and her schooling, and explaining the “pest control” business that you and he were in. Jess seemed to find it fascinating that you travelled so much, without a home to settle down.

‘I mean, it must be exciting. All the places you’ve seen?’ She sipped at her glass of water, looking over at you. ‘Don’t you miss having a home though?’

You shrugged. ‘I guess, with my family gone…maybe later in life. When I’m done with all the excitement.’ Jess nodded, and it was nice to see the lack of judgement on her face. You saw it all the time - what was a girl like you doing with a man as old as John - but Jess just saw the two of you together. A couple in love, just like her and Sam.

It was nice to be regarded as normal for once.

All too soon, it was time for you and John to be on the road. He had picked up a case in Fresno the day before, and this was a flying visit. He stood up, embracing Sam as they said their goodbye. You repeated the hug with both him and Jess, wishing them well.

In the truck, driving out of San Jose, you looked over at John.

‘She’s a really nice girl.’ You commented.

John nodded, not looking at you as he steered the truck out of town, his fingers flexing on the wheel. ‘She’s lovely. Sam’s a lucky kid. I’m glad for him. I’m terrified, but I’m glad.’

You smiled, looking down at your hands in your lap. ‘John…’

‘Yeah?’

‘Something bad’s coming isn’t it?’

He sighed, reaching over for you hand and you looked at him, worry compounding your features. ‘It always is, sweetheart. We’ve had a good year but…it can’t be this way forever.’

‘We can keeps the boys safe though, right? Sam’s gonna…Sam’s gonna be okay? And Dean?’

John grimaced, looking over at you. ‘I’m gonna do everything I can. You and me, we’re gonna fight back whatever is coming our way.’

You nodded, folding your fingers into his as he put his foot down on the gas and accelerated the truck along the freeway. Something bad was coming, and you were somehow glad you weren’t the only one who sensed it. You just hoped that John’s confidence in the both of you being together wasn’t misplaced.


	28. Part Twenty-Eight

**_Just over one year later…._ **

It felt like the last time.

John’s arms tightened around you as he woke up, and you opened your eyes to see the hideous motel wallpaper opposite you. Something settled in your belly, dread mixing with the arousal pooling there from John’s erection pressing into your backside.

‘You okay, baby?’ His words were slurred from sleep, and you nodded, not sure how to explain exactly what you were feeling. He knew, of course, you’d never lied to him. From the second you’d left Stanford all those months, something had been nagging at you. Life had been much the same, except for the extra leads John had dug up on the Yellow Eyed creature he now blamed for Mary’s death. It took little to no encouragement for you to help, knowing he felt a need to kill whatever it was to ensure his sons’ protection.

‘I’m hungry.’ You muttered, turning in his arms, and John smiled, kissing your nose. ‘What’s for breakfast?’

‘I got something you could eat.’ His hips rolled against you as his smile turned suggestive and you sighed heavily. ‘Come on, that was funny.’ He leaned forward, placing a kiss on your nose and you wrinkled it in response. ‘Pancakes?’

‘Pancakes sounds good.’ You smiled, opting to ignore his dirty suggestion. ‘Where we headed today?’

John sat up, releasing you from his hold as he looked for his pants, dragging them on and standing up. ‘Gotta continue to Bobby’s. He’s got some information that he wants to go over with me. If I gotta head out, you can hole up there for a couple days, yeah?’

You scowled. ‘Oh no. We don’t do this again.’

‘What?’ John plastered an innocent expression on his face as he buttoned his pants, watching you climb from the bed and pull your t-shirt over your head.

‘The “leaving me behind” shit. John, I’m just as capable as you -’ He opened his mouth to argue, but you beat him to it. ‘And don’t you dare say it’s for my own protection. Two years. Two years and you haven’t left me behind once. You’re not doing it now. Whatever Bobby has, we’re facing it together.’

‘It’s probably nothing.’ John’s shoulder dropped, knowing he wouldn’t win this fight, and you folded your arms over your chest defiantely.

‘Together.’ You repeated. ‘Promise.’

‘I promise.’ He nodded, walking around the bed to pull you close. ‘I’m sorry. I just worry. Things have been so good, even with the hunts. Haven’t had as much as a bruise in months and you’re...I know you feel it too.’

You nodded, closing your eyes and leaning into his chest, feeling the soothing rise and fall of his breathing. ‘That something bad is coming.’ You sighed. ‘Been feeling it for months. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop.’

‘Dean is on his way to Bobby’s. We’re gonna meet him there.’ John smiled. ‘We’re still a few days out. Maybe we can find an easy hunt on the way.’ He pulled back. ‘I know you’ve been after a little action on this slow month.’

‘Everything’s been a dead end or already taken care of.’ You sulked, moving away from him to seek out your pants. ‘Stupid other hunters. Taking my monsters out.’ John chuckled, watching you bend over, your bare ass in the air. ‘Deprives me of my violence.’

The hand that landed on your ass made you squeal and turn around, your hand automatically rubbing the tender area.

‘Sorry.’ John shrugged. ‘But you were wiggling and…’

‘You gonna just leave it at one?’ You raised an eyebrow, challenging him. He laughed, before grabbing you around the waist and falling back into the bed with you. As you came together, lips colliding and bodies moving as one, you tried to push back the gnawing at your soul.

It felt like the last time.

It shouldn’t feel like the last time.

*****

John glanced at the paper, frowning as he munched on a piece of toast. You watched him, sipping at your coffee as he made a funny noise.

‘What is it?’

‘Missing men. All young. Disappeared on the highway.’

You nodded. ‘Sounds like one of ours.’ He handed the paper over. ‘Jericho. We’re only a few hours out from there.’ You scanned for the details, frowning. ‘These disappearances go back ten years. How has this only just come up.’

‘Latest disappearance was the kid of a town official. He’s gonna be top news.’ John sighed. ‘I’ll try and call Bobby, tell him we’re gonna be late. Meet you at the truck?’

‘Yeah.’ You folded the paper, pulling out your purse to pay the bill, leaving a generous tip on the table before following the older hunter out of the door. He was on the phone as you approached the truck, but he hung up as you came over. ‘No answer?’

‘No answer. Dean isn’t picking up either. I’ll get in touch once we’re in Jericho.’ He smiled. ‘Just a quick detour. Might get that fight you wanted after all, sweetheart.’ You let him pull you into his arms, kissing him softly before pulling away to climb into the passenger seat of the truck, as he climbed into the driver’s side. ‘Hopefully some other hunters won’t beat us to it.’

He revved the engine of the truck, grinning at you before screeching out of the parking lot. You kept your eyes on the paper, scanning for additional details. ‘Says here they all disappeared off of the same stretch. That’s a place to start.’

John nodded. ‘Just give me the directions, baby girl. You got the map.’

You reached down, picking up the thick map of America, flicking through to find the right page for California.

Six hours later, John pulled into a motel, and you yawned as you climbed from the truck, stretching out your tired muscles. Turning around, you grabbed your bag from the rear of the vehicle, waiting for John before heading to the reception. The guy at the desk was grumpy, eyeing the both of you suspiciously as John handed over a fake credit card and booked a room for the night.

‘This is...cosy.’ You grimaced as John opened the door. It was a threadbare room, but it had what you needed and wasn’t the worst place you’d ever stayed. ‘You gonna try calling Bobby again?’

John pulled out his phone, and frowned. ‘Need to charge this piece of crap. I hate cellphones. They’re just…’

‘Convenient?’ You asked, grinning. ‘You’re just too old for it.’ He gave you a look, before dropping his phone to the table. ‘I’m gonna take a shower. You wanna head out tonight and have a look at that stretch, or do you wanna leave it until morning?’

He looked at the clock on the wall and shrugged. ‘May as well go and take a look tonight.’ A yawn split his face, and he grinned. ‘Or we could call it a night. I’m pretty beat.’

‘We have driven halfway across America this week.’ You pointed out, rummaging through your duffel to find your shower gel and shampoo. ‘I mean, there was that ghost that turned out to be rats in Texas, and the werewolf that got ganked before we managed to catch up in New Mexico. We’ve been non-stop with nothing to show.’

‘Not exactly nothing.’ John pulled out his journal. ‘I mean, we’ve got that information on Yellow Eyes. We know he’s a demon now. And we know he wants Sam.’

‘And we need to get that information to them.’ You found your shampoo, grinning triumphantly. ‘He needs to know.’

‘How the hell do I tell him that, Y/N?’ John scrubbed a hand over his face. ‘He’s happy. He’s out. He’s...god, he’s getting to live the life he deserved and not the shit I handed him.’ You opened your mouth, ready to object, stopping before you said anything. It was an argument you’d had over and over with him, and not one you wished to rehash, no matter how wrong he was.

‘John. Dean’s gonna look out for him. We can tell him everything when we get to Bobby’s, yeah? Make sure he knows to protect Sam. We can all do it.’

He nodded, looking you in the eye as he smiled. ‘As a family.’

Heat rushed through your chest and you nodded, holding back happy tears. ‘As a family.’ You affirmed, reaching out for him with one hand. ‘Now.’ Your fingers scratched down his chest as your smile turned seductive. ‘You gonna help me scrub my back?’

‘How could I refuse an offer like that?’ He nodded in the direction of the bathroom. ‘You go on ahead, I’ll be there in a sec.’ You turned away, heading for the shower, letting your hips sway, and knowing he was watching.

Despite the crappy motel room’s appearance, the water pressure was decent and you sighed happily as you stripped and climbed into the cubicle, letting the water cascade over you. It seeped into your tired muscles, and you felt relaxed, even as John shut the door and shed his clothing, stepping in behind you.

He was already hard, and pressed up against your back, his cock settling against the base of your spine as he peppered kisses along your shoulders.

‘This is what I love about you.’ He whispered against your skin, and you arched back as his fingers slid around to your front, not stopping until he’d reached your mound, his long index finger pressing into your clit gently. ‘The way you’re so responsive. You’re heaven to me, you know that?’

You hummed in agreement, leaning your head back against his shoulder as he circled your clit lazily with one finger, his cock pressing into you as he sought your climax before his own. He was still talking, even as he touched you, and his voice crept through your bones like a massage.

‘Your skin, how soft you are. The way you move when you hunt. Beautiful, deadly little Y/N. All mine. I don’t deserve it, but here you are.’

‘You do.’ You replied, closing your eyes as his other hand toyed with your hardened nipples, the water adding to the sensation of his fingers on your skin. ‘God, John, you deserve it more than most. You’re strong, brave...fuck, right there.’ Distraction made you whimper as his fingers moved against you, and warmth swelled in your lower belly.

‘Would you let me…’ He started, pausing and sucking a breath in, not finishing his sentence.

‘Let you what?’ You asked.

‘Fuck, sweetheart.’ His grunt echoed off of the tiles, and he kissed your neck, pulling at your body as if he could have you closer. ‘Want everything with you. Came so close to losing it.’ He nipped at the joint of your neck and shoulder, and you mewled in return, turning in his arms, pressing your body against his and drawing him further under the spray.

‘You want everything?’ You whispered.

‘Everything.’ He repeated, and the meaning was clear underneath that single word. Something thrummed through your veins - excitement or happiness, or something else, you weren’t sure - and you dragged him down to meet you lips in a bruising kiss. His hands were quick to grab your legs, hoisting you up in the shower, neither of you caring about the water as he positioned himself and slid home with one thrust. The groan you both gave was probably heard in the next room, but you couldn’t care less as he pressed you against the wall, moving in long strokes, filling you repeatedly as you stumbled towards completion.

‘John…’ You whimpered his name, clinging to him as he buried his face in your neck, his hot breath against your skin almost tickling. ‘Give it to me, please.’

He nodded, increasing the pace, his thrusts making sloppy wet noises against your body as you thumped into the cold tiles, not caring about any bruises you’d have the next day. Both of you, reaching for each other, holding on tightly - there was nothing else in the world that could intrude.

John’s orgasm came first, triggering yours, and you cried out for him, fingernails digging into his shoulders as he finished inside you, his come pumping up into you.

‘Shit.’ John grunted, letting your legs fall. ‘Things you do to me, baby girl.’

You smiled, standing on tiptoes to place a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth, feeling a little better knowing that your foreboding thoughts from the day before had just been worry over nothing. It wasn’t the last time. That was a long time coming. ‘And I’ll never stop.’ 

*****

Splitting up hadn’t been an easy decision, but you’d agreed that John would handle the former partner of the woman you suspected the spirit to be. After a morning of researching and visiting the stretch of road where the disappearances occurred, you’d come up with nothing but an old legend of a woman in white.

John had immediately gone into hunter mode, focusing on a single objective and you loved him all the more for it. He was all about saving people, and often, his revenge took a backseat to the work he was doing. You knew that the Yellow Eyed demon was still there, haunting him, and his worry for his boys would always be front and centre of his mind, but when people were in danger, he simply stepped up.

He was a hero, despite the way he saw himself.

Waiting outside the bar, you tapped your foot, wondering what was taking him so long. You’d been antsy all day, on edge, ever since you’d woken up, mostly because of what happened after last night in the shower. John had barely slept, and was gone when you’d dragged yourself from bed, only to see him stroll through the door with donuts and coffee a few moments later. It had been a slow start to researching, especially when you’d brought up his words from the night before.

His confession was simple enough - he wanted to get the job done. Kill Yellow Eyes, make sure the boys were safe, and then he would give you what you deserved. Family, home...all the things that had been torn away from both of you.

A shiver ran through you as the air dropped a few degrees, and you wrapped your arms around your body, wishing John would hurry up. October in California shouldn’t be so cold, but the weather was always changing around and taking everyone by surprise. Snow wouldn’t shock you at this point. Checking your watch, you frowned. He was really late.

Something brushed against you and you jumped, turning and seeing no one there. Looking around, your frown deepened as the clouds above became blacker and blacker, until you realised they weren’t clouds at all.

*****

John glanced down at his phone, seeing a missed call from Dean as he pushed the truck to its limits through Jericho. You hadn’t been at the library where he said he’d meet you, and he hadn’t been able to reach you on your cell. Heading back to the motel was his only option, and something was telling him to hurry.

Pulling into the parking lot, he scowled down at his phone, pressing dial to get Dean again. Naturally, his eldest son didn’t answer, and he left a voicemail.

‘Dean, I’m in Jericho. I’ll meet you at Bobby’s when we’re done here.’ He stopped as he saw you, leaning against the ice machine, chatting to another motel guest. A odd look was on your face, and you spotted him, straightening and smiling at him. The other guest followed your gaze, before nodding and walking away. ‘I hope everything went okay in New Orleans. Speak to you soon.’ John hung up, smiling at you as you approached.

‘Hey, baby.’ Your voice was a little strange, but John ignored it, pulling you close.

‘You weren’t at the library.’ He pointed out.

You shrugged. ‘Got bored waiting. Thought I’d come back here.’

John frowned. ‘You got bored? That’s not like you.’ A laughed left your lips, and John’s spine felt like someone was dragging nails down a chalkboard. Something was off with your behaviour, and he stepped back, holding you at arm’s length. ‘Y/N, are you okay?’

You smiled again, your eyes filling with black as you regarded him coolly. ‘I’m fine, John. Better than ever. Can’t you tell?’ His hands left you like he’d been electrified and you laughed again. ‘She wasn’t expecting this,’ the demon inside you mocked. ‘And she’s fighting oh-so-hard. Didn’t want to leave you.’ It laughed again, using your voice to wound him. ‘You think you can protect your boys, John? You think you’re gonna win this war?’

‘Get out of her.’ John snarled, pulling his gun from his waistband, but the demon sneered, the expression unnatural on your face.

‘You gonna shoot your slut, John?’ It taunted. ‘Really? You already lost one bitch, wanna make it two?’

‘Let her go!’ He shouted, catching the attention of another guest, who looked panicked as he saw the stand off in the parking lot. The demon turned your head, eyes flashing and the guest ran like he’d seen hell.

The demon smirked, stepping back. ‘I think we’ll be keeping her. Have fun playing catch-up, Winchester. We’ll be in touch.’ John blinked, and you were gone, the smell of rotten eggs perforating the air around him. His hands shook around the gun, and he lowered it, tears filling his eyes.

He’d lost you.

You’d known something bad was coming, and he had too.

And now, you were gone.


	29. Part Twenty-Nine

**John’s POV**

It took less than a month for it to all come crumbling down. He should have seen it, should have paid attention, and now he’d lost her, and Sam had lost Jess. He’d done his best to try and warn Dean, and he’d never imagined his youngest son’s girlfriend would be a target. But he’d been stupid. He’d been lax and happy - of course it wouldn’t last.

The boys were on the road now, and John felt guilty as hell for not going to them. He sent Dean a message every now and then, usually with a case that he couldn’t handle himself. He needed time - answering the phone now would only lead to a breakdown. They’d already lost so much. Admitting that they’d...that  _ he’d _ not protected Y/N better...it was almost breaking him. He couldn’t imagine how they would feel.

It was better to keep searching alone, keep looking for yellow eyes, try to find Y/N and end all of this. Sam was important to whatever had killed Mary, he knew that much from what he’d found out on his own and from what the black eyed piece of shit that had taken Y/N had said. There was a war coming, and the Winchesters were so deep in it, he feared for them all.

Going back to Lawrence, and being so close to his boys hadn’t helped. He had gone there for Missouri’s help - she’d had a vision of Y/N, despite never having met her. When he’d gotten there and found the case, which he’d ultimately left to Sam and Dean, he had barely held himself back. John could honestly say he wanted nothing more than to mourn with his boys, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t until he found Y/N - dead or alive. He couldn’t leave her out there at the mercy of monsters.

Now he was on his way to Chicago, following a trail that had been laid out by the demons. He knew it was a trap, and he knew they were trying to lure him in using Y/N, but he couldn’t stay back. At any moment, they might decide she was no longer of use and the thought of what would happen then terrified him.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw Y/N’s duffel bag in the back seat of the truck, where it had sat for weeks. Inside, he knew her journal was being left unwritten in; the customised Colt, the one he’d given her for her nineteenth birthday all those years ago, sat cold from disuse. And the small wrapped present that he’d been meaning to give to Y/N for her twenty-fifth birthday, the little box with the silver ring, the promise that he’d wanted to make to her that night in Jericho, the one he’d stupidly held off on…

Now he might never get to ask her.

Tears pricked at his eyes as he turned his attention back to the road, and he wiped at them furiously, focusing all his energy on turning every emotion into hate. He would save Y/N. He had to. Even if it hadn’t been for the promise he’d made to her father, he’d do it for the promise he’d made to her.

The truck grumbled as he pushed his foot down on the gas, driving at speed past the Chicago city limits sign. He kept on going, his mind dragging up memories from the past. When she’d been hurt by those ghouls, god, so many years ago. She’d  _ died _ then, maybe only for forty-six seconds, but she’d stil died and it had still been his fault.

Maybe if he’d forced her to stay at Bobby’s, she wouldn’t be a meat puppet for a demon right now.

His phone rang, and John scowled, picking up the offending object and not even looking at the number as he answered.

‘Yeah?’

‘Hi, Daddy.’ The husky voice on the other end made him grip the steering wheel tighter.

‘You’re not her.’ He growled, and Y/N’s voice giggled on the other end.

‘More her than you realise. Still got that sweet, tight little pussy you like.’ She moaned down the phone, and John grit his teeth together, anger inflaming his senses. If it had been her, he’d be hard as a rock, but knowing that she was possessed just made him furious. ‘Don’t you still want me, John? Don’t you still wanna fuck your precious baby girl?’

‘Shut up.’

She laughed again. ‘She wanted so much from you that you didn’t give. She wanted babies, John, she wanted the white picket fence, and the family - all those things you’ll never be able to provide. You’re a hunter, through and through. And now she’s gonna die because of you.’

John squeezed his eyes shut briefly, wishing the words didn’t hit so painfully. The demon tittered in his ear and his fingers grasped the phone tightly, almost cracking the case. ‘I’m going to kill you.’

‘Hmm, we’ll see about that. Chicago can be a little wet this time of year. Keep your eyes on the road, baby.’ She hung up, and John threw the phone across the truck, letting a roar of anger burst free from his chest.

His foot pressed down on the gas, just as the rain started, and he knew that something would be dead before the night was out. As he drove on in fuming silence, he didn’t notice his phone ringing again, from where it had landed next to Y/N’s duffel.

*****

**Reader’s POV**

You’d told him once that what you and him had was too good for the life you lived. And the second that you’d had that foul black smoke forced down your throat, feeling the demon spread through your veins like poison - you’d known then. The last couple of years had been the calm before the storm, and you’d never have that back.

The war had started.

It had been easy to see what the demon’s plans were. It couldn’t hide anything from you, although you couldn’t hide anything from it either. You fought back for days, weeks, until you were too mentally exhausted to do anything but retreat into your mind when the demon started doing what came naturally. There wasn’t a complete escape - the memories were burned into you forever. Seeing your hands, choking the life out of someone, their blood running over your skin...there was no moving on from that.

When the demon decided to call John, you were almost relieved to hear his voice after so many months without him. But the monster wearing you taunted him, teased him and you screamed, your fight renewed as your captor went about enacting its plans.

There was no point knowing everything the demon knew really - you were never going to be able to tell anyone.

Sat outside the warehouse you waited for Meg, the other demon that Azazel - the yellow eyed demon that had killed Mary - had sent to force the boys back onto their path. She was a particularly vile piece of work, and you recoiled whenever you had to look at her demonic visage. Knowing she was tricking the Winchester brothers into coming here was making you angry, angry enough to try and rattle the demon’s cage.

‘You look like you’d a little out of sorts.’ Meg’s comment echoed in the dark street as the demon inside you moved your body like a puppet. ‘Is your meatsuit giving you trouble?’

‘She didn’t like me speaking to her loverboy. He’s on his way, just like you predicted.’ The demon plastered a smile on your face, and you screamed at it.

‘Well, if she hadn’t worked out as bait, at least we know we’ve got the boys on their way. I already laid the trap for Sam. Dean will follow.’ Meg smiled. ‘I’m gonna go in. You call me when they get here.’ Your demon kidnapper nodded, and you threw yourself against your prison, wanting out. The demon hissed as Meg walked away, and you knew it was directed at you.

_ How about you calm yourself down before I do something that ensures your death when I smoke out? _

You snorted at the order, mentally giving it the finger.  _ How about you go fuck yourself? _

The demon laughed.  _ I know what he sees in you. Such spunk for a little girl hunter. Hmmm, the fun I could have with you. _

You ignored it, retreating inside your head, trying to figure a way out. It was pointless - the demon could hear everything, but for now, it didn’t seem too interested in a battle of wills as it waited for the two brothers to arrive at the warehouse. Meg was summoning a daeva, a particularly nasty shadow monster, and you hoped they could make it out alive.

Almost on cue, the Impala rolled up on the opposite side of the road. The demon smiled with your face again, pulling out a phone and calling the preset number. ‘They’re here.’ It said, waiting for the boys to cross the street. When they had gone inside, it would follow, and help Meg with the plan.

Dean and Sam remained unaware as they went into the building, and the demon stepped off of the sidewalk. Before it could continue, strong arms encircled your body, and you screamed inside your head, pounding away to distract the monster, hoping to gain some control.

Your body hit the concrete with a thud, and your head bashed against the solid surface, making you dizzy as a larger body straddled you, pinning your arms under his knees. The demon opened your eyes, snarling up at your captor, and you screamed in relief as you saw who it was.

John held up a rosary, shoving it into your mouth, and you felt the burn as the demon reacted. Fighting with everything you have, you didn’t even hear him quoting the exorcism, and when the pressure lifted out of your veins, black smoke spiralling from your mouth, your body went lax underneath him..

‘Y/N?’ John’s voice was unsure, and you opened your eyes, meeting his. He seemed to know in that second, and let you up, only for you to launch yourself into his open arms, sobbing heavily. ‘Fuck, baby girl, it’s you. Oh, shit, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.’

‘John…’ You sobbed. ‘The boys...the boys are in there. Meg has a daeva and -’

‘I know.’ He muttered, checking you over for injuries. ‘I know, and they’ll be fine. I gotta get you out of here. Come on. I know where their motel room is. I gotta get you safe.’ He kissed your head, cradling your face. ‘I was so scared, I couldn’t find you -’

You nodded. ‘I know. The demon wanted it that way. It...it killed people, John. It did things...and I can’t...I can’t stop  _ seeing _ it.’ Your body shuddered heavily, and John frowned as you closed your eyes. ‘They want Sam. I saw everything that demon wanted.’ You opened your eyes again, looking up at him. ‘I saw Azazel. The yellow eyed demon. He wants you dead, John.’

John grimaced. ‘I’d guessed as much.’

‘No, he  _ really _ wants you dead. You’re ruining his plans. He knows you’ve got a chance to kill him. And if he can’t get to Sam…’ You paused, your fingers curling in his coat. ‘We need to kill him before he gets Sam, John. We have to save him.’ Your breathing was erratic, and sweat was breaking out on your skin, your panic escalating out of control. John’s hands held you steady as your words gave way to sharp gasps as you tried to fill your lungs desperately. 

‘Stop, baby, stop, you gotta breathe. Come on, Y/N -’ He stopped talking as you collapsed forward, dizziness overtaking your head and concentration fading as you surrendered to the panic attack. John cursed loudly, hoisting you into his arms, just as the smash of glass echoed across the street. A female body fell to the ground, landing with a dull thud in the middle of the road, and John saw the silhouettes of his boys in the window.

Your breathing was evening out, and he knew you’d lapsed into unconsciousness. Making a decision, he moved away from the scene, heading for the motel room Dean and Sam were using.

*****

As you opened your eyes, you hear muffled voices, and saw John stood by the window in the darkened motel room. The door lock clicked as someone unlocked it, and Dean and Sam trudged into the room, not seeing their father immediately.

Dean’s attention was caught first, and he shouted, just as his brother turned on the light, revealing their visitor to them. ‘Dad?’ Dean’s eyes flickered to the bed, where you were laying, pale and exhausted. ‘Y/N?’

‘Hey, boys.’ John sounded sad and weary, but he smiled as Dean practically ran forward and collided with him in a tight hug. ‘Hi, Sam.’ He greeted his youngest, who looked at him with tears in his eyes, before dropping the bag of weapons and running forward.

‘Dad.’ Sam breathed, squeezing his eyes shut as Dean moved over to you.

‘It was a trap.’ The eldest son muttered, sitting down beside you, concern on his face. You gave him a weak smile, barely able to lift your head. Months without sleep, without rest, with your mind constantly under attack had taken it’s toll, and all you wanted was to pass out again. And possibly some food. ‘I didn’t know, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s all right. I thought it might’ve been.’ John released Sam, who looked over at you.

‘Were you there?’ Dean asked.

‘Yeah, I got there just in time to see the girl take the swan dive. She was the bad guy, right?’ He looked to both of his sons for confirmation, despite knowing the answer. They both answered in tandem, just as you tried to sit up. Dean immediately offered his assistance, as John watched you with worry in his dark eyes. ‘Good. Well, it doesn’t surprise me. It’s tried to stop me before.’

Sam frowned. ‘The demon has?’

‘It had me.’ You whispered, throat raw from the exorcism. ‘Took me as a meatsuit.’ You grimaced as you caught a bruised rib trying to shift around on the bed. Dean’s hands supported you, but right now, you felt like you needed a full body cast.

‘You didn’t tell us.’ Dean looked up at his dad. ‘Is that why we haven’t seen you for months? Why neither of you answered your phones?’

‘I don’t even know where mine is.’ You replied, not making eye contact. You hadn’t been aware that John hadn’t told the boys of your abduction, but you didn’t have the energy to chew him out about it now.

John sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. ‘It knows I’m close. It knows I’m gonna kill it. Not just exorcise it or send it back to hell - actually kill it.’

‘How?’ Dean demanded, earning a smile from his father.

‘I’m workin’ on that.’ He said, slyly and you added another mental note to bring that up in a private conversation too.

‘Let us come with you.’ Sam started, ignoring the warning look from Dean. ‘We’ll help.’

John shook his head. ‘No, Sam. Not yet.’ Sam opened his mouth to argue, but John cut him off. ‘Just try to understand. This demon is a scary son of a bitch. He’s had Y/N for months, and I don’t want anyone else caught in a crossfire. I don’t want anyone else hurt.’

Sam frowned, holding out his hands, showing he didn’t want to fight, but his expression was firm. ‘Dad, you don’t have to worry about us.’

John scoffed. ‘Of course I do. I’m your father.’ He paused, sighing before reaching out. ‘Sammy, I know what happened with Jess...I thought you were safe. I thought we could make it work for you. I’m so sorry this had to happen.’ The youngest Winchester sniffled a little, memories of his deceased girlfriend bringing his emotions to the surface. You shrank back a little, knowing more about that than they did, feeling like shit because you’d been possessed and aware, unable to tell anyone, unable to warn anyone.

You could have stopped it.

‘It’s good to see both of you again.’ John said quietly. His hand landed on Sam’s shoulder, and you could see the wetness in his eyes. As you opened your mouth to speak, the hair on the back of your neck stood up and your entire body tensed. Something was here.

‘John.’ You whimpered. ‘Something -’

The shadow demon attacked, and you screamed as John was thrown across the room into some cabinets. It went for Sam next, prompting a yell from Dean as his little brother collided with a wall, blood on his forehead as you tried to push yourself from the bed. Dean ran to Sam, finding himself yanked backwards and tossed like a rag doll as the demon clawed at his face, and you threw yourself onto the floor, scrambled under the bed, panicking as the demon kept attacking. John was bleeding, calling out to you, and you saw Sam crawl across the floor, bleeding from too many scratches to count, his fingers stretching out to reach the weapons bag.

‘Shut your eyes!’ He yelled, pulling a flare out of the bag. ‘These things are shadow demons, so let’s light ‘em up!’ The flare lit up brilliantly, and you covered your eyes, trying not to inhale the acrid smoke that the thing produced. The shadow demon screamed, and disappeared, leaving the room in dim light, a thick blanket of smoke obscuring your vision.

‘John!’ Your voice was weak as you cried out, feeling strong hands drag you out from under the bed, and for a split second, you attempted to defend yourself, until your eyes focused and you saw John pulling you into his arms. Dean was helping Sam from the room, and you allowed John to help you to your feet and out of the motel, into the street below.

‘All right, come on.’ Sam ordered, still clinging to Dean. ‘We don’t have much time. As soon as the flare’s out, they’ll be back.’ He grabbed the Impala door, just as Dean held out a hand to stop him.

‘Wait, wait.’ The younger brother looked back, frowning at Dean. ‘Sam, wait. Dad and Y/N...they can’t come with us.’

‘What?’ Sam demanded, his frown deepening. ‘What are you talking about?’

You shook your head. ‘You’re beat to hell, Dean. We can’t split up.’

Dean nodded, acknowledging your point. ‘We’ll be all right.’

Sam shook his head, determined to argue the point. ‘Dean, we should stick together. We’ll go after those demons -’

‘Sam! Listen to me!’ Dean interrupted. ‘We almost got Dad killed in there. Don’t you understand? They’re not gonna stop. They’re gonna try again. They’re gonna use us to get to him. I mean, Meg was right. Dad’s vulnerable when he’s with us. He - he’s stronger without us around.’

‘What about Y/N? They can use her just as easily.’ Sam pointed out, and you shrank into John’s arms, knowing he was right.

‘I can do better looking after her on my own.’ John admitted. ‘She’ll be fine with me. She’s more capable than even I am at times.’ He looked down at you. ‘I spent months searching for her, I’m not letting her out of my sight now.’

Sam’s face fell. ‘After everything - after all the time we spent looking for you - please.’ He looked like he was gonna cry again. ‘I gotta be a part of this fight.’

John sighed, pulling you close. ‘Sammy, this fight is just starting. And we are all gonna have a part to play. For now, you’ve got to trust me, son.’ You felt him tense as Sam shook his head, and you looked up, locking your eyes on Sam’s.

‘You gotta let us go, Sam.’ Your voice was quiet, and you saw tears brimming in the younger man’s eyes. John didn’t wait for an answer, guiding you towards his truck. He helped you in, pulling a blanket from the back seat to cover you in, before turning to look back at Sam and Dean.

‘Be careful, boys.’ He gave them a small smile, before climbing into his side of the truck. Turning the engine on, he reached over, coaxing you towards him, and you gratefully slid across, feeling safer with his arm around you as he pulled the truck away from his sons.

As the vehicle trundled down the road, you felt something prickling at your senses, and you sat up a little, knowing you were being watched. The feeling faded the further from the city you got, but you knew that John had been more than right.

The fight was far from over.

  
  



	30. Part Thirty

The truck eventually lulled you to sleep, but it wasn’t peaceful. Your body jerked as you fought against the monsters remaining in your head, and John held you close, rousing you when you became too agitated. It took less than a minute for you to fall back into unconsciousness - you were too exhausted to try and fight it.

Four hours outside of Chicago, John pulled off the highway, finding a quiet motel. He was reluctant to leave you in the truck too long, so pulled up right outside the office, making sure you were in his view before he dashed in and booked a room for a couple of days. He knew he was playing it on a dangerous edge staying so close to the city with what had just happened, but you needed rest.

Parking the truck properly, he climbed out, walking around to your side and lifting you carefully from the seat, blanket and all, his hands holding you close. Once inside the room, he settled you on the bed, quickly dashing out to grab the bags. For the first time in months, he picked up your bag, taking it with him into the room and locking the door behind him.

You were still out cold, but John knew you were in need of a shower and decent meal after months of being a puppet on a string. Slowly, he sat down beside you, stroking your hair out of your face as you twitched and grimaced in your sleep.

‘Y/N?’ He whispered your name quietly, maintaining contact with you, knowing that you might wake up in a panic. ‘Sweetheart?’

Your eyes snapped open and you bolted upright, slapping his hand away and scrambling up the bed. Your head darted around the room, and it became obvious you were searching for a weapon. John’s eyes widened and he held his hands up, knowing he needed to calm you down.

‘Y/N. It’s just me. John. You’re safe.’

You shook your head, crouching on the bed like a frightened animal. ‘No. She did this. She made me think…made me think you’d rescue me and then I’d wake up and she’d…’ You swallowed, blinking sudden sweat out of your eyes.

‘I’m real.’ He held out his hand to you, keeping his palm open. ‘I promise you, you’re safe. You’re home, with me.’

‘This isn’t home.’ You whimpered, your entire body shaking. ‘This is…it’s not there.’ The tension in your muscles dissipated and you fell to your knees on the bed, just a John moved to let you find haven in his arms. Sobs wracked your body, and you clutched at him. ‘You’re real. You’re really real.’

‘Sssh,’ John cooed at you, running his hand through your hair, pressing kisses to your forehead as he held you close. ‘I got you, baby girl. Never gonna let you go again.’ You nodded, feeling your tears soak through his outer shirt, your fingers clinging to him tightly.

Neither of you moved for a while, until your tears subsided and you sat up, pulling away and looking up at him. ‘I’m sorry.’ Your voice was low and hoarse. ‘I didn’t…it’s…’

‘You don’t need to apologise.’ John stopped you, leaning in to brush a kiss against your lips. You responded timidly, sighing against his lips.

‘You are real.’ You whispered. ‘I knew, I just, I didn’t…’ You sighed again, smiling a little, despite the weariness in your bones. ‘When she - it - made me see things, it didn’t feel like this.’ John brushed a thumb over your cheek. ‘I’m so tired…’ You trailed off.

John nodded. ‘You need to eat. And shower. It’ll make you feel better.’

‘Will you help me? Shower, I mean?’ You blushed a little. ‘I don’t…I don’t wanna be alone.’ He smiled, pulling you in close again and nodding. ‘Still my hero, John Winchester.’

‘Always will be.’ He whispered, kissing your temple, trying to hold back his own tears of relief at having you home.

*****

John was right. The shower made you feel cleaner than you had in months, and went some way to getting the feel of blood off of your skin. It was a first step, and a baby one at that, but the hot spray and John’s hands washing over your body had made you feel a little more human than the shell you had been.

You’d managed to eat a few mouthfuls of the pasta John had cooked up, smiling at his apologies for not being a good cook. It was an apology he’d made many times over the years, despite your attempts to cultivate his inner chef. His limit was macaroni and cheese, but at least he was good at it.

When you were done eating, John had given you some painkillers, hoping they would stop the nightmares at least, and whilst he took a quick check of the perimeter and salted the doors, you stripped down to your underwear, sliding in between the covers of the queen bed. Moments later, John walked over, turning all the lights off but one, and peeling off his own clothes until he was only wearing his boxers.

As he slid in beside you, he looped his arms around your waist, pulling you close. Your eyes remained open, and you turned in his arms, looking up at him.

‘You found me.’ You whispered, unsure how to contain the utter relief you felt at being back with him. John smiled, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. You moaned into the caress, parting your lips wider to allow him access. His tongue massaged over yours and you shifted your body closer, feeling his growing arousal through his boxer shorts, pressing into your lower belly. The heat that pooled in your belly was a welcome feeling, a sense of normal you’d been without for too long.

John broke away for a second, looking down at you with conflicting emotions on his face. ‘Sweetheart…you don’t have to…’

You pressed your lips back to his, silencing him before pulling away. ‘I want to. This…this is us. You’re here and I’m here, and I just wanna feel like me again. Before…before the smoke.’ You sucked in a shuddering breath, closing your eyes for a second. ‘Please, John, make love to me.’

He dragged one hand up your body, his thumb swiping over your cheek as he smiled softly, before bending his head to yours again, capturing your mouth. It was more gentle than his previous kisses, but the urgency was still there, and almost more intense. You whimpered, rolling your hips up against him, desperate for his touch.

‘I missed you.’ John’s words were whispered against your lips, and you smiled, your fingers trailing down his chest, feeling the spattering of hair there, his rough and lean body feeling like home, like it always had done. ‘So much.’

His hands were slow moving as he pushed you onto your back, unhooking your bra and slipping it over your arms, exposing your breasts to him. He sucked one pebbled nipple into his mouth, and you arched up for him, small cries falling from your mouth as he switched between each breast, his fingers working one hard bud whilst his mouth caressed the other.

You gasped his name as he used his knees to spread your legs, his cock hard and leaking in his boxers as he ground into you, your panties soaked through as you responded with fervour, fingers running through his thick dark hair.

‘John, please, I need you.’ Your whimper was quiet, but he nodded, kissing a path down your stomach, pausing over the scars from your injuries so many years ago. You closed your eyes, biting your bottom lip with your top teeth as he kept moving, fingers hooking into your panties and dragging them down your legs.

‘I know what you need, baby girl. But I’m not gonna hurt you.’ He nuzzled at your slick core, freshly shaven from your shower, his tongue darting out to catch your essence. A hum of pleasure vibrated from his throat along your sensitive folds and you shudder, writhing under his touch as he lapped at your dripping hole, his fingers holding you open.

Your whimpers escalated as his tongue abandoned your hole, seeking out your clit, circling it lazily, blunt teeth scraping over the swollen little bud as he slowly pushed one finger into your clutching channel, teasing you and drawing out your reactions. Adding a second, he thrust into you, working his hand in time with his slow licks over your clit. The pleasure in your belly tightened as John’s ministrations became more and more intense, coaxing you through with muttered words against your womanhood. Finally, you tumbled over, feeling his fingers curl inside your body, massaging the cluster of nerves on your inner walls, pushing you into the depths of bliss.

Pants filled the room as John crawled up your body, shedding his boxers almost awkwardly before kneeling back, looking down at you spread before him.

‘John?’ You mewled, reaching out for him through the haze of pleasure in your brain. ‘What is it?’ Panic flared in your mind, wondering if he’d changed his - after all, you were damaged, broken, used up. He smiled fondly, leaning over you on the bed, pressing his lips to yours.

‘I love you. So much.’ He whispered, and you smiled, the fear in your head abating as he held himself against you, moving his hips to slide slowly into your pussy. You brought your legs up, letting your hands cradle his face, constantly kissing him as he thrust into you. Both of you pressed in close, unwilling to let any part of you separate as John drove you towards a second climax, his large hands clinging to your shoulders as his chest kept flush with yours. Breaking the kiss, he buried his face in your shoulder as you shuddered around him, falling apart easily as he followed you into completion.

He didn’t pull away, and you made no attempt to remove yourself from underneath his weight. It felt right, with him above you, buried inside you, his lips still absently caressing your neck as his hot breath tickled your skin.

Moments ticked by, and your eyes started to drift shut. John noticed the change in your breathing, withdrawing from your warmth, and cleaning the both of you up. He didn’t bother to put clothes on himself or you, simply curling into you from behind, sheltering you with his larger frame as you slipped into unconsciousness.

For a long while, he watched you sleep, content that you seemed to be getting the rest you needed. He didn’t shut his eyes, keeping you close and hoping that you’d somehow sense him there, guarding you from the nightmares.

When you woke up screaming at four, as the sun was barely peeking over the horizon, his heart shattered.

*****

‘What about this?’ You slid the book across the table, and John looked over, frowning at what you’d found. ‘It’s a rare object, but it might not take too much to find.’ The drawing was of an ornate looking knife with a wooden handle, and strange symbols in the blade. ‘It’s supposed to kill demons.’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t know, sweetheart. It doesn’t look like it’s even real.’

You sighed, sitting back, folding your arms over your chest. It had been nearly four weeks since Chicago and you hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep since. Your eyes were dull, and the evidence of your sleeplessness was clear on your skin. John wasn’t looking one hundred percent either, mainly because your nightmares were becoming as disturbing to him as they were to you.

It wasn’t as if there wasn’t a single place you couldn’t rest. The nightmares never bothered you when you were asleep in the truck, curled up on the front bench with your head against John’s thigh. That was the only time you could get proper rest, and John had taken to spending a lot of time driving throughout the night only to keep you safe from the haunting of what had happened to you.

There hadn’t been any hunts, only constant research, looking for the one way to kill an upper level demon like Azazel. You’d been privy to a lot of information as a host, even meeting the yellow eyed demon at one point. He was one prominent figure of your visions; the things his spectre promised to do to you when they got you back. You were one access to John, and John was the key to keeping Sam in their sights.

So far, the only possible way of killing an upper level demon was with a specific gun, rumoured to have been made by Samuel Colt in the eighteen hundreds. But tracking the gun down was proving to be harder than either of you imagined. The demon that had possessed you had no idea the gun even existed, and you were both hedging bets that yellow eyes didn’t know of it either.

‘Shit.’

John’s voice jarred you out of your daze, and you looked up, seeing that he was holding his phone. ‘What is it?’ You asked, frowning.

‘Elkins.’ He muttered, shaking his head. You waited for an explanation, having no idea what “Elkins” meant. John looked up, his forehead creased in thought. ‘Caleb just text me. He thinks Elkins has the gun.’

‘Who’s Elkins?’

‘An old hunter friend. Well, he’s a hunter but he’s got a specific interest in vampires.’

You raised an eyebrow. ‘I’ve only gone up against vamps once. They’re all pretty much extinct aren’t they?’

John chuckled. ‘They’re thin on the ground, but not extinct. Only takes one coven to start up again, and I know there’s a few Daniel has tangled with in the past.’ He stood up, picking up a few books and piling them up. ‘We hit the road now, should be in Colorado within three days.’ He smiled, reaching down to trace your jaw with his thumb. ‘You can get some sleep in the truck.’

You returned his smile, standing up and moving over to the bed. ‘Sounds like a plan. Can we stop at a store? I’ve run out of aspirin and I can literally feel a headache coming on.’

Twenty minutes later, John had checked out, and you waited for him in the truck, feeling a little hungry and making a mental note to grab some food at the store when you stopped. You had an immense craving for something salty, and you mentioned it to John as he climbed into the truck.

‘Salty, huh?’ He chuckled. ‘Ironic.’

‘I guess.’ You smirked, settling in your seat as he started the engine. ‘Do you think the boys are okay?’

John nodded. ‘Dean sent me a text yesterday. Said they were fine and just clearing up a case with a - and I’m quoting here - creepy old painting with a creepy little girl.’

You giggled. ‘Sounds like Dean. I’m glad I’ve never had much of a run in with creepy little kids. I hate those cases.’

‘Remember that witch who’d taken the form of a little ginger kid? I think you must have been…what, twelve?’ John looked over at you. ‘Your dad, he didn’t like that one either.’ You smiled, your thoughts moving to your family, and wondering how things would have turned out if he hadn’t been taken by that werewolf. John seemed to sense your mood taking a dip, and smiled reassuringly, squeezing your knee with his hand. ‘Hey, there’s a Walmart up ahead. We can stop and get you something appropriately salty.’

‘Sounds good.’ You grinned, squirming a little. ‘I kinda need the little girl’s room anyway.’

He frowned. ‘We just left the motel.’

‘Must have been the coffee.’ You shrugged, seeing the Walmart come into view and remaining silent as John pulled the truck into the parking lot, finding a space quickly. He climbed out as you did, walking around to pull you into his side. ‘I’ll see you back here in twenty?’

‘Wow, no more coffee for you.’ He quipped, smirking. ‘Sure thing, baby girl. I can pick up some things whilst we’re here. You got money?’

‘I have fake credit cards?’ You offered, and John laughed, pulling away. ‘I’ll be fine.’

Walking into the store and giving the greeter an awkward smile, you branched off towards the medicinal aisles, watching as John headed straight for the men’s clothing, and you wondered if he was finally replacing the plaid shirt he’d torn up more than could be repaired. Once he was out of sight, you grabbed what you needed and paid for it, heading straight for the bathrooms at the back of the store.

Locking the door, you took a seat, pulling out one of your purchases, staring at it for a few seconds before taking a breath and opening it. You followed the instructions, before placing it on the side and redressing yourself, not daring to look at the little white stick on the counter.

‘Please…’ You whispered, closing your eyes, not sure which answer you wanted.

Glancing down at the stick, you took in the result, swallowing thickly as you realised you’d gotten exactly what you wanted after all….


	31. Part Thirty-One

‘Sweetheart? Y/N?’

The sound of John’s voice dragged you out of your stupor and you looked over at him, frowning. ‘Yeah?’

‘Jeez, must have been one hell of a daydream, baby girl.’ John was smiling and you blinked, trying to shake the thoughts that had been circling in your head for days, ever since you’d spent the longest five minutes of your life in a Walmart bathroom. ‘Motel is about a mile ahead, we should stop for the night.’

‘Yeah, that sounds good to me.’ You smiled, but a yawn split it in half and you shivered a little. ‘I could use some sleep.’

‘Been sleeping a lot lately.’

A shrug lifted your shoulders, and you scooted over the seat, leaning into John’s side as he held his arm up for you to shift underneath. ‘I think I’m just adjusting again. It’s been a rough year.’

He huffed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. ‘Understatement of the century.’ The motel sign up ahead came into view, twinkling lights stark against the dark sky. ‘You sure you’re okay though? I worry when you’re like this.’

You weren’t sure how to answer, biting your bottom lip. There was a reason for all this, and you knew it, but telling John - in the middle of the fight of his life no less - that he was gonna be a father again? How the hell would that go down?

‘I’m fine,’ you slipped your fingers over his thigh, squeezing a little to try and reassure him. His answering murmur was all you needed to understand that he wasn’t going to leave the subject alone, and you had to come up with the best way to tell him the good, or possibly bad, news.

You waited in the truck for John to book a room, only hopping out with your bag when he opened your door, smiling at you and waiting for you to jump down. It wasn’t the dingiest motel you’d ever been to, not the most luxurious, but after a few weeks on the road, you were just glad of a hot shower and a comfortable bed.

‘How much longer until we’re in Colorado?’ You asked.

‘We passed the border about two hours ago.’ John pointed out, smirking at your confusion as you looked at him. ‘I did mention it, but you were off somewhere else, I guess.’ He opened the door to room sixty-two, ushering you inside. ‘We can camp here for the night, and go up to see Daniel in the morning. I doubt he’s gonna be happy to see me, but if he’s got what I need -’

‘This gun?’ You asked, rubbing one thumb over the other, feeling your heart thump in your chest, frowning as you saw the most recent edition of the local paper on the kitchen side. You picked it up, scanning the news headlines. ‘John, did you ring Daniel before we left?’

John shook his head, picking out a few bits from the duffels, not looking at you, and not catching the tone in your voice. ‘No. He wouldn’t have answered. Old man had become a bit of a recluse and we...had a falling out a few years back.’

You pressed your lips together in a thin line, knowing exactly how John had probably managed that. He was a hard man to live with, and even harder to love; but once you got through the tough Marine exterior, through the years of loss and hardship...well, you couldn’t say it wasn’t worth it. It made it harder to tell him what you’d discovered in the thin twenty page newspaper.

‘There’s a report here...says a man was attacked at his home.’ Your voice was quiet, but John stood straight, turning to you and hesitating before walking over. You held out the paper, letting him take it and scan the story for himself.

‘Shit.’

‘We can...we can go up there now,’ you suggested, folding your arms around your middle. It wasn’t an exciting prospect - it was getting colder outside the higher you got here - but you weren’t about to let John go off on his own.

His face softened and he dragged his eyes from the paper to you, realising just how drawn you looked, how exhausted you were. In his head, you weren’t fully recovered from eight months of possession - he didn’t know the real reason behind your reluctance. ‘No, it’s okay. I’ll head up, scope out the place and come back. Knowing Elkins, he’d have hidden the gun.’ John’s smile was reassuring as he reached out and pulled you into his arms, your entire body relaxing into his easy embrace as he kissed the top of your head. ‘You stay here, get some rest. You look exhausted.’

You opened your mouth, then shut it again quickly, opting for a smile and a nod of agreement. Pulling away from him, you felt nausea swell in your belly, but ignored it and grabbed your bag.

‘I’ll wait up for you.’ Telling him could wait. He wasn’t going anywhere.

John smiled. ‘Course you will.’

*****

By the time John returned to the cabin, Sam and Dean in tow, you were propping up the kitchen table with your face, almost drooling in your sleep. Before you could protest, John had scooped you up in his arms and settled you into bed, the covers drawn tightly around your shoulders.

‘John…’

‘Shush, sweetheart. You need to sleep. You’re exhausted.’

‘I just wanted…’ You blinked, smiling a little as you scraped dull fingernails over his salt and pepper beard. He needed a shave, but he’d held off, as you liked his scruff. ‘Are Sam and Dean here?’

Dean cleared his throat, placing a six pack of beers on the table. ‘We’re here, Y/N. Good to see you less...you know...demonic.’

‘Tactfully done, Dean,’ Sam mocked, and you smiled, happy to hear their easy banter. John tutted, rolling his eyes good naturedly as he bent down to kiss you softly.

‘Get some rest.’

You frowned, shaking your head a little. ‘I can be involved from the bed. I’m just tired, John.’ The lie fell from your lips easily, and you tried to cover the shameful blush that stained your skin. ‘What did you find?’

‘Daniel had the gun.’ John’s voice was tight as he looked back at the boys. ‘Think some vamps got it. It won’t be long before they slip up, so we’re gonna stay here, scan the airwaves and wait for them to show their hand. Vampires are hungry beasts by nature - they’ll want fresh blood soon.’ He smoothed your hair back from your eyes as you watched him. ‘You sure you’re okay, baby girl? You look...I dunno. Like there’s something off. You still feeling sick?’

Panic seized your insides, and you shook your head. ‘No. Just tired.’ A smile graced your face and you hoped to God it looked genuine. ‘I’ll get some sleep like you said. Just, let me know when you’re going. I want to help, John.’

‘I know.’ He smiled. ‘You do without knowing it.’

‘You two just got more gross, you know that?’ Dean’s words had you both looking at him and he grinned. ‘Just remember we’re sharing a room here, right?’ John stood up, walking over to grab a beer and land a light slap on the back of his son’s head as he took a seat. You snuggled down into the covers, your eyes closed and willing yourself to sleep.

Naturally, you didn’t sleep a second, and when the scanner came to life, you were upright, scowling at the lack of rest. Sam and Dean were both asleep, and only roused when their father called them.

‘A couple called 911, found a body in the street. Cops got there everyone was missing. It's the vampires.’ John was packing guns into his duffel, and you climbed from the bed, narrowly missing Sam’s long legs as you rushed into the bathroom. From in there, you could hear the boys asking their dad questions, and you prayed they didn’t hear you throw up the meagre contents of your stomach.

The sun was already high in the sky as John led you from the motel and to the truck. He’d already decided you would hang back with the boys, still not content that you were able to hunt. You were stubborn, and put up a fight, but it was mostly for show. Truth was, you were happy to not be in the way - not with what you were carrying.

Sam sighed heavily as the three of you watched John talking to a cop. ‘I don’t see why we couldn’t have gone over with him.

‘Don’t start, Sammy.’ Dean warned, and you shot him a look, which the eldest brother picked up on. ‘There’s been some...tension.’

‘You mean like Dad up and leaving us, not telling us about you, all that crap?’ Sam’s voice was seething, and you frowned, wondering why John hadn’t told them, making a mental note to bring it up to him later. ‘Forget it.’

‘What have you got?’ Dean asked John as he reached the three of you, his face solemn as he stretched his arms behind his back, placing his hands on his hips as he cracked his neck a little.

‘It was them all right. Looks like they’re heading west. We’ll have to double back to get around that detour.’

Sam narrowed his eyes. ‘How can you be so sure?’

It sounded so much like when he was a teenager, that you felt yourself bristle and a warning fell from your lips before anyone else could say anything. ‘Sam…’

The tallest Winchester held his hands up. ‘Sorry. I just...I just wanna know we're going in the right direction.’

John smiled, clapping a hand on his shoulder. ‘We are. I found this.’ He held his hand out, and Sam frowned, picking up the small white object in his palm. Dean leaned in, inspecting it as his brother held it up.

‘It's a....a vampire fang.’ Dean looked up. ‘I don’t get it. You said last night that vampires were practically extinct. Why is this pack lookin’ to revive the old gang?’

‘Not fangs, teeth. The second set descends when they attack.’ John looked over at you, a flash of concern on his face. ‘I know I said vampires are practically extinct, but Y/N has faced them. And I taught you what I knew, even if it wasn’t much.’ He looked between his sons, smiling softly. ‘Any more questions?’ Both Winchester brothers shook their heads. ‘All right, let's get out of here, we're losing daylight.’

*****

The back roads were quiet, and you lay across the bench seat of the truck as John drove, your head on his thigh and your feet propped on the window. Dean and Sam were behind, and although Sam had been a little off colour about the whole situation, he’d calmed down somewhat, and you were glad.

The stars were bright in the sky and you watched them closely as John tapped out a rhythm to a Clapton song on the radio. You smiled, feeling a little more content and normal than usual, your hand resting over your still-flat tummy.

You weren’t even sure what came over you, but you felt like now was the right time, even if it looked like the worst time. ‘John?’

‘Yeah, princess?’ He didn’t look down at you as he drove, although one hand reached over and fingers threaded through yours over your belly.

‘I’m pregnant.’ The truck swerved a little, as John looked down at you in shock, and you scrambled up into a seated position, feeling like maybe you’d made a mistake.

‘Is that...is that a joke?’ His voice was barely a whisper, his head whipping back and forth between the road and you, knowing he had to concentrate but needing to look into your eyes and see the truth. ‘I mean, shit, baby, are you kidding me?’

You shook your head. ‘I’ve known for a couple of days. I...I took a test before we drove out here. It’s shitty timing, I know, but...John…’

He was staring at the road now, and you felt tears sting at your eyes as you waited for the rejection. This was your fault - you hadn’t even thought about birth control after you’d come back from wherever the demon had taken you, but even if it was a mistake, you couldn’t turn your back on it.

‘John?’

‘I’m…’ John sucked in a breath, before turning his eyes to you, a smile spreading over his face. ‘It’s fucking shitty timing, sweetheart, but it’s the best fucking shitty timing I ever heard.’ He punched the steering wheel, almost as if it was the only thing he could do to express his excitement, and you felt your body sag in relief. ‘Fuck. A baby. Oh, hell, princess, come here.’ His big arm looped around your shoulders, pulling you in tight against him.

‘I’m glad you’re okay with it,’ you whispered, burying your face in his cotton jacket. ‘I was scared what you’d do.’

‘Scared? Of what?’

‘We’re in the middle of a war.’

‘And I’ll keep you safe.’ His words were tinged with anger, but you knew it wasn’t directed at you. ‘I promise you now, Y/N, I’m gonna do everything I can to keep you and our baby safe. You know what you’ve given me, darlin’? You’ve given me a future.’ His stubbly chin brushed over your forehead as he pressed a kiss to your skin, and you sniffed back tears.

‘You gave me one too,’ you replied, and he chuckled softly.

‘You know what this means though?’ The question was one you’d been expecting and you nodded. ‘Benched. Indefinitely.’ John chewed on his lip thoughtfully. ‘We’ll keep it to ourselves for now. Boys don’t need to be hovering around you. And no hunting. I mean, obviously, you’ll be with me but - unless you’d rather go back to Bobby’s for a while.’

‘Can we…’ You looked up at him before finishing. ‘Can we talk about it later? Right now, I just wanna bask.’

John laughed, kissing you again. ‘Of course, baby girl. Anything you want.’

 


	32. Part Thirty-Two

The journey continued without either of you speaking but the silence was comfortable. John kept his hand over yours, his thumb alternating between stroking your fingers, and stroking your belly. His smile barely faded the whole drive, and you let your eyes drift shut as you lay on his leg, his soft humming of an old Led Zeppelin song lulling you in a state of relaxation.

‘We’re here, baby girl.’

Your eyes opened, and you sat up, seeing the wide open field ahead, the Impala trundling up beside the truck as John turned the truck off, opening his door. ‘What’s your plan?’

He smiled, reaching over to squeeze your thigh, and you returned the smile, trying to ignore your worry. You weren’t going to fight him on being “benched”; you didn’t want to risk yourself in the slightest. ‘Sneak in while the leeches are sleeping. Hopefully they don’t get our scent, but if I can do this with as little fuss as possible, that would be better.’

‘Dad?’ Dean’s voice made John turn, and you sank into your seat a little as he climbed from the truck, leaving the door open. ‘Wait here.’ He instructed, and you nodded, pulling your knees up as all three Winchesters disappeared. When they hadn’t come back fifteen minutes later, you exited the truck, walking around to the back, where John kept the weapons cache.

Footsteps made you pause, and you turned, seeing Sam approach first, Dean and John bringing up the back. Both brothers went straight for the Impala’s trunk, pulling out weapons, as John pulled you into a hug, kissing your forehead hard as if to apologise for worrying you. You smiled tightly, just as Dean stood straight, holding out an old machete.

‘Dad, I've got an extra machete if you need one?’

John smirked, flipping out his ridiculously organized weapons collection as you folded your arms a little smugly. You’d had more than a little input on that in the last few weeks, since he’d apparently given up whilst you’d been missing. He grasped the handle of a leather encased blade, pulling it free as Dean’s jaw hit the floor.

‘I think I’m okay. Thanks.’

‘Wow.’ Dean’s eyes almost caressed the metal as John slid it into the pouch again, smirking proudly. You thwacked his arm lightly, reprimanding him for showing off.

‘So.’ He started, leaning against the truck. ‘You boys really wanna know about this Colt?’

Sam was upright immediately, his attention captured, as his brother watched, a little less enthused. ‘Yes, sir.’ The younger Winchester said, and you smiled a little, allowing yourself to press in close to John, seeking comfort from him without even thinking.

‘It’s just a story. A legend, really. Well, I thought it was. Never really believed it until we found the book, and I’d read Daniel’s letter.’ He sighed, his hand snaking around your waist to cling to your hip, and you closed your eyes, remembering what you’d read in the book. ‘Back in 1835, when Halley’s comet was overhead, the same night those men died at the Alamo; they say Samuel Colt made a gun. A special gun. He made it for a hunter, a man like us, only on horseback. Story goes, he made thirteen bullets, and this hunter used the gun half a dozen times before he disappeared, the gun along with him.’ You felt John’s shrug. ‘And somehow Daniel got his hands on it. They say…they say this gun can kill anything.’

‘Kill anything like, supernatural anything?’ Dean clarified, raising an eyebrow and looking at his brother, who was staring intently at their father.

‘Like the demon.’ Sam said, his mouth turning upwards like he’d tasted victory already.

The little smirk John gave was equally sad and angry. ‘Yeah, the demon. Ever since I picked up its trail I've been looking for a way to destroy that thing. Find the gun - we may have it.’ He looked down at you, as you opened your eyes and gazed up, his hand squeezing your hip gently. ‘A way to keep our family safe for the future. We kill the demon, and this is over.’ You couldn’t help but feel he was making a promise to you, and your stomach flipped, your smile unrestrained. Neither brother noticed, too busy thinking of the possibilities of killing the demon that had destroyed their family so long ago.

Your only thoughts were for the growing life you now carried, and keeping him or her safe from the same fate both you and the Winchester boys had been through.

‘Right, you.’ John turned, bending to place a quick kiss on your lips. ‘In the truck. Stay put.’

‘She’s not coming?’ Sam questioned, narrowing his eyes.

‘She’s been sick. Not quite recovered from being a meatsuit for so long.’

‘About that…’ Dean asked, shutting the trunk of the Impala. ‘Why didn’t you tell us? We could have helped.’

‘Story for another time.’ John stated, his voice brokering no argument. ‘We’ve got a job to do here, and we’re gonna get it done. I say she’s too sick to fight, then she’s too sick to fight.’

‘We’re not arguing.’ Dean replied, holding up his hands defensively. ‘Just concerned.’

You offered your old friend a small smile, before nodding at John and slinking around to the truck cab again, climbing in without protest. Truth was, you felt sick to your stomach again, and you weren’t sure if it was the pregnancy thing, or the intense worry and bad vibes about the vampires. Either way, you didn’t enjoy the feeling.

‘We’ll be back, princess.’ John muttered, leaning into squeeze your hand, before looking to check where Sam and Dean were. They weren’t paying attention, and he grinned, stretching into the cab to kiss your belly, prompting you to giggle. ‘I promise both of you.’

‘Sap.’ You whispered, cupping his stubbled cheek.

‘You know it.’ John retorted, smiling briefly before pulling away. As he shut the door to the truck, you watched, seeing the soft edges of his posture melt into solid steel and anger, before all three men walked away.

The bad feeling in your stomach returned, and you bit your lip, hoping you were just being paranoid.

When they’d burst out of the barn, running, not stopping until they’d reached the vehicles in the relative safety of daylight, you’d immediately panicked. John had said something to the boys, before climbing into the truck, turning the engine on and peeling away, the Impala hot on his wheels.

‘What happened?’

‘Trap.’ John’s teeth ground together and your eyes widened. ‘We’ve gotta think ahead. Dean’s going to the funeral home for dead man’s blood. Only thing I know hurts them.’

‘Did you get the Colt?’ You asked, fearing the answer. John shook his head, and you sagged, worry creasing your features. ‘It’s okay. We can do this. You have a plan right?’

‘Always do.’

*****

‘It shouldn't be taking this long. I should go help.’ Sam had been pacing for hours, and you watched him, feeling a little seasick at his constant movement. John was watching the clock, his entire body tense as he sat in the flimsy motel chair.

‘Dean’s got it.’ His words didn’t seem to affect the youngest Winchester, who continued to pace, irritating his father more. You turned away, laying down on the bed and curling into the covers, willing the nausea away. ‘Sammy.’

‘Yeah?’ Sam’s footsteps stopped, and you listened as John chuckled a little.

‘I don’t think I ever told you this, but the day you were born, you know what I did?’

You couldn’t help but smile, listening to his voice as his youngest son took a seat at the table, his attention caught. ‘No.’

‘I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother.’ He paused, and you heard the chair creak as he leaned forward. ‘It was a college fund. And every month I'd put in another hundred dollars, until... Anyway my point is, Sam, this is never the life that I wanted for you.’

You pulled the covers a little closer, almost hugging yourself as Sam replied with sadness in his voice. ‘Then why'd you get so defensive over it? I know you didn’t want me to go, even when Y/N convinced you.’

John sighed heavily. ‘You gotta understand something. After your mother passed all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you...prepared. Ready. Except somewhere along the line I ... uh ... I stopped being your father and I ... I became your, your drill sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was, that you were gonna be alone. Vulnerable. Even after Y/N – even after she convinced me, I couldn’t let go of that worry.’ You shifted in the bed. ‘Sammy, it just... it never occurred to me what you wanted, until Y/N stepped in. I just couldn't accept the fact that you and me - we're just different.

Sam huffed a laugh, and you frowned at the action, almost ready to jump in and defend John.

‘What?’ John’s tone was edgy, even as Sam continued to chuckle.

‘We're not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess...’ He paused, a smile still in his voice, but he didn’t sound jovial in the slightest. ‘Well we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone.’

‘I guess you're right, son.’ John stopped for a second, before speaking again, his voice a little. ‘Ever think what things would have been like without little miss peacemaker over there? We might have actually killed each other.’ Both men laughed for a little while as you let your eyes fall shut, a smile on your face.

You missed the rest of the conversation, as you slipped into a deep sleep, and it felt like years before John’s hands were shaking you awake.

‘Hey, baby girl.’ You smiled drowsily, sitting up and yawning. ‘How you feeling?’

‘Like crap. In a good way.’ John chuckled, and you noticed the room was empty. ‘Where are the boys?’

‘Waiting outside. I’m leaving you here. I was gonna get the bait for the vamps and tell them to move on, but I’m not risking anything happening to me. We’ll get the vampires attention and steal the Colt back, but I want you to stay here. Promise me, you don’t come after us, princess. I don’t want you hurt.’

You shook your head. ‘I won’t do anything. I promise.’ It was difficult to keep eye contact and you looked down at your body, tears threatening to spill. ‘Too risky.’

‘I know.’ John whispered, pulling you close and kissing your temple. ‘Stay here, and I will be back. Me and the boys, we’ll take care of it. They hate me ordering them around, but dammit, I’m keeping my children safe.’ His hand covered your stomach, his fingers spread wide across your clothed skin. ‘All of them.’ He pressed against you, planting a solid kiss on your lips as you felt a tear slip free. ‘I promise. Me, Sam and Dean – we’ll be back, and we’ll have the damn Colt, and we can finish all of this. We do this together. As a family.’

You nodded, clinging to him tightly, wishing he didn’t have to leave you but knowing without the Colt, there was no chance to finish the fight and leave the life behind. John didn’t move for a few moments, his hands holding you against him.

‘I gotta go.’

‘Be safe. Kill those bastards.’

He smiled, picking up his machete as he headed for the door. ‘You got it, baby girl.’

*****

Sitting on the backbench was harder than you thought, and after ninety minutes of walking around the motel room, feeling exhausted but too anxious to nap, you finally broke and went outside. It was dark, and you hugged yourself tightly as you trotted over the road to the diner, realising you hadn’t eaten a whole bunch today.

The middle-aged waitress who served you was pleasant, and poured you a coffee, before you realised you couldn’t drink it and pushed it away with a quiet sorry.

‘Oh, darlin’. Would you like some sweet tea instead?’ She smiled brightly and you nodded, smiling back. ‘It’s okay. When I was pregnant with my first girl, it was so hard to give up the good stuff. Good thing is, when you really need it, during that first few months of no sleep, it works better!’ For a second, you didn’t know how to respond, wondering if it was that easy to tell you were pregnant.

You looked down at your hands as she walked off, returning moments later with a mug of sweet tea and a menu.

‘Now, you take your time, we ain’t busy tonight.’ She patted your arm and you smiled genuinely, glancing at her name tag. Her name was “Moira” and you thanked her, using her name. ‘Don’t you worry your head, young lady. You just choose what you want. I’d recommend the pancakes with fresh strawberries. Fibre’s good for the growin’ button, ya know.’ Moira winked and sashayed away, serving a couple of other customers as she went.

Thirty minutes later, and the diner guests were starting to clear out. You’d taken Moira’s suggestion, and as you realised you were the only patron left, you pulled out a handful of dollars from your pocket, stopping as Moira sat down opposite you.

‘On the house, sweetheart. You came in with those two boys the other night, right? Older gentleman with you?’

You nodded, a little suspicious of where she was heading. The thought suddenly occurred to you that she might be a demon, and your fingers danced over the table towards the knife.

‘Don’t.’ Moira said, suddenly, and the lights fizzed in the diner, the ticking of the clock on the back wall dragging to a halt. ‘I’m not gonna hurt you, Y/N.’

Your eyes narrowed, and you picked the knife up anyway, ready to defend from any attacks. ‘How do you know my name?’

Moira smiled, folding her arms over her chest. ‘You think I’m not gonna keep tabs on such a special girl?’

‘What?’

‘Honey, you got so much potential in you, it’s unreal. You’re carrying a precious cargo there.’ The “waitress” leaned forward, and your grip on the knife tightened. ‘We’re gonna make sure no one hurts you, trust in that. This waitress won’t remember you, and won’t remember you’re pregnant. I’m just…’ She paused, looking down. ‘Borrowing her.’

‘Who are you?’ The words came out a strangled whisper as your knuckles went white around the knife.

‘I’m the woman who is grateful you saved my boys...saved my John.’ Moira smiled, her eyes wet as she stared at you. ‘I spent so long being angry that my life was taken away - I didn’t realise this was all set. And now you...you can save John, and my boys. You’ve already done so much, without even realising it.’ She reached over the table, her warm fingers sliding over yours where they held the knife. ‘I know this doesn’t make sense. But nothing is gonna happen to you. I promise you that.’ The heat of her skin seemed to spread upwards, along your arm, suffusing your entire body and you swallowed hard.

‘What is this?’

‘Just a dream.’ Moira whispered, and her face flickered, going from middle aged red head with poorly done makeup, to a beautiful blonde, with a smile you could only attribute to an angel. Your chest thundered, and you whispered her name almost reverently, and her smile grew. ‘You’re so special, Y/N. Don’t forget that.’

The warmth dissipated, and you sat up straight, looking up at Moira, the  _ real _ Moira, who was smiling softly.

‘You want the check, sweetheart?’

You nodded, unsure of what you’d seen, paying for your food and wandering back to the motel room. Without any idea of what to do, you sat on the edge of the bed and looked at your palms, still feeling the residual trace of her touch.

When the three Winchesters returned, triumphant and in possession of the Colt, you kept quiet, not saying anything of your visitor, letting John pull you into his arms, his hands subtly cradling your non-existent bump as he insisted that from now on, all four of you fought together, as a family.

‘We are stronger as a family. We go after this damn thing together. As a family.’

You barely heard the boys’ “yes sir” announced in unison.

All you could hear was the word “family”, in Mary’s voice, her smile lingering in your mind.


	33. Part Thirty-Three

You stood naked in front of the mirror, your hands framing the tiny bump protruding from your tummy. John sat on the bed, reading a newspaper, trailing for any sign of demon activity.

‘Have you seen this fat lump?’ You commented, making the older hunter look up and smirk.

‘Fat? I don’t see any fat.’ He jumped off of the bed, throwing the paper down and stalking towards you. ‘I see a beautiful woman, who is swelling with my baby, and damn, if it isn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.’ You smiled as he scooped you up in his arms, your breasts pressed against his bare chest as he spun you round. ‘I’m glad you’re feeling better, princess.’

‘Yeah, morning sickness wasn’t so fun.’ You planted your lips on his as he put your feet back on the floor, dropping to his knees and breaking the kiss. A giggle escaped you as he nuzzled at your belly, his nose brushing against your sensitive navel. ‘What are you doing?’

John grinned up at you, his hands splayed out, framing your tiny bump, before he kissed your stomach gently. ‘Bestowing love on my favourite two girls.’

‘We don’t know it’s a girl, John.’ You whispered, a dopey smile on your face.

‘Shush. I’m not talking to you.’ He pressed his face against your belly, talking in a low voice. ‘Now, Junior, you gotta shut your little eyes for a bit, cos I’m about to be real naughty with your mommy.’ You giggled against as John placed a soft kiss below your belly button, his fingers gliding down to your thighs. ‘Open up for me, sweetheart. You smell so gorgeous this morning.’

You sighed languidly as John pushed your thighs apart, his tongue teasing at your folds. Throwing your hands back against the mirror, you steadied yourself against his attack on your sex, moaning lowly for him. ‘John…’

‘Told you to be quiet.’ He growled, not looking up at you. ‘Do as your told, princess.’ You bit down onto your bottom lip, your head falling back as John positioned you against the long mirror, his large hands holding you in place as his tongue pressed into you. A mewl escaped your lips as he lapped at your swollen clit, circling it teasingly before forcing his tongue flat against your body. ‘Taste so fucking good, baby girl.’ His voice rumbled against your sensitive flesh and you whined loudly, just as he thrust his tongue into your already slick entrance. As he fucked you slowly, eating you out like a man denied for too long, his growls and grunts of pleasure vibrated through your womanhood and the pleasure in your core spiralled higher and higher.

You couldn’t stop the chant of his name, interspersed with little cries and moans as you came hard on his talented mouth, his thick fingers holding you open to him. Your body shuddered, and you desperately tried to close your legs as he kept pushing and pushing, the pleasure too much to bear – until you finally went limp, caught only by John’s quick reflexes as you tumbled down from a great height.

He picked you up effortlessly, hooking your shaking legs around his waist as he carried you towards the bed, his mouth demanding and hungry against yours as you clung to his neck with weak arms. ‘You have any idea –‘ He started, laying you down almost reverently on the mattress, ‘-just how much I love you, baby girl?’

‘I’d given it some thought.’ You whispered, your hands cradling his stubbled face, bringing him down for another deep kiss, licking at the inside of his mouth as he pushed his pants down, hard cock springing free as the material dragged down his thighs. ‘This is a dead giveaway, for one.’ You arched up into him, one slender hand wrapping around his firm length, making him groan and bury his face in your neck. Your fingers slid along his skin, keeping enough pressure to make him twitch against you, his teeth scraping across your throat as you swiped your thumb over the tip of his cock. ‘You like that?’

John grunted, his mouth teasing a bruise at your neck as you kept pumping his cock, using the slick leaking from his slit to ease your way. His hips rocked back and forth gently, careful not to put his weight onto your body as he fucked into your hand. Your free hand grasped his hip, preventing him from moving too hard against your touch, and you smiled coyly as he pulled his head back to look down at you, eyes almost black with desire.

‘Things you do to me…’ He growled, the sentence trailing off as he kissed you, using his knees to push your thighs wide. You stopped the movements of your hand against his cock, guiding him into your body and crying out in tandem with his deep groan as he settled deep inside your welcoming heat. ‘Feel so damn good, sweetheart.’ You whimpered in response, your walls clenching around him as he started to move with long slow strokes. You were still on a high from your first climax, and a second was not far off as John angled his hips to hit your g-spot on every thrust. His arms flexed as he held himself above you, content to watch the change of expressions on your face as he pushed you over the edge, a knowing smirk on his face.

As you finally fell, the scream that left you lips bounced off the thin walls, and you knew there was no way it went unheard. ‘John!’

‘That’s it, baby girl. Let go, just let go –‘ His hips swivelled and his thrusts grew harder, his cock swelling and stretching you out as he dipped his head to seize one hard nipple in his mouth. You whined, arching up against his touch, your body trembling as the pleasurable heat in your core spread outwards. John switched over to your other breast, suckling hard at your pebbled nub, and you reached up, threading your fingers through his soft hair, pulling his head up so you could see his face.

‘Wanna feel you,’ you whispered.

‘Wanna feel me what, sweetheart?’ John grinned, panting as he kept his pace, sweat breaking out on his skin. ‘Tell me what you need, Y/N.’

‘You.’ The word came out choked as he gave a hard thrust, and your fingers tightened in his hair. ‘Please, John, wanna feel you come.’

He didn’t reply, simply smashing his mouth into yours, his larger frame flush against your body without crushing you, his orgasm flooding your pussy with warmth. He didn’t withdraw straight away, content to remain in your hold, sharing lazy kisses as you both came down from your respective highs.

‘I love you.’

You blinked slowly at his quiet words, a smile spreading across your face. ‘You sound different.’

John gave a half smirk, kissing you again before pulling away, rolling to your side, keeping his arm looped around your waist, just under your breasts. ‘Things are different now. Guess I’m feeling a little melancholy in my old age.’

‘You’re not that old.’ You wiggled onto your side, running a finger along his stubble, grinning at the feel of it. ‘But you’re right. Things are different.’ John’s hand slid down, cupping the swell of your belly. ‘When are we gonna tell them?’

‘Not yet. Not until we’re done with this.’ He nuzzled his nose against your face, humming contentedly. ‘I don’t want them hovering, when I can just keep you back out of harm’s way without question until the demon is dead.’ You smiled turning your face to his. ‘I’m gonna make sure you’re both safe. Nothing is gonna happen to you.’ His words echoed the ones you had heard in the diner, when they’d been hunting the vamps and you shuddered a little. John frowned. ‘You cold, baby?’

‘A little,’ you lied. You’d wanted to tell him about your encounter, but it didn’t feel right to share it somehow. So you’d kept it to yourself, not even mentioning it to Bobby when he’d called. ‘We’re gonna have to tell Bobby when we get there. He’d kill me if I didn’t. We can trust him.’

‘You’re right. Be easier to have someone else keeping you put too.’ His tone was teasing and you poked your tongue out, only to find yourself pinned in his hold, his mouth millimetres from yours. ‘You’re nothing but trouble, young lady.’ You smirked, feeling his renewed arousal against your thigh – John said he was old, but you bet most men half his age didn’t have his stamina. Rolling your hips forward, you breathed out against his mouth, moaning quietly.

‘Shut up and kiss me.’

*****

John stood behind you where you sat at the small kitchen table at Bobby’s, the thick file sitting in front of you on the table top. ‘So this is it. This everything I know.’ He looked up, meeting each of his son’s eyes as his hands rubbed your shoulders reassuringly. ‘Our whole lives, we been searching for this demon, right? Not a trace, just nothing. Until a year ago. First time I picked up a trail.’

‘When I was taken.’ Your voice wasn’t quite a whisper, and it was enough to draw both brothers eyes to you, your hand coming up to touch John’s as he squeezed your shoulder.

‘And that’s when you took off.’ Dean clarified.

‘Yeah, that’s right.’ John looked down at you briefly; he still didn’t know every detail of your abduction. ‘The demon must have come out of hiding, and he used Y/N to convey a message.’

Dean nodded, sliding into a seat, meeting your eyes and seeing the turmoil there. ‘All right. So what’s this trail you found?’

John took a breath, pointing at the file, and Dean opened it. ‘It starts in Arizona, then New Jersey, California. Every place I went, and tracked Y/N, I found houses burned down to the ground. It’s going after families, just like it went after us.’

‘Families with infants?’ Sam asked, missing the way you tensed, one hand wrapped around your middle. John glanced down again, moving to one side as Dean pulled up a photograph of a destroyed house, blackened from damage you remembered seeing first hand. You’d never told John how you’d set the fires – or rather, how the demon inside you had.

‘Yeah. The night of the kid’s six-month birthday.’

Sam swallowed, taking the photo from his brother. ‘I was six months old that night?’

‘Exactly six months.’ John repeated, and Sam’s eyes narrowed.

‘So basically, this demon is going after these kids for some reason. The way it came for me? So Mom’s death…Jessica…’ You could see the cogs turning in his head, and you reached out, only for Sam to dodge the touch, tears pooling in his hazel eyes. ‘It’s all because of me?’

 

‘We don’t know that, Sam.’ Dean soothed, taking the photograph off of his brother, tossing it back onto the table. Your eyes landed on it again, and flames roared in the back of your mind – someone had died that night, because of your hands.

‘Oh really?’ Sam’s tears were angry, and John stepped forward, holding out his hands, only for Dean to push him back. ‘Cause I’d say we’re pretty damn sure, Dean!’ His voice was raised, and Dean shook his head, looking frustrated with his brother’s guilt complex. You paled, not able to tear your eyes away from the photo and John noticed your discomfort, frowning as he knelt beside you.

‘For the last time, what happened to them was not your fault,’ the elder Winchester exclaimed, and Sam opened his mouth to argue.

‘It’s mine,’ you blurted out, almost jerking forward. John grabbed you, just as you burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. ‘I was there. Every house, every family. They…we… _ I _ burned those houses down. He went to the kids, he wanted them, but I never found out why, they wouldn’t let me see, kept it from me…I couldn’t…I couldn’t  _ do _ anything!’ The last word left your lips in a scream, and John pulled you close as you collapsed off of the chair onto the floor, thick, heavy tears rolling from your eyes as Sam and Dean looked down in shock.

‘You couldn’t control it.’ Sam whispered, crouching down beside you and his father, your face smooshed into John’s shoulder as he rubbed your back. ‘It’s neither of us. Neither of our faults.’

‘I was weak. She possessed me because I was weak.’ You whimpered, trying to hide your face.

‘That’s enough, baby girl.’ John shushed, cradling your face as he pulled back, wiping your tears away with his thumbs. ‘You were a victim, just like those people. I just wish…I wish I could have gotten there in time – he was always one step ahead.’

You looked down. ‘He wanted you that way. He was toying with you.’

‘So why's he doing it?’ Dean asked. ‘What does he want?’

John helped you back into the chair, but stayed close to your side, letting you seek the comfort you needed from him. Your stomach churned and you shuddered, just as the back door opened and Bobby walked into the room, seeing the somber picture. ‘I wish I had more answers.’

‘I might. Got the charts you wanted, John.’ Bobby handed over another file, and the elder Winchester frowned as he fingered through them.

‘So how do we find it?’ Dean questioned, standing side by side with Sam, both of them steely faced, ready for whatever they needed to do.

‘There’s signs. It took me a while to see the pattern, but it’s there in the day before these fires, signs crop up in an area.’ You swallowed, glimpsing the file, knowing exactly what he was on about. You’d shown him half of the signs, given him as much information as you could glean from your captors. ‘Cattle deaths, temperature fluctuations, electrical storms. And then I went back and checked...and...’

Dean picked up on his meaning, finishing his sentence. ‘These things happened in Lawrence.’

‘A week before your mother died. And in Palo Alto...before Jessica. And these signs, they're starting again.’

‘Where?’ Sam asked, his voice steady and determined.

John’s hand fell to your shoulder as he spoke. ‘Salvation, Iowa.’

*****

‘Y/N?’ The knock on the door had you looking up from where you were curled in the old rocking chair, a blanket wrapped around you as you stared out the window. Rumsfield sat at the foot of your chair, his huge head on his paws, with big eyes watching you closely.

You barely acknowledged Bobby as he walked into the room, handing you a cup of tea with a gentle smile.

‘He’s gonna be back soon.’

‘We haven’t heard anything from them.’ You whispered, taking the drink without making eye contact. ‘It was supposed to be a two day thing, and nothing. I can’t get anything but John’s answerphone.’

Bobby sighed, sitting on the ottoman opposite you. ‘I had a call. From Caleb. The demons…they got Jim.’

Your eyes widened. ‘Pastor Jim? Oh god…’

‘I’m sorry I had to tell you this, Y/N. I know you and your dad spent a lot of time there.’ You nodded, tears in your eyes. ‘How you feeling? Any movement?’

You looked down, your bump hidden by the blanket. It still wasn’t very big, and you’d not had an appointment yet, which was something John had told you to sort out whilst he was away. The worry you felt had overtaken everything. ‘No. No movement. I’m only sixteen weeks, you don’t normally feel anything for a while…’ You trailed off. ‘I just wanna speak to him.’

‘We’ll try again later. Right now, you need to eat.’ Bobby smiled. ‘John left me in charge, and I’ll be damned if I ain’t gonna mother hen the girl who’s carrying my future surrogate grandkid.’ You glanced up, your features softening affectionately for the old hunter. ‘Now, I know a nice doctor lady in town, who’s agreed to do you a scan, off the books. She said she ain’t free till Friday, but we can definitely get a look at that growing bean in your belly. Maybe even have a picture all ready for when John gets home, yeah?’

You contemplated his words, trying to see the hope he was attempting to convey and for a second, you let yourself indulge. Rumsfield stood up, snorting at you and nudging your hand with his giant head, and you relented, stroking him with a smile.

‘Sounds good, Bobby. Even if it’s just a distraction.’

Bobby chuckled. ‘Stop worrying yer head, girl. John’ll be through them doors before you know it.’

The phone rang, and your stomach dropped.

*****

_ Somewhere in Lincoln…. _

John turned as the blonde haired woman stepped out of the shadows, eyes flashing black as she smirked at him. ‘John. You made it. Too bad really -’ She leered evilly, as John’s eyes narrowed. ‘I was looking forward to some catch up with Y/N.’

He kept his chin high, watching her closely, not rising to her bait. She wanted him angry, but he wasn’t going to show it. ‘Sorry to disappoint.’

‘I can see where you boys get their good looks. Though I must admit, considering what they say about you I thought you'd be....taller.’ Meg folded her arms over her chest. ‘Y/N certainly gave the impression that you were more...impressive.’ John kept his eyes on her, not wavering in his stance. ‘Well aren't you the chatty one. You wanna get to business? Fine. Why don't you just hand over the gun.’

‘If I give you the gun how do I get out of here?’ John asked, his fingers closing around the fake Colt, nerves starting to gnaw at his stomach. He hoped the boys were alright, saving the woman Sam had had the vision about - without even trying, his thoughts moved to you, and he sent up a rare prayer that you wouldn’t be worrying yourself too much.

Meg smirked, letting her arms fall to her sides, dragging her hands back up to lean against her own hips. ‘If you’re as good as they say you are, I’m sure you’ll figure something out.’

‘Maybe I'll just shoot you.’ John growled out, holding up the gun, hoping his bluff was good enough.

‘You wanna shoot me, baby? Go ahead. There’s more where I came from.’

Another demon appeared, a guy this time, walking out of the darkness to glare at John.0

‘Who the hell's that?’ John narrowed his eyes, switching the gun to train it on the newcomer.

‘He's not nearly as much fun as I am I can tell you that,’ the blond deadpanned, leaning towards John. ‘So I suggest you give us the gun.’ John stared, hesitation written across his face, as Meg began to lose her patience. ‘Now.’ John relented, holding out the gun as he approached, butt first, and Meg took it, smiling gleefully. ‘This is the colt?’ He nodded, and Meg snatched it, handing it to the other demon. ‘What do you think?’

The man stared at the weapon, inspecting it, before raising it and shooting Meg point blank in the chest. John’s chest thumped and his stomach churned as nothing happened and he realised his play was done.

‘You shot me! I can't believe you just shot me!’ Meg snarled, holding her chest as she staggered backwards. The other demon looked like he gave less of a shit than anyone, turning his eyes on John.

‘It’s a fake.’

*****

You held the phone up, biting your lip as you let it ring again and again. John hadn’t answered for hours, and you were on the verge of outright panic. You’d managed to get hold of Dean, who’d told you his father had gone to Lincoln to sort something out, whilst they’d stayed in Salvation to help the family that were in danger.

Hanging up as soon as the answerphone picked up, you dialled again, hoping he would answer this time. It rang twice, three times, four times...and then clicked, as someone answered.

Your heart dropped into your stomach like a cold lead weight as a familiar voice that didn’t belong to John answered.

‘Oh Y/N…I’ve missed you, baby.’

‘Meg.’ Anger and fear swirled in your belly - why did she have John’s phone.

‘I’m surprised you haven’t heard from the wonder brothers.’ Meg chuckled. ‘They were very upset.’

‘What have you done with John?’

‘Lover boy?’ The demon asked, and your grip on the phone tightened. ‘I hope your last time together was enjoyable, Y/N. Because John ain’t never coming back to you.’


	34. Part Thirty-Four

‘Where the hell are you?’ You barely gave Dean the chance to answer, practically snarling down the phone. ‘You need to be back here, now.’

‘We’re coming, Y/N, we’ll be back in the hour.’ Dean’s voice only irritated you further, and you hung up, flinging the cell across the room, as Bobby watched in concern. You glared at him as he cleared his throat, stomping out into the yard and slamming the door behind you. Everything in your body screamed to go now, to take the old motorbike you’d used, and go find John yourself.

Rumsfield flopped at your side as you slumped onto the porch, head in your hands. The door behind you opened again, and Bobby came out, sighing heavily as he looked down at you. ‘Losing your temper ain’t gonna do any good, sweetheart.’

‘Don’t, Bobby.’ You didn’t look up, talking into your wrists as you desperately tried to hold the tears back. Hormones were raging through your system, and you knew it was because of the baby, but showing weakness now only made you feel worse. ‘I just wanted to go and find him.’

‘I know that.’ Bobby sat down awkwardly, scrubbing a hand over Rumsfield’s floppy head. ‘But getting yourself hurt isn’t what John wants. He wants you safe. Hell, he’s probably more worried about you, than you are about him.’ The dog whined, dragging himself across the porch to nudge against your leg. You looked up, eyes wet as you contemplated Bobby’s words.

‘You’re not gonna let me go with the boys, are you?’

The old man shook his head. ‘Too dangerous. No way in hell I’m letting you out of my sight.’ He looked out over the yard. ‘And you need to go put a sweater on or something. It’s chilly out, and the boys’ll suss your secret in six seconds with nothing but that flimsy top on.’

You looked down, seeing the prominent curve of your belly against the thin fabric of the camisole you’d slung on this morning. ‘You’re right. John won’t like them worrying more.’ Standing up, you scratched Rumsfield behind the ears.

‘I’m just gonna tie this old boy up before the boys get here.’ Bobby followed you up the steps and you frowned, shaking your head.

‘No. Don’t tie him up. I’ll take him with me.’ You smiled, grabbing the dog’s collar as he got to his paws, trotting at your side obediently. ‘I don’t like tying him up.’ Bobby nodded, watching you disappear into the house, a frown on his face.

Thirty minutes later, the Impala pealed into the yard, tires kicking up dust as Dean parked her up. Bobby was still on the doorstep, and greeted each Winchester as they approached his house, opening the door for them. You were just coming down the stairs, a thick oversized hoodie concealing your belly from sight.

‘Hey.’ You kept your voice low as you watched the men trudge into the house. ‘Sorry for shouting.’

‘It’s okay,’ Dean offered a smile, reaching out to pull you into a hug. You curved your body, careful not to give anything away, and Dean looked at you oddly as you pulled away quickly, heading into the kitchen with Rumsfield still at your feet. ‘Bobby, your dog is acting weird.’

‘What the hell you on about?’ Bobby asked.

Sam chuckled. ‘He’s just a dog-phobe. I’ve never seen him be that attached to Y/N’s side though. She still feeling under the weather? Sometimes dogs pick up on that.’

Bobby shrugged, hoping his expression didn’t give anything away. ‘She ain’t said anything.’ He ushered them through. ‘Hurry up, I want a beer.’ The brothers shrugged at each other, heading into the kitchen where you were busying yourself making a glass of water. You leaned against the sink as the Winchesters hovered in the small space, almost crowding the room, and earning themselves a dirty look from the owner of the house as he pushed past to get to the refridgerator.

‘So, what are we doing?’ You asked, face paling as you considered how long John had been gone. It had been over twelve hours, and you were on edge, terrified of the possibilities.

‘You still got that book?’ Bobby nodded and Sam turned, moving into the library, before returning a few seconds later with a thick leather bound book. ‘The Key of Solomon. This stuff…it really works?’ You frowned, looking over at the older hunter as Sam held the book up.

‘Hell, yeah.’ Bobby affirmed. ‘ You get a demon in - they’re trapped. Powerless. It’s like a Satanic roach motel.’ Sam chuckled at the analogy, and Dean looked over his shoulder at the book.

‘Man, knows his stuff.’

Bobby frowned, glancing over at you. ‘I’ll tell you something else, too. This is some serious crap you boys stepped in.’

Sam glanced up from the book. ‘Oh, yeah? How’s that?’ You tensed, wondering what Bobby was going to say.

‘Normal year, I hear of, say, three demonic possessions. Maybe four, tops.’ He looked between the three of you. ‘This year, I hear of twenty seven so far. You get what I’m saying?’ You shuddered, closing your eyes and trying not to recall the cold feeling of black smoke violating you, taking you on a ride you had no desire to go on. ‘More and more demons are walking among us. A lot more.’

‘Do you know why?’ Sam asked, swallowing as he asked the question.

‘No, But I know it’s something big. The storm’s coming, and you boys, Y/N, your Daddy – you are smack in the middle of it.’ Rumsfield stood up as Bobby spoke, growling and snarling, saliva dripping from his jaws and his hackles rose. All four of you turned, looking out of the large kitchen window out into the yard. A chain swung from a pole, and a dark figure darted in and out of cars.

‘See? Told you not to tie him up.’ You put your hand on Rumsfield’s head, stroking him as he bristled and bared his teeth, moving to stand in front of you, almost protective in his stance.

‘Something’s wrong.’ Bobby said quietly.

The front door exploded inwards, making Dean and Sam head into the hallway, and you retreated, fear flooding your system uncontrollably as Meg’s voice filtered through the house.

‘No more crap, okay?’

Bobby pointed towards the basement door, and you bolted, ashamed of your fear but at the same time, knowing it was more than you at risk. There was a loud thud as Dean flew across the hallway into the study, hitting a stack of books with a grunt of pain.

‘I want the Colt, Sam – the real Colt – right now.’

Sam stood in the doorway, placing himself between Bobby and the demon, and you slipped into the basement, holding the door almost shut, Rumsfield’s collar in your fingers as you held him at your side.

‘We don’t have it on us. We buried it.’ Sam’s voice was muffled as you clung to the door handle, biting your bottom lip. You didn’t want her to find you – you remembered exactly what Meg was capable of.

‘Didn’t I say “no more crap”? I swear – after everything I heard about you Winchesters, I got to tell you, I’m a little underwhelmed. First Johnny tries to pawn off a fake gun, and then he leaves the real gun with you two chuckleheads. Lackluster, men.’ Meg scoffed, and you inched the door open a little to see her, recognizing her meat suit as the same girl she’d been riding for months. ‘And where’s Y/N? I know John wouldn’t leave her somewhere on her own. She’s gotta be hiding.’ She laughed loudly as you cringed from your hiding spot. ‘I mean, did you all really think I wouldn’t find you?’

Dean’s voice echoed through the house, and you could hear the smirk in his voice. ‘Actually, we were counting on it.’ There was a pause as you frowned, and then Dean spoke again. ‘Gotcha.’

Meg snarled something, and Bobby looked over at the door, seeing you peeking out, and he nodded that it was safe. You emerged, walking around to see the blonde haired demon stood in the middle of the study, looking up at a Devil’s Trap you hadn’t even seen. Bobby must have painted it at some point, but you’d never noticed.

Dean stepped forward, grabbing  a chair and forcing Meg down into it, tying her up as she grinned at you. ‘Y/N. Missed you, girlfriend. How’s things?’

‘Shut it.’ Dean grunted, as you folded your arms over your chest and watched warily.

‘You know, if you wanted to tie me up, all you had to do was ask.’

Bobby patted your shoulder as he walked past, bending to open a door underneath the sink, grabbing a large canister of salt. He passed a smaller container to you. ‘Go and salt the windows and doors. We’ll deal with this mouthy bitch.’

‘Awww, is she still broken?’ Meg taunted, and you shut your eyes before turning away, taking the container from Bobby and moving out of the room so you couldn’t see the demon in the chair. ‘And there was me thinking you were made of sterner stuff.’ There was smack of flesh on flesh, and Meg laughed sharply. ‘Do it again.’

‘Y/N.’ Sam kept his voice low as you headed for the front door. ‘Maybe you should go upstairs.’

You focused wet eyes on him, frowning. ‘No. She knows where John is.’

‘Where’s our Dad, Meg?’ Dean asked, splashing her with holy water. You winced, remembering the feel of the burning liquid on your skin. Meg simply smiled.

‘Try asking nicely.’

‘Where’s our dad, bitch?’

Meg tutted. ‘You kiss your mother with that mouth. Oh, I forgot –‘ She smirked evilly. ‘You don’t.’ Dean snarled, and her eyes darted to you, a sly smile on her face as Dean asked again.

‘Where. Is. Our. Dad?’

Her eyes blazed as she kept staring, right at you, making your stomach roll with sickness. ‘He died screaming. I killed him myself.’ Your heart dropped, even though you knew she was lying. John was too big a bargaining chip for them to just kill.’ Dean’s fist was quick to collide with the demon’s face and she spat blood onto the carpet, grinning up at him. ‘That’s kind of a turn on – you hitting a girl.’

Dean gave a nasty smile. ‘You’re no girl.’

‘You need to be elsewhere.’ Sam muttered, pushing you towards the stairs. ‘Go.’

‘No.’ You refused to budge, as Bobby sighed heavily, motioning to Sam and Dean.

‘In here.’ He demanded, the boys almost instantly obeying as you looked over at Meg, tied to the chair. She smiled at you, blood staining her teeth, and you stepped into the room, unable to stop your feet from carrying you to the edge of the trap. As Bobby and the boys whispered next door, you stood over the demon that had kept you prisoner, fingers itching to do some damage. Rumsfield growled at your side, and Meg glanced at him distastefully.

‘They’re worried about hurting my meatsuit.’ Meg lowered her voice, like she were telling a secret. ‘Now, if you were this girl, and you’ve been through the things she has….and let’s face it, Y/N, you’ve been through more than I’m betting you ever told them – would you wanna wake up?’ You didn’t speak, and she continued, her smile growing. ‘I’m betting you wished John had killed you before you had the chance to deal with the blood on your hands. All those families – all those children. And it was all on you, baby. Too weak to push us out, huh?’

‘Shut up.’ Bobby snarled from behind you, just as the three men walked back into the room. Sam held up a book, and Meg eyed it with amusement.

‘Are you gonna read me a story?’

‘Something like that. Hit it, Sam.’ Dean grinned, his hand gripping your elbow and drawing you backwards. Sam held up the book, beginning to read, words in thick Latin rolling off his tongue. You recognised it, knew it as the incantation John had used to drive the demon from your body all those months ago.

Meg laughed. ‘An exorcism? Are you serious?’

Dean smirked as Sam kept reading. ‘Oh we’re going for it, baby - head spinning, projectile vomiting, the whole nine yards.’ She flinched in pain and glared at Sam.

‘I’m going to kill you.’ Her eyes darted to Dean. ‘I’m gonna rip the bones from your body.’ She looked to you and you couldn’t help the shudder that ran through you. ‘And I’m gonna make sure that my father has you back.’ Dean held a hand out in front of you, as if he could shield you from her vile words.

‘No, you’re gonna burn in hell. Unless you tell us where our Dad is.’ Meg smiled at him, and Dean smiled back. ‘Well, at least you’ll get a nice tan.’

Sam kept chanting, as Meg shuddered in pain, her entire body shaking. A gasp left her lips, and Sam stopped, raising an eyebrow at her.

‘He begged for his life with tears in his eyes. He begged to see his sons one last time. That’s when I slit his throat.’ Sam started reading again. You knew she was lying and Dean knew it too, but you could see the fear in his eyes as he bent down.

‘For your sake I hope you’re lying. Cause if it’s true, I swear to God, I will march into hell myself and I will slaughter each and every one of you evil sons of bitches, so help me God.’ Sam kept reading as Meg flinched and twitched in pain. ‘Where is he?’

‘You just won’t take “dead” for an answer, will you?’ The demon spat her words, and something snapped in your chest, a heavy weight sinking into your heart as your legs carried out of the room and upstairs, the voices in the study following you as you bolted into your bedroom, slamming the door and covering your ears. Rumsfield scratched at the wood, begging to be let in, and you relented, allowing him access. He trotted through the door, somehow managing to look indignant as you shut the door again, and sat on the bed, feeling it dip under the dog’s weight. He nuzzled up against you, and you sniffed back tears, wishing you could make this all stop.

A scream echoed from downstairs, and you slapped your hands over your ears, desperate not to hear it. Throwing yourself backwards, you crawled under the covers, hearing Rumsfield whine loudly. Your arms curled around your belly protectively and you couldn’t even try to stop the sobs that wrenched your frame, your fear and worry spilling over into unkempt emotion.

You were close to unconsciousness when a knock came at the door, making the dog bark, and you pushed the covers up, looking towards the door as Bobby opened it and slipped in. He had a pizza container and a glass of orange juice, and you blinked at him blearily as he sat down next to the bed.

‘What happened?’ You asked, accepting the drink from him, but refusing the food. Bobby sighed and put the pizza on the bed, tapping Rumsfield’s nose away from it. ‘Is...is she -’

‘The demon’s gone. The girl didn’t make it. Swan dive out a window and you’re not really coming back from that.’ He gave a tight smile, and you felt guilt block your throat. ‘John’s alive. We know that much. Sam and Dean have gone to bring him back. They’re gonna get him back, you hear me?’

You nodded, but you felt numb, unsure what to say or do. Bobby reached forward, taking you hand.

‘I’m not going to let anything happen to you. John will come home and you are gonna be fine, you got it?’

‘I got it.’ You whispered, looking down at his hand.

‘Besides,’ he rubbed your knuckles gently. ‘You’ve got your scan tomorrow. Let’s focus on that, and how excited John’s gonna be to see the pictures, yeah?’ You feigned a smile, knowing you’d rather have John there with you. ‘I’ll leave this here.’ Bobby gestured to the pizza. ‘Try and eat something. I guess that old beast can sleep up here with you tonight. He doesn’t seem to want to leave you alone.’

‘He’s just being protective.’ You scratched the dog’s head and he whuffed happily. ‘I’ll get some sleep. Just, if you hear anything, please tell me?’

‘I will, sweetheart. I promise.’

*****

Morning came and went without a word from the boys. Bobby dragged you into town for your scan, and you tried to summon some happiness at finally seeing your baby on a screen, a real  _ tangible _ life that you’d created. But the whole time, you could only think how much you wanted John to be there.

On the drive back, you were silent, curling into the window of the old station wagon Bobby was driving, Rumsfield sleeping on the backseat. The dog hated leaving you alone, going so far as to howl whilst you were in the clinic, his slobber practically coating you when you returned.

Looking down at the grainy black and white picture in your hands, you mustered a smile, seeing your name in the corner, and “Baby Winchester” written underneath. You’d been lucky that the doctor had been able to see no cause for concern and she’d even managed to discern the sex.

John had gotten his wish, so it seemed.

Bobby’s cell rang as he pulled into the yard, and you watched with worry etched into your features as he answered it. ‘Yeah?’ He paused, looking over at you. ‘Good. See you boys soon. Just make sure your daddy’s okay.’ He hung up, smiling over at you. ‘They’re a few hours out. John’s alive. Little worse for wear, but he’ll be coming home to you.’

Relief flooded your system and you clutched your photo tightly, wondering how John would react when he saw it. Maybe you’d finally be able to tell the boys, and see how happy they’d be.

Maybe this was the end of all the fighting. Or at least the beginning of the end.


	35. Part Thirty-Five

_ ‘Makes sense your favourite flavour is peanut butter. You were always nuts.’ John grinned as he leaned over and used a napkin to wipe ice cream from your nose. A grin spread across your face as you watched him, remaining still to let him finish what he was doing. This rare day off, allowing you to be like a normal couple - these were the times you treasured. When the demons and monsters felt like they were a million miles away and couldn’t touch you. _

_ ‘Peanuts aren’t actually nuts, you know.’ You commented, and John chuckled, placing a heated kiss against the corner of your mouth. ‘They’re legumes.’ _

_ ‘How’d you get so smart?’ _

_ You shrugged. ‘Just part of my charm.’ _

_ ‘You bet it is.’ _

Sitting upright with a jerk, you looked over to the driver’s seat, seeing Bobby’s white knuckles on the wheel, grim determination on his face. The sun was just about above the horizon, the morning still full of that early morning yellowish-red glow.

Today it just seemed like the world was bathed in blood.

You felt the tears gathering in your eyes, looking down at your hands folded in your lap. Rubbing your fingers together, you closed your eyes, leaning against the cool glass of the window.

_ ‘You know, at some point, I really need to make this official.’ _

_ You turned on the bed, facing him and putting your book down. John was focused on the newspaper, and he hadn’t spoken for a while, so the out of the blue statement confused you. ‘Make what official?’ _

_ ‘You. Being a Winchester.’ _

_ Heat flushed your cheeks as he kept staring at the paper in his hands, not even giving you a glance. You were fairly certain they could hear your heartbeat two states over, but he still didn’t move. _

_ ‘Wh-what do you mean by that?’ _

_ John smiled, finally putting the paper down and turning to look at you with an amused expression. ‘When this is all done, when the demon’s dead...I’m gonna marry you. You know that, right?’ _

There was no stopping the tears, and a sob escaped your lips, catching Bobby’s attention. He reached over, patting your knee gently, unable to think of any words to comfort you.

_ ‘Is that Y/N? This is South Dakota State Hospital. There’s been an accident.’ _

You’d always remember the exact moment your blood ran cold. The first time you felt a flutter in your belly. The tiniest of kicks.

_ ‘We had no other contact information. Samuel is awake, his injuries are minor. Are you able to get here soon? There’s paperwork and…’ _

The rest of the words had been lost on you as you’d collapsed to the floor, Bobby rushing to catch you, his fingers scrabbling for the phone. He’d gotten the rest of the details, whilst you’d sat in a numbed stupor, your body shaking as you kept playing the words over and over.  _ There’s been an accident. _

Bobby had taken charge, ushering you into the car, shutting Rumsfield away in the house, despite his frantic attempts to follow. You hadn’t even acknowledged him turning the engine on, or pulling away from the yard, hadn’t responded to any of his comforting words or questions.

‘We’re about ten minutes away. Everything’s gonna be fine, Y/N,’ he kept his voice low and you looked over at him from the window, every ounce of hope you’d felt the night before vanished in the face of what was happening. ‘Everything’s gonna be fine.’ He seemed to repeat the statement for his own benefit, as though he was trying to reassure himself.

The hospital was a stark brown building against the gradually brightening sky, and you stared up at it as Bobby parked the car and got out, walking around to open your door. You knew that you should be rushing into the entrance, looking for your family, but terror filled your gut and Bobby took your arm, almost having to force you inside.

The receptionist was sweet, but kept you waiting as she looked for the records. You didn’t even know what name John had used for the insurance, and as you and Bobby stood by the desk, waiting to find out where John and the boys were, a familiar voice called your name.

Sam limped out into the waiting area, and you felt almost as if you were waking up, dashing towards his taller frame and slinging your arms around him. He held you close, as Bobby walked over and nodded in relief at the youngest Winchester brother.  He looked like hell, cuts and bruises littering his skin.

‘Dad is out of critical care.’ Sam informed you, keeping his voice quiet as you pulled away, tears wet on your cheeks. ‘He should be awake but...Dean...Dean’s…’

You frowned, looking between Sam and Bobby. ‘What about Dean?’

‘He’s in a coma. They don’t know...they don’t know if he’ll wake up. He was already injured, the demon had Dad, it...it possessed him.’ Fear twisted your insides, and your eyes locked with Bobby’s. If the demon had possessed John, it could know anything, it could know about… ‘It attacked us, and we managed to shoot it, but didn’t kill it. It escaped before we could do anything, and then we were driving back, and the truck…’ Sam was rambling now, his words jumbling together, tears falling from his eyes. ‘Dean might die, and I couldn’t stop it.’

‘Sammy…’ You whispered, pulling him back into another hug.

‘Samuel?’ A nurse called his name, and he turned, recognition lighting up his face. ‘Your father is awake, sweetie. You should go and see him.’ Her eyes looked to you. ‘Is this Y/N?’

‘Yeah. Yeah, we’ll go see him. Thanks.’ You watched the nurse leave as Sam pulled you in close. ‘Let’s go and see Dad.’ Mustering a smile, you glanced over at Bobby.

‘I’ll go check on Dean.’ He said, nodding you off. You didn’t wait for him to leave, letting Sam lead you away down the hallway. Nerves curled in your belly, relief only taking over as Sam opened the door to John’s room, the doctor just finishing up with his notes at the foot of the bed.

‘Y/N -’ John breathed your name, grunting a little as you rushed to the bed and flung your arms around him , careful of his visible injuries . ‘Fuck, baby girl...I was so worried.’

‘ _ You _ were worried?’ You pulled back, eyes wide as the doctor chuckled.

‘You’re gonna be just fine, Mr McGillicutty. Injuries are minor, signs of concussion are all cleared up. I want to keep an eye on you, but I think we can probably discharge you fairly quickly.’ The doctor smiled, and John nodded.

‘Thanks, doc. How is my son?’

‘Dean is not in a good condition.’ The doctor was hesitant as he spoke, looking between the three of you. ‘He sustained serious injury: blood loss, contusions to his liver and kidney. But it's the head trauma I'm worried about. There's early signs of cerebral edema.’

‘What can we do?’ Sam asked.

‘We won’t know his full condition until he wakes up.’ There was moment of hesitation and the doctor’s shoulders slumped a little. ‘ _ If _ he wakes up.’

‘If?’ You whispered, looking at John, seeing his hard reserve in place. Everyone else would see the cold shell,  but you knew this would be tearing him up inside.

‘I have to be honest, most people with this degree of injury wouldn't have survived this long. He's fighting very hard. But you need to have realistic expectations.’ The doctor pocketed his pen, and sighed. ‘I’m sorry it’s not better news. I’ll be by to check on you in a while. Try to rest.’ He left the room, and the three of you sat in silence

‘We’ll look for something.’ John announced.

‘Yeah. We will.’ Sam nodded, but you could hear the defeat in his voice. All of you had been through so much, and in the face of death, it was hard to keep fighting. You curled into John’s side, burying your face in his neck.

‘Where’s the Colt?’ John asked, and Sam narrowed his eyes.

‘Your son is dying, and you’re worried about the Colt?’

John’s hand came up, holding your shoulder as you shifted further into him. A small sigh escaped him as he focused his eyes on his youngest son. ‘We're hunting this demon, and maybe it's hunting us too. That gun may be our only card.’

Sam shook his head, not quite believing his dad’s stance. ‘It's in the trunk. They dragged the car to a yard off of I-83.’

‘All right. You've gotta clean out that trunk before some junk man sees what's inside.’

‘Bobby's with Dean, he can tow the Impala back to his place.’ Sam looked a little less angry now, folding his arms over his chest as he watched John turn in the bed, pulling you closer. It somehow looked as though you should be in the awful dotty gown instead of the eldest Winchester.

‘All right. You, you go get Bobby. you get that Colt, and you bring it back to me. And you watch out for hospital security.’

‘I think I've got it covered.’

John reached past you, picking up a piece of paper on the bedside table. He held it out to Sam, who took it, frowning gently. ‘Hey. Here. I made a list of things I need, have Bobby pick them up for me.’

Quickly skimming the list, Sam raised his eyes back to his father, confusion on his handsome features. ‘Acacia? Oil of Abramelin? What's this stuff for?’ You tensed, knowing exactly what every one of those items was for.

‘Protection.’ Sam didn’t detect the lie in John’s voice, but you did, pulling back a little.

Sam made to leave, stopping before he reached the door. ‘Hey, Dad? You know, the demon, he said he had plans for me, and children like me. Do you have any idea what he meant by that?’

John frowned, shaking his head. ‘No, I don't.’ Sam sighed, nodding, before leaving the room and you sat up, your eyes meeting John’s as he tried to hold back the guilt from his expression.

‘You’re lying,’ you whispered. ‘I know, as well as you do, what the demon wants with him. What he did to him.’

John’s hand rubbed over yours. ‘I didn’t know that you knew.’ 

You shrugged, pinching at the thin cotton sheet below you. ‘Demons didn’t keep everything from me. I don’t know what you’re planning, John. But I know you’re gonna summon the demon here.’ Your eyes were watery as you looked up at him. ‘Please, tell me you’re not gonna do something stupid.’

‘I have to keep you safe.’ He muttered, raising one hand to cup your cheek. ‘You and the baby.’

An idea sprang into your head, and you reached into your pocket, pulling out the black and white photograph from your scan. ‘I got this done yesterday.’ You offered it to him, and John took it, looking down at the picture in wonder, before looking back to you. ‘They said she’s healthy and growing well.’

‘She?’ His bewildered voice was quiet, barely a whisper and you smiled, nodding, tears in your eyes. ‘It’s a girl?’

‘It’s a girl.’ You confirmed, and John pulled you close, kissing you fiercely, before groaning in pain. You couldn’t help but tease with a smile. ‘Take it easy, old man.’ 

‘Come here, you beautiful woman.’ He kissed your forehead, letting you settle into the crook of his arm as he stared at the picture again. ‘She’s gorgeous. Has your nose.’

‘She’s a blurry picture.’ You whispered. ‘But she’s gonna be beautiful. She’s a Winchester. You all have good genes.’ Silence fell over the both of you as John stared at the photo, rubbing his thumb over the shining surface, and you instinctively knew it wouldn’t change whatever he had planned. ‘You’re gonna give the demon what he wants, aren’t you?’

John swallowed, not moving as he nodded. ‘Dean’s gonna die if I don’t do something. I don’t know if the demon knows about you, about her.’ He clenched his fingers around the photograph, almost as if holding it tightly would stop everything. ‘I gotta keep you all safe.’

‘What about after?’ You asked, trying not to cry. ‘What are we going to do if you’re gone? If he takes you, takes the Colt…’

‘You leave.’ His announcement was sudden. ‘You get away from everything. Leave the boys - they can take care of themselves. They’re grown men, grown hunters. But you...you can still leave. Don’t raise our daughter in this.’ John stopped, his arm tightening around your shoulders. ‘Don’t make my mistakes.’

You looked up at him, one hand twisting in the front of his robe. ‘How am I supposed to live without you, John? You think I’m just gonna get over that?’ John opened his mouth to argue but you stopped him. ‘Don’t you dare tell me that I’m young and I’ll get over it. You’re gonna leave me, leave  _ us _ , and I’m expected to be okay with that?’

Pushing away, you climbed off of the hard bed, too angry and upset to even look his way. He held out a hand to you, but you slapped it away.

‘Don’t, I can’t...I don’t…’ Your arms dropped to your sides as you backed away from him. ‘I can’t right now…’ You turned away, bolting out of the door and into the hallway, not stopping until you were outside in the parking lot, breathing in deep gulps of fresh air. With one hand on your belly, you sank to the floor, sobbing hard. ‘He can’t leave us.’

Something warm brushed against your shoulders and you looked up, seeing no one there. Burying your face in your arms, you ignored the feeling, wishing you knew how to stop everything from falling apart.


	36. Part Thirty-Six

You’d sat outside the hospital until your ass was numb, and when Sam pulled back into the parking lot, a grim and angry expression on his face, you’d quickly dived back inside, navigating the corridors with little-to-no awareness of your surroundings.

You weren’t even sure how you’d ended up in this room, sitting on the comfortably padded wooden pew, looking up at the stained glass windows, and the huge ornate carving of the crucified Son of God. It was quiet, and you were alone, and for a long time it remained that way.

Leaning forward, you placed your elbows on the front pew, clasping your hands in front of your face, your forehead pressed against the knuckles of your thumbs. It had been a very long time since you’d asked the universe for anything in this way; you didn’t know what was possessing you to ask now.

‘I need help,’ you whispered to the empty hospital chapel’s white walls. ‘I don’t know what to do...I don’t know how to stop him from doing this.’

Footsteps into the room made you stop and sit up, wiping furiously at your eyes where tears had started to leak across your skin. When you looked over to see who the newcomer was, you saw a short, slightly unkempt man, taking the pew opposite. He smiled, giving you a little wave and you pulled your head back, unsure of his behaviour.

‘You okay?’ He asked, slipping out of the pew he’d taken and moving onto yours. Your mouth opened, ready to deny his invasion of your space, but his genuine smile and sparkling eyes made you stop, and your jaw slapped together again. ‘You look like you need someone to talk to.’

‘I’m…’ Your voice was raspy and you stopped, clearing your throat and offering him a little smile. ‘I’m fine. Just, a little emotional.’

‘Is that because of…’ He trailed off, gesturing to your stomach, and your eyes widened as you looked down, realising your hoodie had pulled tight and your protruding bump was on full display. ‘It’s okay. Kids...make you crazy before they’re even here, right?’ His laugh was kind of cute, and you blushed, pulling the hoodie forward so it was baggy and loose around your belly again.

‘I guess.’ You whispered, looking at the stained glass window in front of the pews. It showed a mother and baby, who you could only presume to be the Virgin Mary and Jesus, but you’d not been into a church for legitimate reasons for a long time. You weren’t the praying kind.

‘Sorry, it’s none of my business, but you look kinda down. Do you wanna talk?’ You glanced over at him, alarmed at the suggestion, and the man held his hands up. ‘No judgement. Hospitals can be stressful. I’m only dropping in to visit an old colleague, but even I feel it. Are...are you a patient or…’

You didn’t know what made your mouth start working, but you wished it would stop. ‘Boyfriend. Family, really. I don’t have anyone else, and my best friend is in a coma, and my boyfriend…’ Your voice lowered to a whisper. ‘He might die.’

‘Oh. I’m sorry.’ The man looked genuinely upset for you and you looked down at your hands as the tears racked up behind your eyes again, your nose stinging with that impending collapse of emotion. ‘Is there nothing the doctors can do?’

‘It’s his choice, really. If he dies, my friend lives. If not, my friend dies, but I think my boyfriend might die too.’ You wiped at your eyes again, sniffing back the sobs. ‘I’m sorry. I must sound crazy.’

The man chuckled. ‘I’ve heard crazier.’

You laughed, despite your tears, looking over at him. ‘I doubt it. My best friend is my boyfriend’s son. And there’s this whole thing with this guy, but...we have to keep this one safe too. And I’m gonna lose everyone.’ You stroked over the top of your bump through the hoodie, feeling the baby give another weak kick - only her second.

The man watched you for a second, almost as if he were contemplating your words. When he stood, walking over to the candles, you sank down into the pew a little more - he must have thought you were off your head, talking like that.

‘You know,’ he started, making you jump. ‘Life is damn tough. And I’m sorry for that.’ You tilted your head, frowning as he started to light all the candles, one by one. ‘There’s not much you can do with free will involved. I don’t like to get muddied up in everything. And you’d made a lot of choices that you should be proud of, Y/N. Battles like you’ve faced - bigger people have struggled with less.’

Alarm flooded your system as you realised he’d said your name, and you lamented not having a gun on you. ‘Who are you?’

The man turned, scratching at his beard as the candles kept lighting, one by one, completed unaided by you. ‘You can call me Chuck. And I’m not here to hurt you. I heard your prayers, and...like I said, I don’t like to get involved but with you, there’s a need.’ He smiled, sitting down on the pew in front of you and pointing at your tummy. ‘You’re carrying one hell of a special little girl in there, you know that?’

‘Why does everyone keep saying that?’

Chuck smiled, leaning his head on his hand. ‘I’ve not had a whole bunch of great experience with parenting. I think you’ve got a pretty good start on all this, to be honest.’

Your thoughts flashed back to Mary, and the diner, you frowned, unsure of what the hell was going on. ‘I don’t understand why this is happening. I just wanted….I just want a normal life. I wanted to get this thing done and then we could -’

‘Could what?’ Chuck interrupted, dangling his arm over the back of the pew. ‘Dean and Sam - they’re marked for this life, one way or the other. Even I can’t change that. And John...honey, without you, John might have been dead a long time ago. You might be the only thing that kept him going, kept his boys going even.’

‘I didn’t do anything,’ you defended.

‘Oh, you did.’ Chuck smiled, rapping his fingers on the wood of the seat. ‘Like I said, you’re carrying one special little bundle. You were supposed to be here, supposed to be with John. But from here, the path splits. John  _ has _ to do this, and you  _ have _ to go your own way. You’ve got everything you need, and more, to protect yourself and to protect her. But staying with Dean and Sam...they’ve got their own journey to go on and it’s one that has no place for you.’

You blinked, tears spilling out of the corners of your eyes and almost blinding you as you listened to Chuck speak. If John was going to sacrifice himself, to save Dean and keep you safe, then you’d planned on staying, helping with the cause. The thought of separating from the only family you knew was too much, and keeping them from their sister -

‘She’s not safe in this life. There’s only so much we can do.’ Chuck interrupted your thoughts, and you looked up, realising that he could read you easily. You weren’t sure what kind of supernatural being he was, but he didn’t seem to be threatening in any way. ‘You’ll be protected. And she will, until she’s old enough to fight for herself. You’ve earned a way out, Y/N.’

‘And John hasn’t?’ You demanded, suddenly angry. ‘Sam, Dean? Did Mary deserve to burn on a fucking ceiling? What about Jess? None of us deserve any of this.’

The man sighed, scratching at his beard again and shaking his head a little. ‘Sometimes things are set. With Sam and Dean, it’s set but it’s not.’ You scowled, and Chuck laughed. ‘Sorry, I’m known for being cryptic at times.’ He shifted, leaning a little more towards you. ‘Point is, this isn’t the end, sweetheart. You’ve got a job to do now and it’s to keep that little girl safe. She could be so damn important to this world, and you’re her mother. You need to teach her, everything you know, and keep her safe.’

‘I just wanted a normal family.’ You slumped, defeat vibrating through your nerves. Chuck frowned.

‘You have a normal family. You love John. You love those boys. And they love you. Normal isn’t what you do; it’s who you are.’ He reached out, taking your hand. ‘Believe in yourself, Y/N. Trust me, maybe in a few years….you’ll see the fight is worth every sacrifice you’ve made.’

*****

You sat up, eyes opening as you looked around the small chapel. The last thing you remembered was talking to Chuck, his strange words feeling like they were putting more pressure on your shoulders. But now, you felt strange - like you’d slept for a week and woken up refreshed. Inspecting your surroundings, you saw the candles were all lit, and there was a single dandelion on the seat next to you.

_ Dandelions aren’t weeds. They’re just flowers that are growing in the wrong place. _

‘Mom…’ You picked the flower up, twirling it in your fingers, before standing from the pew and leaving the chapel.

There was shouting as you approached John’s room, and you burst in through the door, just in time to see Sam yelling at his dad.

‘How? How is revenge going to help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself, it's the same selfish obsession!’

‘Sam, stop it!’ You screeched, approaching John’s bed as he seethed and sat up, practically red in the face. ‘You need to stop it.’

‘Taking his side?’ Sam didn’t seem to be able to get a rein on his emotions as he gesticulated wildly. ‘What a surprise! You know he’s summoning this demon right? Trying to finish the hunt, while Dean’s fucking dying next door!’

You opened your mouth to reply, clinging to John’s arm, when a glass of water flew from the table of it’s own accord, smashing against the wall. All three of you looked at it, unsure what to think or say, when a commotion broke out in the hallway.

‘Dean…’ You whispered, and John glanced at Sam.

‘Something’s going on out there.’ He said, and Sam bolted, leaving the door open. You could hear beeping and shouting, and you tightened your hold on John’s arm, hoping that Dean would be able to hold on a little longer.

‘John -’

He cut you off, both hands cradling your face. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby girl.’

‘No, wait, it’s okay, I…’ You frowned, thinking back to the chapel. ‘I understand. I think I do. And I know that you gotta do this.’ John pulled back, confusion on his handsome features. ‘I don’t want you to, god knows, I really don’t. Losing you...it’s tearing me apart, but I know that this life sometimes asks things that we’re not prepared for.’

His expression softened and his hand drifted down. ‘I’m doing this to keep you safe. To save the boys.’

‘I know.’ You smiled, pressing your forehead to his, letting tears fall. ‘I’m gonna be fine. We’re gonna be fine. But I can’t stay with them.’

He nodded, pulling you in for a deep kiss, savouring the moment. You wished you had more time with him, and you couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. ‘Don’t cry, princess.’ John’s voice was choked up as he pulled back. ‘Please…’

Someone yelled something down the hall, and you bristled, standing straight. ‘John -’

‘I know.’ He jerked his head towards the door. ‘Go check on Sam.’ You hesitated, knowing what he was about to do. He smiled, cupping your face. ‘Go, princess. I’ll be here when you get back.’ Reluctantly, you dragged yourself out of his arms, backpedalling from the room and sprinting down the short hallway, where Sam is slumped against the doorframe. He spotted you in seconds, relieved tears in his eyes.

‘He’s alive, he’s okay -’ he reached up as you skidded to a halt, a little out of breath. ‘He fought it, I know he did, I think...I think I felt him.’ You remembered the warm in the parking lot, the spirit that you’d thought you’d sensed, and the way Chuck spoke about Dean. Maybe he was walking around here, unable to return to his body until someone did something. ‘I should go tell Dad -’

‘No, it’s fine. The doctor can update him.’ You placed a hand on his chest to stop him from walking off, smiling reassuringly. ‘Dean is okay for now,  but if you think he’s here, we need to find a way to communicate with him - to let him know we can help, right?’

Sam contemplated your words, then nodded. ‘You’re right. We can do that. I think I know how.’

*****

His entire body shivered as he faced the yellow eyed demon down, his own words echoing in his head.

‘I wanna make a deal.’

‘It's very unseemly, making deals with devils. How do I know this isn't just another trick?’ The demon raised an eyebrow, waving his demon companions backwards, as John kept the gun on him. He could disappear before the shot got off, but it felt better having something on his adversary.

With a tight voice, he rolled his good shoulder, ready to ask his lot. ‘It's no trick. I will give you the Colt and the bullet, but you've got to help Dean. You've got to bring him back.’

The demon chortled. ‘Why, John, you're a sentimentalist. If only your boys knew how much their daddy loved them.’

‘It's a good trade. You care a hell of a lot more about this gun than you do Dean.’

‘Don't be so sure. He killed some people very special to me. But still, you're right, he isn't much of a threat. And neither is your other son.’ The demon paused. ‘Or your little girlfriend for that matter. Where is she, by the way? Thought she might be at your side, like she always is.’ John didn’t flinch or move at that information. The demon didn’t know you were here - that was a good thing. Azazel shrugged, moving to the side a little, as John watched him. ‘Never mind. She’s not important anymore.’ He bristled, knowing the yellow eyed bastard was behind the possession. ‘You know the truth right? About Sammy? And the other children?’

‘Yeah. I've known for a while.’

‘But Sam doesn't, does he?’ The demon taunted. ‘You've been playing dumb. Although, Y/N...she knows a whole lot about it. Has she been keeping quiet, like Daddy tells her to?’

John didn’t rise to the bait. ‘Can you bring Dean back? Yes or no?’

Azazel sucked in a breath. ‘No.’ John’s heart thumped. ‘But I know someone who can. It’s not a problem.’

‘Good.’ John’s hand twitched on the Colt. ‘Before I give you the gun, I’m going to want to make sure that Dean’s okay. With my own eyes.’

‘Oh John. I’m offended. Don’t you trust me?’ The demon laughed as John shook his head. ‘Fine.’

‘So we have a deal?’

‘No, John, not yet.’ Azazel circled him like he was prey. ‘You still need to sweeten the pot.’

John narrowed his eyes, watching the demon intently, wondering if this was the part where he asked for John’s soul, his life. Or if he was going to ask for something more. He was prepared to die for this, to keep you and his boys, and his unborn daughter, safe, but if Azazel asked for anything else, he wasn’t sure he could provide. ‘With what?’ He asked, cautiously.

‘There’s something else I want, as much as that gun. Maybe more.’

‘What?’

‘You, John.’ The demon smiled, all teeth and malice, and John heaved a sigh of relief. ‘You don’t seem too bothered by that request.’

‘I was expecting it,’ John admitted. ‘I’m not your favourite hunter, exactly.’

‘No.’ Azazel chortled. ‘But Y/N comes close. You’re so willing to sacrifice it all for them, aren’t you? Your boys and your girlfriend. I could see it, when I had her, she was right there, ready to die for you.’ Anger flared in John’s eyes and Azazel held a hand up. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve no use for her anymore. She’s handy when I need to yank your strings, but with you out of the picture, I’m sure she’ll be too broken to be much of any trouble.’

‘You bring Dean back, you get me and the Colt. Done deal.’

Azazel grinned widely. ‘Done deal. Shall we shake? I’m not one for kissing.’

*****

Sam’s idea of using a talking board hadn’t been so bad, and you’d managed to stop him from returning to John’s room, knowing the elder Winchester wouldn’t be there. You swiped his journal, trying not to let your heart break at the empty bed, and ran back to Dean’s room, handing it to Sam.

Twenty minutes later, and Dean dragged a breath into his lungs, coughing on the tube in his throat. Sam was up, shouting for a doctor, his dad’s journal hastily hidden and you turned, knowing John would be back any moment.

As the doctor entered, you smiled at Sam, mustering your bravest face. ‘I’m gonna go find your dad. He’d wanna know Dean was awake.’ Sam nodded, too excited in the face of his brother’s recovery to question you.

John was already in the corridor, waiting for you, a sad expression on his face, even as he smiled at you and pulled you into his arms. ‘He’s awake.’

‘He is.’ You whispered, holding back tears. ‘How long, John?’

‘Less than a couple of hours.’ He confirmed, and you sobbed, burying your face in his chest. His strong arms enclosed around you, despite the bandages still wrapped around his right wrist and elbow. He’d thrown his sling off at some point, but gave away no evidence that he was in pain as he held you close. ‘I’m sorry it has to be like this.’

You nodded through your tears. ‘I get to say goodbye. You’re not leaving without saying goodbye.’ Your fingers curled in his shirt, and John glanced at Dean’s hospital door, not having yet laid eyes on his son.

‘Come with me.’ He pulled you with him down the corridor, into his room, where he locked the door and shut the blinds on the windows. ‘It’s not much privacy, but I can’t…’ His eyes were wet as he hauled you flush against his body, kissing you. ‘I feel like I’m wrong every way I turn. Leaving you...leaving you behind…’

You shook your head furiously, using one hand to drag his fingers down to your belly. ‘If you can find a way back...use it. I’ll always wait.’

He softened, feeling the fluttering tiny kicks under his hand, amazement taking the place of every other emotion in his chest for a split second. ‘She’s feisty.’

‘She’s a Winchester,’ you replied, ‘and don’t you dare tell me not to wait, John. There’s never been anyone but you, and that’s the way it will always be.’ He stared at you, his hand still on the side of your bump, his other hand creeping up to cup your face. ‘John…’ Your voice was cracked as his lips pressed down onto yours, his tongue demanding entrance to your mouth.

It wasn’t the most romantic of settings, and certainly not the most romantic of situations, but John’s touch seemed to obliterate everything. It was rushed, and heated, but when he finally had you pressed against the soft hospital bed, your body wet and pliant beneath him, you managed to forget everything that was happening for a few short moments.

‘I love you,’ he muttered, mouth pressed close to your ear as he thrust into you with strong, hard strokes, his cock stretching you out, walls quivering around his intrusion. ‘Don’t forget that, baby girl. Wherever I end up, my heart, my soul, it’s all yours.’ You didn’t have a chance to answer as his mouth closed over yours again, just as your climax hit, whiting out all cognitive thought from your mind.

Five minutes later, and you were curled in his arms, the hospital sheet drawn over you both as he held you close.

‘I’m sorry we didn’t have more time.’ He whispered, kissing your temple. ‘If I can find a way back, princess, I’ll get here. I promise.’

‘I know.’

Your reply was almost impossible to hear, and you whimpered a little as he climbed from the bed, swiftly dressing. The small amount of time you’d had with him was up, and you knew, now, you had to say goodbye. Watching him for a few seconds, you swung your legs over the edge of the bed, accepting your pants as John held them out to you.

‘I’m gonna call her Mary.’ You announced suddenly, catching his dark eyes, a small smile pulling at the corner of your mouth. ‘If you’re okay with that. I know it’s weird, but...it feels like that should be her name.’

John paused, before nodding and smiling. ‘Yeah. It should be.’

Warmth crept through your chest, and you dressed quickly, letting John’s big hand slip around yours as you followed him out of the room and down the hall, the heat of his touches still lingering on your skin. He knocked at Dean’s door, and both brothers lit up as they saw you both walk in.

‘Dad.’ Dean pushed up a little in his bed, eyes darting between you and his father.

John smiled. ‘How you feeling, dude?’

‘Fine, I guess.’ The elder Winchester brother gave a shrug. ‘I'm alive.’

‘That's what matters.’ John looked over at Sam, who raised an eyebrow.

‘Where were you last night? Y/N said you’d gone to take care of something.’

You shook your head, holding onto John’s hand tightly. ‘He was just -’

Sam held up a hand, interrupting you. ‘Did you go after the demon?’

‘No.’ John said, keeping his eyes on his youngest son. ‘Sam, drop it. I don’t wanna fight. All we ever did was butt heads. I know, I made mistakes, okay? I just don’t wanna fight anymore, okay?’ You could feel his body shaking, and your fingers squeezed his, knowing how hard it must be to look at your children and know you won’t see them again.

‘Dad…are you alright?’ Sam asked, concern evident in his face as he stepped forward, and John smiled, his entire posture racked with weariness.

‘Yeah, yeah. I’m just a little tired.’ He looked down at you. ‘Hey, would you, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine, princess?’ You nodded, and John motioned to Sam. ‘Go with her, will you? She’s been on her own too much lately.’ Sam nodded, moving to your side as you reluctantly took your hand from John’s, his fingers giving you a brief final squeeze.

‘Yeah. Yeah, sure.’

It took too much to walk away from that room, your eyes remaining on John as long as they could. You walked in silence beside Sam, and the younger hunter knew something was wrong.

‘You okay?’ He asked, when you finally reached the little cafeteria. ‘You’ve seemed off since you got here.’

You offered up a pathetic smile. ‘I’m fine, Sam. Just tired and...worried, ya know? I’ve never gotten back on kilter after - after the demon thing.’ He nodded, reaching out a hand to place on your shoulder. ‘I’m gonna get there. It’ll just take time.’

‘We’ll be with you,’ he said, smiling reassuringly before turning and ordering a cup of coffee for his dad. Your eyes slid to the clock on the wall, and the mocking moments that ticked down. Ten fifteen. Ten fifteen and three seconds. A sigh left you and you waited for Sam, trying not to count.

The walk back to Dean’s room was daunting and you landed your gaze on John’s open door from what seemed like miles away. Everything moved so slowly, and you let Sam get a few steps ahead, seeing him stop and freeze, his expression turning to horror as he saw what you knew you didn’t want to see.

John lying on the cold linoleum, one arm on his chest, the other outstretched across the floor.

Doctors and nurses rushed around you as you let gravity drag you to the floor outside the room, watching with numbness flooding your body, tears leaving your cheeks damp and cold. Sam grabbed Dean from his room, and helped him towards the room, protesting when they wouldn’t let him in.

_ ‘Okay, stop compressions.’ _

No.

Dean’s yell, telling his dad to “come on”.

_ ‘Still no pulse _ .’

You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling the baby kick furiously against your insides, almost as if she were denying the inevitable too.

_ ‘Okay, that’s it everybody.’ _

No.

No.

This couldn’t be real.

_ ‘Time of death 10:41am.’ _


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

Days passed in a blur of movement and emotion, and you felt cold and numb inside. On the first morning, waking up alone, it was a few moments before you remembered the day before. You’d glanced at the clock, thinking without thinking, as it ticked past the twenty-three hour mark since John had stopped  _ being _ .

The baby kicked away, getting stronger, and you just felt weaker, less you than you had been before. Chuck, whoever he was, had said you had a path to follow but without John at your side, you couldn’t see past the thick forest of despair and grief weighing down on your shoulders.

Dean and Sam had made arrangements with the body - because it was just a body, it wasn’t John anymore - and Bobby had spent the better part of a day building a pyre in the back of the junk yard. A hunter’s funeral, like everyone got in this life. Salt and burn the bones. Stop him from ever coming back to you.

That thought alone was too much, and when Bobby had finally come to get you from your self-imposed isolation, he found you curled up, fully clothed in the shower, sobbing under the cold spray.

After that, none of them left you alone for more than a few minutes. And Rumsfield never left you alone for a few  _ seconds _ .

Watching Dean and his brother heft the cold, empty shell that had once been the love of your life, up onto the funeral pyre, was painful. Seeing the flames start to lick at the wood, creeping up towards the body, the shell, the  _ nothing _ that was left of John - that was downright excruciating.

The second morning, without John, you woke up at 10:40, just in time to see the old clock turn to 10:41. This time, Bobby found you sobbing by the window, Rumsfield whining loudly enough to wake the entire house.

You floated through the hours, counting each one as another without John, and the word haunted you. Without John. Without. With. Out. Not there. Gone. Tears were hard to avoid, and although they refused to leave you alone, you could practically hear the eggshells they were walking on around you. 

Dean was trying to fix the car, distracting himself how he always did, whilst Sam read book after book and Bobby fussed over you. He liked that, you thought, having someone around to look after. Maybe he missed it.

The third morning, you slept in. The clock ticked past 10:41, 10:52, past midday and still, you slept. Bobby checked on you, and didn’t wake you, deciding you needed your sleep. Dean continued to work on the car. Sam continued to read. You continued to sleep.

_ ‘Hey, baby girl.’ You opened your eyes, smiling up at John as he sat on the bed beside you, sweeping in to give you a deep kiss. ‘You’re being a lazy bones today.’ He smirked, and you nodded, stretching out. ‘Do I need to persuade you to leave this bed?’ _

_ ‘The only thing you’ll persuade me to do, is stay in it, John Winchester,’ you purred, reached out to stroke over the thick bulge in his jeans. ‘It’s an awfully big, empty bed. And it’s cold. Warm me up?’ _

_ ‘Oh, I’ll warm you up.’ He threatened, jumping onto the bed and making you squeal with laughter, that turned into heated moans as he thrust against you, still fully clothed. You were naked underneath the sheet, and he fully intended to take advantage of that. ‘Come here, little girl.’ _

_ ‘Hmmm, yes sir.’ You groaned, feeling the cool air assault your body as John dragged the sheet from you and spread your thighs. ‘Fuck, John -’ _

_ ‘Open up for me, princess.’ John cooed, rubbing two thick fingers between your folds. ‘Wanna feel how wet you are for me.’ You gave a needy whine as he eased his digits into your body, crooking them just right, just how you needed, and your low whine became a whimper as he smiled down at you. ‘Fuck, look at you. So pretty when you’re coming for me, baby girl.’ _

_ You arched your back as John’s tongue grazed your swollen clit, teasing the ache in your core. He was too good at keeping you on that edge, glimpsing over the precipice, but drawing you back enough so that you didn’t fall until he was ready to catch you. Your fingers clutched at the sheets, gasps and mewls mixing together to make his smile burn against your thighs. _

_ ‘Please, sir, I need to, I need to -’ _

_ ‘I know what you need, sweetheart,’ John crooked his fingers a little more inside you, twisting and thrusting and pressing into exactly the right spots to have you falling apart, coming undone with shuddering scream as he lapped up everything you had to give him. _

_ He didn’t give you time to recover, moving up the bed and sliding into your slick channel with one slow stroke, his cock bottoming out against your cervix and a fresh wave of pleasure burst through you like fire. Blunt teeth scraped over your nipples, teasing each one into a hardened peak, and you grabbed at his flesh like a woman starved, surrendering to his demands, each roll of his hips into yours sending you further and further into heaven. _

_ ‘So wet and tight for me, aren’t you, baby girl?’ _

_ You nodded, teeth so deep in your lip, there would be marks when you let go. John smirked, ignoring the sweat beading on his forehead, focusing everything he had on making sure you felt him for days.  _

_ ‘You said you’d wait.’ He muttered in your ear. ‘Promise me, you’re mine?’ _

_ Another nod, words barely registering as he kept moving against you, the slap of skin on skin almost drowning out everything else in the room. Your hand tightened on his bicep, holding him close, not noticing the first time your fingers slipped, like you were clinging to mist. _

_ ‘John!’ His name left your lips with a cry as you let go, clenching around him, spurring his climax on. Warmth flooded your insides, and John’s lips smashed to yours once more as both of you shook in the wake of your respective orgasms. ‘John, please, don’t -’ _

_ ‘I have to,’ he whispered against your mouth. ‘You gotta go. Gotta wake up.’ _

_ ‘I wanna stay here. With you. Forever.’ Tears were rolling down your cheeks now, but he simply kissed them away, smiling sadly as he held you close. ‘Please, John -’ _

_ ‘Time to wake up, baby girl.’ _

Your eyes flew open and you stared at the ceiling, ignoring the pooling tears in your eyes. John wasn’t there to kiss them away. This was the third morning he hadn’t been there, and you were already failing his memory.

Sitting up slowly, you groaned at the immediate pressure on your bladder, and looked at the clock, realising that it was gone two in the afternoon, and no one had woken you. A cold cup of tea sat on the nightstand and you realised just how much you missed coffee.

Ignoring the tea, you climbed from the bed onto shaky legs, heading straight for the bathroom. The long sleep had left you ravenous for food, and as soon as you were presentable, you headed downstairs, aiming straight for the kitchen. Bobby was at the counter, making sandwiches, and he looked over at you in surprise.

‘Well, don’t you look well rested,’ he smirked, handing you a plate full of cut up cheese sandwich.

‘Thanks.’ You took the plate and snatched a large bite before you’d even sat down at the table. Bobby watched, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. You hadn’t eaten much in the last few days, and the sandwich disappeared in seconds. He handed you a second, and that too, was devoured in less than a minute.

‘Feel better?’

‘I was hungry,’ you muttered, eyeing up a third sandwich on the counter. Bobby chuckled and handed it over, before picking out another loaf of bread and starting on more food. ‘I guess...I haven’t been taking care of us, huh?’

Bobby made a noise of agreement, not looking at you as he started to slice bread again. ‘Not really, sweetheart. Can I take this as a sign of you turnin’ over a new leaf?’

You sighed, putting down the sandwich, before you gave yourself indigestion. ‘He’s gone. He’s really not coming back.’

‘Taken you this long to figure that out?’ The older hunter asked, and you couldn’t help but smile at his sass. Rumsfield trotted into the room, whuffing at you, almost giving you a doggy smile. Obviously, everyone was glad to see you up and about. ‘How long can I expect you to stick around?’

You blinked, pulling at a piece of cheese and feeding it to the dog. ‘I don’t have much to pack. Was gonna take John’s truck. You think he’d mind?’

‘Needs an oil change. I’ll get right on it after lunch.’ Bobby placed his own sandwich on a plate and sat opposite you. ‘Boys are on a hunt. Clowns or something. They needed the distraction. You gonna wait or…?’

‘I’m gone by this evening.’ You whispered, not wanting to look him in the eyes. ‘I can’t bring her into this life.’ Your hand drifted to your swollen stomach, and Mary seemed to sense your sadness, kicking hard at a rib. She really needed to work on her aim. ‘I’m gonna head west, but I won’t tell you where. I need to keep her safe.’

‘What about…’ Bobby trailed off. ‘You’re not gonna tell them, are you?’

‘She’d just be another person to worry about. They’re gonna worry about me, Bobby, but I’m not putting anyone in danger any more. Just me and Mary from here on out.’

‘That’s what you’re calling her?’ He asked, raising an eyebrow, smiling. ‘Fitting tribute, if she’s anything like her mommy and daddy.’ You could see the sadness in his eyes, the knowledge that he’d probably never hold her, or play with her like the psuedo-grandfather he would have been. ‘You’ll keep in touch, right? Send photos, or something?’

‘I’ll write.’ You promised, reaching over to take the older man’s hand. ‘You’ve been like a dad to me, Bobby. And Mary’s gonna know all about her grandpa, don’t you worry.’ You could feel the tears in your eyes as you squeezed his hand gently. ‘I’ll be safe, but I’ll keep off the radar. Best thing.’

Bobby nodded, smiling sadly. ‘You just call if you’re in trouble.’

‘I will.’

‘You’re taking Rumsfield.’ He added, not looking at you, and you stared at him for a few minutes, deciding not to argue.

Seven hours later, John’s truck was packed up with your meagre belongings, Rumsfield in the passenger seat chewing on a bone, and you were hugging Bobby tightly, wishing this wasn’t the last time you’d see him. He sniffed, wiping at his face. ‘Look at me, old sap.’

‘You’re not a sap, Bobby. You’re family.’

‘Damn straight.’ He hugged you again, dragging it out, until you pushed him away a little, stepping back. ‘Take care of yourself, Y/N. You and that bun you’re cookin’.’

You smiled, climbing into the truck, and starting the engine. With a glance at the horizon, and the battered Impala that still wasn’t whole, you wiped at your eyes, and pushed against the gas. Rumsfield whined as you drove away from his home, and you placed a comforting hand on the back of his head, stroking him gently.

Being left behind hurt more than you could imagine, and you weren’t sure you’d ever kill that dull ache in your chest. As the street lights flashed over your face, the day fading into night and the road ahead with no specific destination, you knew you had to keep going.

You had to keep Mary safe.

*****

**_Several months later…._ **

‘Keep going, Y/N, come on, you can do it.’

This midwife was seriously pissing you off. You didn’t need a cheerleader; hell, you’d managed the last trimester of your pregnancy all by yourself, even if you’d spent it wearing sandals because you couldn’t do your own laces up. Now she was deciding to cheer you on?

Fuck. That.

‘Look, lady, just tell me when I need to fucking push!’ You snarled, hands clutching the side bars of bed as a piercing howl of pain ripped through you. ‘I don’t need a fucking pep talk!’

The woman looked a little put out, as the doctor sniggered beside her. ‘Don’t mess with a woman in labour. She’s a stubborn one.’

‘Fuck, this hurts!’ You screamed as another contraction hit you like a freight train on acid, and you dropped your sweaty head back to the bed. Hair clung to your face, your body was drenched and whatever you were birthing felt like a beach ball made of iron spikes. Another contraction, and the midwife instructed you to push. You weren’t sure what obscenity you yelled, but you were fairly certain if John wasn’t dead already, you’d have killed him for doing this to you.

‘Here she comes, keep pushing, keep going, keep going -’

‘Shut the fuck up!’ You screeched, slamming your hands on the bed rails, feeling like a woman possessed - no pun intended - as you fought against the pain.

Suddenly, there was a burst of wails, not from you, and your body flooded with peace. It was unusual considering the pain you were still in, and you raised your head, seeing the doctor holding a squirming little pink body, head full of dark hair.

And a damn good set of lungs.

‘A healthy, if a little early, baby girl.’ The doctor announced as the midwife wrapped a blanket round the tiny person you’d just given birth too, clipping the umbilical cord before passing her to you. ‘Congratulations.’

‘Oh.’ You whispered, as Mary Joanne Winchester laid in your arms for the first time, her piercing wails giving way to little whimpers as she gazed up at you with huge dark eyes. She reached out with little fingers, almost blindly searching for her mama, and you shivered with how much love you felt for the tiny little not-even-six-pounds person.

‘We’ve still got some work to do here, Y/N.’ The doctor warned, and you nodded, gazing down at the most precious thing in your life, wishing more than anything that John was here to meet her. ‘They’ll clean your daughter up and -’

‘Mary. Her name is Mary.’ You corrected, not even looking at them.

The doctor smiled. ‘They’ll clean Mary up, and we’ll take to you over to the maternity unit, okay? She’s small, but she’s healthy.’

‘Okay,’ you whispered, not really listening, but not fighting them as they took Mary away to clean her up. All through the rest of the labour, you kept your eyes on her as they cleaned her up across the room, barely registering the pain of your body ridding itself of the last vestiges of pregnancy.

She was here.

She was safe.

*****

Bobby opened the mail, frowning at the unfamiliar postmark from New York State. He used his thumb to open the envelope, smiling as he pulled out the picture and small announcement inside. It was handwritten, and he knew the print anywhere as yours.

_ Mary Joanne Winchester. Born June 6th 2006, weighing 5lbs 14oz. _

The photo was you and Mary, the tiny baby girl wrapped up in pink as you held her, the camera in your other hand for the candid polaroid. Bobby smiled, wishing he could display it on the refrigerator, but knowing that wasn’t a good idea.

The back door slammed open and Dean shouted something at him, making him stuff the photo and announcement back into the envelope and conceal it in his pocket quickly, turning to the eldest Winchester as he stomped into the room, bitching about his brother.

Bobby wished he could say something. But for now, he was content that you were safe, and from what he could see, you were happy too.


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight (The End)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for coming this far with me. I've been working on this story for six months now, and I'm grateful for every kudos, follow, bookmark and comment. I'm not gonna say I'm completely sad it's over but I am gonna miss it. Thank you again, and I hope you enjoy this final chapter.

**The later half of 2009….**

‘Bobby?’

Dean’s voice was a sudden noise in the silence of Bobby’s study, and the older man looked up sharply. After Pamela’s funeral, Dean and Sam had returned here briefly, after taking Bobby with them to the service, making sure the seer got the hunter’s send off she deserved.

‘Yeah?’

The eldest Winchester sucked in a breath before looking at his old friend with sadness in his eyes. ‘When...when Y/N left...she was pregnant, right?’

Sam’s head snapped up at the sound of her name. It hadn’t been spoken in so long, not since she had taken off after John’s funeral. Why Dean was bringing it up now, he had no idea. Neither of them had found a single trace of Y/N after she’d left.

Bobby sighed. ‘What makes you say that?’ He asked, his tone a little shaky as Dean narrowed his eyes.

‘When we were astral projecting back there...and the reaper I saw, she was from the hospital just before Dad died. She gave me back those memories and I remember seeing Y/N. With Dad. She was hiding it, and we didn’t notice...but...she was, wasn’t she? I saw her showing Dad the picture of the baby.’

The older hunter stood up as both brothers kept their eyes on him, crossing the room to pour another glass of scotch. He downed it in one, pouring another in quick succession.

‘Her name is Mary Joanne Winchester.’ Bobby kept his voice quiet. ‘And I wasn’t supposed to tell you any of this. She made me promise - just like she promised John she’d get out, that she wouldn’t hunt any more.’ His fingers twitched as he moved back to his desk, unlocking a small drawer and pulling out a stack of postcards and letters. ‘She writes me twice a year - no phones. Always posts from somewhere different, so I don’t know where she is exactly. No reply address.’ 

Dean stood up, moving over to the desk and picking the bundle up, as Sam watched with a lump in his throat. Bobby made no move to stop him, sitting back in his chair and sipping at his drink.

‘She’s a smart little thing from what her mother says. Head full of dark hair like her daddy.’ Bobby shook his head. ‘Y/N did the right thing. She’s safe, and she’s living the life John would have wanted for her.’

‘We have a little sister.’ Dean muttered, pulling out one of the photos, seeing the long dark hair and green eyes, features from both Y/N and his dad in there. She was posing on top of a jungle gym, all smiles in her summer dress. There was a fierceness there that Dean couldn’t pinpoint as Winchester or you.

Sam took the photo, smiling as he looked down at it. ‘She’s beautiful.’ He ran his fingers over her face, as Dean opened one of the letters.

‘ _ Mary had her first day at kindergarten today. They did an activity where they had to talk about their families. It was hard for her, to explain to the other kids that she has a family, but that right now, it’s only me. She tells them her daddy was a hero, just like I told her, and that she has two big brothers out there who are heroes too. Wish she could meet them, I really do, but it’s too dangerous. I wish we could come home, but I know that life and I know it’s no place for Mary. _ ’ Dean looked up. ‘She’s never been back.’

‘Only contact I had is in your hands. I know she’s somewhere West, all the postmarks are from there. But she’s careful. And to be honest...I wouldn’t wanna track her down and put her, or Mary, in danger.’ Bobby smirked. ‘Your dad would most likely raise from the ground and kill me for it.’

Sam looked over at Dean, seeing the thoughts crossing his brother’s mind, knowing exactly what he was thinking. ‘We can’t, Dean.’

The elder brother’s head dropped and he nodded, resigned to the situation. ‘I know.’

‘It wouldn’t be fair to track her down and put her in danger with everything going on. Y/N doesn’t deserve that...Mary doesn’t. She’s a little kid.’ He looked down at the photo. ‘Maybe when this is all over,  _ if _ it’s ever all over, we can find her. But right now, I don’t think bringing our brand of chaos to their doorstep is the right thing to do.’

Bobby sighed, watching as Sam took the letters from Dean, thumbing through them. ‘I can pass on the letters. She doesn’t know that you guys know, but at least you’ll know she’s okay - that they’re both okay.’ Dean nodded, as Sam looked up, sharing a look with Bobby before placing his hand on his brother’s forearm.

‘Look at it this way...we know we’ve got family out there, Dean. Maybe we can’t see them, but knowing they’re safe and alive...that’s good enough for me.’ He gave his brother a small, hopeful smile, and Dean nodded.

‘Yeah. You’re right.’ He took the photo of Mary from Sam again, smiling down at it. ‘You’re right.’

*****

**_June 2016_ **

You’d literally been about to leave the office when you heard the voice, one you hadn’t heard in such a long time it made your heart clench painfully. Standing from the desk, you hesitantly walked to the lobby, hearing a second voice, with no less pain in your chest. Looking from around the corner, you saw their two distinctively large figures at reception, one with short dark blonde hair and the other with hair longer than you’d ever seen him have.

They’d found you.

‘We’re looking to speak to your higher ups? Is the sheriff possibly around?’ Dean was asking the receptionist, and she smiled pleasantly, shaking her head.

‘No, he’s gone for the weekend. Fishing, I think. But his deputy is still here. I think she was about to leave but I can buzz her if you like.’

‘Deputy?’ Sam asked, and the receptionist nodded.

‘Deputy Winchester. She’ll be able to help - she does more of the job than the Sheriff does!’ You squeezed your eyes shut, hearing your phone ringing in your office, and taking a deep breath. Dean and Sam were looking at each other with puzzled expressions, and you knew there was no escaping.

‘Thank you, Belinda.’ You stepped out from the hallway, directly into the lobby, as the Winchester brothers both turned and let their jaws hit the floor in tandem. ‘I can deal with these gentlemen.’ You gestured to your office, begging them not to make a scene. ‘Would you like to follow me?’

You turned, walking into the side office you kept tidy and organised, instinctively feeling Sam and Dean behind you. It might have been ten years since you’d actively hunted, but you still had the moves and knowledge.

As soon as the door shut, Dean was on you, pulling you into the tightest hug you’d ever felt. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ He pulled away and you went to answer, only to find yourself enveloped in six foot four inches of Sam, who hugged you just as tightly.

‘Well,’ you started, pushing Sam away with a gentle smile. ‘I’m a deputy. Thought that much was obvious.’

‘We had no idea you were here.’

‘I keep myself to myself.’ You shrugged, sitting behind the desk. ‘But I’m assuming you’re here because of the omens around town. They’ve been puzzling me too.’ Dean and Sam took seats opposite you, the elder of the two reaching out to pick up your photo of Mary on the desk. ‘Yeah...that’s...that’s…’

‘Mary.’ Dean muttered, stroking the photo gently. ‘Bobby told us. We knew...he let us read your letters. We didn’t know how to get in contact with you after he -’

You tucked your chin into your chest briefly, trying to ignore the tears. ‘I heard through the grapevine when he went. I still keep in contact with a few trusted hunters. I just don’t hunt.’

‘From what we can see, you don’t need to. This county is pretty well...protected.’ Sam smiled at you and you nodded. ‘We found a few of the protective charms around town. You’ve done good here.’

‘We stopped here about eight years ago. Mary has a school, friends, the normal life. For the most part. She knows things, enough to protect herself, but she doesn’t really need to. There’s not been anything supernatural in these parts since we got here. I made sure of it.’ You leaned back in your chair. ‘If anything crops up, I take care of it. Sheriff is clued in too, although I think he thinks I’m mad half the time.’

Dean laughed and put the photo of Mary back on your desk. ‘You always were a smart girl, Y/N.’ You beamed, waving him off. ‘We spoke to Mr Taylor on the other side of town, about the omens he’d seen. The cows suddenly pregnant with healthy calves that had never been able to breed? Multiple births. Miracle crops?’

The younger Winchester brother butted in, tilting his head. ‘These aren’t omens like we’ve ever seen. Even Cas isn’t sure what it is. I mean, there’s been crazy all over the world recently, but this...this is good omens. Miracles.’

You shrugged. ‘I don’t know either. I’ve not seen anything like it and my research isn’t turning up anything. As long as no one is dying, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.’ You paused, raising an eyebrow. ‘Who’s Cas?’

‘A friend.’ Dean said, quickly, glancing at Sam. ‘I guess, if there’s nothing going on in town, there’s no point us hanging around. I don’t wanna put you, or Mary, in any unnecessary danger.’ He stood up, and you raised a hand in his direction, palm outspread.

‘Wait.’ You got to your feet, wringing your hands together. ‘Don’t go just yet. Come and meet Mary. Please. She knows who you are...she’s been begging me to meet you for years. And it’s her birthday next week. She’s gonna be ten, and meeting you guys would be the best thing ever for her.’

Sam looked at Dean warily, weighing up the options. Dean would say yes straight away; but he wasn’t sure how to vocalise his worry about the bad things chasing them finding her. Crowley, Lucifer, the Darkness...there was no end of danger in sight for them. There was no sure fire way of making sure she was safe.

‘Please, guys. I can cover myself. Trust me, we’re safe here.’

Dean sighed, nodding as Sam smiled. ‘We’d love to come over. What’s your address?’

*****

‘Mom, mom! They’re here!’ Mary’s high pitched scream almost burst your eardrums as she pounded down the stairs to answer the door. You just about managed to intercept her, grabbing her around the waist as she squealed excitedly.

‘Calm down.’ You ordered, smiling at her and releasing her, before opening the door. Dean and Sam stood awkwardly on the small porch, both of them dressed in similar plaid flannel, smiling down at you. ‘Dean, Sam! I’m so glad you’re here.’ You stood back, letting Mary push past, her eyes going wide as she looked up at her big brothers. She’d only ever seen photos, and the sheer size of the two men was probably a little overwhelming.

‘Hey.’ Dean greeted, dropping down into a crouch. ‘You must be Mary.’

‘Mary Joanne Winchester.’ Mary announced proudly, curtsying in her dress. Dean chuckled, and Sam smiled widely as Mary immediately threw her arms around Dean’s neck. ‘You’re Dean! And you’re Sam. Mommy said you were the taller one.’

Sam nodded. ‘Only a little.’

‘And you have long hair like me!’ The child practically yelled, making Dean wince as he pried her from his neck.

You cringed a little and made a grab for Mary before she could scale Sam like a tree. ‘Sorry. Sometimes she doesn’t have volume control.’ Mary grinned widely, revealing the gap where her last baby tooth had vacated the week before. ‘Go wash up for dinner, young lady, whilst I actually get your brothers in the house. You’ve got all evening to interrogate them.’

The little girl nodded and dashed off, as Dean got his feet, grunting in amusement. ‘She’s sure got some energy.’

Sam laughed in agreement as you nodded. ‘She’s excitable. Her whole life, it’s only been me and her. She grew up with stories about you, and…’ You paused, remembering the pain all too well. ‘And your dad.’ A sad smile crossed your face. ‘Just wish he could have been here. He would have loved her.’ The brothers followed you into the den, and you gestured to the two large couches occupying most of the room. In the corner, snuggled up on his old bed, Rumsfield barely raised an eyelid to inspect the newcomers, snorting without concern as both brothers gaped at him.

‘Rumsfield, you old dog.’ Dean chuckled, and Sam wandered over to stroke the aged animal between the ears. The dog whuffed happily, then returned to napping, as Sam looked up.

‘He’s getting on a bit. Doesn’t move from there much.’ You smiled as Sam kept trying to get a response from the old dog. ‘Can I get you anything? Beer, whiskey, coffee?’

‘I’ll take a beer.’ Sam nodded, smiling and you looked over at Dean.

‘Beer sounds good.’

A thud came from upstairs, and you rolled your eyes as Mary shouted down that she was okay. Both Sam and Dean sniggered, and you turned away to grab the beer from the kitchen. When you returned, Dean was stood up, looking at the various photos on the wall, as Sam sat with his long legs outstretched from the couch.

‘Did you hear about Mrs Donovan, out at her farm? Another one of those weird omens. She’d been trying to breed pygmy goats for months, no success.’ You paused as you handed each brother a beer. ‘Then she gets male goats giving birth.’

Dean nearly spat out his beer and Sam nodded. ‘I spoke to Castiel, our friend that we spoke about? He says this stuff normally happens when there’s a time of miracles. But the more I look at it, the more it looks like the omens you get when a deal is supposed to come due. Except...opposite.’

‘A deal?’

‘Crossroads demons.’ Dean clarified, sitting down as you lowered yourself onto the opposite couch. ‘We’ve dealt with a fair few. Normally they make a deal, it lasts for ten years, then the soul gets dragged to hell. Pretty standard stuff.’

You raised an eyebrow. ‘Standard, huh? Wow, haven’t I been out the loop.’

Thundering footsteps signalled Mary’s return, and she ran into the living room, grinning widely. ‘Mom, there’s a rainbow outside!’

You blinked, looking at her in confusion. ‘Sweetheart, it’s dark.’

‘Still a rainbow.’ The girl shrugged, throwing herself onto the sofa as Sam got up and walked over to the window, looking outside. ‘Maybe the leprechaun is lost.’

‘She’s not lying.’ Sam said, his voice muffled by the curtain. ‘That’s….new.’

Dean shook his head and swigged at his beer again. ‘With what we’ve been seeing lately, I’m not surprised. Anyway, less talk of the job. I wanna hear, oh, everything?’ He looked over at Mary, who bounced excitedly on the sofa, nodding. ‘We’ve got a little sister here who has yet to talk our ears off.’

*****

Standing in the doorway of Mary’s bedroom, you smiled, folding your arms over your chest. Dean and Sam had only just left, after the exhausted little girl had fallen asleep, refusing to budge whilst they were still there. They were obviously taken with her, and had promised to stay in town until the weird occurrences had moved on, or they’d found the source. Mary had begged them to stay until her birthday party, and it hadn’t taken a whole lot of cajoling to persuade them to get a room in town.

Turning away from her door, you padded downstairs, helping yourself to another beer and sitting down in the den, wondering if there was anything good on television. You had booked the week off from work, intending on spending as much time with Mary as possible before her birthday, and although there were weird happenings, work was still quiet most of the time. The other deputies could handle it.

Stretching out on the couch, you frowned as you heard the front gate squeak, and you turned, pushing up to look at the window. The strange night-rainbow from earlier was gone, you’d already checked, but you were still on edge about everything.

Rumsfield woofed from his corner, getting up, his ears perking as much as they could. He padded across the carpet, and you got to your feet, holding him closely as you moved to the bureau and unlocked it, grabbing your gun for protection. The dog kept close, moving more than you’d seen him do in weeks as you headed to the front door.

‘Stay.’ You ordered him, knowing he wasn’t the puppy he had once been, and he sat down heavily on the hallway floor, watching you with fuzzy eyes.

You crept closer to the door, one hand slowly turning the door knob and opening it to see into the brightly moonlit garden. A frown swallowed your expression as you stepped out onto the front porch, making sure the latch was on.

‘Hello?’ Your voice was a little shaky in the dark, and briefly, you contemplated calling Sam and Dean, just for a little back up.

‘Y/N.’

The floor seemed to wobble underneath you as the dark figure stepped onto your front path, and you clutched at the doorframe, holding your gun up with trembling fingers. ‘Who the hell are you?’

‘Ten years, baby girl. It’s been ten years, and you gotta ask that question?’ John stepped out from the shadows into the moonlight, and you whimpered, unsure of what you were seeing. He didn’t look a day older than when you’d let him go, and yet, you felt so much older. ‘It’s me. Put the gun down.’

‘No.’ You rasped, shaking your head. ‘You died. You were gone. You gave yourself up to save us.’ You kept your voice quiet as Rumsfield padded past you and down the path. ‘Rumsfield, no!’

John chuckled, bending down to stroke the dog, who licked him and woofed in his face, then looked back to you as if to say it was okay. You still didn’t trust it, and stayed where you were, needed to know why this was happening.

‘Ten years. Maybe not exactly, but I had some time to do elsewhere. My deal came due, sweetheart. Told you once, my heart, my soul? Belongs to you.’ John smirked. ‘You sealed it with a kiss.’

‘You’re dead,’ you whispered. ‘I’m dreaming.’

‘No dreams, baby girl.’ John stepped forward, and you jerked the gun, still not able to accept what you were seeing. ‘This guy, Chuck? Said I’d done my time. I had to wait ten years. But you’d be waiting. You always said you’d wait for me, princess.’

Tears were free falling down your cheeks now, and the gun lowered a little. ‘All the omens -’

‘Omens of creation.’ John urged, taking another step forward. ‘You can run all the tests you like on me, sweetheart. But I’m one hundred percent the real deal. And I’m yours. Not going anywhere.’ He looked up at the house. ‘I made you a promise. And I’m gonna make good on it.’

‘John?’ You whispered, stepping forward into the garden, lowering your gun fully as you finally started to let yourself believe. ‘It’s really you?’

John nodded, moving closer until you were in his arms, squeezing you tightly against him as you cried into his shoulder. ‘It’s really me. Took me a while to get back, I know, I’m sorry. But I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.’

‘God, I missed you so much.’ You pulled back, kissing him hard, and somehow, it felt like no time had passed. ‘You were gone, and I had to...I had to do all this on my own, and now…’

‘Now I’m here.’ John smiled, cupping your cheeks with his big hands. ‘I’m here, and you got me. I’m gonna stay; no hunting. That’s done.’

‘The boys…’ You whispered. ‘The boys were here. They...they were staying and...John, how the hell are we supposed to explain this?’ Your voice grew in volume and urgency as John chuckled, rubbing his nose against yours before kissing you again. ‘Come inside,’ you urged, and he nodded, letting you pull him into the house. Rumsfield followed, bouncing up the path like you hadn’t seen him do for a long time, and you smiled. ‘I think he missed you too.’

John laughed, and the sound made your heart soar. ‘I think I’ve got some catching up to do, don’t you?’

  
  



End file.
